Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

So, Are you feeling Lucky today?

I’m the type of gal who LOVES shopping at Target. Yes, folks, I am addicted to shopping at Target. (Seriously, what gal isn’t though?) But I had no freaking idea that Target was now selling vibrators made from Trojan called “the Bullet.”

So, first you can get a sweatshirt with the words “Lucky” which you will see right as you walk in to the store. Then if you go down the “family planning/women’s isle” you can find one of these charming devices to really get “lucky,” but in a completely different way. Now, if you read my book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid 2nd ed,” you know that I am open to talking about sex and sex topics, so if you’re thinking that I am going “prude” while writing this, think again.
Back in the day these type of self pleasuring toys were only sold in stores like, Romantic Depot, not casual stores like Target where young kids can see it. Seriously, it is not for kids to see, I don’t care how into sex you are, and yes I know that kids in elementary school know about sex, I ain’t stupid, but still… this type of thing should be out of their view.
I remember learning about the “birds and the bees” when I was in 6th grade. The boys went into one classroom and the girls went into another. Then of course the boys had a field day with it at lunch, on the playground, and every day after that. It was kind of amusing thinking about it now. But in today’s world, 2022, kids are learning the wrong things about sex and from social media no less. Music, movies and TV still are ways where they can see it, but in today’s world, sex is spoken about, shown not as a whisper, but right out there online.

Yes, remember sex sells. But are we as a society, too open about sex?

It’s toxic to tell young kids casual sex is something to aspire to. Think about the responsibilities that come with having sex. First of course, protection. Which today though is not focused on at all since we live is dating app hell and no where do you see folks preaching about safe sex anymore. Sex isn’t something to just jump
into, even though we probably all are guilty of having a fling, its something you need to make sure doesn’t define your relationship. As we see as of late, that guys, and mostly athletes like to jump from woman to woman because according to them, “they have needs.” I will say that fairy-tales and romance movies have ruined a woman’s reality on what true love really is and how to achieve it while porn has ruined a man’s perception on what sex is and isn’t.

People always ask me for advice of just about everything and sex is one of the topics they ask. (No, I’m not a professional but I do play one on TV.) My sassy response to talking about sex and men is usually, I’m not against half naked men. At least not as often as I’d like to be. But seriously, I give it to you straight.

Every 39 minutes a porn video is being created in the US. 89% of porn is created in the US and 35% of all Internet downloads are porn related. Remember, When the VCR made it possible for everyone to watch porn in the privacy of their own home, the industry exploded. Now with the Internet, (Only Fans and even social media) it is out of control!
Not only is porn one of the top selling industries, but also adult toy and sex accessories are a growing second. Which takes me back to talk about about this vibrator I found in Target the other day. First off, it’s remote control. How lazy does one need to be using this thing? They include the batteries for you ( How nice of them!) There are 4 speeds: low, medium, high and ultra. Seriously, if you can’t orgasm to medium or high, then you may want to see someone about that. Trojan markets this as “Perfect for partner play, be in control or let your partner play with you for double the fun!” No offense Trojan, but if a woman had a man to “play with” she is NOT going to need a vibrator – unless her partner sucks in bed.

No guy, I don’t care who he is, deep down does not want a girl that has been with every guy in town. You want to be the girl everyone WANTS, not the girl that everyone HAD. Sex may be easier to get, but love is harder to find. Everyone deserves someone in their life that can leave them breathless just by walking into the room. When you find someone who can open your soul to happiness and show you new ways of love, sex will not just be a motion, but it will be the emotion you will truly desire.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Part 2: Strong Woman, Weak Man

As I left off in the last post, do these guys realize the power of having a strong woman or are they seriously intimidated by one?

Many strong women are confident and exude a masculine energy. It seeps out of a strong woman. She can be spotted in a crowd and recognized as being strong. Usually, strong women are on top of their game and have their affairs precisely in order. They run a tight, efficient ship. Strong women do not tolerate attempts to silence their energy or quiet their spirit. Once a strong woman has a firm hold of the wheel of her own ship, it is very difficult to just hand the wheel to another party. There is a tremendous amount of pressure to step up and lead in the same strength and manner of success as a strong woman. Not all are up to the task. When a man meets a strong independent woman who is smart, can handle herself, makes good money, and can make herself happy, then a man will feel that he’s not needed in the relationship and can’t fulfill his desire to be her hero. But what a man refuses to understand that a woman may not “need” a man but she surely “wants” a man – and that is the simply wanted a man to love and be loved by.

