My book, ” Relationship Impossible,” the most anticipated book of the summer, was officially released on Amazon as an eBook June 5th.
You Can Purchase it HERE
In the meantime, you can listen to a podcast reading of the book here: CLICK
There will be a contest coming up soon and also a giveaway of the book AND my coffee brand that I am launching soon!
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The wait is OVER! Pre-order #Ebook form only: “Relationship Impossible”
What people don’t realize about dating apps in general is that you need a lot of swipes to get a match, a lot of matches to get a number, a lot of numbers to get a date and a lot of dates to get a third date.
Dating sites are good at baiting people to try them out. They lie about how many active members they truly have, use fake profiles….. But, remember, just because it is popular, doesn’t mean it actually works!
In this book, we will divide in, head first, on the hook-up culture, dating apps, social media, and also discuss some serious topics such a dating violence, gaslighting, ghosting, stalking, and more.
We will also discuss professional athletes and their use of social media and dating apps.
*** Those who pre-order the book will have a chance to WIN FREE coffee from my coffee brand that I am launching ****
Breaking: With my upcoming book, “Relationship Impossible” comes a series of Journals that can be purchased to be used or just used alone.
The first one, seen here, will be released in a few days.
You can use it to write about all your dating adventures and at the end of the journal are questions that you can have fun asking your boyfriend/girlfriend ( Or use them for conversation starters!)
Look for the book, “Relationship Impossible” to be released May 28th.
The next journal will be released in June.
Here is part 2 of the preview “Relationship Impossible”
Some guys have created this image of this “ideal” woman, so when regular women; regular, wonderful, real women fall short, they reject them. That way they never have to settle down and then everyone can still feel sorry about poor, lonely you.
I’m not saying that guys should just ‘settle” but they aren’t going to be happy if every time they discover a flaw in someone, they go to somebody else because every woman has her own flaws; no body is perfect. (And vice versa) Find that someone who makes you better, without trying to change who you are
Now before guys get their pants in a bunch, to be fair, I have seen guys do just this; they find a woman who is a down to Earth, “good woman” and then they find a flaw in her like, “Not pretty enough” or “too strong minded,” so this way they avoid commitment because to them the “bad girls” are more attractive than the “good ones.”
This is the reason that guys are hitting on girls on social media at a high rate and hooking up with girls left, center, and right on dating apps. They want the one and done relationships instead of the ones where they have to commit to one girl and “build a relationship” with her. That takes time, energy, effort and work.
Men find bad sexy because the things they plan on doing to bad women are likewise “naughty.” Bad is naughty and naughty is sexy. Good, on the other hand, sounds boring. Their definition of sexy is misinterpreted. And then of course, these same guys think that “bad girls” are better in bed than “good girls” which has been proven to be a myth. The “bad girl” that men are so taken by at times isn’t someone who is morally corrupt, but the challenge that a bad girl poses. One of the factors that makes a relationship with a bad girl fun yet short lived is the fact that most ‘bad girls’ ride big on the persona they create. Take a close look on Instagram and you will get a sense of which girls have created a “fake persona,” to gather attention, while the real, down to Earth girls show their true character online.
For a relationship to stay you need character. Personality is a superficial connect, whereas with character, you look for connection. So for a long term relationship, there has to be a shift from a superficial level to a deeper level – and that is why guys have to “test the road” with bad girls first before they settle down with a “good girl.”
Then there is the saying, “Nice guys finish last.”
The “nice” guy is the one who covers up his incompetence and lack of bravery by being patient and understanding. He’s not really being nice: like every single male on the planet, he wants sex with you, but he takes backdoor and windows to enter your kingdom. There are also those guys that fall into this category:
The too afraid to ask you out “nice guy” who will pass himself “ just a friend” in hopes that you will one day see how great he is, therefore, being the one who asks him out. Then he romances the hell out out of you in hopes that he no longer will be in the “friend zone” but moved to the “boyfriend zone.”
Of course the guy stuck in the friend zone will be thinking that the girl he has the hots for only wants to be with a, “bad boy.” You know the type: The “bad boys” that some women are attracted to are usually nothing more than punks, thugs, and assholes who believe that society’s rules do not apply to them. They are someone who do dangerously interesting stuff that differ from the so called boring everyday of expected routine behavior of other men.
