I’m not high maintenance, you’re just low effort #facts

On my podcast, “The Recordings of A Fan girl #sarcasm, I talk about dating, relationships and I mention athletes A LOT with their relationships and dating no-nos. As both the NFL and NHL start up again on September 11th, I thought hey, let’s review some past tips and past stories this week on my podcast.
Here though, I will mention a few goodies.

Click Here to see the screen shot I will be now referring to:

This here is the shit I have to deal with all the time! Dumb ass guys trying to disguise themselves on line to either: A: Hit on me B: Ask dumbass questions C: Think that they are being clever D: This guy actually thinks this here is a pick up line ( which is scary!)

Like I have mentioned here and on my podcast athletes have burner accounts and sometimes they make them so damn obvious too. Not only do they have burner accounts, but they also try their best to disguise themselves on dating apps like Tinder for example. The ones I have seen are NFL players pretending to be construction workers, landscapers, plumbers, real estate agents, etc. Remember, the only reason they are on these apps is for their hook-up on the road, although I have seen these guys be extremely stupid and actually find hook-ups on their home turf.
Some incredibly stupid women have also posted Tiktoks where they show themselves at the guy’s game and then realize that they were set up with a player and had no idea. Other Tiktoks show girls exposing the players cheating on their girlfriends and wives. We’ll get into it on the podcast this week!

As for dating and relationship observations, here are a couple of mine.

1- The first three dates ( which could be seen as a barometer) should just be friendly dates because then you’re really know if you want to pursue anything else and believe me I have had physical attraction right from the get go with some people and it didn’t end up the way that I wanted it to but I don’t regret having that relationship with those people because it taught me a lot about myself and it taught me how relationships last and how relationships don’t last. – Now, when sexual shenanigans take place, that can cloud your judgement on a person. But I don’t think there are any rules to dating expect the 1st date should not include shenanigans.
Also a “date” consists of either coffee, drinks, dinner, a fun nonsexual activity.

2- Sometimes one person in the relationship grows faster and grows completely away from what brought them together in the first place while the other person is still stagnant in the same spot. This is why some relationships fail.

3- I don’t understand why people want to be in relationships just for the sake of being in a relationship if it’s not something that you really really want. Why waste all that time and energy to just date for the sake of dating you know?

4- There’s so much double standards STILL with women in relationships. We can’t ask guys out because that seems too aggressive or seems as the masculine thing to do when we have to only show our feminine side… blah blah blah.

5- Then of course the stigma about women being single… Women Like the character Samantha Jones from Sex and The City had sex “Like a man” you know, had her way with him, and then was done with him, she is seen as hoe or a whore. Meanwhile guys can do whatever the hell they want and there’s no stigma to that.

6- If I decide to date a guy that that’s younger than me I’m gonna be seen as a cougar but when a guy my age, date’s a girl younger than him it’s OK. But I am more attracted to young guys 24-30.

7- Of course there is still the stigma that there’s something wrong with a woman who stays single too. I’m not gonna waste my time to going out with someone because all my friends are with someone or all the pressures on women . I don’t really go with the trendy stuff if you haven’t noticed, I do what is best for me whether other people like it or not.

8- Athletes fall into 1 of 2 categories- A) The one where they have to date arm candy because that is all they have to offer and it makes them look “good, powerful and important. ” B) The one where they actually date someone not because of who they are, what they look like, or the attention they would get because they dated that person, but because simply they love who they are, they are supportive, loyal, and they bring out the best in them when they are performing in their sport. I guess that is why this former cheerleader and current cheer coach loves being around athletes, because I LEAD.
That’s why we’re called cheerleaders because we’re supposed to LEAD not sit on the sidelines and watch things happen. I am loyal, supportive, and I understand things from an athlete’s point of view. They aren’t robots, they are people. They have emotions, they hurt, have pain, and experience life just like any of us. Most fans forget that part, sadly.
I root hard for those I care about. I want them to succeed. I want them to have their dreams come true.
If you read this blog, religiously, then you read me talk about my previous relationships, and what I took from them to become the best version of myself in order to be able to give that to a guy who deserves it in the future. Yes, I know I am a rare breed, I am the prize. I know what I bring to the table. And one day, a guy is going to see that… If we’re dating, I want to be your second priority. I want your first priority to be you, your ambitions, your life and your future, because seeing you happy makes me happy. Seeing you succeed pushes me to succeed. Finding happiness and security alone, are crucial to finding it together.

AN Inside Look to How Dating Apps REALLY Work

There are MANY reasons why dating apps are not good for mental health as well as your physical health. First and foremost, A group of psychologists in the Netherlands have discovered that we have a tendency to gradually close ourselves off when dating online. In other words, the more dating profiles people see, the more likely they are to reject them. The study shows that the endless stream of options can increase feelings of dissatisfaction and pessimism about finding a partner, which in turn leads to rejecting potential mates. Thanks to Dating Apps there are more possibilities to meet new partners than ever before, yet at the same time there have never been more people single in western society. This could be simply because the study found that both men and women tend to focus on the picture more than any other part of the online dating profile, but women view each profile for a longer amount of time than men do. Women spend an average of 84 seconds on each profile while the men spent an average 54 seconds on each profile. The male participants made more snap judgments based on a photo, while the female participants displayed a more methodical approach to online dating. But sadly other studies have shown that depression symptoms and

social anxiety are associated with greater use of mobile dating applications among women. If men are judging the women on these apps by appearance, and some women are not “appearing” attractive, then they are not getting too many “swipes.” This is due to the fact that socially anxious people tend to avoid asking others out on dates, fearing that they will be rejected or be negatively evaluated.

