Every Summer Has A Story

Its that time of year again when I am reminded that, “”In every girl’s life, there’s a boy she’ll never forget & a summer when it all began.” Love may start in Spring, but it evolves in Summer.

For me, I can remember way back when to the first summer love I had, in fifth grade. His name was Michael. He was the new boy in class and at first I did not like him at all. (Love/Hate relationships are always intense) He would drive me absolutely crazy by constantly shaking his pen when it ran out of ink. (Like shaking your pen is going to help!) So I came up with an idea to write him a note and tell him just how annoying he truly was. The only problem was that his older cousin was in eighth grade and when she found out that I wrote him a note and told him that if he didn’t stop it, I was going to then throw my pen at him, she kindly told me to cut it out.

And that is when the romance began.

We got to know each other so much so that he even sang to me at lunch one of those inappropriate George Michael songs. Once June came around and school was out, that is when our romance really took off. He would call me and we would hang out, but sadly like every fling, things ended the following year. Okay, so that is not necessarily a summer romance, and yeah, I was eleven, but its got to start somewhere for everyone.

Years later, when I was a junior going to be a senior in high school, that is when another “Mike” came into the picture. He was one year older than me and would visit his best friend who lived near me. That is when I came up with a dance group with all the girls that lived in my neighborhood and they danced my choreography that I created to all the hot songs of the 90’s. He would sit in his car and watch. When I would walk by his car he would stare and smile at me, and I literally felt like I was going to melt!

This particular story brings up even more memories that I won’t get into now, but trust me, some of those memories I am fond of while others are heartbreaking.

So what is the deal with summer, romance, flings, and love?

The summer time is when love seems to rear its head and capture our imagination. During the summer, we feel free, we feel the promise of being able to forget what has happened so far and the promise of starting over. Its a time when also, people want to show off all the winter weight they have lost, so people are actually more attractive in the summer then any other season.

The other reason why the summer time brings out the beast called love is because we get to meet people we never have seen before. Do you all remember the movie, “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” and ho she met her fling, turned romance while on vacation? (Yes, its just a movie, but it does really happen!) We are more open to being impulsive, the sunshine is also brighter, we are happier, and the chance of turning a hot day into a steamy night is greater.

Ever hear the saying, “Live it up?” During the summer, that is mostly everyone’s motto.

So how can you have a summer fling turned romance?

The number one way is to GET OFF YOUR PHONE and GO OUT and enjoy life. Seriously, we are becoming too attached to shopping for humans with a swipe of a thumb that when we are out in our every day world, we don’t look at people as potential dating partners at all. We could be passing up a wonderful person and not really even realize that!
Yes, if you met someone even on Twitter, take that relationship offline.
There’s BBQs, bonfires, beaches, lakes, boardwalks, street fairs, etc. the point being is that everyone is outdoors doing their thing, why aren’t you out there flirting it up?

Get adventurous. Do something that you usually don’t do. Put yourself in a situation where you have to meet people- cross something off your bucket list. There are road trips, parks, and places that you can meet folks inside and outside.

Do you have someone in mind that you would like to even possibly date in the summer; this is the TIME TO ASK HIM/HER out! The summer time is the best time to get to know someone since mostly EVERYONE is more relaxed and less stressed. SO go for it… ask that person out. Now, speaking as a female, I prefer to have the guy ask me out, (been there, done that asking a guy out thing) and I am to the one to do the flirting first thing.

If really want the summer fling to last and turn it into the romance of your year or ultimately the one you end up with forever, the two things you need to remember are:

You need to express how you feel. There seems to be some unwritten rule that says summer flings have an expiration date and that we just assume the romance needs to be over with. But if you don’t ask or tell the person how you feel, you may actually be letting go of the person you were meant to be with forever!

The second thing you need to do is include him/her into your everyday after-summer- is -over life. He/She needs to see you, talk to you,when the beach days are over with and the colder weather starts to creep on in. But lets not dwell on this yet, for the summer is only starting and the promise of romance is in the air!

Two cheers to the summer and the potential of remembering a summer that began with a look, a smile, and a kiss.