If we say that “bad boys” are not outright criminals, but abusive, arrogant, manipulative men. Well, such men don’t usually show this side of their personality to a woman they want to attract. They are predators, their purpose is to attract potential “prey”, not to scare it off. Abusers and manipulators don’t appear as such until the “prey” has fallen into the trap. So, we cannot say that women are attracted to the abusers or manipulators as such. Women are attracted to the personality they want to show. The issue is actually that abusers and manipulators find it easier to appear confident and comfortable in their skin. On one hand, because they can play any role they want and usually have a lot of practice doing it. On the other hand, because they really don’t care about other people, they don’t really care if they succeed with one particular woman or not. They just move to the next target.
The majority of women are not attracted to “bad boys” because they are “bad”, but because it is easier for such men to make initial contact and take it from there. “Bad boy” romances, being more forbidden/against norm/full of regret stories/full of drama/etc, are simply better topics for gossip than a nice, normal, quiet, healthy romance- think about all the movies, TV shows, and books you have read and tell me which types people prefer. Of course, when you turn on Hallmark Channel, the girl always gets the boy she wants and the bad boy turns good at the end, which in reality is usually never the case.
Good girls, bad boys, nice guys, to bad girls, there is always going to be stereotypes of how people behave when it comes to sex, romance and relationships.
What it should always come down to is finding the right partner. One of the ways to do that is to find someone you can talk to. Being able to talk with your partner about important topics is probably worth more than physical beauty, money or power. You might disagree at times, but by being able to be open and honest with each other, leads you to fulfill what you want out of the relationship. When you make each other feel loved and emotionally fulfilled, the rest starts to fall into place. ( Part 3 coming soon…. )
You can purchase my best-selling book which was also nominated for Book of the Year, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid, 2nd Ed”
Here we again in 2021, where a woman came forward back in 2016 that Jared Porter, the then head of scouting of The Cubs sent a woman reporter unsolicited text messages hitting on her at Yankees Stadium and asking her to go for a drink. The fact that she responded to his messages at first, to only allow him to carry on for 60 text messages and never respond with GET LOST allowed him to keep perusing her- because there she sent him mixed signals.
Here’s the difference between her and me, after I got text 1 and wasn’t interested I would have told him off nicely. If he continued then I would have had to get bitchy.
Then it was said that he sent her a picture of his penis ( or a stock image, who knows at this point)
Guys sending photos of their junk shows their inability to communicate maturely. Men think the photos will serve to arouse the woman – because they, themselves, would find it arousing if that woman sent such a photo to them. And believe me, there are women who do such things. Some people think this is a sign of predator behavior. And to those people I will say this: have you ever heard of Tinder? Even before Tinder guys have been doing this forever – Would you like to know how MANY of those dick pics I have gotten on Twitter?
This toxic culture has been in sports forever. Look at how athletes treat women. Look at how the leagues treat women. But more importantly, the women put up with being treated as sex-objects and don’t stand their ground. Time for women to step it up. This particular woman waited 5 years to allow this story to break. ESPN knew of this story a year after it happened but the woman did not want them to report it. SO why now? This is again, what women need to do: They can’t wait until it’s convenient for them to come forward, they must be brave enough to come forward when it happens. The only way to stop things is to stop it when it happens, not let it continue to stew. Let’s play devil’s advocate: What happens if Jared did this with another woman and because the first woman never came forward, this poor woman was sexually assaulted.
Back in college I was stalked by this guy. I had completely NO interest in him whatsoever. He liked to hang around a friend of mine back then. First he got my friend to give him my number. Then he invited himself to my house. He called my house. He spoke to my parents. He constantly bothered me. This went on for 2 weeks until I finally spoke up and told him to go away- that I wasn’t interested in him at all and I was not friends with him either. (Now, maybe folks know why I am totally against being set up… that’s a blog for another day!)
The point being, this could have gone on for months if I didn’t stand my ground, send him a clear signal that I was not interested in him at all, not let the pursuing continue. This is why ignoring someone is not the best method to deal with situations. Thinking that they will eventually “go away” is the wrong approach. Remember, you never know what someone’s breaking point is, and when you are dealing with emotions, you can’t just “let that slide.”
This does not fall on the men alone. Yes, men need to be better but women need to do better too. Women need to be able to send clear cut signals of NO means no. And men need to be able to receive that message and move on.
Look for the preview of my book, “Relationship Impossible” in the coming future.
