Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

The Time I Dated A Calvin Klein Model

So, back when I was 24 years old, I dated this guy who was a Calvin Klein model off and on for about a year.   At first I thought it was pretty neat. But as the year went on I knew that I made a huge mistake.  Oh yeah, sure he was what we would call, “hot,” but I learned very quickly that looks on the outside are not a mirror to how someone is on the inside.  That’s why every time I see guys on the internet or hear how much athletes want to date models, I cringe. (Then I roll my eyes)

Our society STILL focuses way too much on a person’s outside rather than on a person’s inner beauty.  Inner beauty, especially to me, is the most important thing I look for in a guy.  Yes,  that physical spark is needed,  but looks are so overrated.

That Calvin Klein model  may have been “arm candy” but inside he was colder than ice. (Is that even possible?)  He cared about money, cars, materialistic stuff and but he didn’t care about how I felt, what I wanted, he had zero compassion about others, and I was so worried that he wouldn’t “love me” based on who I was, that I had to pretend I was someone I wasn’t.   I can also point out that the other models were just as narcissistic, selfish, greedy, and flat out rude as he was.

It was from this that I learned never to base dating a guy on how he looked but rather than to base it on how he treated me and how he also treated others.  A person’s personality, their compassion for others, and how they aren’t afraid to be themselves as well as not making me feel as if I can’t be myself, are the ways I now measure men.  Of course, I would be lying if I didn’t say that sparks that are driven from physical looks are necessary, but it’s not how I make a decision anymore.

It’s also important to note that I want to date a man who accept me for who I am, support my dreams as I support his, and build me up to be a better person each and every day.  I just don’t want to date simply to date. Another reason why so many relationships fail is because so many people do this; they date to just date instead of dating for a relationship.

Closing, we need to stop judging others based on the outer shell of a person. The saying, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover,”  is so true. Why be so shallow?  Dating is challenging to begin with, adding extra pressure to yourself and another person is stupid. Beauty can be intoxicating, but it’s also very misleading. And in this Instagram world with so many damn filters, why are we so obsessed with fake and not being real?

Yes,  outer attraction matters but in today’s crazy world it shouldn’t matter that much. Don’t get caught up in the  Instagram perfection of physical beauty that will quickly fade back once the filters are gone. If you lead with your soul, you’re more likely to find yourself in a committed, lasting relationship.

 

 

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Why Women Should Enjoy Having Orgasms As Much As Men Do

 

Double standards with dating are everywhere and there’s a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine that claims women don’t really have orgasms but instead squirt out a little pee. I’m here to debunk that.

For women, orgasms don’t come as easy as with men, but women can and should enjoy them as much as men do.

Orgasms Can Relieve Pain: There is some evidence that suggests orgasms can relieve all kinds of pain—including pain from arthritis, pain after surgery and even pain during childbirth.

Condom Use Doesn’t Affect Orgasm Quality: Women are equally likely to experience orgasm with or without a condom, dispelling myths that condoms don’t make for good sex. Condoms are good for SAFE sex and are 97% effective in stopping pregnancy.

30% of Women Have Trouble Reaching Orgasm: One in three women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. So a study that was done on only seven women and said that women don’t orgasm — they pee — is ridiculous! Now, women can’t orgasm from intercourse alone, so guys, if you really want to see a woman literally “lose control,” you better work.

Here are 15 ways to help women achieve the Big O:

1- Finding Your G-spot May Improve the Likelihood of Orgasm- Yes, the G-spot is important in having an orgasm — it’s that simple. (Regardless of those who say it doesn’t exist).

2- Foreplay Isn’t Optional as Far as Your Orgasm is Concerned- It takes 10-20 minutes of stimulation for the average woman to reach her peak so the more kissing and caressing you do, the better.

3- Oral is One of the Best Ways to Get Off- 80 percent of women have difficulty from having an orgasm on vaginal sex alone. If you really want to kick it up a notch, oral sex will do it. Most women can orgasm from masturbation, but not everyone comes during sex.

4- Masturbation- Women are so embarrassed to admit that they masturbate when the males in our lives aren’t. We’re looked at as “freaks” when we even admit to it, but it’s the easiest way for women to hit the big O. And the more you do it, the better.

