You Can Learn A lot From People Not Your Age ( Hello, Adam Fox)

For all those non-hockey fans, yesterday the NY Rangers named Jacob Trouba their team captain ( the team hasn’t had one in 4+ years) and one of the players on the team, Adam Fox, had an interesting quote:

So that got me thinking: Why are so many people afraid to associate themselves with people OUTSIDE their age bracket? Being that I was a Pre-K teacher since I was 20 and taught for 15 years, my job was simple: to get kids excited about learning. Not only was it to help them grow, but it was to make them understand that everyday they are are going to learn something new about the world, about themselves and about each other. It was the most fun I had, other than coaching cheerleading which I still do.

One thing is certain and it is the thing in the quote by Adam Fox that he misses the boat on: One can learn from anyone, age is only a number of how long you have been on Earth. People should have is an open mind.

I learn from people who are the most open minded and most knowledgeable. I’ve seen older people who act immature and claim they know everything and I’ve seen young people who are calm and willing to give their two cents. I have been around teenagers, college students, guys/girls in their 20s and 30s. I also associate with folks in their 40s and 50s as well. I am full-rounded.

One of my favorite memories is listening to stories from my grandma who lived 99 years and my great-aunt who is still alive at 106 ( she will be 107 in a month) The stories taught me life lessons that I was able to put to use in my life. An example was when my grandma told me to always be the bigger person, arguing with fools make you look like a fool. It’s never worth standing around and arguing if you aren’t going to find a solution to the problem.

If you read my previous blogs, you know that I am a big supporter of younger guys dating older women and older men dating younger women. The reasons were simply:

Older people have a lot of life experience. They can teach you a lot about the reality of life. On the flip side, young folks can teach you what you forget growing up. They are so full of life and ideas. They can’t wait to go out in the world and leave their mark. Its sometimes necessary to not be worried about a single thing and go do what you want to do. Older folks and younger folks can mingle, have adventures together and not have to deal with so much drama as you do when you only are interested in your age category.

I believe that someone has something that I can learn. I never let age, gender or sexuality, be a factor as to whether I should learn from them or not. To do so would be idiocy. Too bad Adam Fox only thinks he can learn from people close to his age or his age. I mean, I understand that sometimes we get comfortable, but you never grow in your comfort zone. It’s only when you embrace the unknown and take a risk that you learn a lot about life and the world you live in. Some risks are always worth taking like love, doing what you are passionate about and standing up for yourself.

Wisdom should always be shared. Every day I learn something in the industry I am in: social media. Some of those in this industry are younger than me, and they learn from me as well. Also, I have coached cheer for a very, very long time, and have learned things from those older than me and younger than me in this industry.

Imagine being a hockey player and only thinking that you are going to learn from those closest to your age? That is ridiculous! You learn from those who played the game before you as well as you learn from those young kids who are just starting out. You learn from coaches who are probably old enough to be the players dads or uncles.

The point is, you learn from people, not from their age. Age does not guarantee knowledge and knowledge can be compounded and complex at any age.

Here are a few other things that people have taught me in life to date:

1- If you worry about how people will judge you, you’ll never achieve anything.

2-There won’t be “plenty of time later” to enjoy life. Life is short and you have NO IDEA how long you have here. Why wait to do what it is that you want to do? Don’t put off your career change, relationship, or any other life desire until you reach some mythical point of readiness; it doesn’t exist.

3- It’s vital to cultivate friendships with people older and younger than you. Younger friends steep you in optimism and possibility, while older friends will ground you in wisdom. You need the perspectives of both.

4- There’s no quicker path to misery than conditional happiness.

If I get that promotion, I will feel happy.
If I buy that luxury car, I will feel content.
If I find a girlfriend/boyfriend, I will feel joy.

If you can’t find happiness during the pursuit, it won’t last long when you reach the finish line. Find joy in the journey- that is what life is- a journey and so far I am having fun on mine.

Guys, can we stop this already?

Why do you guys one, feel the need to honk your horn when you drive by a girl you like? And two, still use corny, foolish pick up lines?

Pick up lines are outdated and borderline embarrassing.

Do you guys know what is sexy?

When you approach a girl while being your authentic self and flat out have a casual conversation with her. Yes, you read that right. Pick up lines, like in the video, are foolish, corny, and some of them are vulgar.

STOP thinking that is going to land you a date with a girl that you want. Instead all she is going to do is roll her eyes, laugh AT you, and walk away.

Watch the video about honking your horn at a girl. What do you think she is going to do?

