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Sex, Lies, and Abuse: How the #MeToo Won’t Change Anything

If you ever read my review on “Fifty Shades of Grey,” then you know where I will be going with this article. If you never did read it, let me paraphrase it here for you: “Christian Grey has sadistic sex that leaves Anastasia sometimes bleeding and too bruised to move. The fact that Fifty Shades has taken eroticism violence against women and re-branded it as romance, is something of complete irony. Love is not abuse, and abuse is not love. Just because our society today have erased the shame of hooking up and joke openly about adult entertainment, doesn’t mean that we should fall for what Christian Grey truly is: an abuser. What the movie “Fifty Shades” wants women to believe is that women can fix violent, controlling men by being obedient and loving. That in a nutshell is false. It’s not okay for a man to use sex to control, manipulate and introduce pain to a woman. Christian Grey believes the physical pain a man would inflict on a woman is not as bad as the pain of losing him. Not cool. Not cool at all.”

I can tell you that Fifty Shades of Grey grossed $166.2 million in North America and $404.8 million in other territories for a worldwide total of $571 million, against a budget of $40 million! And most of the women who went to see this movie, bought merchandise and the book, NEVER complained about sexual harassment, sexual abuse or sexual assault. They were also part of this #MeToo movement, which is hypocrisy at it’s finest.

The #MeToo movement has gone from bad to worse. It doesn’t help women at all. Instead it takes the core part of what true feminism is; equality in the workplace, and make it even harder for women. What man in his right mind is going to now want to hire a woman, let alone be left alone with a woman in his office? And what is worse is the fact that some women are taking advantage of the situation by using their sexual relationships they have had in the past with men they worked with, relationships that were consented. Not to mention that sleeping with a boss or co-worker, didn’t get them to where they wanted in the workplace or that the relationship ended badly, they now turn around and say that they were sexually assaulted. Some have also been proven to have falsified evidence to say that they were abused forty years ago.

That’s another thing. If you are abused, you don’t wait forty years and then turn around and say, “Oh, I was afraid for my career at the time, or that I didn’t think people would believe me.” And I am supposed to believe you now? The woman’s health and mental state should ALWAYS come before career. And in that forty years that you wait, you let the guy develop a pattern of behavior. Besides the fact that people do change over that amount of time as well. I can personally tell you that I am not the same woman I was twenty years ago. I can only imagine how these men must feel who are being accused of this, forty years later. I don’t care if it was five years ago, either. Time to come out and say something is the moment it happens, not when the “best opportunity” for the woman to come forward.

That is wrong on so many levels.

Also, has it ever occurred to some people, that willingly sleeping with a boss or co-worker is not assault? The only time it is assault is if you are blackmailed to do so. Then it’s classified as rape. When it is not consented sex, and the man continues to do so, that is considered rape. Rape is, never okay. I repeat, rape is never okay. Now we as society are still dealing with rape, as being one of the highest percentage of crimes year after year, but the media doesn’t talk about it. You hear stories on the news, but there is never a discussion on any talk show of how to curb this crime. Rape kits are also to blame for why most guys “get away with it”

Last week in my of my hockey groups, this guy posted a picture of a woman in the front row behind the bench, wearing a low cut white shirt, along with her coat, opened, and a hat on. You can bet that there were sexist comments, as you would think there would be, on a post like that. The bottom line of why I bring it up is simply this:

This girl wore that shirt on purpose. It’s obvious. But the funny thing is, she’ll wear that shirt, be noticed for all the wrong reasons, and then turn around and sue guys for sexual harassment. (I’m making a point, not saying that this girl in the photo will do that.) That’s what’s wrong with it. Not the fact that she set guys up to even look at her. She totally knew the deal. The sad part is she used her body for that attention instead of her mind. When women stop falling for the “Let’s dress a certain way to be noticed,” crap, then maybe a woman can be appreciated for her brains, not her boobs.

On WFAN’s Facebook page, which is totally being bombarded with negative posts about it’s new afternoon show. I saw a few very sexists comments that talked about how women do’t know how to talk about sports. That women have no place in that category. See; double standard is still alive. Men think they know “everything” and that women are “dumb, stupid, out of touch, or belong elsewhere.”  Maybe when men’s perceptions of women change, women will change. After all, both sexes tend to do things to please the other instead of doing things that please themselves.  We try so hard to make everyone else around us happy, that we forget that the most important person’s happiness is our own.

If that is the one lesson that we all can learn from #MeToo, then I hope most learn it. Remember, respect is earned, not a given.  You need to respect yourself first and foremost if you ever want someone else to reciprocate that respect.  I hope in 2018, the media makes a woman famous for expanding her mind, not her breasts.