While now it might be hard to imagine a world without this virtual matchmaking, in reality these apps are still fresh, which means that studies into the impact they’ve had on our mental health and the studies that have been done over the last five or so years are starting to show that these dating apps don’t bode well for mental well being. Research by psychologist Barry Schwartz in his book, “Paradox of Choice,”has shown that even though we like having more options when making a decision, we are less satisfied with our choice the more options we have. ( which was written in my first book FYI) For users confronted by this seemingly overwhelming array of options you can understand why a reluctance to settle

may develop, especially when a new round of matches are only a swipe away- which is the reason for people staying single longer and not getting into a commuted relationship. What dating apps do to singles is that instead of allowing a connection to happen organically they worry about making a mistake or missing out on the one when the one could be right in front of them. In other terms, singles are looking for perfection which does not exist.

Chapter 2: How Dating Apps and Sites Actually Work ( From The Best Selling Book, Relationship Impossible)

Now that most of the lockdown rules have been lifted, online dating / dating apps are returning to it’s regular scheduled programming, with singles and married folks looking for that one night hook up. But what makes people first, go on a app, and then swipe? Do the apps work against you or for you? The first location-based apps changed that. Grindr was launched in 2009, and it helped single, often anonymously gay men link up by searching for other active users within a specific geographic radius. Then, with the launch of Tinder in 2012, smartphone-owning people of all sexualities could start looking for love, or sex, or casual dating in their area, and it quickly became the most popular platform on the market.

Today, there is no shortage of dating apps available. The most notorious hookup app, especially among the younger folks, remains Tinder, with its popular “swiping” feature: online daters use right or left swipes to “like” or “dislike” photos of other users (if each of you swipes right on the other person — it’s a match). Tinder now reports 1.6 billion swipes and 26 million matches a day. Bumble is America’s second favorite app, and its swiping feature comes with a catch: Anytime there’s a match, only users who identify as women can text first. Some apps like Hinge removed the swiping feature entirely, and instead, users spark a conversation with a person of interest by liking their photo or commenting on a prompt in their profile, such as “a life goal of mine” or “the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done.”

Kelly, 27, has been using Hinge and Bumble for three years, and says that for her, getting matches is easy. The hard part? “The annoying small talk.” She goes on to say, “Don’t ask me what my favorite color is because I’m going to ghost you.”

And ghosting is made easier with a seemingly bottomless list of potential matches on the apps that can make it seem as if there is always someone better than the current date. If you detect a flaw (no matter how minor) that makes you suddenly lose interest, there are still plenty of suitors awaiting in your phone. The more options you have the more superficial your criteria will be. So, how do these dating apps really work? Since users don’t know which swipe will bring the reward of a match, apps like Tinder use a variable ratio reward schedule, which means that your matches will be randomly dispersed. It’s the same reward system used in slot machines in Las Vegas. Dating sites are in the business of keeping users swiping, looking at their advertisements (on Tinder, you might accidentally swipe right on an ad), and paying monthly fees for extra features that should supposedly make finding matches easier, such as Bumble Boost (which costs up to $25 a month and adds 24 hours to the time users have to break the ice with their match). In the midst of the swiping fever in 2015, Tinder began o limit the amount of daily right swipes to 100 for users who don’t buy into their premium service, Tinder Plus (up to $30 a month). Even though Tinder, OkCupid, eHarmony have managed to keep the secret behind their matchmaking process a

secret, researchers at Cornell University have cracked that can wide open.

These days most online dating apps use their AIalgorithm to match new users on the following factors

initially –

1. The agreeableness level

2. Closeness preference

3. Romantic passion range

4. Extroversion or Introversion level

5. Importance of spirituality

6. The level of optimism or happiness

In addition to these criteria, the algorithm then adds on the new user’s location, height, religion information to draw matches for users. So, you can see that the algorithm polls in all this information and draws in matches that are closest to the new user’s preference. Hence, you can thank math for that lovely date you had last Saturday.

So, technically, yes, there are ways to play with the algorithm but, it is never advised to do so. Because, even if it is preferential dating math, being yourself online is the best way to be. Algorithms of dating apps expect their users to use their applications genuinely. Don’t try

shortcuts. One of the things that all these sites have in common is this: They insert fear that unless you are on theirdating site you will NEVER find your “soul-mate.” They tug at your heartstrings to make you believe that you mate is on the other side of your computer screen. Research done by Villanova University, Northwestern University and Psychological Science in the ublic Interest (PSPI), back this up. Here is a fact: Romantic relationships can begin any time and any where. You can be at school, church, a coffee shop, playing a sport, or be at a friend’s party. Sometimes though people go through stretches where they hit a rut in the romance department and freak out. Most likely when you hit a certain age you freak out more than “usual” because you have relatives, friends and even strangers giving you the sad, pathetic look because you are “single” and that automatically makes you “unhappy” or “lonely.” Lets be honest here, just because you are single doesn’t mean that qualifies you as a lonely, unhappy person, where you are going to now be the next owner of seventy-two cats to compensate for your single-hood.