AN Inside Look to How Dating Apps REALLY Work

There are MANY reasons why dating apps are not good for mental health as well as your physical health. First and foremost, A group of psychologists in the Netherlands have discovered that we have a tendency to gradually close ourselves off when dating online. In other words, the more dating profiles people see, the more likely they are to reject them. The study shows that the endless stream of options can increase feelings of dissatisfaction and pessimism about finding a partner, which in turn leads to rejecting potential mates. Thanks to Dating Apps there are more possibilities to meet new partners than ever before, yet at the same time there have never been more people single in western society. This could be simply because the study found that both men and women tend to focus on the picture more than any other part of the online dating profile, but women view each profile for a longer amount of time than men do. Women spend an average of 84 seconds on each profile while the men spent an average 54 seconds on each profile. The male participants made more snap judgments based on a photo, while the female participants displayed a more methodical approach to online dating. But sadly other studies have shown that depression symptoms and

social anxiety are associated with greater use of mobile dating applications among women. If men are judging the women on these apps by appearance, and some women are not “appearing” attractive, then they are not getting too many “swipes.” This is due to the fact that socially anxious people tend to avoid asking others out on dates, fearing that they will be rejected or be negatively evaluated.

While now it might be hard to imagine a world without this virtual matchmaking, in reality these apps are still fresh, which means that studies into the impact they’ve had on our mental health and the studies that have been done over the last five or so years are starting to show that these dating apps don’t bode well for mental well being. Research by psychologist Barry Schwartz in his book, “Paradox of Choice,”has shown that even though we like having more options when making a decision, we are less satisfied with our choice the more options we have. ( which was written in my first book FYI) For users confronted by this seemingly overwhelming array of options you can understand why a reluctance to settle

may develop, especially when a new round of matches are only a swipe away- which is the reason for people staying single longer and not getting into a commuted relationship. What dating apps do to singles is that instead of allowing a connection to happen organically they worry about making a mistake or missing out on the one when the one could be right in front of them. In other terms, singles are looking for perfection which does not exist.

Chapter 2: How Dating Apps and Sites Actually Work ( From The Best Selling Book, Relationship Impossible)

Now that most of the lockdown rules have been lifted, online dating / dating apps are returning to it’s regular scheduled programming, with singles and married folks looking for that one night hook up. But what makes people first, go on a app, and then swipe? Do the apps work against you or for you? The first location-based apps changed that. Grindr was launched in 2009, and it helped single, often anonymously gay men link up by searching for other active users within a specific geographic radius. Then, with the launch of Tinder in 2012, smartphone-owning people of all sexualities could start looking for love, or sex, or casual dating in their area, and it quickly became the most popular platform on the market.

Today, there is no shortage of dating apps available. The most notorious hookup app, especially among the younger folks, remains Tinder, with its popular “swiping” feature: online daters use right or left swipes to “like” or “dislike” photos of other users (if each of you swipes right on the other person — it’s a match). Tinder now reports 1.6 billion swipes and 26 million matches a day. Bumble is America’s second favorite app, and its swiping feature comes with a catch: Anytime there’s a match, only users who identify as women can text first. Some apps like Hinge removed the swiping feature entirely, and instead, users spark a conversation with a person of interest by liking their photo or commenting on a prompt in their profile, such as “a life goal of mine” or “the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done.”

Kelly, 27, has been using Hinge and Bumble for three years, and says that for her, getting matches is easy. The hard part? “The annoying small talk.” She goes on to say, “Don’t ask me what my favorite color is because I’m going to ghost you.”

And ghosting is made easier with a seemingly bottomless list of potential matches on the apps that can make it seem as if there is always someone better than the current date. If you detect a flaw (no matter how minor) that makes you suddenly lose interest, there are still plenty of suitors awaiting in your phone. The more options you have the more superficial your criteria will be. So, how do these dating apps really work? Since users don’t know which swipe will bring the reward of a match, apps like Tinder use a variable ratio reward schedule, which means that your matches will be randomly dispersed. It’s the same reward system used in slot machines in Las Vegas. Dating sites are in the business of keeping users swiping, looking at their advertisements (on Tinder, you might accidentally swipe right on an ad), and paying monthly fees for extra features that should supposedly make finding matches easier, such as Bumble Boost (which costs up to $25 a month and adds 24 hours to the time users have to break the ice with their match). In the midst of the swiping fever in 2015, Tinder began o limit the amount of daily right swipes to 100 for users who don’t buy into their premium service, Tinder Plus (up to $30 a month). Even though Tinder, OkCupid, eHarmony have managed to keep the secret behind their matchmaking process a

secret, researchers at Cornell University have cracked that can wide open.

These days most online dating apps use their AIalgorithm to match new users on the following factors

initially –

1. The agreeableness level

2. Closeness preference

3. Romantic passion range

4. Extroversion or Introversion level

5. Importance of spirituality

6. The level of optimism or happiness

In addition to these criteria, the algorithm then adds on the new user’s location, height, religion information to draw matches for users. So, you can see that the algorithm polls in all this information and draws in matches that are closest to the new user’s preference. Hence, you can thank math for that lovely date you had last Saturday.