Friends, Benefits, Lovers: The Vicious Cycle

Why does it seem that women use sex as a tool/reward/weapon in relationships to get what they want, in order to get their way while men do just the opposite?

(Some) men use love as bait to get sex from women, while (some) women use sex as bait to get love from men. Go figure, right? And they somehow think that this is a “relationship.” Yes, I have heard the term, “Friends with Benefits,” but I can tell you that just because there is a term, it’s not actually what is happening.

Every “friends with benefits” relationship that I have heard about, has always ended on a sour note. Women process sex through emotions while men process it through the physical aspect. Mostly, they go “through the motions” especially when it’s with someone they are not emotionally connected too. This is where that whole game of giving the other person what he/she wants, never ends up turning into what we planned in the first place.

Look at how some women try to get attention these days and the poor saps that fall for it hook, line and sinker.

You have women who dress sexy to get attention and when you point it out they say something stupid like, “I do it because it makes me feel good about myself to look good,” but they are total hypocrites because they only dress that way when they are purposely trying to get a guy’s attention. Yes, confidence is important if you want to succeed in life. And its important to feel good about one self, but it is necessary to dress or limit what you wear just to get attention? They dress in revealing clothing, then get upset when their objective is met…men/women staring at them. Give me a break! And you see all the selfies on social media with women who are HALF-naked and all the men’s comments underneath it… please STOP.

It gets annoying because some of us actually don’t want to be looked at as a sex object. Some of us females wants to be able to dress nice or wear that mini skirt because its the style, we like the designer or we want to wear it just because.

There’s a BIG difference between classy and trashy that most females today forget.

Then there are the men and athletes who are insecure, hungry for attention, want their egos boosted every chance in hell they get, so they use something that is precious to a female, love, to bait them into giving them what they truly want: sex.

Some men actually think that it’s okay if they use a woman to gain whatever it is from them. So they “fake” the relationship up to the point where you give in to their sexual advances and of a sudden that guy is “history.” GUYS: Save your games for family fun nights…..NOT Relationships!

It’s important for me to note that NOT ALL men and women are this way. But you will always have a case of a girl who is an attention-whore and in that case the guy who falls for her crap. Now, I have used the term “gold-digger” before and I will tell you athletes this: If a woman/girl is dressing in a certain way to get your attention and that is how she gets your attention, that is a red flag. A woman who enjoys your company, who makes you a better person, wants you to be successful, and makes you feel like you are on top of the world, and does not expect you to buy her expensive shit; that woman, is not a gold digger and I bet you met her when she was “clothed” – that’s the difference.

I don’t think its right for anyone, male or female, to lure a person into believing that they like them to the point where they feel there are having a relationship, when in reality they are just using them. Relationships take time and they are hard to find in this world. Where as today, so many people treat others like they’re as disposable as diapers.

So how can you tell when a guy or girl is actually interested in you- for you and not just as part of a conquering list? (Remember how in my last blog post, I told you that NFL players think it’s a flex to be with many girls?)

The easiest answer to that question is this; Every once in awhile, someone comes along that makes you realize-it is worth it. The best relationships happen unexpectedly. We never realize the power of a single human being until one comes along and conquers our heart. When you force yourself to fall in love or be with someone you are setting up yourself to fall and to fall short of the relationship you deserve. A “Friends with benefits’ relationship is telling you that you’re good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to invest feelings in. Real love is knowing someone’s weaknesses and not taking advantage of them. A true relationship is when you can tell each other anything and everything. No secrets and no lies.

Remember, a good relationship is worth the wait.

Relationship Impossible available now as a paperback and ebook on Amazon.

Guys, Stop Doing This When Dating

The following videos will give you some context as to what I am talking about but I as always will list things that guys do that are complete turn offs in the dating world. And even athletes of every sport does this more so NFL players… ( Updated below – which athlete would I date? )

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If you didn’t take a quick look at the videos I posted in this blog, go ahead and look at them and then come back to read the following. Here is a list of what guys do that turn off women ( notice I didn’t say girls) when they are interested in someone and / or want to date them.