5- Kegel Exercises- Doing your Kegel exercises flexes the muscles that stop urination. Do 10 reps, holding each rep for 10 seconds, twice a day while you’re watching TV or doing just about anything.

6-It’s All in the Noise : Low-pitched noises bring them down to…well, down there. So actually, the louder you are the longer it will take for you to orgasm.

7-Relationship O: Women in relationships tend to climax a higher percentage of the time during sex than women who are just hooking up.

8- Happy Place: Not only is the G-spot important, but for some women, stimulation of the nipples and breasts can increase the likelihood of having an orgasm and increase its intensity.

9- The Big O and Your Age: Sixty-five percent of women in their 30s and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s orgasm more often than those in their 20s.

Oh, Baby: Orgasms may boost the chance of getting pregnant.

10- Burn, Baby, Burn: An orgasm burns just 2–3 calories, though a person can burn around 50 calories in the activity leading up to the orgasm.

11- It’s More About Cuddling: When a woman orgasms, her body produces four times the normal amount of oxytocin, the chemical that stimulates bonding.

12- Turn It On: A 2007 study found that straight women were aroused by watching films of both men and women having sex.

13- Toys For Pleasure: At the start of the 20th Century, the first electric home vibrators hit the market before many other household ‘essentials’

14- Eat it Up: Eating certain foods can boost your orgasm odds. Foods low in carbohydrates and high in protein: dairy, eggs, poultry and select meat and fish for example, work to raise free testosterone. (Yes, women are sexually controlled due to testosterone, not men.) Also, eating a little dark chocolate releases sexual desire in women as well.

15- Want More: Want more orgasms? Then switch stimulation techniques. If you’ve just reached orgasm through clitoral stimulation, try penetration to continue the sensations. Or vice versa.

Everyone’s body response is different. We’re unique, our reactions vary, and most importantly, not everyone is a dramatic and loud, as you see in movies. Orgasms are about being comfortable with your partner and communicating with your partner about what you like and don’t like. This is key to everything about relationships.

You can read more in my best selling book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd” and in the upcoming follow up being released some time in 2020.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Younger Man, Older Woman, Why Not?

Dating double standards are ridiculous.

The one that still stands out is that men are celebrated from dating a younger woman, but when the opposite happens, holy cow! Recently I read a tweet from a woman on Twitter questioning if it’s okay for her to date a younger man. Wait, what? You are asking permission from strangers if it’s okay to date a younger man? What is this world that we live in!

For women seeking men, though, old-fashioned gendered ideas around age still persist for many. So what are the pros and what the cons for this dating dilemma?

Asking women this question here are the top reasons why older women ( And by older we mean over 35 dating men in their 20s) want to date younger men:

Sarah: I find that younger guys are so much faster to have the ‘what are we’ conversation.

Jane: Younger men tend to have higher sex drives, And as women, our sex drives tend to peak in our 40s.

Cindy: Younger guys are just less complicated and a lot more fun. Older guys have been in long-term relationships, and some of them are even divorced. They have really complicated commitment issues.

Now here are some guys who tell me their reasons for wanting to date an older woman:

Joe: Honestly, they’re so much more emotionally and mature, not as insecure, and our conversations are incredible.

Tim: I am attracted to older women because they’re often more confident and authentic than the younger girls my age. They are the real-deal, so to speak.

Peter: The mature woman focuses less on trying to win me over and focuses more on enjoying my company. There are no “love games.”

Women want to date a man who will become a partner, not a project. We don’t need to “mama him” to death, and we don’t want a guy who plays games either. Most older guys come with baggage; and a lot of it. They constantly talk about previous relationships and why they didn’t commit, blah, blah, blah. Younger guys don’t come with all that garbage and they aren’t trying to sell you the reason you should give me a chance either. – They are confident, not insecure.

Here are a few Pros to a woman dating a younger man:

A younger man has more energy and is more willing to try things than his older counterparts. In turn, doing new things increases dopamine in the brain, triggering a desire to spend more time together and assisting in lighting your sexual fire. The pro: A longer span of time before he’s reaching for the Viagra.

Not only is there fire in the bedroom, but he’ll come up with creative date ideas that bring back romance and make you feel empowered and appreciated.

Less baggage many also mean he lacks experience with communicating. So, be selective about your battles and learn to compromise on things that aren’t vital to your relationship.