So, technically, yes, there are ways to play with the algorithm but, it is never advised to do so. Because, even if it is preferential dating math, being yourself online is the best way to be. Algorithms of dating apps expect their users to use their applications genuinely. Don’t try

shortcuts. One of the things that all these sites have in common is this: They insert fear that unless you are on theirdating site you will NEVER find your “soul-mate.” They tug at your heartstrings to make you believe that you mate is on the other side of your computer screen. Research done by Villanova University, Northwestern University and Psychological Science in the ublic Interest (PSPI), back this up. Here is a fact: Romantic relationships can begin any time and any where. You can be at school, church, a coffee shop, playing a sport, or be at a friend’s party. Sometimes though people go through stretches where they hit a rut in the romance department and freak out. Most likely when you hit a certain age you freak out more than “usual” because you have relatives, friends and even strangers giving you the sad, pathetic look because you are “single” and that automatically makes you “unhappy” or “lonely.” Lets be honest here, just because you are single doesn’t mean that qualifies you as a lonely, unhappy person, where you are going to now be the next owner of seventy-two cats to compensate for your single-hood.

eHarmony and Match.com claim that their mathematical formula really identify pairs of singles who are especially likely to have a successful romantic relationship. With that said, how do they know how two people will interact once they have been matched? Do they check marital stability and marital satisfaction, not only marriage itself after two people

from their sites get hitched? What are divorce rates for sites Match and eHarmony? Do their claims that “1 in 5 relationships start online,” and “We’ve conducted years of extensive research and know what makes relationships last,” true or are these dating sites all part of an elaborate hoax pulling at a person’s heartstrings? According to Pew Research Center, larger shares of Americans who are currently using dating sites or apps or who have done so in the past year say the experience left them feeling more frustrated (45 percent) than hopeful (28 percent), citing among other things lack of personal and emotional connections, safety concerns,focus on hookups and “too many options.” As an example, the 10 million active daily users of the popular online dating application Tinder are on average presented with 140 partner options a day. While one may expect this drastic increase in mating opportunities to result in an increasing number of romantic relationships, he opposite has occurred.

Online daters indeed became less satisfied with the search proves as the number of profiles they look at get into the hundreds or even thousands. This is called, choice overload where people undermine their ability to make a good, well thought out decision due to having way too many options available to them. This has been proven that when looking through thousands of dating profiles becomes painful, this starts to decrease their level of interest and it might also undermine making a relationship work once offline.

Having extensive choice can have various adverse effects, such as paralysis (i.e., not making any decision at all) and decreased satisfaction . In fact, it seems that people generally experience less benefits when they have more choice. This observation is reminiscent of the basic economic principle of diminishing returns in which each unit that is sequentially added to the production process results in less profits.

There is some evidence that having more choice in the domain of dating also has negative consequences. For example, when asked to pick the best partner, access to more partner profiles resulted in more searching, more time spent on evaluating bad choice options, and a lower likelihood of selecting the option with the best personal fit. Likewise, when a choice set increases, people end up being less satisfied with their ultimate partner choice and more prone to reverse their decision. The adverse effects of choice overload are also mentioned in articles in popular media mentioning phenomena such as “Tinder fatigue” or “dating burnout”

Study after study found that online dating will set off a rejection mind-set, leading people to become increasingly likely to reject partners to the extent that they have been presented with more options.

Every dating site has an algorithm that they use in matching people together. It is not “fate” that helps you meet the person, it is artificial intelligence. Do scientific algorithms — including those used by sites like eHarmony, PerfectMatch and Chemistry to match people according to similarities — can really lead to better and more lasting relationships? The answer is no. There are certain properties of online dating that actually work against love-seekers, the researchers found, making it no more effective than traditional dating for finding a happy

relationship. eHarmony’s system is flawed because it relies on conclusions from married couples and a fundamental premise that similar people will be happy together in the

long-term. But married couples often project similarities onto one another and adopt similar interests over time, so those are the results of a relationship rather than what inspires them in the first place. Match and the other apps use the same type of recommendation system used by Netflix or Facebook, taking your past behaviors (and the behavior of others)

into account to predict what you’ll like next. To understand how many dating app algorithms work, it’s useful to compare them to Netflix. The streaming service’s “trending now” category surfaces content other people enjoy. Many dating app algorithms work similarly, surfacing profiles popular with other users. The problem is a popular profile isn’t the same thing as a good individual match. Netflix also relies on users with similar viewing histories to generate content suggestions. Dating apps do the same thing, surfacing profiles based on other people’s swipe habits. If you swiped right on Harry and Sally swiped right on Harry, you might like someone else Sally swiped right on. Once again, the algorithms aren’t tailored to individual users, but lumping people together in a fairly superficial manner. Algorithms can take into account how frequently you log on, how often you swipe right, how you strike up a conversation, and even how often you exchange numbers. Users often self-sabotage without even realizing it. On Bumble, if you simply say “Hi,’ Bumble learns that you’re not making an effort, so it sets you back a notch. Before you know it, the algorithm makes a ton of bad assumptions based on your behavior and you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of undesirable matches. Despite longer questionnaires and bios, matchmaking sites like OkCupid aren’t any better. The truth is none of these sites really has any idea what they’re doing— otherwise they’d have a monopoly on the market. { Source: Wired / BBC / Vox}

And it gets worse from here: One study published in Science Advances found that among men who use dating apps, when deciding on what kind of woman they want to date many will choose a woman younger than them rather than a peer their own age. The study found that a when it came to age women typically found men up to the age of 50 very desirable. On the other hand most men only found women desirable up to the age of…. 18. (Yikes!)