  1. Being ghosted or ignored. One of the key ways most women judge how important they are to their partner is by how much attention they get from him. IF all you are going to do is ONLY contact her WHEN you want something from her, and you aren’t going to pay any attention to her at any other time- that’s a turn off.
  2. Guys worry more about their swagger. Men who talk a big game but can’t follow through don’t rank high on the attractive meter either. We don’t need to see you root for our favorite team, or show us photos of you working out and all that muscle, when the truth is, we don’t want the guy with the biggest and the best of everything. And we don’t want a guy to “fake” it either.
  3. Dating numerous women at one time. Simply put, women like men who are respectful enough to pretend they don’t notice other women (even when they do). Not following all the bikini girls on social media is also a plus I might add.
  4. Poor grooming habits. While sweaty athletes may initially turn a woman on, getting closer to the body odors that accompany them is another story. Most men want women to keep up with their appearance, so it’s fair to say that women don’t want men with pot bellies, dirty fingernails, rumpled clothes and disheveled hair, okay?
  5. Finally, Pick up lines. Why guys STILL use these is a mystery to me. A sense of humor and being sarcastic is one thing, but using these corny and somewhat offensive pick up lines… turns a woman completely off. Remember, playing games is a complete turn off. Just be your authentic self. Either you want to date her or you don’t, we don’t have time for fun and games.

Here is a list of what guys do WHILE they are dating a woman that is a turn off:

  1. They complain that their girlfriends need to lose weight.
    This here is what we call a dick move. Why are you with this person if you don’t already find them sexually desirable? Is your desire based entirely on appearance? Is your relationship based entirely on sexual desire? Or are you talking about this because you’re concerned about what other people think of your partner? If so, you’re shallow. As is Marlon Humphrey on the Ravens. (He tweeted ” How do you ask your GF to lose weight?” I can tell you that he’s not the ONLY NFL player that cares more about a woman’s looks than anything else…
    By the way, this is when a guy treats his girlfriend as a toy. If your toy isn’t making you happy anymore, do her a favor and get a new one so it can move on to someone who will treat her like a human being and want an actual relationship. Not someone who only wants a Barbie doll.
  2. Being lazy and relying on your girlfriend to always make the plans. The minute she starts to think, ” Why I am going to all this trouble,” is the moment that your relationship is sinking. For me, a guy should be equal in planning what we are doing, it should not always be up to me to decide.
  3. Even though you are dating, Being touched without consent is a turn off for women, I can guarantee it. Yes, there are times when we want to cuddle, want to touch you, want you to touch us, but knowing that line is the most important. For example, during our periods, we want to me left alone.
  4. Being overly cocky and close-minded. If you shut her down when she argues your point, it is not a good look. I dated a guy once who was too into me. I know it sounds conceited, but he was. He would constantly throw compliments my way and act like we were married. Learn some humility, and you might have a shot. Stick to being pompous and you’ll be a turn off for women everywhere.
  5. Not giving space- being too needy. Dating works when BOTH parties are ALLOWED to have THEIR lives and YOUR life together. You can’t be together 24/7- you need to have a little breathing room. Guys should be able to hang with their friends, girls should be able to hang with theirs, and everyone needs time alone. This is how you make the relationship work. Even married people need to have their own lives! You have to find the balance of the relationship, if you don’t you will end up alone.

*** As I stated in my recent podcast in a heartbeat I would date Ryan Lindgren of The NY Rangers. Why? His Character. Right now he is showing how he puts his teammates ahead of himself and he is playing in pain. The fact that he makes Adam Fox better and he makes the team play better. The fact that he has played with heart and soul, is down right attractive. Now, I’m not a chick who likes a big beard, but yes, Ryan is one hell of a sexy beast. But what makes him sexy isn’t his eyes, looks, no… it’s his character and there are SO many athletes that don’t show this at all. I wish we could clone him.
So see guys, it isn’t the amount of muscle you have, money you have or the amount of swagger you have that is what we want in a guy, we want a great character guy. One that shows exactly what Ryan is showing now and has all season long. And that is something that you can’t buy. ***

NFL athletes, dating, and mamma’s boys….