Cons (Depends on how you feel)

Younger guys like to hang out with their peers more often than older men. So be prepared to share him with his friends.

The reality is that your biological clock may be ticking away while his isn’t even be turned on. It might be years before he decides that he wants a family and then what? (This depends on how you both feel about kids- remember though, there is a thing called adoption as well.)

He may prefer texting you over calling you and he may get jealous faster seeing you talk to all the men you may know from your past or even your job.

Conclusively, If both parties are open to dating, you might have a blast with each other.. And it is entirely possible that you could fall in love with each other and have a long and happy relationship.

Because, as they say, age ain’t nothin’ but a number. You need to focus on finding the partner that is your perfect fit, regardless of age. ( Note: Legally over 18)

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Create Your Own Fireworks July 4th

It’s really not rocket science to turn a woman on and let her know that you are interested in her. Men for some reason think that it’s so hard to “read” us, when really, it’s not. We give you guys cues, whether or not you pick up on them is all on you!

So if you plan on going to any July Fourth picnics or events and you see a woman you know and want to approach her, or you see a woman you don’t know and want to approach her; here are all cues laid out for you in black and white.

First and foremost, texting and calling us back is a turn on.  Also responding to our social media messages is a turn on as well.

But what you guys don’t realize is that when you stop texting us we know that you are already emotionally hooked, so there’s no reason NOT to text back, you know, unless you want to be seen as a jerk, then sure, stop texting and calling us! It’s only your reputation you’re hurting, not ours. So if you text a woman you know already and want to be more than just friends, keep at it. Also, if you meet a woman on social media and want to keep getting to know her; respond to every message she sends you!

You are out with your buddies and see a woman you would like to approach. Here’s a cue: When you are staring at a woman or you just finished saying hi to her, and she starts to bite her lip, she is turned on by you and she is debating what move to make next.

Here are other cues that you have peaked a woman’s interest in her:

1) When a woman starts “fixing” her bra, you sir, have turned her on.

2) Sometimes, yes sometimes, us women can be brought speechless. This usually happens when we really, really, like a guy. And when we’re in the mist of flirting, sometimes it seems as if we are not interested when we really are freaking out and trying to quickly think of something witty and sexy to say. So the next time there is dead silence, it’s just a woman trying to figure out what to say next.

3) If she sits diagonally from you or across from you at the room, her torso is facing you in an open manner, or her shoulders and hips are facing you. Either of these signs may mean she likes you. When she is sitting and she has her legs crossed, watch her feet, if its pointed towards you, it might mean that she likes you and wants to get closer to you.

4) Whenever a woman plays with her jewelry when you are around, (necklace, rings, bracelet) she is nervously turned on by you and wants you to come over to her. Whenever she fidgets while staring at you, she is hoping that will get your attention.

5) We know that you guys spy on us on social media, so we are always one step ahead of you by posting pictures of ourselves either alone or with friends when we look amazing. We know how to play the game, and getting you jealous or curious about us, is how we do it. Also, getting compliments makes us feel good about ourselves. So , hint, hint.

Now, those cues are for mostly women you meet when you are out and about. The following are cues for women that you already know and are “friends” with her.

1) When you kiss our foreheads, hands, cheek, in a loving way, we know that you are trying to hide how you truly feel for us. But when you plant one on the lips, and it’s a soft kiss, that just takes our breath away.

2) Even if you hold my hand for 5 seconds, and I am attracted to you, I’m yours. Touch my arms, leg, be flirty while we talk and you got me!

3) Sometimes you guys are so stupid! If you see me hanging out in the same place as you, don’t wait for me to come over and say hi, make a move and say hello. If you see me wearing something that you really like, say it! Notice me and throw a compliment my way, you’ll score big points.

4) In general, a lot of guys make the mistake of bailing on the conversation too early.  BUT, when a woman is making an effort to talk to you and try to keep the conversation going, she’s interested: BIG time.

Theses are the things you can do to fuel that spark and then keep the fireworks from burning out. Keeping the fireworks alive past July 4th, is not that hard, really.  A date doesn’t mean you have to go out and get dolled up every single time; it can be something as simple as taking a walk around your town, ordering pizza in and watching a movie, lighting candles instead of the turning on the lamp near the TV,  and so forth.   We don’t need you to take us to the most expensive restaurant in town. Sometimes just going out for breakfast on the weekends is a very sweet gesture and is something that totally turns us on.