Considering that women who are 18 are just one year up from being a teenager it’s a little bit concerning and creepy. Not only are the findings of the research disheartening or women genuinely trying to date through these apps but it is also majorly concerning that so many men across different apps and sites are messaging teenagers. { Source: Discover / Her / }

New research from William Chopik, an associate professor in the Michigan State University Department of Psychology, and Dr. David Johnson from the University of Maryland, finds that people’s reason for swiping right is based primarily on attractiveness and the race of a potential partner, and that decisions are often made in less than a second. While attractiveness played a major role in participants’ decisions to swipe left or right, race was another leading factor. Users were significantly more likely to swipe on users within their same race.

A growing body of research suggests that readers of your profile assess your attentiveness and intelligence based on grammar, spelling, and typos. Two recent studies analyzed the roles played by writing in online profiles. While this plays a small factor, a lot of people try to claim that if you post good pictures, have a good headline, have a well written profile and write a lot of people you’ll do well. Yes, good pictures help, but you have to have a certain level of appealing looks for those pictures to work. Here’s the reason why pictures are 99.99% the reason people swipe right or left. First: On (most definitely all) dating websites and dating apps the first thing that a prospective partner has the chance to see about you is your face. Your profile picture to be more accurate. Not your interests, not the schools you went to, not the travels you made. It will be your photo. Second: NO ONE, in the history of online dating as ever said “I don’t find him (or her) particularly attractive, but I will check the rest of his profile to see if I feel a connection with him through his interests, life philosophy, past experiences, etc.” Third: If they like your profile picture enough they will check the rest of your profile as well BUT they will start with the other pictures. And only after checking all of them and deciding that you are attractive enough, will they check the rest of your profile.

You can continue reading HOW dating apps get you to buy into the idea that the only way you can meet someone work, why you should NOT be using dating apps and HOW to meet people, and how the NFL players use this app, among other dating topics, in my best selling book “Relationship Impossible”

Zach Wilson’s Nightmare PR Scenario

When you are the young guy who plays Quarterback for a NY football team, you are in the limelight and therefore, treated differently, better almost. People pay attention to your every move. You get invited to watch hockey games, baseball games, etc. You basically get treated as a king. And when you are portrayed as the the young, clean-cut guy from Utah, and you now not only break that image, but you create an entire nightmare based on your off the field activities… your entire reputation is at risk.

Bring in the scene where Zach and his girlfriend Abbey broke up in January. They looked genuinely happy together so what gives? Then fast forward to February and March where Zach was seen working out and creating an entirely new body. As soon as Zach started to work out you knew he was the one who got dumped, but why? No one could figure out why a girl would dump a guy like Zach… until today.

Word got around Instagram on a post that Abbey later deleted but was screenshot by millions, that said they broke up because he cheated on her with his mom’s best friend.
Wait.. WHAT?

Yes, you read that correctly. Of course all the guys who thought , “Dude, this is awesome!” had memes and posts galore on how he is a “hero, or Legend” for fucking a mother … a “hot one” but what has come to light is this:

  1. When a woman cheats on her man she is given the scarlet letter and shun. But when a man is the one who cheats on his girlfriend with a “hot mom” he is shown the royal treatment.
  2. There is a family involved – Supposedly a little 3 year old kid not to mention a husband.
  3. His mom of course is going to defend her “little baby” as she likes to call him even at the age of 23, which seriously needs to stop, but that is a story for another day. She has gained MANY new followers on her Instagram account which looks PATHETIC.

    Now, here’s my view on his mom defending him as well as what this does for Zach Wilson going forward.

Homewreckers want to claim the victim status because they hate the idea that the only party who is innocent in the cheating, is the person they are vying against. It makes them look like the shitheads they are.
They create attitudes like, “It’s not the other man/woman’s fault, Blame it on your husband./wife they married you” to deflect the fact that they have become the deviant person that lacked enough scruples that they chose to go after a man/woman already involved in a relationship.
Yes, this woman is also at fault simply because SHE KNEW better!

No matter that what they do could affect the couple’s children and their well being. No matter that they could interfere with the other person’s financial well being. None of that matters to a selfish person choosing to deliberately make a play for a person in a relationship. Because in their odd world or rationale, humanity only involves humans THEY care about and THEM, not the people they want to purposely screw over. So humanity snarling at them doesn’t sit well.
But when they actually ruin the relationships, they no longer want that whore status. They want to suddenly be recognized as the man’s/woman’s “prize.” And after all, how can you be a prize when most people, including most family members only know you as the whore that broke up so and so’s relationship?
So they whine and cry like most narcissists do when they can’t get the respect the husband/wife had. Because again, they are cast in a second place status, behind him/her. Zach is the guy that will forever be the whore that broke up that marriage.

