Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

When Is Enough, Enough.

Here we again in 2021, where a woman came forward back in 2016 that Jared Porter, the then head of scouting of The Cubs sent a woman reporter unsolicited text messages hitting on her at Yankees Stadium and asking her to go for a drink. The fact that she responded to his messages at first, to only allow him to carry on for 60 text messages and never respond with GET LOST allowed him to keep perusing her- because there she sent him mixed signals.

Here’s the difference between her and me, after I got text 1 and wasn’t interested I would have told him off nicely. If he continued then I would have had to get bitchy.
Then it was said that he sent her a picture of his penis ( or a stock image, who knows at this point)

Guys sending photos of their junk shows their inability to communicate maturely. Men think the photos will serve to arouse the woman – because they, themselves, would find it arousing if that woman sent such a photo to them. And believe me, there are women who do such things. Some people think this is a sign of predator behavior. And to those people I will say this: have you ever heard of Tinder? Even before Tinder guys have been doing this forever – Would you like to know how MANY of those dick pics I have gotten on Twitter?

This toxic culture has been in sports forever. Look at how athletes treat women. Look at how the leagues treat women. But more importantly, the women put up with being treated as sex-objects and don’t stand their ground. Time for women to step it up. This particular woman waited 5 years to allow this story to break. ESPN knew of this story a year after it happened but the woman did not want them to report it. SO why now? This is again, what women need to do: They can’t wait until it’s convenient for them to come forward, they must be brave enough to come forward when it happens. The only way to stop things is to stop it when it happens, not let it continue to stew. Let’s play devil’s advocate: What happens if Jared did this with another woman and because the first woman never came forward, this poor woman was sexually assaulted.

Back in college I was stalked by this guy. I had completely NO interest in him whatsoever. He liked to hang around a friend of mine back then. First he got my friend to give him my number. Then he invited himself to my house. He called my house. He spoke to my parents. He constantly bothered me. This went on for 2 weeks until I finally spoke up and told him to go away- that I wasn’t interested in him at all and I was not friends with him either. (Now, maybe folks know why I am totally against being set up… that’s a blog for another day!)

The point being, this could have gone on for months if I didn’t stand my ground, send him a clear signal that I was not interested in him at all, not let the pursuing continue. This is why ignoring someone is not the best method to deal with situations. Thinking that they will eventually “go away” is the wrong approach. Remember, you never know what someone’s breaking point is, and when you are dealing with emotions, you can’t just “let that slide.”

This does not fall on the men alone. Yes, men need to be better but women need to do better too. Women need to be able to send clear cut signals of NO means no. And men need to be able to receive that message and move on.

Look for the preview of my book, “Relationship Impossible” in the coming future.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Cyber-stalking: What is it and how to avoid it.

According to Pew Research Center, young women face vastly higher rates of online harassment in two of its most intense, dangerous and emotionally disruptive forms: sexual harassment and stalking.

26% of young women told Pew that they have been stalked online compared to 7% of young men and 25% of women reported that they have been sexually harassed compared to 13% of young men.

“One thing we do know is that women take harassment more seriously than men. 38% of women reported that their harassment was “extremely or very upsetting,” while only 17% of harassed men felt the same. This is perhaps another clue that women are facing more extreme harassment than men.”

I can certainly vouch for those statistics. Being harassed, stalked, and even sexually harassed is easy since all your perpetrator needs these days is a tablet or computer. Cyber-stalking is simply defined as harassing or threatening an individual online while remaining anonymous. This can be done through various social media apps, blogs, photo sharing sites, or email.

In most incidents, the victims’ former partners are usually the ones who are behind cyber-stalking. Especially in cases where there has been abuse, the dominant partner will still want to control his ex-partner even after the relationship has ended. If you are breaking up with an intimate partner – especially if they are abusive, troubled, angry or difficult – reset every single password on all of your accounts, from email and social networking accounts to bank accounts, to something they cannot guess.

Being stalked online is not fun. If you read my book, “Victim No More,” you know how I was single-out by a group of women (yes, grown women) as they tried to pull me part in every different direction all because I wanted to date and was interested in a guy who covers their favorite baseball team for a newspaper. How juvenile. Not only were people still looking at all my profiles even afterwards, but being cyberbullied was no fun either. (That’s a whole different ball game.)

First off, people need to remember that any information you provide on the Internet, even to trusted or popular sites, is potentially susceptible to hackers. Don’t be so open to give out your personal information. You then set yourself up for being stalked in person. Secondly, make changes to your privacy settings across platforms. Be careful to turn off location tracking and tagging in photos.

If you have accounts on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr, Instagram, and YouTube, for instance, make sure check your privacy settings on each and maximize them across the board. Geotagging automatically shows your location from your smartphone. This can be dangerous because a stalker can know where you are and, more importantly, if you’re at your home or away. Go to the application’s settings on your phone and disable geotagging or location features.

Also, unless you are using social media for business purposes, if you have multiple social media accounts, use a different username for each one. This will help protect your privacy and make things more difficult for a stalker. Also, the most important tip is to to hide your friend’s lists on Facebook. A stalker may try to reach out to a friend of yours in order to get close to you. Your friends or contact list can be managed through your privacy settings.

Stalkers may create a fake account impersonating someone else in hopes of getting close to you. If you get a new friend or follow request, don’t accept it. Delete it or do not click on it. Don’t message them and say, “Who is this?” or, “Do I know you?” as this can open lines of communication with someone who might be your stalker. Don’t interact in any way with your stalker. Whether you know them in your everyday life or you only know of their internet activity, stay away. They might try to escalate the situation or say things they know will upset you or intrigue you in order to get you to respond or write back. Don’t take the bait. Save every form of communication they send you and go to the police. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Google+, YouTube, Instagram all have options to completely block a person or a profile.

Remember, do not blame yourself if you are being stalked – YOU are not causing it.