I use this concept to describe the default script society lays out for us—what’s expected of the “average” person living in Western culture.
We go through school; a system we’re told prepares us for life.
Once basic education ends (with debatable results) if we’re lucky, we achieve “the dream”: owning a house with a white picket fence, a tire swing in the yard, and a family. All the while, we trade massive chunks of our lives working to pay for the house and all the stuff we’re told we need to be happy-
For boys that includes a wife that is submissive, relies on them to be the breadwinner/provider and is what is called a “housewife.”
For girls that includes finding a man to settle down with, have his children, and be the “housewife” the man needs to survive the world.
Suburbs symbolize stability and the rise of the middle class. They represent broader access to the material resources that support good health. In an ideal world where we truly expand access to the things that generate wellbeing, everyone would enjoy the quality of life that suburban living often provides.
But we’re nowhere near that reality, especially in the NHL.
The “picket fence theory” (traditional marriage, kids, suburban family life) remains appealing to most men on paper, but fewer achieve it early, and support has softened over generations compared to past decades. Here’s a breakdown from reliable sources like Pew Research, Institute for Family Studies (IFS), and others:
Desire for Marriage
• IFS 2026 survey of young men (18-29): 68% of unmarried young men say they want to get married someday; 21% unsure; only 10% say no. Among those wanting kids, 90% also want marriage.
• Pew Research (adults 18-34, never married): 69% want to marry someday (men and women roughly equal).
• High school seniors (2023): 74% of boys say they’ll likely get married someday (down from higher past figures, but boys now outpace girls at 61%).
• Broader trends: Harvard Youth Poll (2025) found 57% of 18-29 year olds overall see marriage as important.
Desire for Children
• Pew (young adults 18-34 without kids): 57% of men want children someday (vs. 45% of women); 30% unsure, 18% don’t want any.
• IFS (young men): 62% of childless young men want to become fathers; among those wanting marriage, 82% want kids.
• Other data (e.g., NSFG analyses) shows childless men often report similar or slightly higher interest in kids than women across ages.
Context and Caveats
• Most men still link the two: Marriage and kids are often seen as intertwined for fulfillment, with many viewing family life positively. Older data (e.g., 2018) showed ~37-40% of men seeing marriage/kids as “essential” to a fulfilling life.
• But reality differs: Marriage age is rising (median ~30 for men), marriage rates are down long-term, and a growing share of men remain childless or single longer. Economic pressures, dating challenges, and shifting priorities play big roles—many want it but face hurdles.
• Gender and generational notes: Young men often report higher interest in kids than young women in recent polls. Interest has declined overall since the 1990s, especially among women/girls.
• Not universal: 10-20%+ explicitly opt out, and “unsure” is common. Broader cultural shifts (e.g., prioritizing careers, experiences, or long-term relationships over formal marriage) reduce the “must-do” pressure.
In short, a clear majority of men (especially younger ones) still buy into wanting the traditional family package, but it’s not a universal imperative like in past generations, and many delay or never fully realize it. Data can vary by age, income, education, and culture—US-focused surveys dominate here.
strong majority pursue and achieve it during their careers—often marrying and having children relatively young—despite notably high post-career divorce rates.
NHL players (average age ~27-28 in recent seasons) come from a mix of North American (especially Canadian) and European backgrounds, where traditional family values are common. Many settle down in their mid-20s amid stable high incomes, team support, and cultural norms in hockey communities.
Marriage and Children Rates (Estimates from Available Data)
• Players with children: Varies significantly by team and age roster. In a 2021 analysis of most NHL teams (based on public Instagram/family tracking):
• Top end: Vegas Golden Knights had 9 fathers with 28 children (~3.1 per household); Washington Capitals had 15 fathers with 29 children.
• Typical range: Many teams had 5–12 players with kids out of ~23 active roster spots (roughly 20-50% with children at that snapshot). Younger teams skew lower; veteran-heavy ones higher.
• Anecdotal/ongoing trends: Numerous articles note players marrying and starting families “really young.” Dozens of active players have wives and multiple kids; family announcements (births, weddings) are common in NHL news.
• Marriage: High during playing years. Many prominent players (e.g., Connor McDavid, Leon Draisaitl, and others) marry long-term partners, often in their mid-to-late 20s. Public lists of “NHL wives” and wedding roundups show it’s normalized. Exact league percentage is elusive but appears well over 50% for established players.
Divorce and Stability Caveats
• High divorce rates: Commonly cited ~70% for NHL/professional athletes overall (or specifically post-retirement within ~1 year for many). This is attributed to lifestyle transitions, financial stresses, infidelity risks, and wives filing in a large share of cases. Alumni data sometimes cites even higher (e.g., 75%). This suggests the “picket fence” is pursued but often doesn’t endure long-term after hockey ends.
• Many players prioritize family publicly (e.g., mentioning wives/kids in interviews), and extended hockey families (multi-generational NHL lineages) reinforce traditional models.
In context of broader trends: This aligns with higher traditional family desires in collectivist or sports subcultures vs. general Western populations. NHL players’ high earnings enable the “picket fence” more than average men, but career demands (travel, injuries, relocations) and post-career adjustments strain it. Younger/rookie players are less likely to be married with kids than veterans.
Exact “buy-in” percentage (aspirational belief) isn’t polled publicly, but behavioral data points to 60-80%+ engaging with marriage/kids during prime years—higher than general young male averages in some Western surveys, tempered by divorce realities. Data is patchy (mostly public bios, team snapshots, and lawyer/podcast anecdotes) and evolves yearly.
Canadian & American Players (North American majority): Strongest cultural alignment with the traditional picket fence. Canada and the US emphasize marriage and children as key to fulfillment (per general surveys: 60-70%+ of young men desire both). Many come from hockey families with multi-generational NHL ties, reinforcing family-centric values. Public profiles frequently highlight wives, kids, and “hockey dads” — large families are common and celebrated. North American players often marry locally or within similar communities, with less cultural shift required. Behavioral indicators (early marriages, multiple children) suggest the highest “buy-in” and realization rates among NHL subgroups.
• Swedish & Finnish Players (Nordic Europeans): More modern, egalitarian, and secular views shaped by home-country cultures (high cohabitation rates, lower religiosity, acceptance of diverse family structures, smaller ideal family sizes ~2.0-2.2). Formal marriage is less of a “must” than in North America, with greater focus on work-life balance and gender equality. However, NHL success often leads to stable marriages and children anyway—many Nordic players settle in North America with families and publicly prioritize them. Cultural flexibility may mean slightly later starts or more cohabitation before marriage compared to North Americans, but family remains central once achieved. No evidence of lower overall pursuit; outcomes mirror the league average.
• Russian Players: Highest emphasis on traditional family structures among European groups, rooted in more collectivist, family-oriented culture (marriage and children seen as essential for social fulfillment and legacy). Russian society places strong value on large or close-knit families, filial duty, and stability. Russian NHLers frequently highlight wives and kids in interviews, often maintaining ties to extended family back home. They may marry younger or have more children on average than Nordic counterparts, aligning closely with North American traditionalism despite geographic/cultural distance. Political and economic factors in Russia can add pressure toward family as a source of continuity.
• Czech & Other Eastern/Central European Players: Similar to Russians—traditional family values predominate (marriage/kids as core to adult life), blended with post-communist modernization. Extended family emphasis is common.
What is even more common around the NHL is the “type” of woman they all choose. And let me be frank, they are conformed to think the exact same way when it comes to picking a girlfriend/wife. As I stated in the earlier section, patterns resemble…. To be continued this fall.
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