An Award Winning Presentation of The Recordings Of A Fangirl #sarcasm ( NYR ed)

The 2022 Davey Sliver Award Winning Podcast: The Recordings of a Fangirl #sarcasm NYR Ed 11/4/22

For the SPECIAL FASHION SEGMENT – I went back to 2016. We are starting with # 5 of the BEST Dressed NY Rangers that I talk on the #youtube above!

Here’s Brady Skjei;

Here are some of the guys from the team NOW:

Vinny T – That Tie makes the outfit complete. I just don’t like the shoes without socks look. But overall- A+

Here is Key ( Fashion Ave Baby!)

Here is my favorite look for Lindy and Laffy.
SWAGGER!!

Can We Stop Harassing Women Who Love Sports?

Although millions of women have experience playing sports and many millions more are fans of sports, women are still looked down upon when they talk about sports. And when they do, men still persistently question their qualifications.

First thing all women who love sports have to deal with is that we ONLY love the sport for how “good looking” the men are. Now, unfortunately some girls tweet and post about how “hot” an athlete looks so all girls and women are thrown into this category and even if we actually enjoy the sport for what it is, and make a comment on how handsome a guy looks, that’s it; we all are told that is the REAL reason we love football or hockey. (Especially those 2 sports)

I don’t know how to break this to you guys out there but it’s pretty much impossible to see the faces or the abs of football players as they’re bolting across my TV or device. And hockey players… have so much padding on them, plus a helmet with a visor, that it’s impossible to judge their “hotness” as they quickly skate up and down the rink. If girls wanted to look at cute guys, they would probably watch a soap opera or a music video or sex website, not athletes covered in so much gear that they’re barely recognizable.

Then we have to deal with questions like, “Your boyfriend, dad or your brothers got you into liking football or hockey, right?” For some reason, it’s hard for some guys to wrap their brains around the fact that a woman can turn on a TV or find a sport and find a game all on her own. I can tell you for a fact that no one in my family introduced me to NY Rangers hockey… I found it, got into it, and love it all by my little self.

Another thing that guys don’t seem to understand is that you can be a fan of a sport without knowing every player’s statistics. If you claim to like , the Yankees for example, then guys bombard me with questions about the players and even when I know all of the answers., these guys STILL won’t let up!
Listen, we don’t quiz men on your Shakira knowledge so why should they quiz us on sports?

My favorite though is insisting that I am an airhead, because I am a female fan.

Another doozy is that if you like a team that just so happens to be doing well, you’re going to be accused of liking them because it’s trendy. ( We get that in NY a lot)

Let me tell you that I didn’t spend hundreds of dollars on a hockey jersey to impress ANY guy! Most women watch sports, because they actually enjoy them. They don’t have an ulterior motive. Sorry that you feel so incredibly insecure about yourself to even think that.

Also, if a girl likes a certain player that you hate, that doesn’t give you the right to bully, harass, or shame someone for THEIR love for that particular player. People need to realize that not EVERY post needs your comment on it – just as in real life you wouldn’t engage in every conversation you would come in contact with same applies online.
I hate it when people bash players online and then also think they can bash their families and the fans who like them. I will go after you on that, as being an athlete is hard enough, let alone having people bash them who by the way are buying tickets to watch. Most fans couldn’t even survive on the field or ice past the 1st shift/1 series.

Finally, this is what one guy I spoke too about what he thought about women enjoying sports had to say, “I’m a competitive cyclist and if a girl can keep up with me on a mid-paced weekend ride I’m pretty much in love.”

So, You Want To Date An Athlete, Huh?

Who can deny the attraction to dating an athlete: someone who by their nature is disciplined, focused, and recognizes the value of working as a team toward a shared goal? But While dating an athlete has some “perks” it comes with cons as well, especially for chicks that can’t handle it nor understand the sport they play in the first place.