Dating today has made it easier than ever to find and list data points that quantify, and place value on, our romantic prospects. A little LinkedIn sleuthing clears up questions about wealth and education; Facebook and Instagram fill in the looks and social status gaps. And somewhere in the cauldron with all that is a “league.” Dating based on a league system is making a judgment call as to how it stacks up against your own, and using the result to inform the way you treat others who might be interested in you. Put that way, it’s clear: It’s rude. The whole thing is classless, narcissistic and shallow.
Despite what model agencies, magazines, dating apps and the rest of the world would tell you, there is no Top-Tier League of people. You are the keeper of your own value and your own worth.
Have you ever crushed on someone that you never even considered asking out or flirting with because you thought there was no chance they’d say yes? Go ahead, raise your hand, you know that I am talking about you!
When we say “out of someone’s league,” often we’re talking simply about looks, but sometimes it’s a combination of attractiveness, wealth, social status, and other assets. The idea is that one person is distinctly and recognizably “above” another person in these ways, so of course they wouldn’t date them.
I’ve come to believe that the “out of someone’s league” concept traps us in thought patterns that are both harmful and false. When we do this, we’re saying that certain people, with the sum of all their qualities that we really don’t know yet, by assumption, are objectively worse or better than others – and more or less worthy of romantic love.
When we rank people like this, we’re ignoring a basic truth: People want different things in their romantic partners. It’s ridiculous to think that we can reduce all those different qualities into a single universal ranking of “leagues.” Which again, it just utterly rude and obnoxious.
Men often say, “She’s out of my league,” but what these guys are actually doing is creating an imaginary system of worthiness in dating, and then deciding that’s the only basis on which a woman should be allowed to choose a dating partner.
Never mind chemistry or personal tastes. If she’s within his league, based solely on her adherence to socially constructed beauty ideals, then she should be willing to date him. If she’s not, then she’s a stuck-up bitch who thinks she’s too good for him. You know, her “standards” are too high.
Ranking women in “leagues” is a way for men to avoid thinking of women as individuals with unique needs, interests, and desires.
The concept of “out of my league” was created by a guy who didn’t want his confident friend to go out with a girl HE had HIS eyes on, or felt was attractive, so he INSISTED that she was “out of his league” so this way, he didn’t pursue her.
It’s classic jealousy.
It’s also RIDICULOUS to think that guys will LISTEN to other guys when they ask the dumb question, “Do you think I have a shot with her?” Basing happiness on what OTHERS think is not only harmful but wrong. You are the one who lives with all the decisions you make, your friends and family don’t.
So in the craziest year possible, 2020, it’s time to retire this nonsense dating myth called Out Of My League. No one is out of anyone’s league. Dating is all about self-confidence, self-worth, and finding a partner who not only builds you up, but someone who holds you down when times are tough.
There’s no “sports” league for that.
Coming in 2021 is the follow up to my best selling book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd Ed” The book will be titled; ” Relationship Impossible,” as we continue to discuss online dating, dating apps, social media, double standards, men and dating, single-hood, sex advice for women and men plus a lot more.
With technology being the sole way that people today communicate, there has been a lot said of social media and of texting. Many people use direct messaging as a way to talk to someone without having to “give up” their phone number right away to talk. This also can be seen as a red flag because any guy that keeps refusing to give out his number is mostly cheating. BUT… in the beginning DM’s are the most popular way to reach out and “touch” someone in 2020. This method of communication brings a lot confusion and misery at the same time because a lot of guys leave girls on read.
For those who are still in the dark days of communication, here is what to be “left on read” means: To read someone’s message or messages and not give any response, particularly on an instant messaging application where it is visible to any user as to whether or not the person has read a message. Now that we cleared this up, here are 5 reasons a guy leaves a girl on read: ( The explanation for each will be in the book.)
1) They are avoiding conflict.
2) They are overwhelmed.
3) They lack confidence.
4) They don’t see your worth.
5) They don’t know what to say.
NOTE: Just because it says read, doesn‘t mean it was meant to be read. They might‘ve seen the message come in, not wanted to open it, accidentally did and just moved on without responding. Or they are attracted to you and like you—so they are going to play a little game. They are going to make you think the complete opposite. Which can always back fire on a guy- they don’t think it will, but 9 out of 10 times it does. Some girls then get bitchy ( myself included) and after weeks go by, leave a nasty, “You are such a jackass,” type message for not answering me at all. This is how this “strategy” the guys seem to think will work back fires because they made us think number 4 on the list, when in fact they see our worth but want to play games instead.
