Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Cyber-stalking: What is it and how to avoid it.

According to Pew Research Center, young women face vastly higher rates of online harassment in two of its most intense, dangerous and emotionally disruptive forms: sexual harassment and stalking.

26% of young women told Pew that they have been stalked online compared to 7% of young men and 25% of women reported that they have been sexually harassed compared to 13% of young men.

“One thing we do know is that women take harassment more seriously than men. 38% of women reported that their harassment was “extremely or very upsetting,” while only 17% of harassed men felt the same. This is perhaps another clue that women are facing more extreme harassment than men.”

I can certainly vouch for those statistics. Being harassed, stalked, and even sexually harassed is easy since all your perpetrator needs these days is a tablet or computer. Cyber-stalking is simply defined as harassing or threatening an individual online while remaining anonymous. This can be done through various social media apps, blogs, photo sharing sites, or email.

In most incidents, the victims’ former partners are usually the ones who are behind cyber-stalking. Especially in cases where there has been abuse, the dominant partner will still want to control his ex-partner even after the relationship has ended. If you are breaking up with an intimate partner – especially if they are abusive, troubled, angry or difficult – reset every single password on all of your accounts, from email and social networking accounts to bank accounts, to something they cannot guess.

Being stalked online is not fun. If you read my book, “Victim No More,” you know how I was single-out by a group of women (yes, grown women) as they tried to pull me part in every different direction all because I wanted to date and was interested in a guy who covers their favorite baseball team for a newspaper. How juvenile. Not only were people still looking at all my profiles even afterwards, but being cyberbullied was no fun either. (That’s a whole different ball game.)

First off, people need to remember that any information you provide on the Internet, even to trusted or popular sites, is potentially susceptible to hackers. Don’t be so open to give out your personal information. You then set yourself up for being stalked in person. Secondly, make changes to your privacy settings across platforms. Be careful to turn off location tracking and tagging in photos.

If you have accounts on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr, Instagram, and YouTube, for instance, make sure check your privacy settings on each and maximize them across the board. Geotagging automatically shows your location from your smartphone. This can be dangerous because a stalker can know where you are and, more importantly, if you’re at your home or away. Go to the application’s settings on your phone and disable geotagging or location features.

Also, unless you are using social media for business purposes, if you have multiple social media accounts, use a different username for each one. This will help protect your privacy and make things more difficult for a stalker. Also, the most important tip is to to hide your friend’s lists on Facebook. A stalker may try to reach out to a friend of yours in order to get close to you. Your friends or contact list can be managed through your privacy settings.

Stalkers may create a fake account impersonating someone else in hopes of getting close to you. If you get a new friend or follow request, don’t accept it. Delete it or do not click on it. Don’t message them and say, “Who is this?” or, “Do I know you?” as this can open lines of communication with someone who might be your stalker. Don’t interact in any way with your stalker. Whether you know them in your everyday life or you only know of their internet activity, stay away. They might try to escalate the situation or say things they know will upset you or intrigue you in order to get you to respond or write back. Don’t take the bait. Save every form of communication they send you and go to the police. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Google+, YouTube, Instagram all have options to completely block a person or a profile.

Remember, do not blame yourself if you are being stalked – YOU are not causing it.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner · 4 Comments

5 Things Feminism Isn’t.

Back in the day women were told how to catch and keep a man, how to breastfeed, how to raise a family, etc. These women were told how to be a housewife because that was all they were “supposedly” capable of doing. When women in the 1950’s found out that this was the way men actually, truly thought, they just weren’t outraged; they did something about it: and that is how the true feminism movement started. When women got together to talk, the words, “career” or “inferior to men” never were part of the discussion simply because they found themselves embarrassed to even mention it. The question then beckons, “Were feminists back in the 50’s and 60’s really the true definition of a rebel or were they just seen as troublemakers?”

Feminism is NOT the journey to find your true self. Even though there are writers, feminists, and even professors who will try and make you believe this but trust me, this concept is nothing but hogwash.

Feminist is just a word. It’s a word that conjures up hate, resentment, and setbacks. And Feminism does NOT make all our lives better as some will argue. You can demand the world take you seriously without it.