  1. They May Seem Single-Focused
    It’s only natural for an athlete to want to focus on the season and focus on winning a championship. And if you date an athlete, you need to be able to understand that he is not ignoring you or that you won’t be his number one priority. Instead you will have to accept the fact that when he is playing, that’s his job and his main focus is and should be his team. He may not be able to go to that function, or he may miss your birthday, but trust me he will make up for it when it’s the off season.
  2. Traveling
    He may have be away at a week a time, depending on the sport he plays. You may have to deal with taking care of the house, bills, kids, etc all on your own at times. IF you can’t handle this aspect, then dating an athlete is not for you at all. Independent women can handle dating an athlete simply because we already handle running the show at work and at home, and fit the role quite nicely.
  3. Center of Attention
    Whether you hate being the center of attention of love it, dating an athlete, especially one that plays in NY or is a top athlete, always has eyes of them. That means that eyes will be on you. If you can’t stand people watching you, watching what you post on social media, and are a very private person, then dating an athlete is not for you.
  4. They need Support
    Obviously from my standpoint, I am a cheerleading coach ( former cheerleader) so I understand things from a different point of view that a basic fan. Also, I give 100% support and I also have knowledge of the sport, so that is another reason why I can date an athlete. If you can’t grasp the concept that your man needs your support and that you need to root for him and his team to win, plus understand the sport he plays, then dating an athlete isn’t for you. Oh, also be prepared to actually go to as many games as you can to support them as well. Remember, we make time for what and who is important to us.
  5. Fitness Fun
    Athletes need to be in top shape all year round, not just in the season that they play/perform. Being a coach I understand this so they get to have a fitness partner in me. If you hate working out and aren’t in the best shape, then maybe you shouldn’t date an athlete.

    When dating an athlete you need to remember that it’s not just about you. You can’t get all upset because your man is focused on trying to remember the playbook, or he’s watching film, or a game, etc. You can’t be upset that he’s only had a meal with you a few times this week. You need to understand that when your man loses and/or he gets hurt he is not going to be in the best mood and he is going to need even more of your love and support at those times.
    So many times I see women on social media complaining about this type of stuff instead of taking the focus off how it “effects them” and putting it in the proper place. But also to the athlete he needs to remember that she deserves to be with a man who doesn’t make her look stupid being loyal. We’ve seen that also played out before as well.

    So finally, when I date an athlete I always tell him this:
    I want to be your second priority. I want your first priority to be you, your ambitions, your life and your future, because seeing you happy makes me happy. Seeing you succeed pushes me to succeed. Finding happiness and security alone, are crucial to finding it together.




Introducing: The Diary Of A Social Gal Media Tour

Starting Tomorrow, September 18th I will be heading into NYC to take The Diary of a Social Gal Public….

So what am I going to be doing?

Well, for starters, each Sunday that I am doing the tour I will give my podcast viewers/listeners and blog readers a chance to WIN some great prizes all my joining me on Twitter as a bonus if you follow me on LinkedIn, you will get a second chance to win a prize. If you follow either my Sassy Stuff board or my Podcast board on Pinterest, that will be a third chance to win a prize!

Here’s how you can win a prize…. you will have to GUESS where I am and on Twitter when I post the hint, under that tweet we will have a thread of guess where I am. At the end of the tour for that day I will announce where I am. I will give you a max number of 3 hints while I am out. The 3rd hint I will expand with a very small video podcast where I will talk about did you know about myself, the NY Rangers, Dating/Relationship Observations, or Everyone’s favorite segment: My Rants.

The other way to win a prize will be when I post social media content ideas on LinkedIn and you need to comment with a photo of you doing that specific content idea. On Pinterest I will post “fun facts” and links to my podcasts can you will need to comment if the fun fact is true or false and with my podcasts, you would need listen to it for the hint word of the week.

So, I hope you will join me starting tomorrow.