It’s an exciting time for a college athlete when they are drafted by an NFL team. Their dream of playing in the NFL is now coming to life. During this year’s past NFL draft we saw many guys that had their dreams come true and we also saw some guys get drafted by their hometown teams. Imagine not only getting drafted but also getting drafted by the team you rooted for or the team in the same state as your college! That must feel surreal.

But there has to come a point when their moms realize that their “little boys” are no longer seen as “little boys” and that they are seen as men. Last year’s draft pick Zach Wilson of the Jets has a wonderful relationship with his mom, he does, but this past weekend he was going to surprise her and fly home form Mother’s Day but she was in Florida with I would assume, her daughter’s All-Star Cheerleading team. I mean, hey, if that doesn’t tell you that he appreciates his mom, nothing will. But here’s my problem:

Check out what she wrote in her IG story:

Notice that she said, “My cute Zach…” Um, okay, Mrs. Wilson, he’s not 5 anymore, he’s WAY more than five…. calling him “cute” is okay when he was younger but he’s a GROWN man who plays in the NFL… calling him cute makes he look like a mamma’s boy and trust me, no guy in the NFL wants to be teased for that. Yes, he loves you, but he’s a man. Calling him cute on a public forum as he’s mom…. (insert not amused emoji)

Which brings me to the dating topic of conversation. Actually, it’s two-parts.
1) Guys that are “supposed” to be seen as tough guys, ya know, the ones in the NFL, can not be seen as mamma’s boys. Period. Yes, it is a sweet gesture to see them buy their moms houses, cars, etc, but that’s where the line is drawn. Should it be? That’s a different question, buy guys are picked on in the locker room about lots of things. Zach has come off as a guy that looks uncomfortable when his team mates are doing stupid high school shit, (AKA crushing up beer cans on your forehead, or the latest stupid video of the guys who were drafted last year videoing a message to the rookies – which really looked high school-ish.) Not only does he look uncomfortable doing some of those type things, and seriously who wouldn’t, but he looks uncomfortable at the podium talking to the press at times. Now would be a great time to tell you all that girls/women DO NOT WANT to DATE a mamma’s boy- EVER! We don’t want to have to have our relationship be interfered with due to him trying to please his mom over us. Also, we ain’t going to do all the mom shit for you either, in case you were wondering.

2) As I talk about dating, if you missed my podcast last week… The recordings of a fan girl #sarcasm I brought up the fact that when a guy/girl gets dumped they are the ones who go to gym to get a “new body” as a revenge to the person who dumped them. It’s not secret that Zach broke up with his girlfriend, Abbey. Well, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that after they broke up he started getting ripped.
Here’s the picture of him now:

Of course most of the Jets fans are making a big deal of this but seriously, the only reason he looks like this is because his girlfriend broke up with him. She stills looks the same FYI. AND whenever ANYONE says that the break up was “mutual,” trust me, it wasn’t. One party decided that they wanted to break up, and the other party just went along with it. The worse thing to EVER do is to go back to an Ex. Seriously, they call them ex’s for a reason.

One more thing about NFL players and seeing these guys do these intense diets and workouts. If you notice about the NFL 15 years ago, guys weren’t obsessed the same way they are now. And if you notice, guys 15 years ago didn’t get hurt as much as they do now simply because they did not fuel their bodies with only protein, which is the worst thing to do! I have a client who has a protein diet and with that diet they are told NOT to workout that much. Yes, you read that correctly. These guys work out like I have never seen, out all these protein / whey powders in their bodies… and then get hurt. Seriously, it is something to think about since their careers are not a given when it comes to injuries. Finally, let me say this about NFL players “claiming” that they treat their bodies like a temple. If that were true, they wouldn’t use tinder or any other dating app, and put STD’s in their bodies by having unprotected one night stands. And even with a condom… why would you waste that energy on someone who doesn’t matter to you and who isn’t meant to be in your life? If you gonna use Twitter to preach it, y’all better be living it.

