communication – Stephanie 's Corner

Coming in 2021 is the follow up to my best selling book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd Ed” The book will be titled; ” Relationship Impossible,” as we continue to discuss online dating, dating apps, social media, double standards, men and dating, single-hood, sex advice for women and men plus a lot more.

With technology being the sole way that people today communicate, there has been a lot said of social media and of texting. Many people use direct messaging as a way to talk to someone without having to “give up” their phone number right away to talk. This also can be seen as a red flag because any guy that keeps refusing to give out his number is mostly cheating. BUT… in the beginning DM’s are the most popular way to reach out and “touch” someone in 2020. This method of communication brings a lot confusion and misery at the same time because a lot of guys leave girls on read.

For those who are still in the dark days of communication, here is what to be “left on read” means: To read someone’s message or messages and not give any response, particularly on an instant messaging application where it is visible to any user as to whether or not the person has read a message. Now that we cleared this up, here are 5 reasons a guy leaves a girl on read: ( The explanation for each will be in the book.)

1) They are avoiding conflict.

2) They are overwhelmed.

3) They lack confidence.

4) They don’t see your worth.

5) They don’t know what to say.

NOTE: Just because it says read, doesn‘t mean it was meant to be read. They might‘ve seen the message come in, not wanted to open it, accidentally did and just moved on without responding. Or they are attracted to you and like you—so they are going to play a little game. They are going to make you think the complete opposite. Which can always back fire on a guy- they don’t think it will, but 9 out of 10 times it does. Some girls then get bitchy ( myself included) and after weeks go by, leave a nasty, “You are such a jackass,” type message for not answering me at all. This is how this “strategy” the guys seem to think will work back fires because they made us think number 4 on the list, when in fact they see our worth but want to play games instead.

Being left on read, just doesn’t happen in the dating/relationship world. It also happens in the social media world of athletes and fans. Have you ever responded to an athletes Instagram story and hoped to get a response? Have you ever sent them a message and hoped they would respond to you? If the answer is yes, then you are not alone. 95% of fans of sports teams and athletes have sent messages to their favorite players to only be left on read. 5% of athletes actually respond back. That is a fact. This is because of course, number 4 on the list, where they think they are “better” than you and that you don’t deserve a simple response back. Now, if your message is one of hate you don’t deserve them to a respond but instead you deserve a good kick in the ass for being rude and vile. That type of stuff is uncalled for!

Athletes as I have pointed out in the past, don’t understand social media as well as they think they do. There is so much power within the platforms that they don’t use it as it is intended but rather use it to make themselves, time and time again, look ignorant. ( See Chapter 7: Social Media and Dating Apps: A New Game for Today’s Athletes. )

The “hook up” culture will also be discussed at length but I also will touch on the sex industry once again.
In the best seller, which was also up for book of the year 2016, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid 2nd ed” we discussed that not only is porn one of the top selling industries, but also adult toy and sex accessories are a growing second. There are websites for guys, for girls, and for couples. And more and more women are having “slumber” parties and I don’t mean sleepovers. (see, its not just the guys!) here is a website that is designed for women to purchase sex toys, sex guides, sex outfits, (you know like sexy maid, sexy cheerleader, sex firefighter,) and sex products that add a little erotica to a playful evening. The best thing is that this company is like “Tupperware or Avon” where women can work and they get to go to another woman’s house and “show off’ the products. (No guys, there are no
demonstrations, sorry to burst your bubble there.)

** You can purchase Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd Ed Here —-> Link **

When people speak, do you listen, really, listen? Most people don’t. Instead they just wait until it’s their turn to speak. In relationships, communication is the most important factor in either keeping afloat or sinking. Here are 20 tips on how you can become a better listener or communicate better.

20. Do not answering your phone, retrieve or respond texts, shut off the computer, and turn off the TV. Despite what you may think, you cannot do two things at once well. And listening to what someone is saying should be your only priority.

19. Besides distractions causing people not to be able to listen to the person who is talking is the fact that sometimes we don’t talk directly to the person we want to speak too. We talk through other people or for other people, and what tends to happen is that the listener gets a mixed message.

18. If you plan on having a conversation with someone, one of the worse things you can do is dance around the issues you want to discuss in fear of hurting feelings or looking bad. No one is a mind reader! There’s a way to have an uncomfortable conversation without lashing out at the person you are talking too. Remember, how can you fix a situation if you don’t get the nerve to talk?

17. To become a better listener requires you to actually not be the one to do all the talking. Let the other person do the talking as well.

16. To break the ice with someone, use a means of communication that you are comfortable with. This helps loosen tensions and also helps you start the conservation.

15. Before cell phones or even telephones, people use to talk face to face. If you want to become a better listener you need to be able to read a person’s body language and you can’t do that on the phone.

14. Of course to get your point across sometimes the best thing to do is write it down. A letter is a great way of having someone “listen” to what you are feeling or wanting to say because here they have to actually focus in on what you wrote and they don’t get to interrupt your train of thought.

13. Know the signs of either changing the subject, moving on, or changing your tone. This starts with you. If you find your voice getting louder, step outside yourself and realize that the person you are talking to may start to get defensive. If you quickly change your tone you will save yourself from having an argument.

12. Screaming at someone isn’t going to help your cause at all. How can anyone listen to you if you are yelling?

11. This is more for the men out there than the women. Men seem to make big promises and then fail to keep them. If you are going to say things, live up to them. Because if you keep saying one thing and doing another no one is going to want to listen to you anymore.

10. You can use social media to your advantage when it comes to practicing listening. Again, it goes back to reading a letter. You need to read every word and let it stink in before you respond. So many people just like to make noise instead of making actual conversation online.

9. If you want the well rounded relationship, being able to communicate and listen are the two most important puzzle pieces.

8. If you have ineffective communication skills, the cycle will keep going until you fix the problems. And most likely this means that you lack good listening skills.

7. How can you expect someone to know what you feel, want, or need or you don’t speak up? Mind readers don’t exist. You can’t expect someone to want to listen to you if you never give them anything worth listening too.

6. It’s eye to eye not an eye for an eye when learning to listen! Use your ears, use your eyes, and focus on the person you are talking too.

5. A great listener knows when to take a break, enjoy the silence and then speak up. There’s nothing nothing with thinking about what you want to say before you say it. The smart listeners know how to throw the ball in the other person’s court. Silence = Listening

4. Great listeners pay attention and ask questions until they gain a deep and textured understanding of whatever situations they find themselves in. But in no certain terms do they disrespect someone’s point of view.

3. If you can’t listen to someone for whatever reason, take a time out. Tell them that right now it’s not a good time. If you want someone to want to listen to you, then you need to respect them when it comes to giving them your time and effort to listen.

2. Sometimes a great opportunity to talk your partner is when you are laying in bed together. Snuggle up and just have a conversation. You will be more in tuned to listen when you are laying close to each other.

1. Sometimes you talk just to hear yourself talk. When that happens you know that the other person isn’t putting forth the effort to really listen to what you are saying. Know when to retreat and return to a conversation at a later time. You’ll save yourself the aggravation.

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.

Thanks for sharing!

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