It’s going to be fun and I plan to have fun. Oh, each week may not be the SAME time, but I will send out a “Pre-tour” tweet to let you know when we will start! And…. If won’t ALWAYS be NYC… I can literally “pop up” ANYWHERE. ( And I mean, anywhere!)

I’m not high maintenance, you’re just low effort #facts

On my podcast, “The Recordings of A Fan girl #sarcasm, I talk about dating, relationships and I mention athletes A LOT with their relationships and dating no-nos. As both the NFL and NHL start up again on September 11th, I thought hey, let’s review some past tips and past stories this week on my podcast.
Here though, I will mention a few goodies.

Click Here to see the screen shot I will be now referring to:

This here is the shit I have to deal with all the time! Dumb ass guys trying to disguise themselves on line to either: A: Hit on me B: Ask dumbass questions C: Think that they are being clever D: This guy actually thinks this here is a pick up line ( which is scary!)

Like I have mentioned here and on my podcast athletes have burner accounts and sometimes they make them so damn obvious too. Not only do they have burner accounts, but they also try their best to disguise themselves on dating apps like Tinder for example. The ones I have seen are NFL players pretending to be construction workers, landscapers, plumbers, real estate agents, etc. Remember, the only reason they are on these apps is for their hook-up on the road, although I have seen these guys be extremely stupid and actually find hook-ups on their home turf.
Some incredibly stupid women have also posted Tiktoks where they show themselves at the guy’s game and then realize that they were set up with a player and had no idea. Other Tiktoks show girls exposing the players cheating on their girlfriends and wives. We’ll get into it on the podcast this week!

As for dating and relationship observations, here are a couple of mine.

1- The first three dates ( which could be seen as a barometer) should just be friendly dates because then you’re really know if you want to pursue anything else and believe me I have had physical attraction right from the get go with some people and it didn’t end up the way that I wanted it to but I don’t regret having that relationship with those people because it taught me a lot about myself and it taught me how relationships last and how relationships don’t last. – Now, when sexual shenanigans take place, that can cloud your judgement on a person. But I don’t think there are any rules to dating expect the 1st date should not include shenanigans.
Also a “date” consists of either coffee, drinks, dinner, a fun nonsexual activity.

2- Sometimes one person in the relationship grows faster and grows completely away from what brought them together in the first place while the other person is still stagnant in the same spot. This is why some relationships fail.

3- I don’t understand why people want to be in relationships just for the sake of being in a relationship if it’s not something that you really really want. Why waste all that time and energy to just date for the sake of dating you know?

4- There’s so much double standards STILL with women in relationships. We can’t ask guys out because that seems too aggressive or seems as the masculine thing to do when we have to only show our feminine side… blah blah blah.

5- Then of course the stigma about women being single… Women Like the character Samantha Jones from Sex and The City had sex “Like a man” you know, had her way with him, and then was done with him, she is seen as hoe or a whore. Meanwhile guys can do whatever the hell they want and there’s no stigma to that.

6- If I decide to date a guy that that’s younger than me I’m gonna be seen as a cougar but when a guy my age, date’s a girl younger than him it’s OK. But I am more attracted to young guys 24-30.

7- Of course there is still the stigma that there’s something wrong with a woman who stays single too. I’m not gonna waste my time to going out with someone because all my friends are with someone or all the pressures on women . I don’t really go with the trendy stuff if you haven’t noticed, I do what is best for me whether other people like it or not.