Some men feel incompetent near some women. On the other hand, while men would find the Alpha female attractive, he would really open up to a woman who is not scared of exposing her vulnerable side. He would find the contrast quite interesting. Similarly, women feel safer around men who are not shy of their emotional needs since this trait shows honesty. The truth though that is interesting, is that men, or better yet boys, don’t want to be a strong woman because she won’t put up with his bullshit. He wants a woman who will “allow him” to get away with all his toxic behavior.

I realize that I made deeper friendships only when I opened up and put my honest self out there on the table. That’s when I stopped generalizing people and started viewing them as unique individuals – one of whom was myself. I find vulnerability quite attractive among men especially NFL athletes, and found admiration for both my strength and independence as well as my vulnerability.

If you’re open to a lifelong relationship with an independent, strong woman, we make passionate, fascinating, and confounding partners that keep things fun.

But, we’re not for the weak of heart.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Standards vs Fantasy

When it comes to dating and relationships, why are women ruled by standards while the men are ruled by fantasy?

When ever you are online whether it be, a dating app or social media, all that you see are women with memes, quotes, or posts that claim that they are looking for a specific type of guy that is loyal, caring, compassionate, and so forth. While on the other side of the coin, you see men gawking over how “hot” a woman is or how “hot” a woman needs to be. She needs a big tits, a booty like J-Lo, and curves like the Next Top Model.
Why are women accused of having high standards when it seems as if the men out there have superficial standards?

Writing about relationships for over 15 years I have literally seen it all. Well, that was until Instagram was born. And you now can see that guys, particularly NFL athletes, do not know the difference between a private relationship where people know you are together, they just don’t know your business. Instead it’s the secret relationship, where they never talk about who they are with, letting other girls/women think they have a chance with them, hoping the next “hottie” slides into their DM’s. Regular guys that want to follow suit, yes, model this behavior, have entered the conversation. This behavior is “celebrated” by other guys as I noted in my podcast last week, makes me lose faith that there are guys and NFL athletes for that matter, that really, truly, understand what love is and wants something rare with one woman. Are there guys out there, NFL athletes that want to build something together with that one woman who wants to see them be successful, do they want a woman who will stand by her man especially when the world is against him?

There is a saying, “Behind every successful man, there is a strong woman that helped him get there.”

For a woman to help her man be successful and stay successful, she must have the same winning temperament and at the same time have the love and respect for her man enough to let him shine in public. Such a great woman shares the same vision about the future as her man. Both speaks the same language of leadership, value, and mission. There is an unbreakable bond between a successful man and his woman. No one can come between them. A woman can be behind a man’s success, have impact on him: motivate him, support him, sacrifice for him so he can shine, but is this idea an old concept, like chivalry dying?

Do men in general, not just NFL athletes, only want the arm candy and to sleep with as many girls as humanly possible? Or do these guys realize the power of having a strong woman or are they seriously intimidated by one?

(part 2….. )

Here is the podcast: CLICK LINK

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Sex, Relationships and The NFL

Being that Friday’s episode of “The Recordings of Fan Girl #Sarcasm” will be about this “lovely” topic of conversation I thought, hey, since I am not doing my regular podcast , Sassy Nation tomorrow, let me divulge you all for a moment.

If you bought my best seller, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd Ed” or the follow up, “Relationship Impossible” you read a couple of things:

Online dating is often touted as the solution to dating frustration. You only have to deal with people who meet your standards. Which really, can’t happen because of choice overload. (Too many options for any one person to handle.) All we have are our words and our photos online. Whereas in person we have hundreds of thousands of verbal and non-verbal clues to give us an intuitive grasp of who we’re talking to and whether or not we’re into them long before we go up and introduce ourselves.

There are many NFL players as I have mentioned that use Tinder and other dating apps to meet up with their “hook up” for the night. As I will mention in the podcast on Friday, you have many players that tend to think they are celebrities, act as if they are better than the average person, and then give in the pressures of this “life” to date a “model-type” girl because, let’s face it, they are very superficial. Now, it’s important for me to mention NOT EVERY NFL player does this- there are some that have morals, values, and are just great down-to-Earth guys. But, I ain’t talking about those guys here. I am talking about the guys that treat women as if they are sex-objects and then complain on social media that they are “gold-diggers” when they created the bandwagon themselves.

Some NFL players have created this image of this “ideal” woman, so when regular women; regular, wonderful, real women fall short, they reject them. That way they never
have to settle down and then everyone can still feel sorry about poor, lonely you.
And they have NO idea just what BAD position they end up putting themselves when they A) use a dating app for a 1 night stand and B) when they buy a girl their attention.