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For Sale: A Little Black Dress

In 2022 we all still having dating backwards and confused about “rules” we each have to follow. Men are told that they are the hunters and that they have to hunt based on superficial things. While women are seen as pieces of meat and can’t be aggressive, independent or self-sufficient. Women “need” a man, they can not just “want” a man.
Men can’t call or text a girl he likes after the first date for about three days, because that will make him seems “overzealous” and “too interested,” (God forbid he seems interested in her!) Also, a man needs to use a lame pick up line in order to start a damn freaking conversation, because they ain’t built that way! Heaven Forbid they have a regular conversation with a girl and then at the end of the conversation, give her his number!? Women can not make the first move, because that is a “man’s” job and she can not me too independent because the man is suppose to “provide” for her.
This here lies the problem: Why are folks so freaking caught up in “rules” and looking to Tiktok and Instagram for “dating advice” when the answer is seriously easy?

I’m going to give you the secret to why all the good women are still single and how a guy screws this up time and time again. Ready for the secret? Okay.

If guys would seriously STOP with their unrealistic view that women have to look a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain way, y’all wouldn’t be single today. First off, the difference between a woman who acts fake and is real is so easy to tell – too bad most men are illiterate and can’t read. If a woman ONLY cares about how much money you spend on her on a date, where you take her, if you buy her gifts (or don’t) then she is NOT into you for the RIGHT reason. But if a woman enjoys your company, wants to have light conversations with you, doesn’t expect you to pay for EVERYTHING and is her goofy self right off the bat, then that is who she REALLY is and you should EMBRACE that!

The problem with guys is that they want to girl who “needs” them, not the girl who “wants” them and yeah, there is a BIG difference. Men who think it’s there “duty” to take care of her with everything, almost all the time choose the wrong partner while the man who chooses the girl who wants him, supports him and appreciates him is not the girl chosen half the time. Men who treat women as pieces of meat are the guys who are out there that complain about women. Women complain about men and their attitudes and the fact that they think they are the prey and can’t go after a guy or have to be a with a guy who is going to “take care of her” –

Women today don’t need a man to take care of them – we need a man who is going to just be himself, support us, as we support him, cheer him on, as he cheers us on, and just love being with us – period.

I’m so tired of having to pretend to be “needy” and need a hero to save me when in fact I’m my own hero, I can save myself. That shouldn’t be something that a man should be intimidated with, but instead celebrate. At the end of the day, we girls just want to be looked at as real people, not the ones who need the little black dress to seduce you into thinking that we are a fantasy, but that no matter if we are a size 2 or a size 12, have blonde hair or black hair, if we have a big butt or a small one, we are worth it and valued for our character and our personality. Looks fade, but that other shit lasts forever. If you want that woman who is going to love you regardless, and who is going to treat you right, then start focusing on what really matters. I am sure then you will find yourself a girl that a keeper.

Woman Gets Duped On A Dating App

Am I supposed to be shocked at this headline? It’s 2022 and women STILL haven’t learned how toxic, full of scams, and sexually-hungry dating apps are?

The story goes like this: A young woman thought she had met someone so incredibly special and talked online for many months and have fallen in love with him. So the next step is naturally to meet in person. She packed up her life and moved to Singapore to be with him and when she got there; she got the shock of her life: He was married! I though, am not shocked. This type of story happens A LOT!
Studies suggest that dating apps can make people feel more insecure about their appearance and bodies – and even become depressed. Studies have shown that the same areas of the brain that become activated when we experience physical pain are also activated when we experience rejection. Dating apps have turned dating into an “addictive game.” It’s now considered shopping for humans with the swipe of a thumb.

We bench (put a potential partner on hold in case we find someone better), breadcrumb (lead someone on), and ghost (use a fake profile to spy on their Instagram stories) which can seriously make someone want to vomit at the thought of dating. People have start realizing that dating apps are not for real connections, but for quickie ones. Dating apps are the drug that helps the boost the ego quickly and there we have created another narcissistic human thinking that as long as we get “high” on love we’re good.

Is it finally time to go back to finding love the old-fashioned way or can we still use technology as a way to build those connections we so badly want to build?