8- Athletes fall into 1 of 2 categories- A) The one where they have to date arm candy because that is all they have to offer and it makes them look “good, powerful and important. ” B) The one where they actually date someone not because of who they are, what they look like, or the attention they would get because they dated that person, but because simply they love who they are, they are supportive, loyal, and they bring out the best in them when they are performing in their sport. I guess that is why this former cheerleader and current cheer coach loves being around athletes, because I LEAD.
That’s why we’re called cheerleaders because we’re supposed to LEAD not sit on the sidelines and watch things happen. I am loyal, supportive, and I understand things from an athlete’s point of view. They aren’t robots, they are people. They have emotions, they hurt, have pain, and experience life just like any of us. Most fans forget that part, sadly.
I root hard for those I care about. I want them to succeed. I want them to have their dreams come true.
If you read this blog, religiously, then you read me talk about my previous relationships, and what I took from them to become the best version of myself in order to be able to give that to a guy who deserves it in the future. Yes, I know I am a rare breed, I am the prize. I know what I bring to the table. And one day, a guy is going to see that… If we’re dating, I want to be your second priority. I want your first priority to be you, your ambitions, your life and your future, because seeing you happy makes me happy. Seeing you succeed pushes me to succeed. Finding happiness and security alone, are crucial to finding it together.

The Dirty Little Secret

Someone ACTUALLY posted this on Tiktok…. why? I don’t know.

Reasons to delete these apps! Number 1 & 3 NAILED it.

IF you click the videos and watch them on Youtube, you will see two things:

  1. Tinder IS ONLY a HOOK UP APP and people are STUPID to post about it.
    I know sometimes people like to post things for “shock value” at times, but why on Earth would you WANT people to even think that you are hooking up with a date in a hotel?
  2. IF you still think that you find your mate on these apps, sorry. You don’t. You settled.
    I said what I said. You settled for someone out of frustration, confusion, pressure to settle down or with the amount of folks you swiped on this app, which is called choice overload, you chose the wrong person.
  3. Remember, men on average hook up with 5-7 women and women hook up on average with 3-5 men on Tinder. IF you read the previous blog post, I told you EXACTLY how these apps work and how they trick you into believing you met your “soulmate” when you didn’t.
  4. The 2nd video NAILED the reasons I have been telling you WHY you should DELETE these apps and find love a different way. I am a strong believer that you can use social media, but it’s limited as to HOW to use it for this purpose. I just posted a video on my Twitter as to HOW you can get to know someone … it’s VERY simple:
    a) ask questions on line and have conversations in public first don’t just slide into DMs b) then take that relationship offline.
    c) I also noted that athletes and just regular joes should STOP asking their teammates and friends if they should “date” someone. Seriously, your teammate or friend is not going to date her… YOU are! If you feel a strong vibe towards her- ASK her OUT!


    You can read more about relationships and dating apps in my best selling book “Relationship Impossible”

You Can Learn A lot From People Not Your Age ( Hello, Adam Fox)

For all those non-hockey fans, yesterday the NY Rangers named Jacob Trouba their team captain ( the team hasn’t had one in 4+ years) and one of the players on the team, Adam Fox, had an interesting quote:

So that got me thinking: Why are so many people afraid to associate themselves with people OUTSIDE their age bracket? Being that I was a Pre-K teacher since I was 20 and taught for 15 years, my job was simple: to get kids excited about learning. Not only was it to help them grow, but it was to make them understand that everyday they are are going to learn something new about the world, about themselves and about each other. It was the most fun I had, other than coaching cheerleading which I still do.

One thing is certain and it is the thing in the quote by Adam Fox that he misses the boat on: One can learn from anyone, age is only a number of how long you have been on Earth. People should have is an open mind.

I learn from people who are the most open minded and most knowledgeable. I’ve seen older people who act immature and claim they know everything and I’ve seen young people who are calm and willing to give their two cents. I have been around teenagers, college students, guys/girls in their 20s and 30s. I also associate with folks in their 40s and 50s as well. I am full-rounded.

One of my favorite memories is listening to stories from my grandma who lived 99 years and my great-aunt who is still alive at 106 ( she will be 107 in a month) The stories taught me life lessons that I was able to put to use in my life. An example was when my grandma told me to always be the bigger person, arguing with fools make you look like a fool. It’s never worth standing around and arguing if you aren’t going to find a solution to the problem.

