The book that everybody has been waiting for is finally arriving on your shelf soon .
more to come!
Just Gonna Leave This Here
2025: Unrealistic Body Image Finally Enters The Chat
We live in a culture that praises weight loss. The message we’re sending is that you only look good because you lost weight.
Fat phobia- because of our intent, we perpetuate diet culture, and fat phobia when we compliment someone on their smaller body. Our society praises weight loss as if it’s the best thing a person could ever do. Not only that, but we comment on people’s bodies without having any idea what is going on in their lives.
Last week Jennifer Love Hewitt made more women in their 40s so happy that someone in Hollywood actually looks like them. She didn’t run off to use ozempic and she didn’t go ahead and do a crazy-ass diet. She is what women are SUPPOSED to look like and she was so proud of her body!
We “assume” that their weight loss is “positive”, when it could be due to a chronic illness or an eating disorder. All unsolicited comments about someone’s body are bad and shouldn’t be praised because no one asked for them. Even if someone asks, we shouldn’t even give them one when actually we should take it a step further and tell people that they don’t want to receive those comments.
We should be telling people to focus on who that person is not by what that person looks like. If only people did this on social media.
Social media is the perfect environment, unfortunately, where the diet culture flourishes. It thrives on comments from men who think they know that certain bodies are “better and hotter” than others. Yes, guys who are losing their hair, have beer bellies, droopy chests and butts, are telling women that they all need to look like a goddamn Barbie doll, when they themselves are so far away from representing Ken.
Women who already have suffered from a body image disorder, get triggered by those comments and now are drawn back into the diet culture. And for what? To please all the men who you don’t know on social media, who basically have their own insecurities about their own looks and projected on women?
The sad reality is, if you look on social media and even dating apps, all men want this fantasy woman who is 5 feet tall 5 inches, 130 pounds, size 2, blonde hair, and blue eyes, who accepts bare minimum, and who could pass for either a Victoria’s Secret model or a Barbie doll. What they don’t realize is that a woman’s looks is never going to raise their children. Her mindset will.
Men never focus on who a woman really is, speaking in terms of her personality, mentality, and character. But they only focus on how hot she looks so his teammates, and friends can be extremely jealous of his arm candy.
Oh, once you hit 35 and you’re a woman you’re old and decrepit according to social media.
If only men could stop being, “so full of themselves,” and stop trying to “fit in” focusing on loving a woman for who they truly are. But instead, they don’t want to embrace that main character energy. They wanna focus on what isn’t instead of what is.
I guess the question really is this : do we really want to spend our lives agonizing over trying to make others happy instead of making each day we live the best days we’ve ever had? When are we going to realize that nobody at your funeral is going to say the following: “ I remember so-and-so, she was a size 4 all her life, she was always so skinny, she was always looking hot and beautiful, etc”
They are going to remember how you made others feel, how you lived life and the kindness you showed others . That’s a life worth remembering.
Get Ready: A sneak peek of “Meet Me in the Penalty Box”
As you well know by following this blog and if you follow me on social, you know that I am writing a book called, “Meet Me In The Penalty Box,” which exposes the NHL culture to a tee. Here’s a excerpt of the book: the first two sections: All About The Victims and Exploring the Topic Of Culture
Did you know, in 2022, there were 1.37 million domestic violence crimes committed in the US. According to the CDC, in 2022, women reported intimate partner violence around 41%
These are topics that women try and avoid talking about because they are embarrassed to admit that they have been in an abusive relationship or they feel ashamed that they succumbed to a man who tricked them into believing that he loved her by abusing her.
What does all this have to do with the NHL? (National Hockey League)
The NHL is the ONLY major pro-sports league without a league specific policy outlining what happens to players who are accused of sexual crimes and domestic abuse.
There have been incidents within the league that the league have stayed quiet about and have swept it under the rug, so to speak. (I then get into many different cases)
The question that everyone seems to have in regards to violence against women is where does this start to form in a man’s life?
Why does he intentionally want to hurt someone who is seen as loving and caring towards him?
And how do women play a role in being manipulated into falling into a pattern of trusting violent men with their lives?
Dating Violence
Violence in teen relationships predicts violence in adulthood. In the United States, up to 19% of teens experience sexual or physical dating violence, about half face stalking or harassment, and as many as 65% report being psychologically abused ( Stats are from Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention)
In many cases, violence can happen when young people don’t yet have the skills to manage conflict, cope with feelings of jealousy, and navigate rejection. Many teens perceive this type of behavior as “normal” and a way to express love in intimate relationships.
The truth of the matter is this: Teen dating violence seems to be overlooked, not only in the scientific community but in society at large. It’s developmentally appropriate for young people to explore their sexuality.
But as a society we haven’t figured out how to support that while protecting them from a risk of violence. Added pressures today include social media and how sexuality is perceived.
According to 2019 data from the CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey, about 1 in 12 teens experience physical dating violence and about the same number face sexual dating violence. Other studies suggest rates may be higher, especially when accounting for psychological forms of abuse.
In one nationally representative study of young people ages 14 to 21, 51% of females and 43% of males reported being victims of at least one type of dating violence, while 50% of females and 35% of males reported perpetrating at least one type.