Finally,  if it’s passion that you are craving for this July Fourth, you aren’t alone. Passion makes life good. It’s the essence of experiencing a fire within you! .  Passion is the energy that keeps us going, that keeps us filled with love, excitement, and anticipation.  If you want to feel more passion in your life, then you have to become passionate. Passionate people tend to attract other passionate people. There are fireworks all within us, we just need to take the time to let them out, and this summer is a great time to do that.  If you’re with the right person and the passion goes from a flaming fire to a slow, burning love, it can last a lifetime.

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Every Summer Has A Story

Its that time of year again when I am reminded that, “”In every girl’s life, there’s a boy she’ll never forget & a summer when it all began.” Love may start in Spring, but it evolves in Summer.

For me, I can remember way back when to the first summer love I had, in fifth grade. His name was Michael. He was the new boy in class and at first I did not like him at all. (Love/Hate relationships are always intense) He would drive me absolutely crazy by constantly shaking his pen when it ran out of ink. (Like shaking your pen is going to help!) So I came up with an idea to write him a note and tell him just how annoying he truly was. The only problem was that his older cousin was in eighth grade and when she found out that I wrote him a note and told him that if he didn’t stop it, I was going to then throw my pen at him, she kindly told me to cut it out.

And that is when the romance began.

We got to know each other so much so that he even sang to me at lunch one of those inappropriate George Michael songs. Once June came around and school was out, that is when our romance really took off. He would call me and we would hang out, but sadly like every fling, things ended the following year. Okay, so that is not necessarily a summer romance, and yeah, I was eleven, but its got to start somewhere for everyone.

Years later, when I was a junior going to be a senior in high school, that is when another “Mike” came into the picture. He was one year older than me and would visit his best friend who lived near me. That is when I came up with a dance group with all the girls that lived in my neighborhood and they danced my choreography that I created to all the hot songs of the 90’s. He would sit in his car and watch. When I would walk by his car he would stare and smile at me, and I literally felt like I was going to melt!

This particular story brings up even more memories that I won’t get into now, but trust me, some of those memories I am fond of while others are heartbreaking.

So what is the deal with summer, romance, flings, and love?

The summer time is when love seems to rear its head and capture our imagination. During the summer, we feel free, we feel the promise of being able to forget what has happened so far and the promise of starting over. Its a time when also, people want to show off all the winter weight they have lost, so people are actually more attractive in the summer then any other season.

The other reason why the summer time brings out the beast called love is because we get to meet people we never have seen before. Do you all remember the movie, “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” and ho she met her fling, turned romance while on vacation? (Yes, its just a movie, but it does really happen!) We are more open to being impulsive, the sunshine is also brighter, we are happier, and the chance of turning a hot day into a steamy night is greater.

Ever hear the saying, “Live it up?” During the summer, that is mostly everyone’s motto.

So how can you have a summer fling turned romance?

A- Get a Summer Job – Work at a camp, beach, pool, etc. You will get to see these people everyday so it will be easier to get to know them and have them get to know you.

B- Become a visitor of a beach or pool – You don’t necessarily need to be a worker instead you can be a visitor and get to go on the prowl in your bikini or suit. Strut your stuff!

C- Volunteer – Find a place that fits your personality and you’ll surround yourself with similar people. What a better way to not only help others but also surround yourself with like-minded people.

D- Hang out with friends- Summer time is usually the time when you get introduced to friends of friends, people who you normally don’t see on an everyday basis. What could be better than shooting the breeze with someone your friends know? This is so much better than exposing yourself on those dating sites.

E- Go on vacation- Go somewhere you never have been before or even if you go to a place you love, you will be surrounded by new people and have a chance to have conversation and make googly faces at strangers. Or you will get lucky and see familiar faces from previous summers and maybe a spark will lit underneath them and a romance will begin.

If you really want the summer fling to last and turn it into the romance of your year or ultimately the one you end up with forever, the two things you need to remember are:

You need to express how you feel. There seems to be some unwritten rule that says summer flings have an expiration date and that we just assume the romance needs to be over with. But if you don’t ask or tell the person how you feel, you may actually be letting go of the person you were meant to be with forever!