If you read my previous blogs, you know that I am a big supporter of younger guys dating older women and older men dating younger women. The reasons were simply:

Older people have a lot of life experience. They can teach you a lot about the reality of life. On the flip side, young folks can teach you what you forget growing up. They are so full of life and ideas. They can’t wait to go out in the world and leave their mark. Its sometimes necessary to not be worried about a single thing and go do what you want to do. Older folks and younger folks can mingle, have adventures together and not have to deal with so much drama as you do when you only are interested in your age category.

I believe that someone has something that I can learn. I never let age, gender or sexuality, be a factor as to whether I should learn from them or not. To do so would be idiocy. Too bad Adam Fox only thinks he can learn from people close to his age or his age. I mean, I understand that sometimes we get comfortable, but you never grow in your comfort zone. It’s only when you embrace the unknown and take a risk that you learn a lot about life and the world you live in. Some risks are always worth taking like love, doing what you are passionate about and standing up for yourself.

Wisdom should always be shared. Every day I learn something in the industry I am in: social media. Some of those in this industry are younger than me, and they learn from me as well. Also, I have coached cheer for a very, very long time, and have learned things from those older than me and younger than me in this industry.

Imagine being a hockey player and only thinking that you are going to learn from those closest to your age? That is ridiculous! You learn from those who played the game before you as well as you learn from those young kids who are just starting out. You learn from coaches who are probably old enough to be the players dads or uncles.

The point is, you learn from people, not from their age. Age does not guarantee knowledge and knowledge can be compounded and complex at any age.

Here are a few other things that people have taught me in life to date:

1- If you worry about how people will judge you, you’ll never achieve anything.

2-There won’t be “plenty of time later” to enjoy life. Life is short and you have NO IDEA how long you have here. Why wait to do what it is that you want to do? Don’t put off your career change, relationship, or any other life desire until you reach some mythical point of readiness; it doesn’t exist.

3- It’s vital to cultivate friendships with people older and younger than you. Younger friends steep you in optimism and possibility, while older friends will ground you in wisdom. You need the perspectives of both.

4- There’s no quicker path to misery than conditional happiness.

If I get that promotion, I will feel happy.
If I buy that luxury car, I will feel content.
If I find a girlfriend/boyfriend, I will feel joy.

If you can’t find happiness during the pursuit, it won’t last long when you reach the finish line. Find joy in the journey- that is what life is- a journey and so far I am having fun on mine.

Guys, can we stop this already?

Why do you guys one, feel the need to honk your horn when you drive by a girl you like? And two, still use corny, foolish pick up lines?

Pick up lines are outdated and borderline embarrassing.

Do you guys know what is sexy?

When you approach a girl while being your authentic self and flat out have a casual conversation with her. Yes, you read that right. Pick up lines, like in the video, are foolish, corny, and some of them are vulgar.

STOP thinking that is going to land you a date with a girl that you want. Instead all she is going to do is roll her eyes, laugh AT you, and walk away.

Watch the video about honking your horn at a girl. What do you think she is going to do?

AN Inside Look to How Dating Apps REALLY Work

There are MANY reasons why dating apps are not good for mental health as well as your physical health. First and foremost, A group of psychologists in the Netherlands have discovered that we have a tendency to gradually close ourselves off when dating online. In other words, the more dating profiles people see, the more likely they are to reject them. The study shows that the endless stream of options can increase feelings of dissatisfaction and pessimism about finding a partner, which in turn leads to rejecting potential mates. Thanks to Dating Apps there are more possibilities to meet new partners than ever before, yet at the same time there have never been more people single in western society. This could be simply because the study found that both men and women tend to focus on the picture more than any other part of the online dating profile, but women view each profile for a longer amount of time than men do. Women spend an average of 84 seconds on each profile while the men spent an average 54 seconds on each profile. The male participants made more snap judgments based on a photo, while the female participants displayed a more methodical approach to online dating. But sadly other studies have shown that depression symptoms and

social anxiety are associated with greater use of mobile dating applications among women. If men are judging the women on these apps by appearance, and some women are not “appearing” attractive, then they are not getting too many “swipes.” This is due to the fact that socially anxious people tend to avoid asking others out on dates, fearing that they will be rejected or be negatively evaluated.