Girls as young as age 6 have been taught for generations to accept the fact that when a boy pulls your hair, trips you, pokes you, laughs at you, or does anything else to you, this is a clue that he “likes you.”
Little girls have been conformed and trained to accept this behavior from boys as an expression of interest, which means we have been training girls that it is normal for guys to physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse us as an expression of love.
Teen boys who abuse dating partners are more than likely to have experienced child abuse or neglect. Teen boys who are abusers, are more likely to use alcohol or drugs than their nonviolent counterparts.
Teen boys who abuse their partners then to have sexist attitudes that support male domination over females.
In some cases, dating violence may be part of a pattern of antisocial or aggressive behavior.
But much of the time, teens may simply not know how to manage the emotions and conflicts that arise as they enter their first relationships.
Patterns in teen relationships are similar to adult battering relationships – they involve the same elements of control and jealousy. Teen girls and women describe the same range of violent experiences from slaps and shoves, to beatings and attacks with weapons.
There are several youth-specific aspects to their relationships-
Pressure to conform to peer-group norms which contributes to an emphasis on having a specific dating partner.
Peer pressure can be so intense and the fear of being different, or of violating peer-group norms, can create rigid conformity.
Teenage boys will begin to establish such patterns when their violent dating behaviors are reinforced by members of their peer group and by society as a whole.
Their expectations of a girlfriend may include that she gives up certain activities and other relationships in order to give priority to her boyfriend.
This is why basic chicks fit the mold/pattern for hockey players.
They find women who will conform to what the boyfriend wants and accepts their dominance in the relationship. This includes that he be sexually aggressive, make all the decisions, and he will control her activities and behavior…..
(Section 2: Exploring the Topic of Culture)
The United States also has an individualistic culture, meaning people place a high value on individuality and independence. In contrast, many other cultures are collectivist, meaning the welfare of the group and group relationships is a primary value.
Living up to a culture’s values can be difficult. It’s easy to value good health, but it’s hard to quit smoking. Marital monogamy is valued, but many spouses engage in infidelity. Cultural diversity and equal opportunities for all people are valued in the United States, yet the country’s highest political offices have been dominated by white men.
In many cultures, women are expected to be responsible for things that men are not. And, there are more pressures put on girls and women to look young and youthful no matter how old she is. Women’s full and equal participation in all facets of society is a fundamental human right. Yet, around the world, from politics to sports to the workplace, women and girls are largely underrepresented.
While the specific expectations have varied across cultures and time periods, core assumptions about women’s roles have persisted for millennia. Let’s take a brief look at how the values and beliefs women “should” follow enfolded…..
Today, this is how women see themselves:
- Independence focused
- Sexually liberated
- Work focused
Today this is how men still want to see women:
- Homemaker
- Mother
- Primary caregiver
- Submits to her man
- Adopts her man’s moral foundations
A traditional woman is a woman who follows older established principles of femininity. But today, women are pushing away from being a “traditional woman” because men today are pushing away from being, “a traditional man.”
What is a traditional man?
He is someone who adheres to conventional, often historical, gender roles and expectations. This may include traits like being a provider, protector, and head of the household, with a focus on strength, and dominance. Basically he follows established principles of masculinity.
Men before the social media era had more strength, courage, and discipline than today’s men. Men used to be better men, and more men wanted to be more like that. Today though, men rather complain about women being masculine and not feminine.
Maybe this is news to a lot of men but women take self-defense courses because we’re told we need to protect ourselves from men. Instead of men learning to be better men. The value of women is not limited to their sex appeal. Treat women the way you would treat any normal person. How you speak, walk, move your body or go about everyday life has nothing to do with masculinity, aside from other people’s preconceived ideas.
When most men think of “manliness”, they think of the fantastical archetypes we’ve been inundated with since childhood:
James Bond, Ernest Hemmingway, Captain America, and the list goes on.
They think that manliness is about hunting big game, or knowing how to fight, or sleeping with dozens of women, or driving a fast car. But these activities do not make one manly. Manliness, or as I prefer to call it “masculinity”, is about the principles by which you operate and the way that you commit yourself to various pursuits in life.
I would argue that developing your masculinity just as women develop their femininity, is based on a handful of simple principles…..
When women are assaulted, their past gets investigated.
When men assault, their future gets protected.
When women get assaulted, it’s like society treats them like a criminal first, not a victim. But men? Oh no, their futures need to be protected at all costs. The only thing that matters is making sure they get a “second chance” while she’s left fighting for her dignity. This victim-blaming crap isn’t just sick, it’s a systematic pile-on designed to keep her in the dirt while they get to walk away unscathed.
What does all this have to do with the NHL and their culture?
Well, let me start off by saying this: Culture isn’t an excuse for abuse. And abuse is silent no matter what type of abuse it is emotionally mental, physical or sexual.
And the fact that people know that it’s happening and they close the blind eye to it or they sweep it under the rug or they try to hide it as fast as they can, shows you the nature of this problem isn’t small. The NHL is very good at covering this up and that shows you that they know right from wrong but they don’t care.