The truth is, only when people make extreme and take extreme measures, so movements get the attention they deserve. And with social media today, it’s a lot easier than you can imagine.

There is ample evidence that the more mainstream media girls consume, the more importance they place on being pretty and sexy. A 2006 survey of 2,000 girls showed that they repeatedly described the pressures of being perfect- thin, please everyone, and dress correctly. So instead of feeling that they have a choice in how to be a woman they want to be, they feel that they must not only have it all but be it all. ( Be smart and stunning and wear a tiara and a cape)

Here’s the lowdown:
1- Feminism will not help you find the right partner.

2- Feminism will do nothing for your sex life. The only thing it can be counted for is the fact that women now have the right to use birth control. But it doesn’t make your sex life better or worse.

3- Shaving or waxing your privates will not make you more feminine and it has nothing to do with feminism.

4-Those women who have plastic surgery to make themselves look better, due so because feminism beckons that they look perfect. Get a nose job so you can function, not so you can look perfect.

5- Feminists argue that dieting isn’t about being skinny, but that is it about having power.

It’s the way a women competes with a man in a “man’s world,” is nothing but hogwash. Dieting should be about health, not about competing against a man or for a man.

Equality.

If we keep saying that one sex is better than the other, how can we actually be equal?

Everyone, male or female deserve to be treated with respect. Everyone deserves love and everyone deserves a chance to be who they want to be.  That was the initial goal of feminism back in the day until the man-bashing women took over the movement. Just like I have learned that not all men are the same, the same can be said about women. All women aren’t into this man-bashing thing. Some of us are goodhearted, sweet, kind and understanding. So to all those men who have given up on finding someone who wants to give you the world, don’t. She is out there, I swear.

Everyone deserves true, real love that is given from the heart. Don’t ever doubt that you deserve it.

Life can be hectic, confusing, painful, unpredictable and who knows what may be around the next corner. But eventually you learn that the human spirit prevails, hearts open and love surprises-–often when we least expect it. And we don’t need “feminism” in order to know that.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner · 2 Comments

The Only Period I Talk About Online Is A Punctuation Mark

According to PlanInternational UK on Twitter, they think it’s time we had a #PeriodEmoji. Um, what? My answer to this simply this: Of all that is holy, no! Hell no! Saying in a tweet that we don’t talk about periods enough…. blah, blah, blah. Um, has it ever occurred to people that not everything needs to be on social media? Has it ever occurred to PlanInternationalUK, that as a woman, we talk about periods enough and we talk about them in private with our closest friends? Has it ever occurred to people that don’t need #emojis for everything we do in life?

Yes, having your period is normal if you are a woman. But what one woman said to me in response to this crazy post was that it’s about “reproduction.” My answer to that is no, it’s not. Not every woman can reproduce. The fact that a woman is menstruating doesn’t necessarily mean that she can conceive and carry a baby to term. Some women continue to have periods but don’t ovulate at all. This medical condition is known as anovulation. You’re born with a fixed number of eggs but the number and health of your eggs declines as you get older. Infertility affects approximately 6.7 million women in the United States. Maybe that is something we should be talking about. Maybe we should be talking about adoption and making the process a lot easier than it is for those women who wish to be moms. But to adopt these days, you need to be a celebrity and have an abundance of money. There are probably a lot of children who don’t have a home that would have one if it wasn’t for this ridiculously insane high cost. But I will say that it is possible to find ways to arrange a private newborn adoption for $6,000 to $8,000; and not the $30,000 price tag of some adoptions. A lot of the price depends on two major factors, the lawyer fees and if the adoptive family is helping pay for medical expenses. And as I am in the process of writing my book, “The Road To Adoption,” there are many hurdles for couples and single moms/dads, especially if you try to adopt using the foster care system.

Again, as a social media expert I am telling everyone out there that not everything we do in life or experience in life needs to be on social media. It’s called social media for us to be social, it’s not a place where we should, let alone, need to share private things that happen in our lives. And seeing how some people are using personal Facebook pages as a business tool, which is a no-no for so many reasons, you will eventually kill your own brand by oversharing information with the public.