eHarmony and Match.com claim that their mathematical formula really identify pairs of singles who are especially likely to have a successful romantic relationship. With that said, how do they know how two people will interact once they have been matched? Do they check marital stability and marital satisfaction, not only marriage itself after two people

from their sites get hitched? What are divorce rates for sites Match and eHarmony? Do their claims that “1 in 5 relationships start online,” and “We’ve conducted years of extensive research and know what makes relationships last,” true or are these dating sites all part of an elaborate hoax pulling at a person’s heartstrings? According to Pew Research Center, larger shares of Americans who are currently using dating sites or apps or who have done so in the past year say the experience left them feeling more frustrated (45 percent) than hopeful (28 percent), citing among other things lack of personal and emotional connections, safety concerns,focus on hookups and “too many options.” As an example, the 10 million active daily users of the popular online dating application Tinder are on average presented with 140 partner options a day. While one may expect this drastic increase in mating opportunities to result in an increasing number of romantic relationships, he opposite has occurred.

Online daters indeed became less satisfied with the search proves as the number of profiles they look at get into the hundreds or even thousands. This is called, choice overload where people undermine their ability to make a good, well thought out decision due to having way too many options available to them. This has been proven that when looking through thousands of dating profiles becomes painful, this starts to decrease their level of interest and it might also undermine making a relationship work once offline.

Having extensive choice can have various adverse effects, such as paralysis (i.e., not making any decision at all) and decreased satisfaction . In fact, it seems that people generally experience less benefits when they have more choice. This observation is reminiscent of the basic economic principle of diminishing returns in which each unit that is sequentially added to the production process results in less profits.

There is some evidence that having more choice in the domain of dating also has negative consequences. For example, when asked to pick the best partner, access to more partner profiles resulted in more searching, more time spent on evaluating bad choice options, and a lower likelihood of selecting the option with the best personal fit. Likewise, when a choice set increases, people end up being less satisfied with their ultimate partner choice and more prone to reverse their decision. The adverse effects of choice overload are also mentioned in articles in popular media mentioning phenomena such as “Tinder fatigue” or “dating burnout”

Study after study found that online dating will set off a rejection mind-set, leading people to become increasingly likely to reject partners to the extent that they have been presented with more options.

Every dating site has an algorithm that they use in matching people together. It is not “fate” that helps you meet the person, it is artificial intelligence. Do scientific algorithms — including those used by sites like eHarmony, PerfectMatch and Chemistry to match people according to similarities — can really lead to better and more lasting relationships? The answer is no. There are certain properties of online dating that actually work against love-seekers, the researchers found, making it no more effective than traditional dating for finding a happy

relationship. eHarmony’s system is flawed because it relies on conclusions from married couples and a fundamental premise that similar people will be happy together in the

long-term. But married couples often project similarities onto one another and adopt similar interests over time, so those are the results of a relationship rather than what inspires them in the first place. Match and the other apps use the same type of recommendation system used by Netflix or Facebook, taking your past behaviors (and the behavior of others)

into account to predict what you’ll like next. To understand how many dating app algorithms work, it’s useful to compare them to Netflix. The streaming service’s “trending now” category surfaces content other people enjoy. Many dating app algorithms work similarly, surfacing profiles popular with other users. The problem is a popular profile isn’t the same thing as a good individual match. Netflix also relies on users with similar viewing histories to generate content suggestions. Dating apps do the same thing, surfacing profiles based on other people’s swipe habits. If you swiped right on Harry and Sally swiped right on Harry, you might like someone else Sally swiped right on. Once again, the algorithms aren’t tailored to individual users, but lumping people together in a fairly superficial manner. Algorithms can take into account how frequently you log on, how often you swipe right, how you strike up a conversation, and even how often you exchange numbers. Users often self-sabotage without even realizing it. On Bumble, if you simply say “Hi,’ Bumble learns that you’re not making an effort, so it sets you back a notch. Before you know it, the algorithm makes a ton of bad assumptions based on your behavior and you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of undesirable matches. Despite longer questionnaires and bios, matchmaking sites like OkCupid aren’t any better. The truth is none of these sites really has any idea what they’re doing— otherwise they’d have a monopoly on the market. { Source: Wired / BBC / Vox}

And it gets worse from here: One study published in Science Advances found that among men who use dating apps, when deciding on what kind of woman they want to date many will choose a woman younger than them rather than a peer their own age. The study found that a when it came to age women typically found men up to the age of 50 very desirable. On the other hand most men only found women desirable up to the age of…. 18. (Yikes!)

Considering that women who are 18 are just one year up from being a teenager it’s a little bit concerning and creepy. Not only are the findings of the research disheartening or women genuinely trying to date through these apps but it is also majorly concerning that so many men across different apps and sites are messaging teenagers. { Source: Discover / Her / }

New research from William Chopik, an associate professor in the Michigan State University Department of Psychology, and Dr. David Johnson from the University of Maryland, finds that people’s reason for swiping right is based primarily on attractiveness and the race of a potential partner, and that decisions are often made in less than a second. While attractiveness played a major role in participants’ decisions to swipe left or right, race was another leading factor. Users were significantly more likely to swipe on users within their same race.