And to all those guys that I see commenting on this type of thing on Instagram, Facebook and Threads is disturbing.
The main comment is that, we as women will never get rid of sexual assault. That’s that is correct statement because we’re never going to get rid of hate, we’re never going to get rid of violence 100%, but the fact that you don’t even want to think about how you can make things better for not just yourself but those around you, show that you are part of the problem, not the solution.
It’s always amazing to me. How guys are more worried about the accusations of their favorite athletes than the violence itself .
Defending them with the my favorite sayings, “she was a whore,” “She wanted it now she’s regretting it.” And my ultimate favorite, “Innocent until proven guilty.”
There’s also another one, “She consented so this didn’t happen.”
They just don’t understand what consent and not consent is and even if she consented in the beginning, a woman has a right to change her consent at any point given in time.
When a woman says no or stop or I don’t want to do this and you don’t listen to her, you are raping her. It doesn’t matter if she’s your wife, it doesn’t matter if she’s your girlfriend, it doesn’t matter if she’s your partner, it doesn’t matter if she’s a hooker from the street, it does not matter.
And that is where the problem then grows.
The hockey culture is four things, alcohol, drugs, sex and gambling.
(To Be Continued)
Oh, so you’re in a relationship with an athlete
If you follow a lot of athletes on Instagram, you will see that they use the feature of stories very often and very well. They tend to put the girls they are “dating” or even those they are “married” to in those stories and not on their feed. Why?
A story only lasts 24 hours and then it disappears. Not everyone will technically see said story of you posing with the girl, so they have a better chance at hiding a romance while at the same time of letting the girl think they are exclusive because they “posted” about them together.
The MAIN excuse you will hear from these guys as to why they don’t wish to post on the feed about their relationships are the following: “I want to keep my life private,” or, “It’s no one’s business who I am with and what I am doing.” Or my favorite, “All the important people in our circle already know we are together, why do a bunch of strangers need to know?”
This here is straight up nonsense!
You are already using a social media platform so your life is not private. And you already started posting about other areas in your life, the main areas of your life can’t be kept private now. Let me add that all those who do have private IG accounts look like they are HIDING things NOT that they want to have a “private life” as an athlete.
So what is the motive of an athlete who doesn’t post up about their married or even who they are dating? They do this to appear single and to “keep their options open,” so when they go on the road and use the dating app Tinder, girls who try and look them up are lied too about them being in a relationship. Although some naive girls will still believe an athlete when they tell them that they are “not happy” in their relationship and that they are planning of getting a divorce when they aren’t.
Let me also add that I know a former NFL player and his wife and on Instagram, and one day she posted that she laughs at all the women who end up in her husband’s DMS, because they don’t know that she reads their private messages… (insert laughing out loud emoji)
Remember it’s not the actual social media that ruins relationships. People who don’t respect relationship boundaries do. There’s a difference between private and secret. And if you are a secret, then you are NOT respected nor a priority.
Also note that if you ask a guy why he hasn’t posted you up, check out his body language and how he flips the script and says that YOU are acting insecure, YOU don’t trust him, etc. It is a clear give away that he is LYING to you and that he wants to keep his options open or that he is already cheating on you.
That is why MEN should POST UP his lady/woman first. That shows you EXACTLY how he feels about you. Actions ALWAYS speak louder than any words he ever says to you. When a man posts up his girl it signifies that he is PROUD of his woman, that he LOVES her, and he doesn’t want ANY OTHER MAN to have her! When he doesn’t, you are just a little toy in his game. That’s why basic chicks need to STEP up their game. In my experience people settle because a part of them believe that is all they deserve or because they are desperate, are afraid of being alone . They may feel that they aren’t WORTHY of something better, even though she CLEARLY is!
It’s all about the mindset. One day, when I was around 24, A complete stranger in a coffee shop overheard my conversation and said, “You know what, you are a big jar, but you think you’re a small one.”
It took years for me to understand what he meant.
I settled a lot. I thought small. I had a mediocre job, a mediocre relationship, a mediocre life.
I didn’t put myself first. I failed to appreciate the present. I did not know how to make the most of my talents and gifts.
After a few years, and lots of hard work, travels, relationships, after finally accepting that I am the captain of my own life and that I should put myself first, I saw my jar getting bigger and bigger.
Now, I am in love with my life – one that is filled with joy, excitement, and possibilities. Everyday is spectacular. That is the type of life I wish for everyone.
Stop thinking so small. You are worth everything you deserve and more.
The NHL’s Relationship With Women
I don’t know why the hell this needs to be repeated…… women do belong in the NHL.
Whether they’re a fan, coach, broadcaster, journalist, owner, or hold an important office title in the league, there should be a safe space for them to do what they love.
Men need to support women in sports. It’s really not that hard.
As I am in the process of writing my new book, “Meet Me In The Penalty Box,” I have discovered just how many men are TRIGGERED by women who not only understand the sport, love the sport, but by women who want to empower other women to change the NHL for the better. I have also learned this: If my voice had no power, most of the male fans plus some athletes would not try to silence me. I guess, my only question for them is this; Can you hear me now? If not, don’t worry you will be. My voice cannot be stifled by your deviant ways.