As you will see, online dating isn’t what you think it is anymore. Yes, you may have stories of people who know someone who has met online, but that doesn’t mean that it actually works. What that means is that, that person you know just was lucky enough to meet someone with whom they think they click with. It doesn’t mean that the relationship is going to last either. All it means is that after searching online, that person decided to settle down with someone. With STD’s up 75% and sex offenders using dating sites at an all-time high, if you really want to meet someone, stop putting forth the effort online, and actually go out there and meet people. Network, volunteer, join a church group, go to a coffee shop, sporting event, etc. The point being is, the more you take yourself into real, actual situations, the better chance you have at actually meeting, “ the one.”

The first thing you see online is someone’s profile picture and dating profile. Not only can they post fake pictures, there have been people who post pictures of what they looked like five years ago! They also can tell you they love life when in fact they complain about just about everything. When you meet someone in person, they can’t pretend they don’t really look like that. There’s no fake picture or who they truly are. You can’t read body language through the computer.

Any site that “claims” to be able to match you to your perfect mate if you fill out all 60 questions, is a hoax. There is NO scientific evidence that backs up these algorithms. If they claim that their scientific algorithms work, why do you need to spend 9 -12 months to find someone with whom you should totally click with right away?

When it comes to love it seems we are at the mercy of our biochemistry. First there is a lust, then an attraction, then love. If we get down to the science, attraction happens in the first 30 seconds. You can’t do that online. Dating online is totally different. Two Words: Choice Overload. Not only are there way too many people on these sites, but you would have to have gone out on 100 dates before you actually have chosen your “perfect match.” Now seriously who has time to not only read through all those profiles, but who has actually gone out with 100 people they have met online?

When you go on a search for love, you are looking to settle. But when you let love find you and unexpectedly, you find the person who is meant for you. Online dating is good for one thing, banging and the quick fix while going out and meeting people the traditional way is for those who want the real thing and refuse to settle. You have to show people you are emotionally available to connect and online you can’t feel or see that connection at all. Not only do you connect emotionally faster in person, but pheromones are known to be involved in sexual attraction and during the most fertile time in her menstrual cycle, a woman gives off a different scent which may make her more attractive to potential male suitors. How can you do that online?

We use Yelp to check which restaurant to go to. Pick movies using another app. We are so anxious to control the outcomes that we are unable to take any real risks. We don’t see Andrew or Andrea as people on dating sites, we see Andrew or Andrea, the 70% perfect match. We don’t see them as people, we see them as objects.

A study found that positive personality traits actually increase perceived facial attractiveness. So if you are just basing your choice on looks, you maybe choosing in correctly. When you find someone to date traditionally, you already can see or get a glimpse of that person’s personality while online you are only going by what they are telling you.

When you meet people traditionally, you typically see them in a social context, such as how they interact with workmates, friends and family members. Online is made of words and images.

Researchers estimate that 25% of rapists found people to assault through online dating services and being scammed in person is less likely than online. Online dating is great if you want a casual fling, but not for anything longer lasting because there are so many dishonest people seeking cheap thrills. If a situation arises, you can split fast and a click here or there, you have your next fling. Marriage is down 50% because everyone is falling for the, “Your perfect match can be found on this website,” crap. All that time you “try” and get to know someone online, you could be actually physically getting to know someone you met in person.

With the discussion on dating, it’s not just about love, marriage and then the baby carriage. It’s about finding someone with whom you can foresee yourself spending the rest of your life with, sharing visions and dreams, as well as the possibility for raising up children together. It should not be about finding the “perfect” partner, because there is no such thing. Instead it should be about finding someone who knows that they are lucky to have you. Relationships are a full time job, don’t apply if you aren’t ready.

Most don’t even know HOW the apps actually work:

For example, eHarmony’s system is flawed because it relies on conclusions from married couples and a fundamental premise that similar people will be happy together in the long-term. But married couples often project similarities onto one another and adopt similar interests over time, so those are the results of a relationship rather than what inspires them in the first place. As for Match.com and other dating apps, they gather information like hobbies and interests the same way that Netflix does. They do not gather any information that is related to what will make a user happy in a relationship.

Tinder and Hinge work differently. Essentially, Tinder used an Elo rating system, which is the same method used to calculate the skill levels of chess players: You rose in the ranks based on how many people swiped right on (“liked”) you, but that was weighted based on who the swiper was. The more right swipes that person had, the more their right swipe on you meant for your score. Finally, when there was enough people on Tinder and Hinge, the AL based solely on the ways users select many of the same profiles as other users who are similar to them, and the way one user’s behavior can predict another’s, without ranking people in an explicitly competitive way. So, the longer you’re on an app, the worse the options get. You’ll see Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, PlentyofFish, they all do recycling of people with whom you already said NO to.