The second thing you need to do is include him/her into your everyday after-summer- is -over life. He/She needs to see you, talk to you,when the beach days are over with and the colder weather starts to creep on in. But lets not dwell on this yet, for the summer is only starting and the promise of fairytale romance is in the air!

Two cheers to the summer and the potential of remembering a summer that began with a look, a smile, and a kiss.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Double Standards In Dating

Double Standards.

When it comes to dating there are tons of them. I will cut through the proverbial crap, and just get down to the nitty gritty. Here are four double standards that are not so obvious:

1- When a relationship breaks up men are seen as jerks, women are seen as victims.

2- Men will cheat, women have control.

3- When a man asks a question, he is concerned about his woman. If a woman does, she’s considering to be nagging.

4- Women are always seen as victims when it comes to domestic disputes and men are always seen as the attackers.

The one double standard that is the obvious one is that older men can date younger women with no problem, whereas, older women who date younger men are seen as “rocking the cradle,” and are also called “Cougars.”

I did a study on Twitter recently and 84% of people surveyed said that a woman should be able to date a younger man. And a woman should be able to do so without having judgement passed.  We need to stop this double standard stuff when it comes to dating and just remember one thing: Dating is supposed to be fun, its supposed to lead people together so they can form relationships. And if that means a girl dates a younger guy, so be it. Who are we to judge women and their relationships?

Older women look more appealing to younger guys for a variety of reasons. There is the fact that older women will not play love games and know exactly what they want. Some of them may not want the family, and all that goes with the picket fence, but as a woman’s biological clock ticks even louder, that idea may change. Younger men often find older women more interesting, experimental, fun to talk to, financially settled, and more adept sexually. As one guy in his twenties told me, “I guess it could be nice to not hang around a ditz with no knowledge of life, music, or something like that.”

Age doesn’t always determine maturity. There are men in their twenties that can give any man in their forties a run for his money. Maturity has nothing to do with age but it is the actions & behaviors that you display during adverse situations that do.

A twenty-eight year old guy told me flat out what attracts him to older women: “The experiences in life they’ve had make them more grounded and realistic. I have a preference for women starting at about ten years older than myself and up. It’s adventurous for both of us, because it is a wild and new exciting journey. Younger women just don’t let me grow in the ways older women do.” He added, “You have 30, 40, and 50 year old women today who look like they are 25, and you can’t even tell the difference!”

So what does a woman have to do in order to date a younger man? Are the rules different? And what are advantages for a young guy to date an older woman?

In order to date a younger man, a woman must first attract a younger man into her life. How does that happen? The answer is simple. Be open to the possibility. You don’t have to change how you dress. You don’t have to scout the college bars. Just live your life, and watch what happens. Trust me on this one.

The younger person gets an experienced partner who is often better established in the world. The “senior partner” may also have more money, perhaps, even, a more interesting life. The older person, for her part, gets a higher-energy partner who is likely to help the couple stay fit, quite likely, more sexually active.

Younger men come from a different generation. Therefore, they perceive the world differently than their older counterparts. They grew up with working moms. They respect and admire powerful women. Whereas older men have been taught to see women as accessories to their lives, younger guys see women as equals. (Not all younger guys, but 95% of them) Since younger men accept female empowerment as the norm, that principle transfers into equal partnership. Chances are he’ll be more adventurous than you’re used to. He may challenge your ideals. He’s apt to push you to open your thinking to a new perspective.

What attracts a younger man to an older women, is the lack of games. So, if your default is to pullout the known “this-always-works trick,” forget it. He lacks the polish his older counterparts possess in countering your moves. You’ll be forced to be real. Honesty is the best communication policy here. And, that’s a very good thing. Who really has time to play games anyway? This is the part where older guys can learn a thing or two from the younger guys. No woman wants to play games and no woman has time to play games.

A older woman will also force him to grow up and act more mature. As the older woman you will open the door to a new vision of life for him. You will have experienced things that he may not have yet had the chance to or you may have great advice to offer him for decisions he will have to make. But be prepared because he may have a completely different world view. You will be forced to see things differently, and learn new things. But I find that is more positive than negative. By the way, we always hear that older men are better in bed. Personally, I think it’s just a rumor… started by older men. They may have been with more partners, but being with more partners doesn’t mean that you are “better” than your young counterparts. And younger guys may be more willing to try new things than to just go through the motions as older guys tend to do. 