Not only am I going to change the NHL for the better, where women are concerned, but I would like to remind fans of 1 woman that actually played in the NHL, even if it was a preseason game, and how that opportunity got lost.
Her name is Manon Rhéaume and in 1992, signed a contract with the Tampa Bay Lightning of the NHL, appearing in preseason exhibition games in 1992 and 1993. She spent five years in professional minor leagues, playing for a total of seven teams and appearing in 24 games. She also played on the Canada women’s national ice hockey team, winning gold medals at the IIHF Women’s World Championship in 1992 and 1994, and the silver medal at the 1998 Winter Olympics.
So to those men who think I can’t change how the NHL sees women and treats women, it can be done. Like I preach, all it takes is ONE person to make a difference. Then of course when I STILL see sexist tweets and posts like this:
I know that I have a fight ahead of me. The fact remains that most men are today are triggered by not only by women who want equality in the workplace, but also women who are strong minded and independent. When I talk about dating and how it has totally shifted to this “basic chick” way whereas she will accept bare minimum and the man doesn’t have to become a better man, this is also what I speak of with the NHL.
I just saw a video on Tiktok of a woman is “says” she is married to a Dallas Stars player who literally said, “The only really I am telling everyone that I am married now is because we both wanted to wait and I wanted to become something and not attached to his name.” HAHAHAAHAHAHA… this girl is so freaking manipulated that it is sad. Oh, and her “husband” he is not one of those superstar players either. And I have never heard of her and her brand that she supposedly wanted to grow on her own. I looked at his IG account and there is ONE … just ONE photo of them together and the comments under it are NASTY!
If you follow me you know that I have stated MANY times that when you date an athlete you have to make sure that HE is the ONE who posts you up FIRST. You have to make sure you are with someone who loves you: Loudly. Proudly. Publicly. Privately. And behind your back. The whole Instagram story shit – that is what these basic chicks buy into and the guy thinks hey, I publicly put her in a story so that should be enough. HA! That’s the copout. As is what is coming February 14th: Valentine’s Day.
NEWSFLASH: If you are a guy or you are an athlete don’t use a holiday like that as a cop out to propose to your girl. For starters, that day is supposed to be special. The day you ask her hand, is not supposed to coincide with the commercial gimmick of Valentine’s Day. (I thought I would add that in this post, while there is still time to change your mind!) You also have to think about what happens if you get divorced, you just ruined a holiday because that is all she will think about when that day comes. Propose a few days before Valentine’s Day or after it.
Oh, back to the NHL for a second so I can clear up something. Most men have the wrong idea when it comes to defining what is masculine and feminine. Furthermore, let me add again, that it is NOT a flex to be sleeping with 5 women at the same time, that does not make you man. That makes you a pig. See, the reason that their IG is NOT FILLED with photos of their women is simply because they think that other girls, or the hoes of the world are going to slide into their DMS. So they HAVE to look single and not taken. That’s why their use stories. Also, it doesn’t go with their agenda of making their IG’s all about them and their careers. When that is NOT what IG is all about. 80% professional 20% personal. These guy freak out when fans think they are robots yet they post on social like they are robots by not letting folks see the human side of themselves.
Muscles don’t make men masculine.
Women being submissive doesn’t make them feminine.
Being loyal to 1 woman makes a man masculine.
Being reliable makes a man masculine.
Being emotionally intelligent makes a man masculine.
A woman is feminine when she’s nurturing.
A woman is feminine when she’s completely comfortable being the driver and the passenger.
A woman is feminine in the way she carries herself and still can be strong minded.
Once a man can do this and understand this, he longer wants to settle for what he is TOLD to settle for, which is a basic chick. He wants more. He wants a woman who is extra and he is manly enough to accept it and he is proud of it. Taylor Swift had to date 13 little boys who were insecure about the fact that she was extra until she met a man who was strong enough to understand that weak-minded men can’t handle a strong, independent, and extra girl.
If there is hope for Travis Kelce, there is hope for many of you guys too.
On a different note, look out for my revised copy of “The Championship Mindset” Monday February 3rd.
Why Joe Burrow Or Any Athlete Are Far From Role Models
If you haven’t heard about the drama surrounding Joe Burrow, then let me make a long story as short as possible: When people try to break into your house and the person reporting it isn’t your longtime girlfriend/fiance but someone else, that’s going to cause girlfriend troubles. Or at least, the suggestion of girlfriend troubles. And that’s exactly what just happened to him. His quote, ““So obviously everybody has heard what has happened. I feel like my privacy has been violated in more ways than one. And way more is already out there than I would want out there and that I care to share, so that’s all I got to say about that.”
He may not want to “get into it,” but I will. Olivia Ponton wasn’t at Burrow’s home in a personal capacity, instead, she reported she was ’employed by Mr. Burrow’ and provided police with a ‘a non-detailed itemization of what items were possibly missing. Um, since when does a TIktok Star/Model “work for a NFL star?” So, was Ponton employed by Burrow with the letters B and J?