It’s normal to have our periods but tell me why on Earth we need to let everyone online know it? That’s ridiculous! What’s next? Are we going to have emjolis to let everyone know we are having wet dreams, having sex, or that we have sexual diseases?

Enough is enough. The topics we should be discussing we ignore and the things we don’t need to discuss we do. The social media generation needs to learn how to distinguish between what should be public and what should be private. Remember, once you push the send button that’s all it takes for your posts to stay online forever. Be wary and careful as to what you put online- it can bite you later on.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Why A Day Without A Woman Is A Joke

The first official National Woman’s Day, held in New York City was on February 28, 1909. (The organizers, members of the Socialist Party of America, wanted it to be on a Sunday so that working women could participate.) Thousands of people showed up to various events uniting the suffragist and socialist causes, whose goals had often been at odds. Women were demanding voting rights, better pay and shorter working hours. Labor organizer Leonora O’Reilly and others addressed the crowd at the main meeting in the Murray Hill Lyceum, at 34th Street and Third Avenue. In Brooklyn, writer Charlotte Perkins Gilman (of “The Yellow Wall-paper” fame) told the congregation of the Parkside Church: “It is true that a woman’s duty is centered in her home and motherhood…[but] home should mean the whole country, and not be confined to three or four rooms or a city or a state.”

On March 19, 1911 (the 40th anniversary of the Paris Commune, a radical socialist government that briefly ruled France in 1871), the first International Woman’s Day was held, drawing more than 1 million people to rallies worldwide. With the outbreak of World War I in 1914, most attempts at social reform ground to a halt, but women continued to march and demonstrate on International Woman’s Day.

Most dramatically, a massive demonstration led by Russian feminist Alexandra Kollontai that began on February 23, 1917 (according to Russia’s Gregorian calendar; it was March 8 in the West) proved to be a link in the chain of events that led to the abdication of Czar Nicholas II and the Russian Revolution. After the czar’s abdication, the provisional government formed until a constituent assembly could be elected became the first government of a major power to grant women the right to vote.

In 1975, recognized as International Women’s Year, the United Nations General Assembly began celebrating March 8th as International Women’s Day.

(Courtesy of The History Channel)

In 2017, the official theme for International Women’s Day is #BeBoldforChange, a campaign that calls on its supporters “to help forge a better working world—a more gender inclusive world.”

the organizers of the Woman’s March and the planned International Women’s Strike are asking women to go even further: take the day off from paid and unpaid labor, refrain from shopping and wear red in solidarity.

Just once I would like to see the women in the United States of America march/protest for the women in countries where the women don’t have any rights, let alone, don’t have the same freedoms that they do. But they won’t. I can guarantee that some of these liberal women will be marching/protesting against Trump like the sheep that they are.

“A day without a woman” sounds silly to me. Yes, women do a lot to make the world go around. Hell, we are the ones who carry the children and give birth. Some women are the bread and butter of their families. And some women are single moms and do it all. How come we can’t just celebrate womanhood? Can women actually march/protest seriously? What do I mean by seriously? I mean, can women actually march/protest without wearing pussy hats or V-jay hats, ( what ever you wish to call them), costumes of private parts, carry signs that are pointless and screaming vulgar things?

Ironically, women want to be taken seriously but then look like children having a tantrum doing marches/protests as this. None of this marching and protesting is helping to do anything but further divide an already seriously divided country. (And these women are blind to this since they think this stuff actually helps)

What ever happened to actually being proactive? Now we march, protest and look like fools for everything. International Women’s Day has now lost it’s value. How about having luncheons, ladies night out, donating to women charities, or helping out women-based businesses? You want to be proactive, I just gave you four suggestions.

You want equal pay? Taking a day off doesn’t help your case, actually it hurts it. And remember, a paycheck doesn’t show appreciation, which is what we should be celebrating today; appreciation for women. Yes, equal pay is important, but once again, women are going about that the wrong way.