Homewrekcers play victim because they know that they ruined others’ lives and this is a way of their self-defense from any judgment or follow-up action from the society. They are aware of their “homewrecking” feats in their heads but they can’t show it to people. Society does not have value for “decorated homewreckers”. Any form of confession will bring them the social reputation of pests like lizards and cockroaches.
So they pretend to be victims and instead shift the blame on their real victims. But the good news is homewreckers are humans after all. They have to live with their guilt by themselves, possibly for their entire lives. They can run away from people but they can’t run away from themselves. They would sleep well first but eventually their own acts will start to pile up their sleepless nights, overthink about their own relationships and ultimately suffer with the reality of not being able to confess to friends or families and get the guilt out of their minds.
See, what Zach Wilson did is really not that uncommon, sadly. But to celebrate his “feat” on social media, makes all the fans and even some of his teammates look arrogant, ignorant, and immoral. Married folks are OFF LIMITS! Zach now has created this shit storm that he is going to have to LIVE with the entire football season. And it may even have an effect on how he plays this year. ( at least it will be brought up as a reason!)

His mom needs to stay out of the way… His son created the mess and needs to be the one to fix it. I give kudos to Abbey Gile for exposing Zach as the person he truly is… what happens from hear on out remains to be seen.

Oh, just a little general knowledge on cheating in relationships:

In general, men are more likely than women to cheat: 20% of men and 13% of women reported that they’ve had sex with someone other than their spouse while married, according to data from the recent General Social Survey(GSS).

Men and women can cheat even if they love their partner. They may do so because their emotional needs aren’t being met, they have low self-esteem, or if there are serious problems within your relationship or in their life. It may be easier for them to cheat than talk about how they are feeling.

How does cheating affect a woman?

They affect the other partner both physically and mentally, making them experience; Anxiety and depression. Rage and post traumatic stress (PTSD) Increased distress, self-blame, and shame.

Cheating is wrong. If you are not happy in your marriage or relationship that is what divorce and breaking up is exactly for! When you cheat you hurt more than just your partner that is involved. You hurt your friends, family, and everyone surrounding the situation.

THINK before you CHEAT.

The Truth About Self-Worth

No matter what our friends say about us, why is it that we can never see ourselves clearly? Why it is so hard to see the good in ourselves?

I think it’s hard for many of us to see the good in ourselves when we are so constantly reminded of what is wrong. We hear that we will never measure up others from our parents, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, our bosses and co-workers, on social media and celebrities. But what is worse is when we hear it most from a voice within ourselves. These past two weeks I have spent time doing self-care and focusing on letting go of people, situations, and feelings that no longer serve me for the higher good. It’s awesome to be able to free yourself from the negative so you can focus on all the positive around you and also be able to now allow all the good things to find their way to you.

I find that most tend to look at their faults more than their good qualities. People today have become obsessed with being a perfectionist. SO my suggestion is that you sit down and write down all good things you did in your life that you did, all the things that you are grateful for, you will see all the good in you and all you have to be thankful for. A great self awareness and purposeful driven life can see a good in himself/herself. Sometimes, when we know who we are, what we have , where we are going and our responsibilities–we stand a better chance to clearly appreciate the good in ourselves.
Everyone has SELF-WORTH. EVERYONE has to know that they are VALUED. And Everyone needs to understand that you will NEVER be perfect, so embrace your flaws, focus on the good, and learn to take it one day at a time. Because frankly, that’s all we can do.

Romantic Gestures: Men Get a Pass, Women Get Labeled.

When men attempt bold gestures it’s considered romantic and sweet. When a woman attempts them, it’s considered desperate and crazy. Watch any romantic movie and they will tell you the same old, boring, story: If you want to win the love of your life, an over-the-top romantic gesture is the way to go. But hold on, wait a minute, those bold gestures are for the man to do, not a woman.

When Maroon 5 sings, “Baby, I’m preying on you tonight/Maybe you think that you can hide/I can smell your scent for miles,” hardly anyone flinches at the creepy craziness of these lyrics. But when Taylor Swift writes a song, people accuse her of being spiteful, vengeful, and retreating to her crazy woman-den to write mean songs about men.

The vast majority of women may be totally “normal” in a relationship. But then you see one woman acting jealous, insecure, or worse, going after a guy they want and you think, “See!? Women are crazy!” See, when a woman does something “crazy,” like show a man a bold gesture, it’s because she is crazy. When a man does the exact same thing, it’s because men are romantic and strong.

The reasons are simple though: Women feel more emotions than men — it’s that they’re more likely to talk about it, therefore when men actually show emotions, it’s them as weak. But when they show a romantic gesture, it shows them as the hunters, the strong vital man who hunts down his prey in order to salvage his manhood. Back in the day the romantic gestures were; opening the door for her, giving her flowers, taking her out on romantic dinner, giving her kiss on her forehead, basically be a gentlemen. Today that chivalry is nonexistent. It’s all about how far you can get with a woman today. Guys today don’t realize just how much we women want the old fashioned chivalry to make a comeback.