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The NFL and Hollywood: The definition of hypocrites

“….a women’s responsibility not to “provoke” domestic violence.” Those were Stephen A. Smith’s actual words on ESPN in 2014, in reference to Ray Rice’s two game suspension from the NFL for knocking out his wife, Janay, in an Atlantic City resort elevator. (Meanwhile, for those who don’t follow the NFL, Robert Mathis, another football player, was suspended for four games for taking Clomid, to help him & his wife have a third child in 2014.)

To say that a woman is “responsible” for a man’s actions is not only absurd, it is sexist. Let me enlighten ALL men that, a women doesn’t “ask” to get beaten and in the same breath, she doesn’t “ask” or “invite” any man to rape her either. The only actions a woman is responsible for are her own. Period.

Not the cold hard facts on domestic violence: The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports that 1 in 4 women will be victims of domestic violence at some point in their lives, 1.3 million women are assaulted by their partner every year, 85% of domestic violence reported is against women. It is estimated that 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend to 3 million women are physically abused by their husband or boyfriend per year. Women ages 20-24 are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence. Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.

Domestic Abuse starts off small. #1 FACT: Most domestic violence incidents are never reported. Domestic violence isn’t just an argument every once in a while. Domestic violence is an ongoing pattern of abusive behavior when one person chooses to control the relationship through force or intimidation. Fear and embarrassment are the reasons that many women do not wish to report the abuse or do anything to stop it. This is the reason most abused women stay in those relationships and blame themselves for the abuse.

And in the case of millions of actors and actresses not coming forward about being sexual harassed, or raped, until years later, the reason highlights itself. They were afraid of being blackballed in Hollywood.  How much further will this topic go? Will we just forget about sexual abuse, sexual harassment,  and sexism when this Weinstein story blows over? Because that is usually what happens. We never “fix” problems, or come up with solutions. All we do is talk things to death and then move on.

Same could be said about the NFL now. They are worst hypocrites. They make all their players wear pink for “Breast Cancer Awareness” and then they allow players to get second chance after second chance when they commit a crime against a woman.  They are afraid to lay down rules as we see with the National Anthem, as we are witnessing. Can you imagine the powerhouse the NFL could really be if they had strict rules that were enforced, educated the players on domestic violence, and then turned around and educated the public?  Can you imagine what true role models those in Hollywood would be in they stood up against sexual crimes, in spite of their own careers?

We can all help eliminate domestic violence and sexual crimes. Can we stop it? Probably not 100% but we can educate others after we educate ourselves first.  We should do this because every child, woman and man deserves that, no questions asked.

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Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

5 DIY Ideas For Planning A Wedding

Planning a wedding can totally consume you with excitement, yet it can very quickly become very stressful. Any way you look at it, DIY (Do It Yourself) started way before someone came up with the actual concept and marketed it. Today, DIY weddings are all the rage and the main purpose of doing a DIY wedding, is to add some beauty without breaking the bank. Here are 5 things that you can do on your own,instead of spending money on.

5. Framed Blackboard Wedding Program

One of the reasons to do this is because paper programs are often thrown away. Having a chalkboard in the lobby, at the door of the church, or reception, adds fun, charm, and it’s a great communication tool.

4. Ribbon-Tied Chairs

You don’t need to break the bank on having all the chairs in the reception or ceremony decorated. With the selection at a craft store to chose from, all you need to do is purchase colors that your bridal party of wearing and tie the ribbon to each chair where the ribbon will flow in the back of each chair.

3. Place Cards

Today, place cards don’t need to be so fancy. You create the template, and you create the style in which you would like to use. For example, it can be as simple as a cardstock piece of paper, or as creative as using Instagram photos of your guests. The point is, it’s up to you to get creative and you can save money on this part of the budget.

2. Welcome Bags

Whether you have out of townees or family/bridal party staying over at the hotel, the welcome bags are easy to make and won’t cost you an arm and a leg to make either! You can chose from paper gift bags, to cloth bags, to even plastic tote bags, the choices are endless. With dollar stores springing up everywhere, picking up soap, shampoo, advil, etc, to fill the bags won’t cost you a bunch either.