I’m proud to be a woman and I don’t need a pussy hat, wear red, hold a protest sign, shout obscenities or some stupid chant that all the sheep are screaming to be a proud woman. I look back and see just how far we have come and I am proud of that. I instead decide to out work ’em, out read ’em, out last’em, Show up. Something today’s woman could and should take note. When you focus on problems, you will have more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you will have more opportunities. Life is all about – Choices. Options. Opportunities. And today’s woman in the USA can make many of her own choices, has many different options presented to her and is given many opportunities to shine.

So to all the women who feel that they are oppressed because of our government, name me one of your rights that was taken away, that you no longer have since January 19th. Don’t worry, I’ll wait, while you try to come up with one.

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner · 2 Comments

Singlehood: Click Here To Enter

Women these days, if you haven’t noticed, are shamed into believing that there is something wrong with them if they are in their thirties and still single. Online dating has surged beyond belief, because it’s better to be in a relationship and miserable than it is to be single and happy.
It’s hard to completely understand this phenomenon that is online dating. People claim that they want to be liked for “why they really are,” while at the same time, their dating profiles reflect white lies in order to be liked and accepted by the opposite sex.

All those sites that claim that they can find you your “perfect match,” are pulling at your heartstrings and not to mention, your wallets, and people are falling for it at a completely large rate. Here’s what I don’t get, if they claim that their scientific algorithms work, why do you need to spend 9 -12 months to find someone with whom you should totally click with right away? The answer is this, you are never truly someone’s choice. Instead you are one of many options in case the one person they thought was, “the one,” failed them and they need to move on quickly.

Online dating is like going to the casino. They want you to keep going at it, so you keep putting money in the machine because according the the odd makers, something will eventually click and you’ll hit the jackpot.

Relationships that start online don’t last as long as relationships that start offline.

Researchers from Stanford and Michigan State University found that breakups between unmarried and married people happened more with couples who met online, rather than couples who met in “offline venues.” See, the founders and CEO’s of all these online dating sites know that when it comes to love women are desperate, easily manipulated, and trustworthy.

As a fellow female I am here to awaken every female to the lies these online dating sites spew. Here are five facts that I have uncovered about online dating that they don’t want you to know.

5- What every site has failed to recognize is that there really is no way to successfully predict that a relationship will last, especially when the most crucial information is not collected:

A) Individuals Characteristics of each partner which include personalities, attitudes and if each partner is relatively stable.

B) Quality of interactions – This can only be measured in person, not online. This includes how well the couple will communicate and also support each other.

C) Unforeseen Circumstances: This includes stress, financial problems, cultures, family issues, etc.

4- Two Words: Choice Overload. This is where people undermine their ability to make a good, well thought out decision due to having way too many options available to them. So most likely you will end up “thinking” that you chose the “correct” partner, when in fact you picked the wrong one.

3- One of the things that all these sites have in common is this: The insert fear that unless you are on their dating site you will NEVER find your “soul-mate.” They tug at your heartstrings to make you believe that you mate is on the other side of your computer screen, when the truth is that you can meet the love of your life ANYWHERE.

2-Some dating sites just don’t get the meaning of the word, “dating” and allow for married men and women to look for sex so they can cheat on their husbands and wives. And there are actually some online sites dedicated to helping married folks cheat which is disgusting! Again, it’s 1 out of every 10 on those dating sites that are married and don’t spill the beans on that either. The online dating world is also filled with criminals and sexual predators. Again, its 1 out of every 10. Remember, the FTC and FDA don’t regulate these sites- ever! The online dating world is filled to the brim with scam artists all who use emotional hooking to get their prey. 1 out of every 10 users is a scammer. Guys who get women to send them money or use them in such a way are on EVERY dating site you can find.

1-Finding a partner is not like finding a new car or a new pair of jeans. You can’t simply wake up one morning, say to yourself, “I need a husband or wife,” and then look through thousands of models until you find the right one. REAL love doesn’t work that way.

Sometimes being single is a choice you make. It doesn’t mean lonely or desperate. It just means “content and drama free.” It’s always better to be single and wait for the right person to come along then it is to be in a relationship, “just because.” Don’t let society tell you that you aren’t worth it if you aren’t in a relationship. That’s why they call it falling in love, because you just fall. You don’t force yourself to trip.