A growing body of research suggests that readers of your profile assess your attentiveness and intelligence based on grammar, spelling, and typos. Two recent studies analyzed the roles played by writing in online profiles. While this plays a small factor, a lot of people try to claim that if you post good pictures, have a good headline, have a well written profile and write a lot of people you’ll do well. Yes, good pictures help, but you have to have a certain level of appealing looks for those pictures to work. Here’s the reason why pictures are 99.99% the reason people swipe right or left. First: On (most definitely all) dating websites and dating apps the first thing that a prospective partner has the chance to see about you is your face. Your profile picture to be more accurate. Not your interests, not the schools you went to, not the travels you made. It will be your photo. Second: NO ONE, in the history of online dating as ever said “I don’t find him (or her) particularly attractive, but I will check the rest of his profile to see if I feel a connection with him through his interests, life philosophy, past experiences, etc.” Third: If they like your profile picture enough they will check the rest of your profile as well BUT they will start with the other pictures. And only after checking all of them and deciding that you are attractive enough, will they check the rest of your profile.

You can continue reading HOW dating apps get you to buy into the idea that the only way you can meet someone work, why you should NOT be using dating apps and HOW to meet people, and how the NFL players use this app, among other dating topics, in my best selling book “Relationship Impossible”

Abortion and the right to it.

So, unless you are under a rock, today the US Supreme Court overturned Roe vs Wade, which in my opinion, they messed up way back in 1973.

First off, it NEVER was a constitutional right.

I don’t know what school some of you went to, but in history class or social studies as we called it, abortion was never part of the constitution. It’s not part of the 14th amendment it’s not part of the first/ second amendment it is not part of the constitution at all. Second of all row vs wade should’ve been thrown out, as each state makes its own rules and laws. Some state laws that differ from state to state gun control laws, custody laws, divorce laws, motor vehicle laws, business laws, but each are run separately.

Each state in the United States has a legislator as part of its form of government and most of the fundamental details of the legislator are specific in the state Constitution. State legislators are like miniature congresses no two are exactly alike. You have state legislators ,you have state assemblies, each state writes their own bills ,has their own budgets, etc. Obviously then we have the federal laws which all states are to abide by, but abortion should not be one of them.

Now of course what I’m going to say is going to trigger some of you, but I’m going to say it anyway. Abortion is not birth control! Let me say it again for those in the back, abortion is not birth control! Abortion is only needed for three reasons 1) incest 2) rape and 3) the mother‘s life is in danger and the only way to save her is to unfortunately abort the baby. It is not birth control where are you can have sex with as many partners as you want, get pregnant and have an abortion. If you would like to do that, then that’s what condoms are for, that’s what birth control is for. And speaking of condoms, everyone should be using them when you are having sex with multiple partners. There are things out there in the world called STDs, AIDS, being one of them and we stop the spread of those by having safe sex! So please, if you’re going to have sex use common sense.

Also for the men out there abortion is not so you don’t then have to pay child support for you being irresponsible by having sex without a condom.
I will also add that is why folks then put babies up for adoption. There are MANY couples and WOMEN who want children, but or some reason can not have them. Adoption is the ONLY way for some to go.

Remember every US state is also SOVEREIGN entity in its own right and it’s granted the power to create laws and regulate them according to their needs. Therefore abortion should be one of them whether you like it or not. 

For Sale: A Little Black Dress

In 2022 we all still having dating backwards and confused about “rules” we each have to follow. Men are told that they are the hunters and that they have to hunt based on superficial things. While women are seen as pieces of meat and can’t be aggressive, independent or self-sufficient. Women “need” a man, they can not just “want” a man.
Men can’t call or text a girl he likes after the first date for about three days, because that will make him seems “overzealous” and “too interested,” (God forbid he seems interested in her!) Also, a man needs to use a lame pick up line in order to start a damn freaking conversation, because they ain’t built that way! Heaven Forbid they have a regular conversation with a girl and then at the end of the conversation, give her his number!? Women can not make the first move, because that is a “man’s” job and she can not me too independent because the man is suppose to “provide” for her.
This here lies the problem: Why are folks so freaking caught up in “rules” and looking to Tiktok and Instagram for “dating advice” when the answer is seriously easy?

I’m going to give you the secret to why all the good women are still single and how a guy screws this up time and time again. Ready for the secret? Okay.

If guys would seriously STOP with their unrealistic view that women have to look a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain way, y’all wouldn’t be single today. First off, the difference between a woman who acts fake and is real is so easy to tell – too bad most men are illiterate and can’t read. If a woman ONLY cares about how much money you spend on her on a date, where you take her, if you buy her gifts (or don’t) then she is NOT into you for the RIGHT reason. But if a woman enjoys your company, wants to have light conversations with you, doesn’t expect you to pay for EVERYTHING and is her goofy self right off the bat, then that is who she REALLY is and you should EMBRACE that!