1. Photo Albums

There is no need for you to have photographer put together the photo albums for your parents, in-laws, and your memories anymore. With sites online such as, Shutterfly, Smugmug, and Snapfish, putting together the priceless moments, has become easy, painless, and less costly.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Chapter Eleven: 7 Reasons Why You Are Still Single

Chapter Eleven: 7 Reasons Why You Are Still Single( From The Book, Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd Ed)

“I hate being single!” or “Why am I so unlucky in love?” Do these sound familiar? If so, then welcome to Singlehood. I will admit, some people are really unlucky when it comes to love. I have seen it first hand. There are those who are still single due to being left in the “pool” while others are single due to being their own worst enemy. Then of course you have those people who call you “desperate.” Lets get one stereotype cleared up though: I am not desperate because I am single. I am single because I am not desperate. There’s a difference. If you are running from relationship to relationship, then okay, you are desperate. But if you struggling to find someone and you have your standards, you are NOT desperate, you are smart.

This chapter is NOT for those people. The ones who are smart enough to take a step back, look at the situation, and go slow finding someone to have a real relationship with instead of rushing themselves to the altar, are the ones who will “win” in the dating game.

This is for those who are sabotaging any chance they get at having a relationship and there are seven good reasons why you are still single.

Let’s start off small:

1- You have annoying habits that scare people away.

I know someone who has this annoying habit of talking with food in their mouth. I also know someone who is obsessed with their blackberry or iPhone. You interrupt people while they are talking and talk about something else or just talk on and on. This behavior was another relationship breaker that was mentioned.

2- You don’t pay attention and constantly make the other person repeat.

It doesn’t cost anything to pay attention. If someone is talking to you and you are too busy doing something else, what does that say about how you value the other person? We as a society need to learn to listen better. Most people just listen for the cue to when it’s their turn to speak. They don’t actually listen to what is being said.

3- Loyalty, Honesty and Trust issues.

Let me give you the straight definition of each term. Loyalty is faithfulness or a devotion to a person, country, group, or cause. Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness and straightforwardness along with the absence of lying, cheating or theft. And Trust is, the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. These three are tied together. When you don’t have one in any relationship, you don’t have any of them. When you are loyal, you don’t cheat. When you have faith that the person you love only loves you; then you have trust. And when you trust someone, you know that they are being fully honest with you about every aspect of the relationship.

4- You constantly talk about your ex or previous relationship nonstop.

I know some ladies who constantly talk about previous relationships as if they are still continuing. If you still talk about it, you still care about it. Period. When you have serious baggage you cannot and SHOULD NOT even start to think about having a new relationship. Work through and get over the previous relationship, before moving on to a new one. This is mistake that many single ladies make. They hop into a new relationship just so they can forget about how “Dave” ripped their heart into a million pieces, or they sleep with the first guy that glances over at them in a bar, restaurant, gym, etc. This is also very “desperate” behavior which signifies very deep self-worth, self-esteem issues. When you settle just for “anyone” to get over someone with whom you had an emotional and physical relationship with, you are setting yourself up for an even a bigger disaster. Then of course you have people who go out with someone just to get over their ex or because they fear being “alone” and then end up engaged but still hung over their previous ex. Here’s the thing: If you are not crazy about the person you are about to marry, take a step back. This doesn’t mean go chasing down your ex, since you cannot make someone else want to be with you. But you will be doing yourself and your future husband/wife a disservice by marrying them, when it’s obvious your heart is not in it. Remember, Love won’t grow just because you marry.

To get over an ex, you need time in between relationships. Jumping from relationship to relationship will not help you at all. The fact is rebounding is dangerous because you’re at your most vulnerable and have not had enough time to mourn the loss of your previous relationship and move on. You’re still suffering from heartbreak, even if you deny it. When you meet someone else without getting over the previous relationship, you don’t fall in love with someone but fall completely infatuated with the feelings you are feeling instead. You may gush over the rebounder, but the reality is, that you’re trying to recapture the feelings you had while you were with your ex.

You also have not given yourself time to look at WHY your previous relationship failed. Subconsciously you will make the same exact mistakes with this relationship that you just made with your previous one. So how long should you wait before getting involved with someone new? If you were together for six months, you wait 3 months. If you were together for 12 months, you wait 6 months. The key is to give yourself enough time to get through the pain you feel and get over him/her. That means erasing his/her number from your cell phone, erasing text messages, voice messages and deleting them from your social network. When you can do that, then you are over them.

5- You have a negative outlook on life.

First, don’t complain about someone not treating you right. If you know you deserve more, then why are you with them? Negativity breeds negativity just like positivity breeds positivity. If you have the “woe is me,” attitude, who wants to be around that and listen to it 24/7? I know that I don’t. Who wants to keep hearing how work stinks, how much you wish you could live somewhere else, or how everyone around you is having babies and families but not you?

6- You are oversharing too fast.