Men don’t like women to be initiators. At least the majority doesn’t even though you see men do Tiktoks where they “claim” that they enjoy being pursued. Now, it is important for me to add, that there are men who don’t mind if a woman asks him out, but that percentage is about 15%. The other 85% still want to be the hunter, “so to speak.”

So to the other 85% of men who assume that when a woman asks you out or presents you wilth a bold gestures let me tell you a few things: 1- yes she is bold and forward to ask you because SHE LIKES YOU! 2- NO, she is not pushy, demanding or controlling. 3- This idea that cannot be her protector because she is the one who asked you out is absurd! EVERY woman wants to be loved and feel protected no matter if you ask her or she asks you! 4- She will not make you submit to her will! Please! Now, if you date a woman who knows what she wants, doesn’t that make it easier for you? and finally 5, She will value my achievements and your dreams. Just because she approached you doesn’t mean that she doesn’t value what you bring to the table or what your goals in life are- that idea is so ridiculous!

If a woman asks you out, that is a compliment to you. She sees something in you that she wants, and she wants to get to know you. Embrace it, enjoy it and stop with the gender double standards. Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners and they take effort and compromise from both people. It shouldn’t matter at the end of the day, who asked who out, but the relationship that the two of you share.

Abortion and the right to it.

So, unless you are under a rock, today the US Supreme Court overturned Roe vs Wade, which in my opinion, they messed up way back in 1973.

First off, it NEVER was a constitutional right.

I don’t know what school some of you went to, but in history class or social studies as we called it, abortion was never part of the constitution. It’s not part of the 14th amendment it’s not part of the first/ second amendment it is not part of the constitution at all. Second of all row vs wade should’ve been thrown out, as each state makes its own rules and laws. Some state laws that differ from state to state gun control laws, custody laws, divorce laws, motor vehicle laws, business laws, but each are run separately.

Each state in the United States has a legislator as part of its form of government and most of the fundamental details of the legislator are specific in the state Constitution. State legislators are like miniature congresses no two are exactly alike. You have state legislators ,you have state assemblies, each state writes their own bills ,has their own budgets, etc. Obviously then we have the federal laws which all states are to abide by, but abortion should not be one of them.

Now of course what I’m going to say is going to trigger some of you, but I’m going to say it anyway. Abortion is not birth control! Let me say it again for those in the back, abortion is not birth control! Abortion is only needed for three reasons 1) incest 2) rape and 3) the mother‘s life is in danger and the only way to save her is to unfortunately abort the baby. It is not birth control where are you can have sex with as many partners as you want, get pregnant and have an abortion. If you would like to do that, then that’s what condoms are for, that’s what birth control is for. And speaking of condoms, everyone should be using them when you are having sex with multiple partners. There are things out there in the world called STDs, AIDS, being one of them and we stop the spread of those by having safe sex! So please, if you’re going to have sex use common sense.

Also for the men out there abortion is not so you don’t then have to pay child support for you being irresponsible by having sex without a condom.
I will also add that is why folks then put babies up for adoption. There are MANY couples and WOMEN who want children, but or some reason can not have them. Adoption is the ONLY way for some to go.

Remember every US state is also SOVEREIGN entity in its own right and it’s granted the power to create laws and regulate them according to their needs. Therefore abortion should be one of them whether you like it or not. 

Cheating, Athletes and Social Media

I woke up yesterday morning and did what I usually do, open up the Twitter app to see what was trending, as what good social media experts and content creators do. Seeing two hockey players trending: Connor McDavid and Sammy Bilas and then looked up as to why they both were trending. I knew from some of the posts that it was not about hockey. I did not have to look that far to find out that Connor McDavid has a video surfacing of him drunk holding the hand of a girl and walking with her-and this girl was NOT his girlfriend Lauren Kyle.

Now, I have trashed NFL players for years on relationships and have always said that hockey players are the best athletes – they are genuine, appreciative of the fans, and just plain more fun. But that does not mean that you are going to have some guys who are NHL athletes do what guys everywhere do: cheat on their wives or girlfriends. Note: this is why some NFL players think they are being “smart” by not putting whom they are dating in their IG feeds or posts on Twitter. Two reasons: first, if there is no “proof” no one can say that they are technically “cheating” and secondly, it leaves the door wide open to sleep with as many girls as humanly possible. (Which is why you see the girl they are with in their stories- that shit disappears in 24 hours)

Back to Connor McDavid now. Everyone knows that he has been dating Lauren for quite a while. You’d have to be living under a rock on Mars to not know that he was taken. As I said on Twitter, girls do better research than the FBI; we all know your situations whether you post about them or not. With social media it’s 10x easier to figure stuff out AND there are tons of websites that actually keep track of this sort of thing. ( PLUG: Who dated who ) So, us girls know what the story is and you know what, sometimes we play stupid to it just to see what you guys are going to do. Yes, dogs can’t outsmart foxes. And some of you guys are dogs- and that term is not meant as a compliment.