The problem with guys is that they want to girl who “needs” them, not the girl who “wants” them and yeah, there is a BIG difference. Men who think it’s there “duty” to take care of her with everything, almost all the time choose the wrong partner while the man who chooses the girl who wants him, supports him and appreciates him is not the girl chosen half the time. Men who treat women as pieces of meat are the guys who are out there that complain about women. Women complain about men and their attitudes and the fact that they think they are the prey and can’t go after a guy or have to be a with a guy who is going to “take care of her” –

Women today don’t need a man to take care of them – we need a man who is going to just be himself, support us, as we support him, cheer him on, as he cheers us on, and just love being with us – period.

I’m so tired of having to pretend to be “needy” and need a hero to save me when in fact I’m my own hero, I can save myself. That shouldn’t be something that a man should be intimidated with, but instead celebrate. At the end of the day, we girls just want to be looked at as real people, not the ones who need the little black dress to seduce you into thinking that we are a fantasy, but that no matter if we are a size 2 or a size 12, have blonde hair or black hair, if we have a big butt or a small one, we are worth it and valued for our character and our personality. Looks fade, but that other shit lasts forever. If you want that woman who is going to love you regardless, and who is going to treat you right, then start focusing on what really matters. I am sure then you will find yourself a girl that a keeper.

Woman Gets Duped On A Dating App

Am I supposed to be shocked at this headline? It’s 2022 and women STILL haven’t learned how toxic, full of scams, and sexually-hungry dating apps are?

The story goes like this: A young woman thought she had met someone so incredibly special and talked online for many months and have fallen in love with him. So the next step is naturally to meet in person. She packed up her life and moved to Singapore to be with him and when she got there; she got the shock of her life: He was married! I though, am not shocked. This type of story happens A LOT!
Studies suggest that dating apps can make people feel more insecure about their appearance and bodies – and even become depressed. Studies have shown that the same areas of the brain that become activated when we experience physical pain are also activated when we experience rejection. Dating apps have turned dating into an “addictive game.” It’s now considered shopping for humans with the swipe of a thumb.

We bench (put a potential partner on hold in case we find someone better), breadcrumb (lead someone on), and ghost (use a fake profile to spy on their Instagram stories) which can seriously make someone want to vomit at the thought of dating. People have start realizing that dating apps are not for real connections, but for quickie ones. Dating apps are the drug that helps the boost the ego quickly and there we have created another narcissistic human thinking that as long as we get “high” on love we’re good.

Is it finally time to go back to finding love the old-fashioned way or can we still use technology as a way to build those connections we so badly want to build?

We’ve spent the best part of two years stuck behind screens which were steered by algorithms, so taking matters into our own hands feels exciting. That does not mean that we need to disembark technology all together. Social media is a great place to meet people of all backgrounds, yet is is still misused and most don’t understand how to use it in a positive way. When you have more conversation with the same person over and over again you start to build trust. Trust then build a relationship. You never know what you can learn about someone through conversation. I’m not saying that you should look at social media as a “dating pool” but in terms of finding people in which you have similar likes and views, it’s a great start if you still want to use technology to get to know people you otherwise probably wouldn’t meet in the real world. I still believe that meeting people and talking to people is the best way to know if that person is “the one” for you. The old saying is 100% true’ “Never judge a book by its cover.” And on social media and dating apps, you have to always remember, sometimes people cover up who they truly are, that’s why it’s best to get to know someone, meet them, talk with them; and let your gut intuition tell you if they are for real or not. You can’t tell that over text. You can’t tell that on a post or an app. At the end of the day, a relationship will not last if the couple doesn’t share a mutual bond on every level, including as individuals. Feeling your partner was committed to the relationship for the long haul and how appreciative you are of your mate were the largest predictors of relationship satisfaction.

And remember, it’s never a good idea to settle for someone who doesn’t provide the level of affection and passion that you want – no matter what that is. Relationships are not about playing games. They’re about mature and honest communication; don’t be afraid to have one.

So, Are you feeling Lucky today?

I’m the type of gal who LOVES shopping at Target. Yes, folks, I am addicted to shopping at Target. (Seriously, what gal isn’t though?) But I had no freaking idea that Target was now selling vibrators made from Trojan called “the Bullet.”

So, first you can get a sweatshirt with the words “Lucky” which you will see right as you walk in to the store. Then if you go down the “family planning/women’s isle” you can find one of these charming devices to really get “lucky,” but in a completely different way. Now, if you read my book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid 2nd ed,” you know that I am open to talking about sex and sex topics, so if you’re thinking that I am going “prude” while writing this, think again.
Back in the day these type of self pleasuring toys were only sold in stores like, Romantic Depot, not casual stores like Target where young kids can see it. Seriously, it is not for kids to see, I don’t care how into sex you are, and yes I know that kids in elementary school know about sex, I ain’t stupid, but still… this type of thing should be out of their view.
I remember learning about the “birds and the bees” when I was in 6th grade. The boys went into one classroom and the girls went into another. Then of course the boys had a field day with it at lunch, on the playground, and every day after that. It was kind of amusing thinking about it now. But in today’s world, 2022, kids are learning the wrong things about sex and from social media no less. Music, movies and TV still are ways where they can see it, but in today’s world, sex is spoken about, shown not as a whisper, but right out there online.

Yes, remember sex sells. But are we as a society, too open about sex?