Being left on read, just doesn’t happen in the dating/relationship world. It also happens in the social media world of athletes and fans. Have you ever responded to an athletes Instagram story and hoped to get a response? Have you ever sent them a message and hoped they would respond to you? If the answer is yes, then you are not alone. 95% of fans of sports teams and athletes have sent messages to their favorite players to only be left on read. 5% of athletes actually respond back. That is a fact. This is because of course, number 4 on the list, where they think they are “better” than you and that you don’t deserve a simple response back. Now, if your message is one of hate you don’t deserve them to a respond but instead you deserve a good kick in the ass for being rude and vile. That type of stuff is uncalled for!
Athletes as I have pointed out in the past, don’t understand social media as well as they think they do. There is so much power within the platforms that they don’t use it as it is intended but rather use it to make themselves, time and time again, look ignorant. ( See Chapter 7: Social Media and Dating Apps: A New Game for Today’s Athletes. )
The “hook up” culture will also be discussed at length but I also will touch on the sex industry once again.
In the best seller, which was also up for book of the year 2016, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid 2nd ed” we discussed that not only is porn one of the top selling industries, but also adult toy and sex accessories are a growing second. There are websites for guys, for girls, and for couples. And more and more women are having “slumber” parties and I don’t mean sleepovers. (see, its not just the guys!) here is a website that is designed for women to purchase sex toys, sex guides, sex outfits, (you know like sexy maid, sexy cheerleader, sex firefighter,) and sex products that add a little erotica to a playful evening. The best thing is that this company is like “Tupperware or Avon” where women can work and they get to go to another woman’s house and “show off’ the products. (No guys, there are no
demonstrations, sorry to burst your bubble there.)
** You can purchase Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd Ed Here —-> Link **
Everybody has a right to be happy.
That is not the issue. The issue at hand is how we go about trying to find that true happiness and if that’s all we are doing, then my question is: Why do we believe that the only way to be truly happy is if we are in a relationship?
First off, let’s talk about what constitutes a relationship, because I feel in today’s world with social media, dating sites, and all that jazz, people are forgetting the clear definition of what a relationship is. In the dictionary a relationship is defined as, “The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.” While an intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. Notice that a relationship can be either physical, emotional, or even a combination of both. This also counts for all those “online relationships” people are having these days.
You go on Facebook to network or share your passion for something, since there are tons of groups and fan pages these days, and you strike up a conversation with someone. Next thing you know, you are talking to this person everyday. The minute you blink your eyes, you now find yourself talking to this person about your life, he/she asks you for your phone number, and he/she says those exciting words: Let’s finally meet.
The only problem is that every time you bring up about meeting in person, he/she has some lame excuse. (Trust me, I have heard many crazy excuses from people telling me about their experiences!)
The same situation can also happen on Twitter, Instagram, or of course those nightmare dating sites.
Here’s the thing that most don’t realize: In this age of social media, we get emotionally attached and connected to people we don’t even know every day! The moment you start talking to someone every day, the moment you get their phone number, and the moment you talk about (and some promise) to meet -up, you are in a relationship with that person!
Some are friendships, yes, but for the sake of this article, I am talking about romantic relationships. So for those keeping the score at home, if what I described above sounds like you, congratulations, you are in an online relationship!
So, what does this all mean? It simply means that even though you aren’t married to this person, even though you have yet to meet this person face to face, while you are talking every day, and some get very intimate online, you are emotionally connected. And yes I know that some people chat it up with a lot of folks, especially guys. Tom chats with Donna, Cindy, Vanessa, and then there’s Denise. But if Tom is just chatting with those girls every so often and he is seriously talking to Mindy every day online, while also calling her on the phone, and he talked about wanting to finally meet up and that he loves her, Tom is in a relationship with Mindy and only Mindy.
I love guys online who constantly tell me that it’s not cheating if you aren’t married. That’s just the excuse they give themselves for their behavior as well as the way to reason with themselves that they didn’t fall for someone online. Remember, any type of cheating is not a mistake, it’s a choice. Single is only a status you fill out on a form, just because you aren’t checking the married box, doesn’t mean that you can’t cheat.
That is basically relationship 101.
Now back to my question, why do we feel that in order to be happy we must be in a relationship?