While now it might be hard to imagine a world without this virtual matchmaking, in reality these apps are still fresh, which means that studies into the impact they’ve had on our mental health and the studies that have been done over the last five or so years are starting to show that these dating apps don’t bode well for mental well being. Research by psychologist Barry Schwartz in his book, “Paradox of Choice,”has shown that even though we like having more options when making a decision, we are less satisfied with our choice the more options we have. ( which was written in my first book FYI) For users confronted by this seemingly overwhelming array of options you can understand why a reluctance to settle

may develop, especially when a new round of matches are only a swipe away- which is the reason for people staying single longer and not getting into a commuted relationship. What dating apps do to singles is that instead of allowing a connection to happen organically they worry about making a mistake or missing out on the one when the one could be right in front of them. In other terms, singles are looking for perfection which does not exist.

Chapter 2: How Dating Apps and Sites Actually Work ( From The Best Selling Book, Relationship Impossible)

Now that most of the lockdown rules have been lifted, online dating / dating apps are returning to it’s regular scheduled programming, with singles and married folks looking for that one night hook up. But what makes people first, go on a app, and then swipe? Do the apps work against you or for you? The first location-based apps changed that. Grindr was launched in 2009, and it helped single, often anonymously gay men link up by searching for other active users within a specific geographic radius. Then, with the launch of Tinder in 2012, smartphone-owning people of all sexualities could start looking for love, or sex, or casual dating in their area, and it quickly became the most popular platform on the market.

Today, there is no shortage of dating apps available. The most notorious hookup app, especially among the younger folks, remains Tinder, with its popular “swiping” feature: online daters use right or left swipes to “like” or “dislike” photos of other users (if each of you swipes right on the other person — it’s a match). Tinder now reports 1.6 billion swipes and 26 million matches a day. Bumble is America’s second favorite app, and its swiping feature comes with a catch: Anytime there’s a match, only users who identify as women can text first. Some apps like Hinge removed the swiping feature entirely, and instead, users spark a conversation with a person of interest by liking their photo or commenting on a prompt in their profile, such as “a life goal of mine” or “the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done.”

Kelly, 27, has been using Hinge and Bumble for three years, and says that for her, getting matches is easy. The hard part? “The annoying small talk.” She goes on to say, “Don’t ask me what my favorite color is because I’m going to ghost you.”

And ghosting is made easier with a seemingly bottomless list of potential matches on the apps that can make it seem as if there is always someone better than the current date. If you detect a flaw (no matter how minor) that makes you suddenly lose interest, there are still plenty of suitors awaiting in your phone. The more options you have the more superficial your criteria will be. So, how do these dating apps really work? Since users don’t know which swipe will bring the reward of a match, apps like Tinder use a variable ratio reward schedule, which means that your matches will be randomly dispersed. It’s the same reward system used in slot machines in Las Vegas. Dating sites are in the business of keeping users swiping, looking at their advertisements (on Tinder, you might accidentally swipe right on an ad), and paying monthly fees for extra features that should supposedly make finding matches easier, such as Bumble Boost (which costs up to $25 a month and adds 24 hours to the time users have to break the ice with their match). In the midst of the swiping fever in 2015, Tinder began o limit the amount of daily right swipes to 100 for users who don’t buy into their premium service, Tinder Plus (up to $30 a month). Even though Tinder, OkCupid, eHarmony have managed to keep the secret behind their matchmaking process a

secret, researchers at Cornell University have cracked that can wide open.

These days most online dating apps use their AIalgorithm to match new users on the following factors

initially –

1. The agreeableness level

2. Closeness preference

3. Romantic passion range

4. Extroversion or Introversion level

5. Importance of spirituality

6. The level of optimism or happiness

In addition to these criteria, the algorithm then adds on the new user’s location, height, religion information to draw matches for users. So, you can see that the algorithm polls in all this information and draws in matches that are closest to the new user’s preference. Hence, you can thank math for that lovely date you had last Saturday.