No wonder the Bengals are 6-8 this year. He literally is fucking the team and fans because he is getting fucked by a hoe.
the ultimate quote that these NFL stars throw into the ring as do some NHL stars, is that they want “their lives to be private.” Oh sure, but lets fix that idea for you. You want to be able to cheat in private. There’s a difference between keeping your relationship private with everyone knowing you are together, to keeping her a secret. Good thing I know the difference.
How convenient for Burrow that he cheated with another “Olivia” so just in case he was having sex with his longtime girlfirend and he screamed out “her” name she wouldn’t even pick up on the fact that he was thinking of the other girl. Ha! Karma had other plans to expose you and rightfully so!
Maybe if athletes stopped thinking with their egos and the little brain they have between their legs they wouldn’t have to “hide” things. I wouldn’t want to touch most of these athletes with a 10 foot pole!
To all the girls out here who think their dude who plays in the NHL or NFL “loves you” – most don’t. Go to IG and look at most athletes feed. You can tell which ones actually “love” their girl if they post them up and which athletes love themselves more by what is posted.
Josh Allen by the way, is another one who uses the IG story as a cop out to tell his girl “TO the love of my life Happy birthday” Yes, God forbid he wishes her happy birthday on his feed and posts her up. She really doesn’t mean as much to him as y’all think.
Yes, when an athlete posts up his girl he is telling the world he is proud of her, he loves her, and he doesn’t want any other man to go after her. He is also not afraid to become a better man. That’s why girls need to let the guy post HER up FIRST. It’s always the other way around and that’s when the guy doesn’t feel that it’s necessary to post her up and he can pretend to still be single. Every important milestone of the relationship should not be in an IG story but in the feed. Period.
Finally, kids, stop thinking athletes are role models, they aren’t.
Role Models are NOT:
Liars
Cheaters
Users
Abusers
Role models are:
Loyal
Leaders
Compassionate
Empathetic
Joe Burrow and most athletes want their cake and want to eat it too. Hey ladies, STOP settling for crumbs. You deserve the ENTIRE cake as well.
And remember, if you decide to cheat or lie, karma ALWAYS comes around for you. This year has exposed a lot of WHO people truly are. When that happens don’t try and change the picture.
When Fiction Becomes Non Fiction
Here I am, trying to change the culture of the #NHL AND get a written policy protecting women of sexual assault/domestic abuse and these authors continue to use hockey players in their plots. AND then expose its graphic content to actual hockey players which makes it seem okay.
There are 4 books “Ice Breaker,” “Collide,” “Cocky Score,” and, “Unsteady” that recently got my attention.
So, since the authors of these books did not do their research, let me enlighten folks for a moment. I don’t want to her well these ladies “just wrote a story,” that is gaslighting and then deferring responsibility and accountability. That is also saying that what I am doing is not valid. Writing a book and using a hockey player in the way they have in their books, makes it ten times harder to try and change the culture let alone try and get a written policy because no one sees or thinks what they are doing isn’t right. For example, In “Ice Breaker,” women want to read about romance, they want to be swept up so to speak, but what they actually find that all the sex starts to get in the way of the romance as it becomes more and more gratuitous, and THAT is part of the HOCKEY CULTURE! Safe to say I am not happy with this representation and the ideas it gives hockey players, let alone women.
Then of course, “Cocky Score,” which the title ALONE yells HOCKEY CULTURE! the female character is ridiculously shy and quiet; the male character is stoic and overly confident. Why do we think this type of romance novel is STILL okay?
In “Collide,” there was barely any hockey but this was a friends with benefits type romance which, doesn’t send a great message to women and sends the wrong message to men. In the book, “Unsteady,” the spicy scenes were not pleasant, i found myself cringing a lot while reading them and all I could think about was how unpleasant it must have been for that women who was raped by the World’s Junior Team. This comes off as a gentle romance between two people who are floundering in bad relationships and need to find real love- something that hockey culture can relate too, is the fact that the men of the NHL put themselves in “bad relationships” only to think cheating is the way to solve them.
What do these books have to do with the NHL?
These books portray women in a bad light and justify a hockey players actions they take. Now, there is no rape, sexual abuse, or domestic violence in these books, but the fact that they all portray hockey players as hypermasculine and using sexual relationships as a way of saying that is “romantic” is obscene. SEX has NOTHING to do with ROMANCE. We need to STOP having even female characters of novels put into uncomfortable situations and that it’s okay to sexualize women, especially in hockey.
In the NHL, you have women who get sexually harassed either by being a fan or even working in the league, which is highly male-dominated. Did you know that the front office of the NY Rangers, is only 6% female and that there were NO females that were on the draft floor this past June- as for MANY teams in the NHL. And just recently the Seattle Kraken hired Jessica Campbell, as an asst coach which sent social media into a sexism frenzy?
This is another reason why I am fighting to have the National Hockey League ( NHL) to have a policy in place to protect all wives, girlfriends, and staff of NHL teams against these crimes that DO HAPPEN IN THEIR LEAGUE!