It’s toxic to tell young kids casual sex is something to aspire to. Think about the responsibilities that come with having sex. First of course, protection. Which today though is not focused on at all since we live is dating app hell and no where do you see folks preaching about safe sex anymore. Sex isn’t something to just jump
into, even though we probably all are guilty of having a fling, its something you need to make sure doesn’t define your relationship. As we see as of late, that guys, and mostly athletes like to jump from woman to woman because according to them, “they have needs.” I will say that fairy-tales and romance movies have ruined a woman’s reality on what true love really is and how to achieve it while porn has ruined a man’s perception on what sex is and isn’t.

People always ask me for advice of just about everything and sex is one of the topics they ask. (No, I’m not a professional but I do play one on TV.) My sassy response to talking about sex and men is usually, I’m not against half naked men. At least not as often as I’d like to be. But seriously, I give it to you straight.

Every 39 minutes a porn video is being created in the US. 89% of porn is created in the US and 35% of all Internet downloads are porn related. Remember, When the VCR made it possible for everyone to watch porn in the privacy of their own home, the industry exploded. Now with the Internet, (Only Fans and even social media) it is out of control!
Not only is porn one of the top selling industries, but also adult toy and sex accessories are a growing second. Which takes me back to talk about about this vibrator I found in Target the other day. First off, it’s remote control. How lazy does one need to be using this thing? They include the batteries for you ( How nice of them!) There are 4 speeds: low, medium, high and ultra. Seriously, if you can’t orgasm to medium or high, then you may want to see someone about that. Trojan markets this as “Perfect for partner play, be in control or let your partner play with you for double the fun!” No offense Trojan, but if a woman had a man to “play with” she is NOT going to need a vibrator – unless her partner sucks in bed.

No guy, I don’t care who he is, deep down does not want a girl that has been with every guy in town. You want to be the girl everyone WANTS, not the girl that everyone HAD. Sex may be easier to get, but love is harder to find. Everyone deserves someone in their life that can leave them breathless just by walking into the room. When you find someone who can open your soul to happiness and show you new ways of love, sex will not just be a motion, but it will be the emotion you will truly desire.

Standards vs Fantasy

When it comes to dating and relationships, why are women ruled by standards while the men are ruled by fantasy?

When ever you are online whether it be, a dating app or social media, all that you see are women with memes, quotes, or posts that claim that they are looking for a specific type of guy that is loyal, caring, compassionate, and so forth. While on the other side of the coin, you see men gawking over how “hot” a woman is or how “hot” a woman needs to be. She needs a big tits, a booty like J-Lo, and curves like the Next Top Model.
Why are women accused of having high standards when it seems as if the men out there have superficial standards?

Writing about relationships for over 15 years I have literally seen it all. Well, that was until Instagram was born. And you now can see that guys, particularly NFL athletes, do not know the difference between a private relationship where people know you are together, they just don’t know your business. Instead it’s the secret relationship, where they never talk about who they are with, letting other girls/women think they have a chance with them, hoping the next “hottie” slides into their DM’s. Regular guys that want to follow suit, yes, model this behavior, have entered the conversation. This behavior is “celebrated” by other guys as I noted in my podcast last week, makes me lose faith that there are guys and NFL athletes for that matter, that really, truly, understand what love is and wants something rare with one woman. Are there guys out there, NFL athletes that want to build something together with that one woman who wants to see them be successful, do they want a woman who will stand by her man especially when the world is against him?

There is a saying, “Behind every successful man, there is a strong woman that helped him get there.”

For a woman to help her man be successful and stay successful, she must have the same winning temperament and at the same time have the love and respect for her man enough to let him shine in public. Such a great woman shares the same vision about the future as her man. Both speaks the same language of leadership, value, and mission. There is an unbreakable bond between a successful man and his woman. No one can come between them. A woman can be behind a man’s success, have impact on him: motivate him, support him, sacrifice for him so he can shine, but is this idea an old concept, like chivalry dying?

Do men in general, not just NFL athletes, only want the arm candy and to sleep with as many girls as humanly possible? Or do these guys realize the power of having a strong woman or are they seriously intimidated by one?

(part 2….. )

Here is the podcast: CLICK LINK

Sex, Relationships and The NFL

Being that Friday’s episode of “The Recordings of Fan Girl #Sarcasm” will be about this “lovely” topic of conversation I thought, hey, since I am not doing my regular podcast , Sassy Nation tomorrow, let me divulge you all for a moment.

If you bought my best seller, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd Ed” or the follow up, “Relationship Impossible” you read a couple of things:

Online dating is often touted as the solution to dating frustration. You only have to deal with people who meet your standards. Which really, can’t happen because of choice overload. (Too many options for any one person to handle.) All we have are our words and our photos online. Whereas in person we have hundreds of thousands of verbal and non-verbal clues to give us an intuitive grasp of who we’re talking to and whether or not we’re into them long before we go up and introduce ourselves.