So, technically, yes, there are ways to play with the algorithm but, it is never advised to do so. Because, even if it is preferential dating math, being yourself online is the best way to be. Algorithms of dating apps expect their users to use their applications genuinely. Don’t try

shortcuts. One of the things that all these sites have in common is this: They insert fear that unless you are on theirdating site you will NEVER find your “soul-mate.” They tug at your heartstrings to make you believe that you mate is on the other side of your computer screen. Research done by Villanova University, Northwestern University and Psychological Science in the ublic Interest (PSPI), back this up. Here is a fact: Romantic relationships can begin any time and any where. You can be at school, church, a coffee shop, playing a sport, or be at a friend’s party. Sometimes though people go through stretches where they hit a rut in the romance department and freak out. Most likely when you hit a certain age you freak out more than “usual” because you have relatives, friends and even strangers giving you the sad, pathetic look because you are “single” and that automatically makes you “unhappy” or “lonely.” Lets be honest here, just because you are single doesn’t mean that qualifies you as a lonely, unhappy person, where you are going to now be the next owner of seventy-two cats to compensate for your single-hood.

eHarmony and Match.com claim that their mathematical formula really identify pairs of singles who are especially likely to have a successful romantic relationship. With that said, how do they know how two people will interact once they have been matched? Do they check marital stability and marital satisfaction, not only marriage itself after two people

from their sites get hitched? What are divorce rates for sites Match and eHarmony? Do their claims that “1 in 5 relationships start online,” and “We’ve conducted years of extensive research and know what makes relationships last,” true or are these dating sites all part of an elaborate hoax pulling at a person’s heartstrings? According to Pew Research Center, larger shares of Americans who are currently using dating sites or apps or who have done so in the past year say the experience left them feeling more frustrated (45 percent) than hopeful (28 percent), citing among other things lack of personal and emotional connections, safety concerns,focus on hookups and “too many options.” As an example, the 10 million active daily users of the popular online dating application Tinder are on average presented with 140 partner options a day. While one may expect this drastic increase in mating opportunities to result in an increasing number of romantic relationships, he opposite has occurred.

Online daters indeed became less satisfied with the search proves as the number of profiles they look at get into the hundreds or even thousands. This is called, choice overload where people undermine their ability to make a good, well thought out decision due to having way too many options available to them. This has been proven that when looking through thousands of dating profiles becomes painful, this starts to decrease their level of interest and it might also undermine making a relationship work once offline.

Having extensive choice can have various adverse effects, such as paralysis (i.e., not making any decision at all) and decreased satisfaction . In fact, it seems that people generally experience less benefits when they have more choice. This observation is reminiscent of the basic economic principle of diminishing returns in which each unit that is sequentially added to the production process results in less profits.

There is some evidence that having more choice in the domain of dating also has negative consequences. For example, when asked to pick the best partner, access to more partner profiles resulted in more searching, more time spent on evaluating bad choice options, and a lower likelihood of selecting the option with the best personal fit. Likewise, when a choice set increases, people end up being less satisfied with their ultimate partner choice and more prone to reverse their decision. The adverse effects of choice overload are also mentioned in articles in popular media mentioning phenomena such as “Tinder fatigue” or “dating burnout”

Study after study found that online dating will set off a rejection mind-set, leading people to become increasingly likely to reject partners to the extent that they have been presented with more options.

