So, back when I was 24 years old, I dated this guy who was a Calvin Klein model off and on for about a year.   At first I thought it was pretty neat. But as the year went on I knew that I made a huge mistake.  Oh yeah, sure he was what we would call, “hot,” but I learned very quickly that looks on the outside are not a mirror to how someone is on the inside.  That’s why every time I see guys on the internet or hear how much athletes want to date models, I cringe. (Then I roll my eyes)

Our society STILL focuses way too much on a person’s outside rather than on a person’s inner beauty.  Inner beauty, especially to me, is the most important thing I look for in a guy.  Yes,  that physical spark is needed,  but looks are so overrated.

That Calvin Klein model  may have been “arm candy” but inside he was colder than ice. (Is that even possible?)  He cared about money, cars, materialistic stuff and but he didn’t care about how I felt, what I wanted, he had zero compassion about others, and I was so worried that he wouldn’t “love me” based on who I was, that I had to pretend I was someone I wasn’t.   I can also point out that the other models were just as narcissistic, selfish, greedy, and flat out rude as he was.

It was from this that I learned never to base dating a guy on how he looked but rather than to base it on how he treated me and how he also treated others.  A person’s personality, their compassion for others, and how they aren’t afraid to be themselves as well as not making me feel as if I can’t be myself, are the ways I now measure men.  Of course, I would be lying if I didn’t say that sparks that are driven from physical looks are necessary, but it’s not how I make a decision anymore.

It’s also important to note that I want to date a man who accept me for who I am, support my dreams as I support his, and build me up to be a better person each and every day.  I just don’t want to date simply to date. Another reason why so many relationships fail is because so many people do this; they date to just date instead of dating for a relationship.

Closing, we need to stop judging others based on the outer shell of a person. The saying, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover,”  is so true. Why be so shallow?  Dating is challenging to begin with, adding extra pressure to yourself and another person is stupid. Beauty can be intoxicating, but it’s also very misleading. And in this Instagram world with so many damn filters, why are we so obsessed with fake and not being real?

Yes,  outer attraction matters but in today’s crazy world it shouldn’t matter that much. Don’t get caught up in the  Instagram perfection of physical beauty that will quickly fade back once the filters are gone. If you lead with your soul, you’re more likely to find yourself in a committed, lasting relationship.