There are many NFL players as I have mentioned that use Tinder and other dating apps to meet up with their “hook up” for the night. As I will mention in the podcast on Friday, you have many players that tend to think they are celebrities, act as if they are better than the average person, and then give in the pressures of this “life” to date a “model-type” girl because, let’s face it, they are very superficial. Now, it’s important for me to mention NOT EVERY NFL player does this- there are some that have morals, values, and are just great down-to-Earth guys. But, I ain’t talking about those guys here. I am talking about the guys that treat women as if they are sex-objects and then complain on social media that they are “gold-diggers” when they created the bandwagon themselves.

Some NFL players have created this image of this “ideal” woman, so when regular women; regular, wonderful, real women fall short, they reject them. That way they never
have to settle down and then everyone can still feel sorry about poor, lonely you.
And they have NO idea just what BAD position they end up putting themselves when they A) use a dating app for a 1 night stand and B) when they buy a girl their attention.

As you will see, online dating isn’t what you think it is anymore. Yes, you may have stories of people who know someone who has met online, but that doesn’t mean that it actually works. What that means is that, that person you know just was lucky enough to meet someone with whom they think they click with. It doesn’t mean that the relationship is going to last either. All it means is that after searching online, that person decided to settle down with someone. With STD’s up 75% and sex offenders using dating sites at an all-time high, if you really want to meet someone, stop putting forth the effort online, and actually go out there and meet people. Network, volunteer, join a church group, go to a coffee shop, sporting event, etc. The point being is, the more you take yourself into real, actual situations, the better chance you have at actually meeting, “ the one.”

The first thing you see online is someone’s profile picture and dating profile. Not only can they post fake pictures, there have been people who post pictures of what they looked like five years ago! They also can tell you they love life when in fact they complain about just about everything. When you meet someone in person, they can’t pretend they don’t really look like that. There’s no fake picture or who they truly are. You can’t read body language through the computer.

Any site that “claims” to be able to match you to your perfect mate if you fill out all 60 questions, is a hoax. There is NO scientific evidence that backs up these algorithms. If they claim that their scientific algorithms work, why do you need to spend 9 -12 months to find someone with whom you should totally click with right away?

When it comes to love it seems we are at the mercy of our biochemistry. First there is a lust, then an attraction, then love. If we get down to the science, attraction happens in the first 30 seconds. You can’t do that online. Dating online is totally different. Two Words: Choice Overload. Not only are there way too many people on these sites, but you would have to have gone out on 100 dates before you actually have chosen your “perfect match.” Now seriously who has time to not only read through all those profiles, but who has actually gone out with 100 people they have met online?

When you go on a search for love, you are looking to settle. But when you let love find you and unexpectedly, you find the person who is meant for you. Online dating is good for one thing, banging and the quick fix while going out and meeting people the traditional way is for those who want the real thing and refuse to settle. You have to show people you are emotionally available to connect and online you can’t feel or see that connection at all. Not only do you connect emotionally faster in person, but pheromones are known to be involved in sexual attraction and during the most fertile time in her menstrual cycle, a woman gives off a different scent which may make her more attractive to potential male suitors. How can you do that online?

We use Yelp to check which restaurant to go to. Pick movies using another app. We are so anxious to control the outcomes that we are unable to take any real risks. We don’t see Andrew or Andrea as people on dating sites, we see Andrew or Andrea, the 70% perfect match. We don’t see them as people, we see them as objects.

A study found that positive personality traits actually increase perceived facial attractiveness. So if you are just basing your choice on looks, you maybe choosing in correctly. When you find someone to date traditionally, you already can see or get a glimpse of that person’s personality while online you are only going by what they are telling you.

When you meet people traditionally, you typically see them in a social context, such as how they interact with workmates, friends and family members. Online is made of words and images.

Researchers estimate that 25% of rapists found people to assault through online dating services and being scammed in person is less likely than online. Online dating is great if you want a casual fling, but not for anything longer lasting because there are so many dishonest people seeking cheap thrills. If a situation arises, you can split fast and a click here or there, you have your next fling. Marriage is down 50% because everyone is falling for the, “Your perfect match can be found on this website,” crap. All that time you “try” and get to know someone online, you could be actually physically getting to know someone you met in person.

With the discussion on dating, it’s not just about love, marriage and then the baby carriage. It’s about finding someone with whom you can foresee yourself spending the rest of your life with, sharing visions and dreams, as well as the possibility for raising up children together. It should not be about finding the “perfect” partner, because there is no such thing. Instead it should be about finding someone who knows that they are lucky to have you. Relationships are a full time job, don’t apply if you aren’t ready.

Most don’t even know HOW the apps actually work:

For example, eHarmony’s system is flawed because it relies on conclusions from married couples and a fundamental premise that similar people will be happy together in the long-term. But married couples often project similarities onto one another and adopt similar interests over time, so those are the results of a relationship rather than what inspires them in the first place. As for Match.com and other dating apps, they gather information like hobbies and interests the same way that Netflix does. They do not gather any information that is related to what will make a user happy in a relationship.

Tinder and Hinge work differently. Essentially, Tinder used an Elo rating system, which is the same method used to calculate the skill levels of chess players: You rose in the ranks based on how many people swiped right on (“liked”) you, but that was weighted based on who the swiper was. The more right swipes that person had, the more their right swipe on you meant for your score. Finally, when there was enough people on Tinder and Hinge, the AL based solely on the ways users select many of the same profiles as other users who are similar to them, and the way one user’s behavior can predict another’s, without ranking people in an explicitly competitive way. So, the longer you’re on an app, the worse the options get. You’ll see Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, PlentyofFish, they all do recycling of people with whom you already said NO to.