This means that people may unknowingly skip over potential mates for the wrong reasons. The person you see on paper doesn’t translate neatly to a real, live human being, and there’s no predicting or accounting for the chemistry you might feel with a person whose online profile was the opposite of what you thought you wanted. Offline, that kind of attraction would spark organically.

Take a close look on Instagram and you will get a sense of which girls have created a “fake persona,” to gather attention, while the real, down to Earth girls show their
true character online. For a relationship to stay you need character. Personality is a superficial connect, whereas with character, you look for connection. So for a long term relationship, there has to be a shift from a superficial level to a deeper level –

You don’t need the internet for that.

We will discuss Friday: CLICK HERE FOR THE PODCAST

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Playing With The Boys

As a girl who loves football, I hear guys say it all the time:

“I have no idea what I’m talking about”
“Football is for the boys”
“Girls have no idea about what it takes to be a quarterback or play period”
“You’re just a fan girl…”

With that said here’s what I know:

There isn’t a position that comes with more pressure, demand or expectations than the guy playing under center each week.

Accuracy, anticipation, footwork, pocket presence, athleticism, decision making, mental toughness are seven traits that are must-haves; which makes a quarterback very intriguing to watch.

There’s offense plays I like, and there’s offense plays I don’t.

We’ll start to unwrap it in the Spring of 2022 with a podcast, book and a blog.

Here’s the podcast to listen to what is coming —> CLICK

TO watch the video announcement — > CLICK

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

With Love All Is Possible

This is the time of year that most believe in miracles and believe in love. This is also the time of year that sadly, most don’t. They don’t believe in reason for the season. They don’t believe that we all have a purpose and they don’t believe in others either.

Recently I saw an Instagram story from an athlete that basically said, “Don’t trust nobody!” And I thought to myself, how sad is that? But if this athlete is going to preach about God, does that mean he doesn’t trust God, his wife, his teammates, his kids?
Sometimes God is disguised as people on Earth and he speaks through people. If you’re telling others not to trust anybody that that means that you don’t trust God either.

Usually people who have had a traumatic past experience are the ones who stop trusting other people. Trust issues can be associated with depression, anxiety, fear of abandonment and attachment issues. They can stem from abuse, social rejection or just having low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem are less likely to trust others. Which is ironic that this particular athlete always preaches about believing in yourself. Sometimes, though on social media people post things subconsciously to try and pick themselves up and not others. Even though their posts inspire other people the point of the post was to help make themselves believe what they are putting out there and were never intended to inspire others.

Some people have unrealistic expectations. The higher the expectations the more likely it is they won’t be met. Trust usually isn’t something people openly talk about or address in relationships until it’s been broken, and by then it’s often too late to salvage the relationship or the breach of trust seems too big to overcome. Trust is the foundation for your relationship and the key to love. When you trust your partner, then you feel secure that they won’t leave in difficult times. Trust and love go together as does loyalty. Without trust there is no love, and without loyalty there is no trust. Because love and trust so often go together, navigating relationships with people that we still love but no longer trust can be very difficult.

I don’t want to live with a bitter heart or a closed heart. I want to live with an open heart. And yes, will I get hurt? Sure. But that risk is worth it because love is worth it. All kinds of love require trust which is a quality found in people and not necessarily in relationships. People you can trust have integrity and do what they say they will do. A trustworthy person does not lie, manipulate, or deceive and this makes love possible.

I believe that you can fall for anyone, even without knowing them completely. You should first spend some time knowing the person, understanding them and deciding whether you can trust that person or not. Listen to your heart because your heart will never lie to you while your mind will play games. Trust to me is knowing I am totally responsible for and can be counted on me at all times. If I am trustworthy, I will trust others. Trust is the foundation of loving another human being.

How do you know when someone really loves you?

If you find they want to spend almost every minute of free time with you. If they always compliment you, no matter what. They care about the little things that make your day better. When somebody truly cares about somebody else, love evolves into something physical and mental that needs to be shared with the one person who takes up nearly all their thoughts and time.

As humans we are programmed to need relationships; they’re essential for our survival emotionally and physically. Relationships keep us grounded which in turn helps us stay sane in this chaotic world. But not all of us are lucky enough to find someone who loves us unconditionally. Some people don’t even know what love truly means. Love is not the materialistic things, as some would think, it’s the moments we share with that particular person that makes us feel together and whole. You value their personality and want their friendship. Love does make us do crazy things at time, but it’s that deep affection and admiration that we feel towards another person that makes us know that we found our “soulmate” There is a warmth in your heart, an inner peace you can feel. No words need to be spoken. It is not just unconditional love, but unconditional acceptance.