Connor has NO excuse to cheat on his girlfriend. But as I have found out over time, some guys are just never happy with what they have, who they are with, and they are constantly searching for better when they already had the best. You see that A LOT with NFL players. They are never satisfied with anything. They need more money, more materialistic things, and more women. Am I surprised that a wholesome guy like Connor cheated? No. But I don’t want to hear him say, “I was drunk and had no idea what I was doing or where I was,” the video clearly shows that he did not like the fact that someone videoed him. He has to know that he is seen as public figure and whatever you do in public is fair game. He also has to know that people are going to recognize him without his uniform on too. Also, guys cheat out of anger, jealousy, or a desire for revenge. Even if their partner hasn’t cheated on them but instead if they’ve done something to upset their partner. And if you check Lauren Kyle’s IG, the last picture she posted was her in the WAG jacket at this game, so yeah they were together. Most couples scrub their social media when they break up. ( Note: if you don’t know what WAG means it refers to wives and girlfriends of high-profile sportsmen)

But what I also said on Twitter is that the girl who held him hand and walked with him, and God only knows what else they did that night, deserves as much shit as he is getting because she had to know who he was and that he was taken. I don’t want her to give an excuse that she didn’t know, especially with the crowd surrounding him and the fact that someone shouted out his name. Girls know three things: 1) If the guy is taken 2) Where they hang out and 3) how to be seen. Watching the video for like the hundredth time- she knew what she was doing. I also want to state something about Lauren Kyle and social media:- It is RUDE and DISRESPECTFUL to tag her in responses on Twitter and IG talking about what Connor did. Have some dignity and also respect for her please. She’s not the one who cheated, she’s the one who got cheated on. Know the difference. As to dating athletes, this does not change my view on hockey players at all. I still think they are most down to earth guys on the planet, having met my share of them.

Switching gears, let me briefly touch on Sammy Blais for a moment. His sister supposedly graduated from either grad school or colllege and posted a picture of herself on IG. Sammy commented underneath, “Sexy babe” and the world lost its freaking ass mind! If you have a sibling then you know that siblings have inside jokes, pick on each other, and like to cause trouble with each other. Also the word sexy does not always entail looks but confidence. You all look like asses for making a terrible assumption.

Just Ask Her Out Already… and other relationship ramblings

I love it when guys go: “She’s never gonna go out with me!” Hey dude, did it ever occur to you to just ASK her? Stop playing games and the negative mindset and ask her.
Guys today play the double edge sword game: They want to STILL be the ones to ask the girl out in 2022 BUT then you hear that they “don’t mind” having a girl ask them out.
Um, which one is it? Seriously.

I don’t want to hear that women who ask guys out are aggressive and intimating. Girls who ask a guy out are doing themselves the biggest favor. They are picking out a male human being who they like, as opposed to hoping for the right guy to come along and ask them out – which is a very passive, and a sometimes doomed way to approach the whole dating game. It does not matter if guys say no. It is not going to kill you. The same approach should be seen for guys. IF she says no, SO WHAT? Move the fuck on. Go find another girl and ask her out. The idea that your “ego” is going to be hurt is ridiculous when the fact is that you are WASTING time and energy ” hoping” she will say yes and you are wasting feelings on someone who wasn’t meant to be in your path.
Some guys stay single for years cause they’re too afraid of rejection to ask women out, when they can be just as afraid of rejection as women.

The expectations around dating are bullshit. Laying it all out on the line is a pretty good turn on if you ask me. But still in 2022, young people are told to follow “rules” that really they should not be following anymore. For starters, Girls taking the initiative to ask boys out directly contradicts everything we know about gender roles in relationships. She is making the first romantic overtures and asking the man to go out drinks, lunch, dinner, etc. This is still taboo because when a woman takes charge of anything, she’s automatically coded as masculine, because she is allegedly taking the man’s role. Women shouldn’t fear being masculine because it shouldn’t have any impact on their womanhood whatsoever. Sometimes waiting for guys to do something it is like waiting for someone to finally nail jello to a tree, meaning it never happens. The entire human race could have died out years ago if women sat around always waiting for a guy to make up his mind and ask her out.

But I get why most women don’t ask guys out: Women are discouraged from pursuing men because that suggests impatience or force. Women are seen as desperate or needy when that is far from the truth. Much of men’s authority in relationships is derived from having the final say on relationship decisions. If you want your relationship to start out on the right foot and be sure that you have a “real man,” you should wait for him to ask you out. Or at least, that’s the message we send out today. Again, I will repeat myself: Women LOVE men who are controlling but we don’t like men who try to control us- there’s a difference. Having a guy control a situation and stand up for us, support us, want the best for us, etc … that shit is real. But having a guy control who we CAN be, who we are, is not cool at all.