This means that people may unknowingly skip over potential mates for the wrong reasons. The person you see on paper doesn’t translate neatly to a real, live human being, and there’s no predicting or accounting for the chemistry you might feel with a person whose online profile was the opposite of what you thought you wanted. Offline, that kind of attraction would spark organically.

Take a close look on Instagram and you will get a sense of which girls have created a “fake persona,” to gather attention, while the real, down to Earth girls show their
true character online. For a relationship to stay you need character. Personality is a superficial connect, whereas with character, you look for connection. So for a long term relationship, there has to be a shift from a superficial level to a deeper level –

You don’t need the internet for that.

We will discuss Friday: CLICK HERE FOR THE PODCAST

Wanna Date An Athlete? Here’s how to find them on Tinder

Do you want to find an athlete on Tinder? If you are a paid subscriber I will get into how you can find out which athletes are using #tinder – there is an actual way that works to do this.  Also, I discuss how stupid athletes are that are on Tinder – and other dating apps.

I also talk about the rumors on social media about me and my dating life. Which are humorous BTW. 

I will get into the #NFL with their #covid protocols- plus there’s always 1 jerk that needs to bring race into everything on #socialmedia.

This is all EXCLUSIVE content called The recordings of a fangirl #sarcasm that is part of the #SassyNation podcast.

Click here to subscribe

The Hype that once was for online dating, is simply over

In the beginning when online dating first emerged in 1995, with the world’s first online dating website was launched in the form of Match.com everyone was excited. The nights of trolling bars, clubs, and every other place in between was “officially” over!

Then came dating apps, and more apps, apps for athletes, professional careers, older people, Ivy league, etc. You name it, there is a dating app for a certain niche of people.

Various studies indicate that men, more so than women, search for youth and physical attractiveness in their potential mates. On dating sites, men are more likely to display their resources, athleticism, and strength, while women are more likely to alter their physical appearances through clothing or the use of makeup.

These differences also manifest in the ways men and women deceive each other. When attempting to impress potential mates, men are more likely to try to deceive women about their levels of dominance (i.e., masculinity) and resources (i.e., income, career expectations), while women are more likely to try to deceive men about their physical appearances.
Keep all this in mind as we talk about how this is just the start of a down fall with dating online and apps.

Men deceive women about relationships and use dating apps as an easy place for a hook up. A student overseas was told by Tinder that she swiped right over 100k. She complained that people online were only looking for a ‘quick hook up’ and her dates from Tinder didn’t last longer than two meetups. She has since abandoned online dating, saying meeting people in person ‘works 100 times better’ and is 11 months into a happy relationship with her boyfriend, who she met offline. She complained that on Tinder most men were just interested in casual sex and weren’t looking for a genuine connection. The 21 year old student even had to un-match potential suitors for sending her ‘creepy’ messages, which is basically the story of EVERY woman on a dating app.

Now there is a new study has found that married couples who met on dating apps have a higher chance of getting a divorce. (Only what I have been telling you and readers since 2011) The study conducted by the Marriage Foundation and assembled by the UK-based polling company Savanta ComRes, researchers polled over 2,000 adults who were at least 30 years old and married at least once in their lives, found that 12% of couples who found their significant other online got divorced within the first three years of marriage — compared to only 2% of lovers who met offline. After seven years of marriage, the likelihood of divorce for a couple who met through an app shot to 17%, compared to 10% of those who met through pals. The research also found that 8% of couples who linked up in school and 7% of spouses who met at work divorced within the first three years.

Now, if you meet a stranger on a social media app, don’t knock it. Well, at first. Social media is a great tool to meet interesting people and create relationships, but you must be smart about it. Know when someone has a fake account compared to a real account. Here are the RED FLAGS for fake accounts on Instagram:

1) Profile picture- lack of one or one that looks too professional/ photo shopped. 2) Private account 3) MANY followers and following thousands, but have NO Posts. 4) Have posts, but they are recent and not posted correctly ( just photos on Instagram, no copy) 5) They message you from another account to get to you follow the main account 6) The bio and the comments are generic 7) they ask for your phone number or personal information immediately – this is true of a SCAMMER. 8) They won’t Facetime you at all. ( They can still be fake and Facetime you – so take note of the conversation you are having. IF you keep asking to meet up and they keep saying no and have excuses- fake.

If you know WHO the person IS on line, it is always better to get to know that person verses a complete stranger, just be smart about it. ( An athlete is a good example of this- although athletes are known to have what are called burner accounts (fake accounts) to spy on what fans think about them and what the media is saying about them without the person’s knowledge.)

TOP places to MEET people:

  1. Coffee Shops
  2. Gyms
  3. Dog Parks
  4. Volunteering
  5. Sports leagues
  6. Airports
  7. Bars
  8. College Campuses
  9. Parties
  10. Grocery Store

*** The Bonus Coverage of Relationship Impossible will be a 2 part bonus. Part 1 will be in a podcast form – you can subscribe here CLICK HERE or you can purchase the journal which will be Part 2. (coming soon!)