So as we march on in this Christmas season, remember this, loving someone, is about giving them the space to be themselves. If you are perfectly happy with their flaws and love them for who they are, then you have found a soulmate. Soulmates actually come into our lives to challenge us and help us grow in a way that serves us and moves us forward. We can often miss out on the opportunities to be challenged by someone else the universe has sent because that person wasn’t sent to us as we hoped or the way we thought they would be sent to us.

Again, love, trust, loyalty. Without one, we don’t have the other. The three in this day in age are rare. And if you are lucky enough to find all three, count your blessings.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

The Recordings Of A Fangirl #sarcasm

I hate the term “Fangirl.”

I also hate it when girls are called groupies or for those girls who love hockey, they are called “puckbunnies.”

It’s not a compliment.

So “Fangirl” or “fangirling” is not, in and of itself a sexist term. Nor does a man using it guarantee it is meant as anything other than a description. Can it be sexist? Sure. It can be meant dismissively or as a slur. I’ve seen women trash talk “fanboys” as well.

Intent is definitely the main part of the equation. If a guy looks at a panel room, a bar full of girls watching a game and shakes his head while muttering “fangirls” …yeah, he’s probably being sexist.

I always feel the need to defend myself when that term is used to pigeon-hole me. Why? Haven’t you heard? Fangirls are crazy, obsessive, desperate, shallow, hysterical females, who only care about the attractiveness of the athletes in question. What would they know about sports?

I have developed a podcast called, “The Recordings Of A Fangirl #Sarcasm” to talk about girlie things, sports, dating, athletes, and my usual sassy rants are part of it. These will be a bonus if you subscribe to my podcast “Sassy Nation”

Here are the links:

The latest podcast: CLICK HERE

The 1st episode of The Recordings of A Fangirl #Sarcasm: CLICK HERE

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Podcast part 2: Excerpts from Relationship Impossible

Listen to another exciting excerpt reading of my recently released book, “Relationship Impossible”.

UPDATE: The paperback is on the way to Amazon in 4-6 weeks and then in August the paperback will make it’s way to Barnes and Noble dot com.

Here’s the lowdown on dating sites: Every dating site has an algorithm that they use in matching people together. It is not “fate” that helps you meet the person, it is artificial intelligence. Match and the other apps use the same type of recommendation system used by Netflix or Facebook, taking your past behaviors (and the behavior of others) into account to predict what you’ll like next. LISTEN NOW!

Here’s the link for the PODCAST —-> CLICK Here

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Excerpt From “Relationship Impossible” – part 1

Abuse isn’t always obvious. Here are some red flags that everyone reading this should know and note:

  • Call you names and put you down
  • Call or text you throughout the day to check on you
  • Keep you from friends or family
  • Control your $
  • Threaten to hurt you, himself/herself, your pet or loved one
  • Hit, Kick, Push, Punch, Slap, Pinch, Choke or Bite you
  • Destroy property or throw things
  • Tell you who you can see or what job you can have
  • Tell you how to dress Act overly jealous
  • Withhold medication or health care
  • Make you have sex or do sexual acts that you don’t want to do
  • Threaten to “out” you if you are gay or lesbian
  • Constantly criticize Embarrass you Blame you for everything – including the abusive behavior
    • What usually happens after this happens the first time is that the victim makes statements like: “My partner isn’t violent all the time – they love me” “Things will get better – they didn’t mean it” “Maybe it’s my fault” “I’m scared of what will happen if I leave them” And the abuse continues.
    • Remember, most relationships start off with each person acting their best and seeing the other with rose-colored glasses. It never starts off on an abusive note.-

I discuss this more in my new book, “Relationship Impossible” which can be preordered now on Amazon. Click here to order now!

More excerpts to come!

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

The Wait Is Over!

The wait is OVER! Pre-order #Ebook form only: “Relationship Impossible”

What people don’t realize about dating apps in general is that you need a lot of swipes to get a match, a lot of matches to get a number, a lot of numbers to get a date and a lot of dates to get a third date.
Dating sites are good at baiting people to try them out. They lie about how many active members they truly have, use fake profiles….. But, remember, just because it is popular, doesn’t mean it actually works!
In this book, we will divide in, head first, on the hook-up culture, dating apps, social media, and also discuss some serious topics such a dating violence, gaslighting, ghosting, stalking, and more.

We will also discuss professional athletes and their use of social media and dating apps.

*** Those who pre-order the book will have a chance to WIN FREE coffee from my coffee brand that I am launching ****

CLICK HERE TO PREORDER