Not only am I talking about rape and sexual abuse, but let’s not forget about domestic violence,, which has occurred within the NHL. According to National Domestic Violence Hotline, Over 1 in 3 women (35.6%) in the US have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
The hockey culture and how they treat women is disgusting! The social aspect of the sport supports issues related to misogyny, sexism, homophobia, and xenophobia. Let me also add that there is a HIGH number of hockey players who cheat on their wives/girlfriends by having a second phone with a different number and using trainers/staff to hide it. So when we are ready a “love story” as in the book Unsteady, take it with a grain a salt.
In the book, “Ice Breaker” the question is asked, “She could never like a hockey player, right? ” These books portray a “Steamy Hockey Romance,” but what these authors don’t get is this:
An anonymous quote from a hockey player on how the culture continues because whatever is SAID in the locker room, stays there. ( Same concept as VEGAS)
“There’s stuff that happens in the dressing room, obviously, talking about girls, parties, whatever is the case, that happens in there, that sort of stays in there for the most part. Well, on good teams it stays in there. Whether it’s who you’re hooking up with, if you got sent pictures from some girl, everyone sees them. So it stays in the dressing room and it’s a team builder. It’s not to embarrass people in front of the outside world.”
THIS ONLY GETS WORSE:
This locker room culture in THE NHL encourages and rewards particular performances of masculinity. And players who don’t adhere to implicit and explicit organizational expectations risk being ostracized.
If authors intend to use hockey players as the main characters for their books, can they learn to separate sex from romance and can the women NOT be reduced to mere love interests for the male protagonists and nothing more?
Men, The Bear, Bumble And Harrison Butker
I wasn’t playing on writing a blog like this, but seeing how the landscape has been against women even more than it has been as of late, I had to put my thoughts into words.
For starters, if you are not on Tiktok then you missed a lot.
There was this dude who seriously looks like the guy who secretly films women getting dressed in the changing room at a department store, started us off, by telling us that men don’t have to accept women’s rejection : AKA he told men that is OKAY to RAPE them. I highly doubt that he is a “dating coach” which in itself is creepy. But what sane “coach” would tell men that women are forbidden to reject him? My thinking is that this guy never had a date back in high school and/or the head cheerleader rejected him and he is so scarred by that, he has hateful views now towards all women.
If that wasn’t bad enough, there was a guy who put out the question, if women were in a forest would they want to be in a forest alone with a MAN OR A BEAR? He was not asking which one women would choose, technically, but it took off on Tiktok and women every where were answering the bear. You can imagine how much this triggered guys EVERYWHERE!
The men, oh sorry, the boys that were triggered proved over and over WHY women preferred to be alone with a bear instead of a man. When asked to explain their decision, many women responded that they know a bear would either leave them alone or kill them, whereas they fear the details of exactly what a man could do to them. And if we look at the culture that is being thrown at women today, I think it is safe to say, this is why women would choose a bear.
Here are some reasons why women choose the bear in case men are still confused:
A- No one would question us about what I was wearing, why I was wearing what I was wearing, and If what I was wearing was to lead on any man to believe I wanted sex.
B- A Bear would not film it and send it to his friends and post it online.
C- No one will question if the bear attacked really happened. And to add, they won’t go on social media defending the man in question with the saying, “Innocent until proven guilty.”
By the way, there’s a reason women are warned not to hike or camp alone, and it’s not because of bears.
1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. RAINN ( Rape Abuse, Incest Network) says on average, there are nearly 450,000 victims of rape and sexual assault every year in the United States. According to North America Bear Center- black bears – the most common bear in the United States – kill less than one person per year. On average, 28 people in the United States die each year from lightning strikes, according to all U.S. lightning deaths reported from 2006 through 2021
So, when women are saying that they FEEL SAFER in the FOREST/WOODS alone with a bear than with a strange man, and men, instead of trying to make things BETTER for women, are triggered by it and instead of trying to say, “Men should not rape, men should not act like pigs when it comes to women,” They are trying to gaslight, manipulate and force women to feel crazy and stupid for saying a bear. Then you hear guys ask the question why women who are abused and assaulted never come forward or come forward years later:
As many as 90% of those survivors never report their abuse to law enforcement, and more than 30% will never report their abuse to anyone (National Association to Prevent Sexual Abuse of Children).
What Happens To Rapists When They Are Caught And Reported?
- 60% of rapes/sexual assaults are not reported to police, according to a statistical average of the past 5 years. Those rapists, of course, never spend a day in prison. Factoring in unreported rapes, only about 6% of rapists ever serve a day in jail.
- If a rape is reported, there is a 50.8% chance of an arrest.
- If an arrest is made, there is an 80% chance of prosecution.
- If there is a prosecution, there is a 58% chance of conviction.
- If there is a felony conviction, there is a 69% chance the convict will spend time in jail.
- So even in the 39% of attacks that are reported to police, there is only a 16.3% chance the rapist will end up in prison.
Not only are we talking about rape and sexual abuse, but let’s not forget about domestic violence. According to National Domestic Violence Hotline, Over 1 in 3 women (35.6%) in the US have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
This is another reason why I am fighting to have the National Hockey League ( NHL) to have a policy in place to protect all wives, girlfriends, and staff of NHL teams against these crimes that DO HAPPEN IN THEIR LEAGUE!