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

20 Of The Worst Pick-Up Lines Of All Time

Pick–up lines are hard: At worst, they can be mortifying, offensive and creepy; at best, pity-inducing. Yet men still persist in using them for whatever reason. Unless you really know what you’re doing, don’t try to use any of these corny and really stupid, pickup lines.

20 –That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.

This line is most used when a guy is looking for a booty call.

19- Save water. Shower with me.

Again, another line guys use for a booty call.

18- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

This line was actually used in a cell phone commercial which makes it even worse when guys actually use it on the ladies.

17- Are your legs tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night.

Legs. The third body part that guys talk about and focus on when they see a lady that interests them pass by. But if we are going to talk about the pick-up line, this just again focuses on trying to get the booty call without thinking that is how you sound when you use this.

16- I’m trying to rearrange the alphabet so that U and I are together.

This has to be one of the corniest pick-up lines ever!

15- Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it’s just a sparkle.

This line may even make a woman smile, but a smart woman knows what the guy is trying to achieve when this comes out of his mouth.

14- Hey, I lost my phone number … Can I have yours?

This line just shows that guys don’t even hear how dumb they sound when they open their mouths.

13- I lost my teddy bear, can I cuddle with you?

This is a warning that you are near a creepy stalker. Don’t look at him or answer him, just get up and run… and keep running!

12- Kiss me if I’m wrong but dinosaurs still exist right?

Ugh. Another lame line guys used to get any action they can! Seriously the next guy I hear use this needs to get slapped… across the head. You can say that you saw a mosquito.

11- Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?

Can a guy who uses this line be any more obnoxious? I would sarcastically answer, well, my other two wishes are that you go away.

10- Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!

I don’t know why a guy thinks this is a cute and innocent way of flirting with a girl, because it is not. It’s far from being cute and it’s far from being innocent. When a girl says that she is magically delicious, she’s being cute and flirty. But when a guy says it, he just wants to score.

9- So do you believe in love at first sight, or do you want me to walk by again?

Most women still want to believe in love at first sight, but most women aren’t that stupid to believe in a corny line like this.

8- I just noticed you looking at me across the room. I’ll give you a minute to catch your breath!

48% of men actually rely on pickup lines regularly. And this is one of the worst lines that come out of their mouths!

7- I’m gonna have to put you on my “To Do” List!

There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. And the majority of women cite being overly cocky as their number one turnoff. Use this line and watch her walk away.

6- If I said you have a gorgeous body, would you hold it against me?

It’s 1 A.M., you are at a bar and a drunk guy walks up to you. Chances are that he will spew an insulting line like this one.

5- I was trying to have a guys’ night out and you just totally ruined it by being so cute.

For men, there’s a fear of rejection or looking stupid. Well, if they use this line they have achieved both!

4- Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

This line only works for women. And a recent survey suggests that 95% of guys claim that they like a woman to make the first move.

3- What do you like for breakfast?

Guys think this is cute. I think it’s a booty call. Period.

2 –So, how many kids do you want?

I understand that guys are trying to be creative, instead of flat out just trying to have a normal conversation, but to come out with this line indicates that that guy doesn’t even care about who the woman is, but rather more focused on what she looks like.

1- You don’t need a bodyguard. You need a bootyguard.
The Number rule of trying to get a woman’s phone number: Don’t reference a woman’s booty the first time meeting her especially using a “joke” like this. You may think it’s funny, creative, and complementary. But she may think otherwise.

You don’t have to be a wiseguy to make yourself instantly irresistible. Instead confidence gets the girl. Just be yourself and start a conversation. The first two minutes of any conversation is the indication that you might have something or you’re wasting your time. Once you get her taking, don’t hand a girl your business card. You don’t want an interview, you want a date. And if you use Facebook as a verb, you’ve already lost. If she does give you her phone number, do the unthinkable and call. Don’t text, call. Then you have struck gold.

 

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

The Nice Girl/Guy Syndrome

The worst thing you can hear when someone tries to set you up with someone is, “He’s such a nice guy!,” or “She’s really a nice girl.”  The first thing that comes to mind is if he’s (she’s) such a nice guy (girl) why are they still single? The next thing that comes to mind is, “Will I be attracted to him (her)? Do we have anything in common besides being nice?”