Bottom line: 1- there are no “leagues” when it comes to dating. Don’t think that ANY guy or girl is “outta your league” that is NOT a positive self-image to have for yourself.
2- While most men have been conditioned to always make the first move, some men would actually appreciate taking the back seat once in a while. To them, it is in fact refreshing and a huge compliment to have a girl ask them out for a change. (Those are not the cocky, narcissistic, petty guys, those are the real men (hockey players) that know it’s a compliment for a girl to ask him out) 3- Just as we ladies HATE it when men play games with us, the more straightforward we are the better. Sometimes we think we need to drop lots of hints to show that we want to ask them out. However, the best approach is to just be very clear about it for example by saying, “I would love if I take you out for a drink, coffee, lunch, dinner…” Hints and signs will not get us anywhere with men. 4- If there is a girl that you have your eye on guys, ASK HER OUT. Just do it. Stop playing scenarios in your head and ask her- you really don’t have anything to lose. Seriously.

Sex Education 101

Being on Twitter and seeing people post things are not true has to be the most frustrating thing! Yes there are folks who tweet “sex facts” but they leave out the facts and just tweet opinions. One of the more taboo topics that many feel uncomfortable talking about is masturbation. A survey found that 54% of people don’t feel comfortable talking about masturbation; the other is orgasms.

Here are some straight up facts:

Masturbation Facts and Statistics

1- 95% of men admit to masturbating, compared to 89% of women. For married individuals, the rate is 70% for both men and women.
2- More than 40% of males and 22% of females admit to masturbating daily. 55% of men and 48% of women masturbate at least once a week.
3-The average time porn is watched in a hotel room is 12 minutes.

Studies done by Indiana U, We-Vibe, and Tenga found that one in three men think about a celebrity when they are masturbating. In comparison, only one in five women think about a celebrity while masturbating. 69% of men will watch pornography, listen to music, look at photos or use a vibrator each time they masturbate. In comparison, only 54% of females will do the same thing.  It should be noted that masturbating is not going out and “seeking sex” it is considered ” self-love” ( I use that term with a smirk) and … A recent study found that not only do 45 percent of couples watch porn together, but it’s a healthy way to bond. The study was published in The Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Communication about sex is a major component to a great relationship, and if you can work a mutual interest for porn into your sex life it’s not only a learning experience, but can add some spice to those vanilla positions.

Still, in 2022, though when people talk about sex, they talk about it from the male perspective only. In a few studies done in the past few years, we find that women perceived as more open to casual sex are attributed to having less morals and are seen as less smart than women are not so open to casual sex as men are. Greater female objectification may be prompted by observers’ negative stereotypes of promiscuous women. Focusing on a woman’s body promotes objectification and decreases perceptions of her mental capacity and moral status. The myth that it is completely normal for heterosexual men to see women to whom they are sexually attracted as sex objects needs to be retired. The notion that men can have as much casual sex as they want but women can not is absurd. Men are aroused just by glancing at a female arm, ankle, calf, thigh, stomach — even without ever seeing the woman’s face. Those legs, calves, arms, etc. are sexual objects. That’s why there are innumerable websites featuring them. There is nothing analogous for women. Of course, a woman can be aroused seeing a particularly handsome and masculine man. But there are no websites for women to stare at men’s legs or other male body parts. Women are told not to dress too sexy, because if they do then there must be “asking for it” when it fact women are not at all asking for anything, they do though have a right to dress however they desire. There is that myth that women have a little black dress and men have their little black book. Women wear the little black dress to into a man’s little black book. But again, no one ever views that little black dress as just a dress a woman loves or wants to wear, there is always a sexual thing attached to it. But one thing that remains constant year in and year out is the assumption that the female body exists, first and foremost, for male sexual and viewing pleasure. This idea, needs to retired faster than Tom Brady plans to retire at some point.

Here is the kicker: NOT every normal heterosexual man who sees a woman as a sexual object can also completely respect her mind, her character, and everything else non-sexual about her. You have athletes, mostly NFL and NBA who think its a flex to date and sleep with as many women as they want. That’s not the true flex. Women are not prized animals that are owned by a man, so why do we still focus on men as the sexual being and not the other way around?

Women are told to please a man. Men are not told to please women. About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone — that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances. On the other hand, It’s clear the male orgasm is strongly selected and it makes sense , if they don’t reach orgasm, they don’t leave offspring. That’s why all we see are articles on how men can be satisfied but not women. It would be helpful if women knew as much about their ‘clits’ as men do about their penises. Women needs time to get off and, foreplay is the most important thing. It helps in vaginal lubrication, which is required for deep penetration and better sexual experience. Your sexual activity doesn’t need to be longer, but better. Women can get the orgasm even without penetration.

It’s not something to be ashamed about either. It’s part of life and it is part of having an intimate relationship. Too much emphasis is placed on models of female sexuality that are created by Hollywood and the pornography industry. But to sort of act as if that’s all that needs to be done for women is just silly. This is a total denial of the facts.

Listen to the latest podcast: Talk about The New York Rangers – Relationships – and Why you should never let AGE dictate your life.

-Hello Love Where’s Cupid 2nd Ed
-Relationship Impossible