We’ve spent the best part of two years stuck behind screens which were steered by algorithms, so taking matters into our own hands feels exciting. That does not mean that we need to disembark technology all together. Social media is a great place to meet people of all backgrounds, yet is is still misused and most don’t understand how to use it in a positive way. When you have more conversation with the same person over and over again you start to build trust. Trust then build a relationship. You never know what you can learn about someone through conversation. I’m not saying that you should look at social media as a “dating pool” but in terms of finding people in which you have similar likes and views, it’s a great start if you still want to use technology to get to know people you otherwise probably wouldn’t meet in the real world. I still believe that meeting people and talking to people is the best way to know if that person is “the one” for you. The old saying is 100% true’ “Never judge a book by its cover.” And on social media and dating apps, you have to always remember, sometimes people cover up who they truly are, that’s why it’s best to get to know someone, meet them, talk with them; and let your gut intuition tell you if they are for real or not. You can’t tell that over text. You can’t tell that on a post or an app. At the end of the day, a relationship will not last if the couple doesn’t share a mutual bond on every level, including as individuals. Feeling your partner was committed to the relationship for the long haul and how appreciative you are of your mate were the largest predictors of relationship satisfaction.

And remember, it’s never a good idea to settle for someone who doesn’t provide the level of affection and passion that you want – no matter what that is. Relationships are not about playing games. They’re about mature and honest communication; don’t be afraid to have one.

Why are women choosing to be single?

The number of women who are choosing this lifestyle has been growing long before we had to deal the pandemic. And long before we had to endure the last two and half years, single women had to deal with two labels: spinster and old maid.

There are many reasons we no longer use these terms: For starters its misogynist undertones and double standards can’t be ignored no matter how hard you try. A man, who choose the single life is called “A Bachelor” and they ever have a stupid show that celebrates that with it scripted of him having to make out with twenty five women in order to find “the one.”
The thing that I learned over the past two and half years is that, never marrying or taking a long-term partner is a valid choice but it is still sneered at as a woman who can’t “get a man,” when that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s not that a woman “can’t get a man,” trust me, it’s that hard to do that. But she’s single because she is STILL waiting for a REAL man to SHOW up! There’s no point in dating and wasting your time and energy on a guy, “just to prove to others that you are desirable.” Why so many women think that they need to prove to co-workers, friends and family that they can date and will date is the stupidest shit ever!

Most women need to learn HOW to be SINGLE first, before they can enter the dating world and they don’t like to hear that. I know so many ladies out there that have this “need” to date and can’t see themselves as single. It’s like a curse – and then they go ahead and date the jerk just to say they are dating but then complain that he is a jerk!

And with dating apps and folks in such a hurry to get into ANY relationship in 2022, it’s sad to see women thinking that they aren’t strong enough to WAIT for the REAL DEAL to make an entrance- not the prince in shining armor, that ship sailed years ago. Why can’t women realize a) how strong they are and b) worth it to wait for that guy who sees what they bring to the table?
Women not only have to deal with PMS, periods and then menopause. They have to deal with still not making the same about of money as a man, but yet doing the same amount of work as a man. Women still have to deal with hearing their friends who are married and have kids ask them, “Don’t you want a family of your own?” Or worse- having to deal with family members who say things like, “I always saw you with having kids, isn’t that still something you want?” Men NEVER get asked those questions… EVER! yeah sure a man when he reaches forty and unwed may have to deal with his mom telling him to “grow up and settle down,” but if that guy has siblings and they have already given that mom grand-kids, he really is in the clear.