Making a full disclosure within the first few meetings can be disastrous since you are not aware how the other person is going to react to the “skeletons” you reveal. Again, your new date doesn’t need to know why you hate your family, why your previous relationships didn’t work, your money issues, etc. Once you share something, you can’t take it back either. Over-sharing. It has always been a problem but has become more so in the digital age. Just look at Facebook and how everyone shares every aspect of their lives. Everyone needs to know everything about everyone. And that’s a bad situation for someone who is meeting someone for the first time. People with bad intentions can get your information and either manipulate you with it or share it with others you don’t necessarily want it shared with. Then you will have put yourself in a position you could have avoided. Also, do NOT become Facebook “friends” with new suitors either. I would actually block them from finding you on Facebook and then once you get to know them, and feel confident/comfortable with them, allow them to then become your online friend as well. Remember, less history equals more mystery. More mystery leads to more dates. More dates leads to having a serious relationship. And if you want to let your potential suitors see your Facebook page, then you must be cautious as to what you post publicly. Remember, what you post can generally come back to bite you in the ass. It happens all the time. Don’t let it happen to you.

7- You have fantasy-like, unrealistic ideas about the opposite sex.

Sadly some women just want to meet a tall, handsome guy who has money and other perks that will make them live happily ever after. The problem with fairy tales is that they set a girl up for disappointment. In real life, the Prince goes off with the wrong Princess. If all you want is to be somebody’s “trophy wife,” you really are setting yourself up for disaster, heartbreak, and torture. Relationships shouldn’t be based on looks, money or perks. Relationships should be based on personality, compatibility, and civility. There’s a difference between being picky and being discriminating. Being picky is about focusing on traits and other details that look good on the surface. Being discriminating is about using good judgment and focusing on how well a man treats you and how you connect with him. (same for a man, a woman should treat you with respect as well.)

You must be clear about what qualities you’re willing to live with and what you can’t live without.

In today’s society we are all told that men need to be with someone “hot” and that women need to find a man with money. Don’t fall for what society tells you. Look at how screwed up it is. Never apologize for having HIGH standards because people who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them. Stop dreaming about the fairy tale, stop wanting a guy to put you on a pedestal, and stop wanting the movie-like romance. Relationships are REAL. Treat them with a dose a reality, not fantasy.

There is someone for everyone, just because you haven’t met that special someone, does not mean you never will. Take this time in your single life to focus on you and love yourself, so when the right person comes along, you can wholeheartedly share that love with them too.

The Links To Purchase Book are here: http://www.stephaniedolce.com

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Singlehood: Click Here To Enter

Women these days, if you haven’t noticed, are shamed into believing that there is something wrong with them if they are in their thirties and still single. Online dating has surged beyond belief, because it’s better to be in a relationship and miserable than it is to be single and happy.
It’s hard to completely understand this phenomenon that is online dating. People claim that they want to be liked for “why they really are,” while at the same time, their dating profiles reflect white lies in order to be liked and accepted by the opposite sex.

All those sites that claim that they can find you your “perfect match,” are pulling at your heartstrings and not to mention, your wallets, and people are falling for it at a completely large rate. Here’s what I don’t get, if they claim that their scientific algorithms work, why do you need to spend 9 -12 months to find someone with whom you should totally click with right away? The answer is this, you are never truly someone’s choice. Instead you are one of many options in case the one person they thought was, “the one,” failed them and they need to move on quickly.

Online dating is like going to the casino. They want you to keep going at it, so you keep putting money in the machine because according the the odd makers, something will eventually click and you’ll hit the jackpot.

Relationships that start online don’t last as long as relationships that start offline.

Researchers from Stanford and Michigan State University found that breakups between unmarried and married people happened more with couples who met online, rather than couples who met in “offline venues.” See, the founders and CEO’s of all these online dating sites know that when it comes to love women are desperate, easily manipulated, and trustworthy.

As a fellow female I am here to awaken every female to the lies these online dating sites spew. Here are five facts that I have uncovered about online dating that they don’t want you to know.

5- What every site has failed to recognize is that there really is no way to successfully predict that a relationship will last, especially when the most crucial information is not collected:

A) Individuals Characteristics of each partner which include personalities, attitudes and if each partner is relatively stable.

B) Quality of interactions – This can only be measured in person, not online. This includes how well the couple will communicate and also support each other.

C) Unforeseen Circumstances: This includes stress, financial problems, cultures, family issues, etc.

4- Two Words: Choice Overload. This is where people undermine their ability to make a good, well thought out decision due to having way too many options available to them. So most likely you will end up “thinking” that you chose the “correct” partner, when in fact you picked the wrong one.