Every dating site has an algorithm that they use in matching people together. It is not “fate” that helps you meet the person, it is artificial intelligence. Do scientific algorithms — including those used by sites like eHarmony, PerfectMatch and Chemistry to match people according to similarities — can really lead to better and more lasting relationships? The answer is no. There are certain properties of online dating that actually work against love-seekers, the researchers found, making it no more effective than traditional dating for finding a happy

relationship. eHarmony’s system is flawed because it relies on conclusions from married couples and a fundamental premise that similar people will be happy together in the

long-term. But married couples often project similarities onto one another and adopt similar interests over time, so those are the results of a relationship rather than what inspires them in the first place. Match and the other apps use the same type of recommendation system used by Netflix or Facebook, taking your past behaviors (and the behavior of others)

into account to predict what you’ll like next. To understand how many dating app algorithms work, it’s useful to compare them to Netflix. The streaming service’s “trending now” category surfaces content other people enjoy. Many dating app algorithms work similarly, surfacing profiles popular with other users. The problem is a popular profile isn’t the same thing as a good individual match. Netflix also relies on users with similar viewing histories to generate content suggestions. Dating apps do the same thing, surfacing profiles based on other people’s swipe habits. If you swiped right on Harry and Sally swiped right on Harry, you might like someone else Sally swiped right on. Once again, the algorithms aren’t tailored to individual users, but lumping people together in a fairly superficial manner. Algorithms can take into account how frequently you log on, how often you swipe right, how you strike up a conversation, and even how often you exchange numbers. Users often self-sabotage without even realizing it. On Bumble, if you simply say “Hi,’ Bumble learns that you’re not making an effort, so it sets you back a notch. Before you know it, the algorithm makes a ton of bad assumptions based on your behavior and you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of undesirable matches. Despite longer questionnaires and bios, matchmaking sites like OkCupid aren’t any better. The truth is none of these sites really has any idea what they’re doing— otherwise they’d have a monopoly on the market. { Source: Wired / BBC / Vox}

And it gets worse from here: One study published in Science Advances found that among men who use dating apps, when deciding on what kind of woman they want to date many will choose a woman younger than them rather than a peer their own age. The study found that a when it came to age women typically found men up to the age of 50 very desirable. On the other hand most men only found women desirable up to the age of…. 18. (Yikes!)

Considering that women who are 18 are just one year up from being a teenager it’s a little bit concerning and creepy. Not only are the findings of the research disheartening or women genuinely trying to date through these apps but it is also majorly concerning that so many men across different apps and sites are messaging teenagers. { Source: Discover / Her / }

New research from William Chopik, an associate professor in the Michigan State University Department of Psychology, and Dr. David Johnson from the University of Maryland, finds that people’s reason for swiping right is based primarily on attractiveness and the race of a potential partner, and that decisions are often made in less than a second. While attractiveness played a major role in participants’ decisions to swipe left or right, race was another leading factor. Users were significantly more likely to swipe on users within their same race.

A growing body of research suggests that readers of your profile assess your attentiveness and intelligence based on grammar, spelling, and typos. Two recent studies analyzed the roles played by writing in online profiles. While this plays a small factor, a lot of people try to claim that if you post good pictures, have a good headline, have a well written profile and write a lot of people you’ll do well. Yes, good pictures help, but you have to have a certain level of appealing looks for those pictures to work. Here’s the reason why pictures are 99.99% the reason people swipe right or left. First: On (most definitely all) dating websites and dating apps the first thing that a prospective partner has the chance to see about you is your face. Your profile picture to be more accurate. Not your interests, not the schools you went to, not the travels you made. It will be your photo. Second: NO ONE, in the history of online dating as ever said “I don’t find him (or her) particularly attractive, but I will check the rest of his profile to see if I feel a connection with him through his interests, life philosophy, past experiences, etc.” Third: If they like your profile picture enough they will check the rest of your profile as well BUT they will start with the other pictures. And only after checking all of them and deciding that you are attractive enough, will they check the rest of your profile.

You can continue reading HOW dating apps get you to buy into the idea that the only way you can meet someone work, why you should NOT be using dating apps and HOW to meet people, and how the NFL players use this app, among other dating topics, in my best selling book “Relationship Impossible”