The thing is, nobody can give us a better life but ourselves, if you wait for someone to make you happy you will never be. But as human nature plays a part in our daily lives, no matter how many times you say you don’t need a boyfriend/girlfriend, your heart still craves to love someone truly. The thing to remember is this, sex is so easy to find, that’s why love is so hard to get. Our heart is like an unfinished puzzle, that is why we search for the perfect one to complete it. That’s is why some relationships end and new ones begin. Don’t just settle for someone, make sure that person is the one who fits the puzzle, because if you just try to force a relationship to work, you are hurting yourself and wasting someone else’s time.
You learn how to love others through the simple act of loving yourself. Without it, you will never be able to love someone else completely. So, to answer the question, the most important relationship you can ever have is with yourself, but, if you are looking for love this Valentine’s Day; here are 3 rules to remember.
RULE 1: Never EVER get yourself involved in a relationship with a man/woman who is newly divorced. He is still grieving the relationship himself & trying to sort out feelings. The worse thing to do is get hung up on a man who will be looking out for himself.
RULE 2: Know your worth. Most women forget about this one & feel that they aren’t worth it without a man. That’s when you settle for less than you deserve. Men: Don’t go for eye candy, go for a woman who has the biggest heart, the best personality and someone who will support your dreams.
RULE 3: In any relationship there needs to be trust & honesty; when there isn’t you don’t have a relationship at all. You are just 2 people in the same room.
Let me begin by saying, that most of these are for women, but I didn’t leave you guys out all together, so not to worry, I have 2 out of the 7 tips for just for you!
It’s a fact that I owe a great deal of who I am today, to every guy from my past. They have awoken the beast per-say. But because I took a long, hard look at myself, I am able to now be able and ready to love a man who deserves my love and knows my worth. It’s not an easy task to look yourself in the mirror, but as I observe many single ladies online and in reality, I have gained insight as to why so many relationships fail.
The first reason is because women have this stupid idea in their heads, that if they don’t have a man in their lives they are incomplete.
Dating tip #1: You don’t need a man to complete you, you need a man to COMPLIMENT you. There’s a distinct difference. To be complete means to love yourself. No man is ever going to complete you and make you whole. You need to complete yourself, by loving yourself.
Dating tip #2: Until a man has actually done something to make you not trust him, don’t make him pay for the troubles another man caused. So many times I see people tweeting or posting on Facebook how they don’t trust guys, when that guy has done nothing to you to make you feel that he isn’t worthy of your trust. Until a man actually lies to your face, cheats on you, or does something to hurt you, don’t punish him because the man before him did those things to you! Remember, assumptions ruin relationships.
Let me say that flirting with a guy, sending him little hints that you are interested in him, is not throwing yourself at him. Us women get so caught up in wanting to “land” a man, that what we are actually doing by going all out for him is pushing him further and further away.
Dating tip #3: Don’t ever feel like you have to chase anyone. Someone who truly appreciates you will walk with you and won’t need to be chased.
Dating tips #4 and #5 go together. There are some guys out there that use love to bait women into having sex with them, and there are women out there that use sex to try to bait men to love them. But what women just don’t understand about that “philosophy” is that, dating tip #4: Sex won’t make him love you. A guy can love your sex and still not love you. So if you think that he will fall madly in love with you because you are sleeping with him, I hate to break it to you, he’s won’t. This leads me to dating tip #5: Easy girls open their legs while smart girls open their minds. There’s a difference between being classy and being trashy. BE the GIRL that EVERY guy WANTS- NOT the girl that EVERY guy has HAD.
Now to give a tip to the guys out there. And since almost everyone has a smartphone I thought of a great analogy for the modern day man! Dating tip #6: Treat your woman like you treat your smartphone: touch her often, stare at her & make her the most important thing in your life.
Finally, here’s something that both men and women can relate to:
Dating tip #7: There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when you’ve had enough. Don’t stay with a partner who isn’t giving it their all. So many times people stay with their partner for way too long, hoping that they are going to realize just what you are offering. When the truth is, most times they won’t realize what they have and frankly they don’t deserve it. Giving up, doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means that you are tired of giving your everything & ending up with nothing. You know when you have tried to work things out, and if you have done your part and they refuse to do theirs, all you can do is walk away. It’s best to be alone and be happy, than to be in a relationship and be miserable!
If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you’ll miss finding the one who treats you like a priority. Love comes unexpectedly without any doubt or hesitation. At some point in life, someone will love you more than what you’ve expected. Be patient and learn to wait, because sometimes, a patient person receives the best love story.
Get the book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid 2nd Ed” Before the follow up comes out some time in the fall of 2020.
Stephanie 's Corner 