Yes,  I have been set up with guys who were “nice” but being “nice” just doesn’t cut it as a reason why I should date someone or let alone meet someone.  I need to first be attracted to him and then I need to have some common interests; reasons for me to pursue a relationship. It’s a total waste of time to date or meet someone because they are described as, “nice.”  The weather is nice, my new shoes are nice, and even enjoying a lazy Sunday alone is nice.  People need to be more than just nice.  I hate when people say, ”He’s a nice person once you get to know him.” They might as well just say, ”He’s a dickhead but you’ll get used to it.”

Do you know how many times I hear guys say, ““I’m just a nice guy. Seems like women these days don’t appreciate that. They rather date assholes instead of giving a nice guy like me a shot.”  My response is usually, “Why do you need to be so whiny?”  Being nice doesn’t make you ultimately entitled to dating me or anyone else for that matter.   That behavior doesn’t make you earn the right to date me.  Everyone should be nice to each other. That’s a concept that society never has taken to heart.

Most of these so-called “nice guys” are angry SOB’s. They are angry because they have been rejected one too many times and have the perpetual inability to attract the women they’re interested in.  These “nice guys” have become less appealing to a potential partner. That’s not to say that women aren’t attracted to, “the bad boys,” which usually is the comparative to a “nice guy.”  This is the guilt trip that most “nice guys” try and play against you to get you to date them, because according to them, “Life isn’t fair and we always pass them over for the bad boy.”

Here’s the kicker: Nice guys lie, cheat and can treat you like crap just as bad boys can.  Being nice means nothing. Now, being respectful is a totally different subject. I hate to be a downer, but the “good guy” isn’t the magic bad-boyfriend remedy most women might think he is. Been there, done that! 

So when someone says to me, “You are such a nice girl, I can’t believe that you are still single.” After I roll my eyes, let me tell you why I still am single; because I choose to be. I have been labeled as the nice girl my entire life.  Sometimes that is a killer. Why? Because when it comes down to actually telling someone how I feel and I bluntly tell them, I am seen as someone who  probably just “snapped,” or I am “overwhelmed.” How can a nice person be so sassy and sarcastic?  Don’t get me wrong, I am kind to others, respectful to others, but in the dating world, I hate being seen as just a “nice girl.”

But as I have grown up and really, “grown” these past few years I realize that I am a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need to rely on a man for anything. I can make my own money, make my own choices and also make my world the best world it can be. I am not desperate for attention, desperate for love and not desperate to be a plus one that I know not to settle for less than I want and I deserve.

It sucks being seen as the “nice one,”  but it’s better to be nice to yourself first and foremost.  At the end of the day, I am the one who lives with how my life has played out. Why would I want to change that simply to just change it?  “I’m single as a dollar and I’m not looking for change.”

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner · 4 Comments

5 Things Feminism Isn’t.

Back in the day women were told how to catch and keep a man, how to breastfeed, how to raise a family, etc. These women were told how to be a housewife because that was all they were “supposedly” capable of doing. When women in the 1950’s found out that this was the way men actually, truly thought, they just weren’t outraged; they did something about it: and that is how the true feminism movement started. When women got together to talk, the words, “career” or “inferior to men” never were part of the discussion simply because they found themselves embarrassed to even mention it. The question then beckons, “Were feminists back in the 50’s and 60’s really the true definition of a rebel or were they just seen as troublemakers?”

Feminism is NOT the journey to find your true self. Even though there are writers, feminists, and even professors who will try and make you believe this but trust me, this concept is nothing but hogwash.

Feminist is just a word. It’s a word that conjures up hate, resentment, and setbacks. And Feminism does NOT make all our lives better as some will argue. You can demand the world take you seriously without it.

The truth is, only when people make extreme and take extreme measures, so movements get the attention they deserve. And with social media today, it’s a lot easier than you can imagine.

There is ample evidence that the more mainstream media girls consume, the more importance they place on being pretty and sexy. A 2006 survey of 2,000 girls showed that they repeatedly described the pressures of being perfect- thin, please everyone, and dress correctly. So instead of feeling that they have a choice in how to be a woman they want to be, they feel that they must not only have it all but be it all. ( Be smart and stunning and wear a tiara and a cape)

Here’s the lowdown:
1- Feminism will not help you find the right partner.