3- One of the things that all these sites have in common is this: The insert fear that unless you are on their dating site you will NEVER find your “soul-mate.” They tug at your heartstrings to make you believe that you mate is on the other side of your computer screen, when the truth is that you can meet the love of your life ANYWHERE.

2-Some dating sites just don’t get the meaning of the word, “dating” and allow for married men and women to look for sex so they can cheat on their husbands and wives. And there are actually some online sites dedicated to helping married folks cheat which is disgusting! Again, it’s 1 out of every 10 on those dating sites that are married and don’t spill the beans on that either. The online dating world is also filled with criminals and sexual predators. Again, its 1 out of every 10. Remember, the FTC and FDA don’t regulate these sites- ever! The online dating world is filled to the brim with scam artists all who use emotional hooking to get their prey. 1 out of every 10 users is a scammer. Guys who get women to send them money or use them in such a way are on EVERY dating site you can find.

1-Finding a partner is not like finding a new car or a new pair of jeans. You can’t simply wake up one morning, say to yourself, “I need a husband or wife,” and then look through thousands of models until you find the right one. REAL love doesn’t work that way.

Sometimes being single is a choice you make. It doesn’t mean lonely or desperate. It just means “content and drama free.” It’s always better to be single and wait for the right person to come along then it is to be in a relationship, “just because.” Don’t let society tell you that you aren’t worth it if you aren’t in a relationship. That’s why they call it falling in love, because you just fall. You don’t force yourself to trip.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Links of The Best Of Stephanie Articles…

Here are 7 articles Stephanie has written that have been featured articles for Blogher and SheKnows.

Why Women Should Enjoy Having Orgasms As Much As Men Do Link: http://www.blogher.com/why-women-should-enjoy-having-orgasms-much-men-do
The High Risks of STDs and Online Dating Link: http://www.blogher.com/online-dating-and-stds-go-together-cookies-and-milk

Why Women In Their 20s Can Learn A Lot From Women In Their 40s Link: http://www.blogher.com/why-women-their-20s-can-learn-lot-women-their-40s
#womenslives I Want to Adopt and Become a Single Parent Someday Link: http://www.blogher.com/my-5-reasons-why-i-want-adopt-and-become-single-parent-someday

The 20 Worst Pick-Up Lines Of All Time Link: http://www.blogher.com/20-worst-pick-lines-all-time

Do You Believe In Fate? Are Two People Simply “Meant to Be”? Link: http://www.blogher.com/there-such-thing-fate

Turn Your Good Sex Into AMAZING Sex Link: http://www.blogher.com/how-turn-good-sex-amazing-sex

 

 

 

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An Open Letter To Men Everywhere

Dear Guys,

When are some men going to learn how to treat women with consideration and respect? While some men know how to treat women kindly, the rest of the men just plainly don’t know how! See, here’s what some of you guys tend to forget: We all have been hurt in our past. Yet, getting back at the past while in the present is counterproductive and hurtful to others.

 

You can’t change the past. You can, however, learn to move past it. The girlfriend who dumped you, the ex-wife who made you bitter, and everyone else who did you wrong don’t matter anymore. The past actually shapes you into the man you are today. Remember, quit making excuses about your life. Nobody made you the way you are. You made that choice yourself. If you stay in the past, then you miss the good-hearted people in front of you, like the female friend you flirt with and are scared to date.

Some women are patient and will wait for you to be ready, while other women will just move on without you and leave you in the past.

Friendships with women are special, and very different from your friendships with the guys. If you want to keep their friendship and are the gentleman you say you are, then stop sending mixed signals. If you don’t want their attention, then don’t act like you do. And if you already showed your interest and then backed off with no explanation, you are then hurting someone who is very special.

Guys, why do some of you act like a person you’d never want near your sister? Stop the immature and hurtful behavior. Try honesty, respect and consideration, all ingredients for friendship. Besides, there is a thing called karma, and she never forgets an address. If you love her, then prove it. If you need her, then show her. If you never show her, then your words eventually mean nothing.

Think of it this way, would you want your daughters or sisters to be treated with such disrespect and dishonesty? Divorced men with daughters should remember that when you grow a friendship with a woman. Tell her that you are a family man. Don’t treat her like you are interested, only to spew the line months later, “I just don’t want to mislead you.” Karma will come back around when it’s your daughter’s turn to date. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Just know that the best way to handle any situation is to talk. Yeah, we know you guys hate that, but with communication comes understanding. Sometimes, all a woman wants is for you to fight for her. Make her believe that you may want this relationship more than she does. If you want your relationship to move forward, you have to let go of the past and learn to write your own future.

Sincerely,

Women Everywhere