Being single myself, I am DONE with dating JUST to date. ( All the hook ups, one nighters) I rather focus on myself and accomplishing career goals while I wait for an actual REAL man to come my way. I find that younger guys are more in tuned with wanting to build something and aren’t afraid to be with a successful woman, whereas a man over the age of thirty-five is more threatened by a strong and successful woman. (My age range is from 23 (and yes, if you are a guy turning 23… ) -30 for all those who are interested to know and have asked me. If you want to know what else I am looking for a man, DM me on Twitter or Instagram, and I will tell you. ) Guys who are older than thirty-five are pretty much established in their work and in their lives – they are uninteresting, and have premeditated views on women that are not so pretty. Whereas the guys 23-30, are not established, have so much zest, zeal for life and are open to possibilities. There’s a lot I can bring to the table in a relationship with a younger guy. For starters, if we’re dating, I want to be your second priority. I want your first priority to be you, your ambitions, your life and your future, because seeing you happy makes me happy. Seeing you succeed pushes me to succeed. Finding happiness and security alone, are crucial to finding it together.
Your time and energy is better spent with people who make the effort to pay it back or forward. We laugh at people who still use Windows 95, but we cling to opinions we formed in 1995. It’s 2022, it’s time to be more open to women who are strong, independent, not afraid to speak her mind, and are open to sharing new possibilities with a man who sees what an older woman brings to table is undeniably something that can’t be found with girls in their twenties.

Some people are settling, some people are settling down, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than the real deal.

So, Are you feeling Lucky today?

I’m the type of gal who LOVES shopping at Target. Yes, folks, I am addicted to shopping at Target. (Seriously, what gal isn’t though?) But I had no freaking idea that Target was now selling vibrators made from Trojan called “the Bullet.”

So, first you can get a sweatshirt with the words “Lucky” which you will see right as you walk in to the store. Then if you go down the “family planning/women’s isle” you can find one of these charming devices to really get “lucky,” but in a completely different way. Now, if you read my book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid 2nd ed,” you know that I am open to talking about sex and sex topics, so if you’re thinking that I am going “prude” while writing this, think again.
Back in the day these type of self pleasuring toys were only sold in stores like, Romantic Depot, not casual stores like Target where young kids can see it. Seriously, it is not for kids to see, I don’t care how into sex you are, and yes I know that kids in elementary school know about sex, I ain’t stupid, but still… this type of thing should be out of their view.
I remember learning about the “birds and the bees” when I was in 6th grade. The boys went into one classroom and the girls went into another. Then of course the boys had a field day with it at lunch, on the playground, and every day after that. It was kind of amusing thinking about it now. But in today’s world, 2022, kids are learning the wrong things about sex and from social media no less. Music, movies and TV still are ways where they can see it, but in today’s world, sex is spoken about, shown not as a whisper, but right out there online.

Yes, remember sex sells. But are we as a society, too open about sex?

It’s toxic to tell young kids casual sex is something to aspire to. Think about the responsibilities that come with having sex. First of course, protection. Which today though is not focused on at all since we live is dating app hell and no where do you see folks preaching about safe sex anymore. Sex isn’t something to just jump
into, even though we probably all are guilty of having a fling, its something you need to make sure doesn’t define your relationship. As we see as of late, that guys, and mostly athletes like to jump from woman to woman because according to them, “they have needs.” I will say that fairy-tales and romance movies have ruined a woman’s reality on what true love really is and how to achieve it while porn has ruined a man’s perception on what sex is and isn’t.

People always ask me for advice of just about everything and sex is one of the topics they ask. (No, I’m not a professional but I do play one on TV.) My sassy response to talking about sex and men is usually, I’m not against half naked men. At least not as often as I’d like to be. But seriously, I give it to you straight.

Every 39 minutes a porn video is being created in the US. 89% of porn is created in the US and 35% of all Internet downloads are porn related. Remember, When the VCR made it possible for everyone to watch porn in the privacy of their own home, the industry exploded. Now with the Internet, (Only Fans and even social media) it is out of control!
Not only is porn one of the top selling industries, but also adult toy and sex accessories are a growing second. Which takes me back to talk about about this vibrator I found in Target the other day. First off, it’s remote control. How lazy does one need to be using this thing? They include the batteries for you ( How nice of them!) There are 4 speeds: low, medium, high and ultra. Seriously, if you can’t orgasm to medium or high, then you may want to see someone about that. Trojan markets this as “Perfect for partner play, be in control or let your partner play with you for double the fun!” No offense Trojan, but if a woman had a man to “play with” she is NOT going to need a vibrator – unless her partner sucks in bed.