2- Feminism will do nothing for your sex life. The only thing it can be counted for is the fact that women now have the right to use birth control. But it doesn’t make your sex life better or worse.

3- Shaving or waxing your privates will not make you more feminine and it has nothing to do with feminism.

4-Those women who have plastic surgery to make themselves look better, due so because feminism beckons that they look perfect. Get a nose job so you can function, not so you can look perfect.

5- Feminists argue that dieting isn’t about being skinny, but that is it about having power.

It’s the way a women competes with a man in a “man’s world,” is nothing but hogwash. Dieting should be about health, not about competing against a man or for a man.

Equality.

If we keep saying that one sex is better than the other, how can we actually be equal?

Everyone, male or female deserve to be treated with respect. Everyone deserves love and everyone deserves a chance to be who they want to be.  That was the initial goal of feminism back in the day until the man-bashing women took over the movement. Just like I have learned that not all men are the same, the same can be said about women. All women aren’t into this man-bashing thing. Some of us are goodhearted, sweet, kind and understanding. So to all those men who have given up on finding someone who wants to give you the world, don’t. She is out there, I swear.

Everyone deserves true, real love that is given from the heart. Don’t ever doubt that you deserve it.

Life can be hectic, confusing, painful, unpredictable and who knows what may be around the next corner. But eventually you learn that the human spirit prevails, hearts open and love surprises-–often when we least expect it. And we don’t need “feminism” in order to know that.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Jealousy and the Ex

If you ever have joined the, “I love knowing that my mans ex hates me” club, then you know where I am going with this. There are many single women who date men who have been separated or divorced. Some women even date those men while they are going through the process of divorce and some of those men have children.

This is when sometimes things can get dicey. Things may start off as quiet and as calm as can be, until one day jealousy rears her ugly head. The soon-to-be- ex-wife has become jealous and a little upset that he has moved on and before her,* gasp* like it’s some competition.

It’s sad when a mom loves child support more than her children; what makes it worse is when she tries to keep the child away from a loving father who wants them, and use that manipulation to get him to stop the developing relationship with the new woman! She now as become obsessed and has begun feeling possessive towards the same man with whom she is legally separated from. What is worse that this is the fact that she will start to play, “the victim” to gain support and make him out to be the “bad guy” when in fact he did nothing wrong at all.
Guilt. This is now used to reel him back in because like I mentioned earlier, she is using the children as bait to keep him away from whomever he wants to be with. Some may say that she is “protecting” the children, but I say that if she wanted to really protect her children she wouldn’t be using them in her sick game.

Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? This is true with anyone who cares deeply about someone and this rings true for all the men out there who are great dads and are going through the divorce process today. My advice to all of you guys out there is to never settle too quickly, don’t be cheap where you don’t get a lawyer and try to handle all of it on your own. Simply because you don’t know all the nooks and crannies of the legal system, there are ways of getting what you want and deserve in a divorce, and just giving her, “What she wants” sends the wrong message.

To those single women who are dating a man who is going through this crap, here’s my advice:

I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silent hurt more. As much as you can help, support and care for someone, it’s up to them to make the first move. Feeling helpless isn’t a great feeling, but the only thing you can do is tell him that you still care, tell him that you are here for him and hope to God he gets the courage to reach out.

To the guys who are stuck in this situation:

Men have this stupid idea that they can handle everything on their own but, you can’t take care of anyone else, until you take care of yourself. Let the woman with whom you are dating be there for you. Don’t let your Ex win. Legally she can’t take your kids away from you because you are dating someone else. The legal system doesn’t work that way. Since kids are involved, these exes often feel it’s their right to meddle in your relationships, no matter what. Maybe you should set up a meeting with your ex and your new partner, depending on how serious the relationship is, and iron out whatever feelings and problems have risen.

Remember, you have every right to be happy. And that sets an example to your kids.

And finally, to the all the soon-to-be Ex wives everywhere: Just because you aren’t called on your BS doesn’t mean people don’t know you’re full of it. If you’re so happy with your life why are you so worried about your ex-husband’s new love? Think of your kids and how your jealousy is affecting them. Everyone has the right and deserves to be happy. One day it’s going to be you, dating someone new. What goes around comes around, all I can say is, remember that.