The hockey culture and how they treat women is disgusting! The social aspect of the sport supports issues related to misogyny, sexism, homophobia, and xenophobia.
An anonymous quote from a hockey player on how the culture continues because whatever is SAID in the locker room, stays there. ( Same concept as VEGAS)
“There’s stuff that happens in the dressing room, obviously, talking about girls, parties, whatever is the case, that happens in there, that sort of stays in there for the most part. Well, on good teams it stays in there. Whether it’s who you’re hooking up with, if you got sent pictures from some girl, everyone sees them. So it stays in the dressing room and it’s a team builder. It’s not to embarrass people in front of the outside world.”
THIS ONLY GETS WORSE:
This locker room culture in THE NHL encourages and rewards particular performances of masculinity. And players who don’t adhere to implicit and explicit organizational expectations risk being ostracized.
So, when a FEMALE, wants to have NHL PLAYERS on a podcast – you are rejected AUTOMATICALLY.
So, when a FEMALE, wants to develop friendships with hockey players, THEY NEED TO BE CERTAIN WOMEN –
Beyond sexist barriers within the sport, there are misogynist ideas engrained that position women as objects and conquests within hockey culture- That is why you ONLY SEE WOMEN WHO 1- ACCEPT BARE MINIMUM, 2- WILL NOT OPEN THEIR MOUTHS ON WHAT THEY KNOW ABOUT HOW OTHER WOMEN ARE TREATED, AND 3- WHO LOOK A CERTAIN WAY!
Misogyny was undeniably evidenced in the alleged gang-sexual assault committed by members of Canada’s 2018 World Junior team, in the subsequent cover-up, and in the revelation that Hockey Canada had a fund that was used consistently and covertly to protect players.
The deeply entrenched sexism and misogyny within hockey culture contribute to these brutal acts of dehumanization. Yet, these connections remain unrecognizable because people are unable to confront the culture that permeates their existence. In addition, as this does not directly impact players, such as the consequences of playing through pain, the calls to confront sexism/misogyny are largely not coming from male players. Unfortunately, there is more impact when people within hockey resist the harmful impacts of the culture as people are more inclined to listen to and empathize with the protagonists in our national narrative and because status is used to legitimize particular perspectives. If current player’s voices are needed, and yet they cannot recognize the objectification of girls and women, how will sexism and misogyny ever be recognized and meaningfully challenged if it remains unrecognizable to those within the culture? Yet, as recent current events have revealed, this resistance is the problem at hand!
AND JUST THIS WEEK, A Native American woman who worked for the Chicago Blackhawks is suing the organization and its charity, the Chicago Blackhawks Foundation, accusing them of breach of oral contract, fraud and sexual harassment.
Then of course we have the dating app Bumble who decided to tell women to KEEP HOOKING UP with guys on their app because they are losing money and that in turn is all they care about! Seriously, I keep telling you all how TERRIBLE dating apps are and they filled with men who ONLY want to hook up, rape women, cheat on partners.. . etc.
Bumble fumbled, are now working quickly fix the damage caused by an ad campaign that pokes fun at celibacy and abstinence. They changed HOW the app worked, which pissed off A TON of women, and then did this ad. They did apologize, but.. THIS IS WHY WOMEN CHOOSE THE BEAR!
Now here’s the KICKER, literally, the kicker in all of this …
The Kansas City Chiefs Kicker Harrison Butkler, said at very conservative Catholic College told women that they shouldn’t be out here, climbing up the corporate ladder that they should be home, taking care of their husband and children.
If women decide to do that, that’s their choice it’s not for a man to decide a woman’s fate.
Which is kind of funny since his mom, Elizabeth Keller Butker is an accomplished academic who holds a degree in Chemistry from Smith College as well as a Master’s degree in Medical Physics.
How did his mom somehow raised him to be a MISOGYNISTIC & SEXIST man?
BTW Harrison, if you are reading this: you’re a kicker you don’t do hard things and you STILL miss.
I have NOTHING against women who CHOOSE to be a stay at home mom, if that’s what you want be and that’s what you desire then go for it but for a man who kicks balls for a living to tell other women that their dreams don’t matter and that they should just be in the kitchen is what’s wrong; it’s 2024 not 1964.
Women can do a lot of different things and wear different hats and that triggers some men who can’t do hard things.
Now, as a Catholic woman, I don’t agree AT ALL with what Harrison has said AND here are the Catholic teachings that I have been taught:
1- We all were created to serve God. We all have a special purpose, that purpose is not the same for everyone.
2- Each of us were shaped differently. We all were given different Spiritual gifts, Personalities, and Abilities. What you are ABLE to do, God wants you to do. No one else can play your role.
3- Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Your purpose is to show love to others.
God doesn’t want everyone to do the same work.
God doesn’t hate any of us based on race, sexuality, or weakness.
God made us and our life started at conception.
Those in the church that preach otherwise are preaching their own agenda. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. Maybe Harrison forgot this. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. I think as a society we have truly have forgotten about love and how to truly love each other.