No guy, I don’t care who he is, deep down does not want a girl that has been with every guy in town. You want to be the girl everyone WANTS, not the girl that everyone HAD. Sex may be easier to get, but love is harder to find. Everyone deserves someone in their life that can leave them breathless just by walking into the room. When you find someone who can open your soul to happiness and show you new ways of love, sex will not just be a motion, but it will be the emotion you will truly desire.

Part 2: Strong Woman, Weak Man

As I left off in the last post, do these guys realize the power of having a strong woman or are they seriously intimidated by one?

Many strong women are confident and exude a masculine energy. It seeps out of a strong woman. She can be spotted in a crowd and recognized as being strong. Usually, strong women are on top of their game and have their affairs precisely in order. They run a tight, efficient ship. Strong women do not tolerate attempts to silence their energy or quiet their spirit. Once a strong woman has a firm hold of the wheel of her own ship, it is very difficult to just hand the wheel to another party. There is a tremendous amount of pressure to step up and lead in the same strength and manner of success as a strong woman. Not all are up to the task. When a man meets a strong independent woman who is smart, can handle herself, makes good money, and can make herself happy, then a man will feel that he’s not needed in the relationship and can’t fulfill his desire to be her hero. But what a man refuses to understand that a woman may not “need” a man but she surely “wants” a man – and that is the simply wanted a man to love and be loved by.

Some men feel incompetent near some women. On the other hand, while men would find the Alpha female attractive, he would really open up to a woman who is not scared of exposing her vulnerable side. He would find the contrast quite interesting. Similarly, women feel safer around men who are not shy of their emotional needs since this trait shows honesty. The truth though that is interesting, is that men, or better yet boys, don’t want to be a strong woman because she won’t put up with his bullshit. He wants a woman who will “allow him” to get away with all his toxic behavior.

I realize that I made deeper friendships only when I opened up and put my honest self out there on the table. That’s when I stopped generalizing people and started viewing them as unique individuals – one of whom was myself. I find vulnerability quite attractive among men especially NFL athletes, and found admiration for both my strength and independence as well as my vulnerability.

If you’re open to a lifelong relationship with an independent, strong woman, we make passionate, fascinating, and confounding partners that keep things fun.

But, we’re not for the weak of heart.

Standards vs Fantasy

When it comes to dating and relationships, why are women ruled by standards while the men are ruled by fantasy?

When ever you are online whether it be, a dating app or social media, all that you see are women with memes, quotes, or posts that claim that they are looking for a specific type of guy that is loyal, caring, compassionate, and so forth. While on the other side of the coin, you see men gawking over how “hot” a woman is or how “hot” a woman needs to be. She needs a big tits, a booty like J-Lo, and curves like the Next Top Model.
Why are women accused of having high standards when it seems as if the men out there have superficial standards?

Writing about relationships for over 15 years I have literally seen it all. Well, that was until Instagram was born. And you now can see that guys, particularly NFL athletes, do not know the difference between a private relationship where people know you are together, they just don’t know your business. Instead it’s the secret relationship, where they never talk about who they are with, letting other girls/women think they have a chance with them, hoping the next “hottie” slides into their DM’s. Regular guys that want to follow suit, yes, model this behavior, have entered the conversation. This behavior is “celebrated” by other guys as I noted in my podcast last week, makes me lose faith that there are guys and NFL athletes for that matter, that really, truly, understand what love is and wants something rare with one woman. Are there guys out there, NFL athletes that want to build something together with that one woman who wants to see them be successful, do they want a woman who will stand by her man especially when the world is against him?

There is a saying, “Behind every successful man, there is a strong woman that helped him get there.”

For a woman to help her man be successful and stay successful, she must have the same winning temperament and at the same time have the love and respect for her man enough to let him shine in public. Such a great woman shares the same vision about the future as her man. Both speaks the same language of leadership, value, and mission. There is an unbreakable bond between a successful man and his woman. No one can come between them. A woman can be behind a man’s success, have impact on him: motivate him, support him, sacrifice for him so he can shine, but is this idea an old concept, like chivalry dying?

Do men in general, not just NFL athletes, only want the arm candy and to sleep with as many girls as humanly possible? Or do these guys realize the power of having a strong woman or are they seriously intimidated by one?

(part 2….. )

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