Love only embraces, and never attacks. It is of the Spirit, and thus incapable of attack.
What a beautiful thought.
I told you, too bad you didn’t listen
If you read my best selling book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid the 2nd Ed,” I warned you that dating apps were all hoaxes designed to use your heart strings to make money. And this week we learn that Match Group, the owner of Tinder, Hinge, and the League, aren’t designed to help users find love, but rather, to empty their pockets and that they are a far cry from being, “designed to be deleted,” which is Hinge’s slogan.
In the lawsuit we find that the six plaintiffs accuse the dating apps, Hinge, that the algorithm predicts a user will find most attractive are locked up in “rose jail’–where daters are required to send these profiles a rose, rather than a regular like, of which they only get one per week–and TikTokers offering dissatisfied swipers “hacks” to get around such an obstacle.
Also on other dating apps, such as Tinder, essentially, the app used an Elo rating system, which is the same method used to calculate the skill levels of chess players: You rose in the ranks based on how many people swiped right on (“liked”) you, but that was weighted based on who the swiper was. The more right swipes that person had, the more their right swipe on you meant for your score.
The League, is as snobby as it sounds…
The app encourages you to choose high-quality photos of you smiling and doing things that interest you, like hiking or going to dinner with friends, rather than posting tons of party photos or selfies in bad lighting. They want you to show off and send the message that you’re cool and attractive. You have to link the app to your LinkedIn and other social media. By doing so, The League automatically inputs your education and career to your profile, so everyone can see how smart and accomplished you are. The app tracks how often you log in, if you respond to people’s messages, how picky you are, if you’re nice to your concierge and other activity. Your matches can also flag your profile and report you if you’re “flaky” or rude through messages or on a date.
THE KICKER: You only get three matches per day (though you can pay to see more prospects). Once you match, you have 21 days to chat before the match and your chat expires. While an expired chat history is still viewable, you won’t be able to engage with that person anymore. The membership is EXTREMELY expensive for a few more “exclusives” that are nothing of measure to even note.
Hinge, makes money through in-app purchases and advertisements. Most of Hinge’s revenue comes from in-app purchases such as boosts, roses, and premium subscriptions. These purchases unlock features on the app to make it easier and more convenient. Another way that Hinge makes money is through advertisements. Whereas the free version lets you “like” up to 8 profiles per day, and if someone’s like you back, it’s a “match.” From there, you send each other unlimited messages and even do video calls.
Remember, there are many studies that suggest that couples who meet using dating apps are slightly more likely to have less satisfying and less stable marriages than couples who meet offline.
As I have said from the beginning, dating apps are great for finding short-term romances, but they’re not conducive to building sustainable relationships. Dating apps don’t work because they are designed to be fast, easy and casual. They’re not good for getting to know someone well and building a strong foundation for a future relationship. Too bad, most don’t listen to me.
Are you basic or extra?
You have women out here in the world who pretend to to not have high standards just so they can land a dude who give them the bare minimum. First off, having high standards is NOT the same as being high maintenance… something most guys are WRONG about and clearly don’t understand.
See, guys should want to level up with a woman who levels up, but they don’t. They allow their egos to get the best of them and instead “settle” for a girl who only wants the bare minimum and who is basic.
Let’s look at professional athletes for a moment… Think about this: There is not one pro-athlete that comes to mind who is with a woman of substance. (A woman who is extra and who brings more attention) Even Tom Brady could not hack being with Giselle anymore, whom is extremely extra! That is why it is interesting to see Kelce with Taylor Swift. ( Which looks like a relationship for publicly) If you think back to Taylor’s relationship with Harry Styles, you will see exactly what I am saying. The guy is the one who needs to be the one with the attention, the bag and the benefits; not the woman in the relationship.
People ask me all the time why men don’t want to level up and care so much about being in the forefront of the relationship; the woman takes a backseat to the man, especially a man who is an athlete. The reason is simple. A guy chooses a basic girl because a girl who is extra won’t force him to be a better man and won’t put up with his bullshit.
That is why on dating apps, women are fed up with men’s shit. They aren’t thirsty as guys think they are anymore. Us women are tired of the men who want to hook up, men who want to use us as eye candy, men who want a mother instead of a girlfriend or a wife. Women are tired of telling men to ”man up” too. It’s at the point that women in their 30s and 40s are choosing to be single. They have had it. And this pisses off men who think that they can “trick” women into chasing them. Ha! Women don’t chase, they replace. Girls chase and that is why men are with basic girls.
High achieving women who are independent and go-getters are usually left alone by men who have this stupid ideal woman still stuck in their heads. Um, guys, your ideal woman DOES NOT exist. And if you are still basing everything on looks, you’re going to be disappointed as she ages. Some guys don’t want to build with a woman either, they just expect her to take care of the household and be that little perfect submissive wife too. Um, guys, I hate to burst your bubble, but those days are LONG GONE as it is not 1950 anymore.
So here we are at the crossroads of dating and relationships. What is going to happen when these men finally wake up and see how they are shaping the dating culture for their daughters? And what is going to happen when these basic women get tired of being called out?
Time will tell, won’t it?
Stephanie 's Corner 