For Sale: A Little Black Dress

In 2022 we all still having dating backwards and confused about “rules” we each have to follow. Men are told that they are the hunters and that they have to hunt based on superficial things. While women are seen as pieces of meat and can’t be aggressive, independent or self-sufficient. Women “need” a man, they can not just “want” a man.
Men can’t call or text a girl he likes after the first date for about three days, because that will make him seems “overzealous” and “too interested,” (God forbid he seems interested in her!) Also, a man needs to use a lame pick up line in order to start a damn freaking conversation, because they ain’t built that way! Heaven Forbid they have a regular conversation with a girl and then at the end of the conversation, give her his number!? Women can not make the first move, because that is a “man’s” job and she can not me too independent because the man is suppose to “provide” for her.
This here lies the problem: Why are folks so freaking caught up in “rules” and looking to Tiktok and Instagram for “dating advice” when the answer is seriously easy?

I’m going to give you the secret to why all the good women are still single and how a guy screws this up time and time again. Ready for the secret? Okay.

If guys would seriously STOP with their unrealistic view that women have to look a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain way, y’all wouldn’t be single today. First off, the difference between a woman who acts fake and is real is so easy to tell – too bad most men are illiterate and can’t read. If a woman ONLY cares about how much money you spend on her on a date, where you take her, if you buy her gifts (or don’t) then she is NOT into you for the RIGHT reason. But if a woman enjoys your company, wants to have light conversations with you, doesn’t expect you to pay for EVERYTHING and is her goofy self right off the bat, then that is who she REALLY is and you should EMBRACE that!

The problem with guys is that they want to girl who “needs” them, not the girl who “wants” them and yeah, there is a BIG difference. Men who think it’s there “duty” to take care of her with everything, almost all the time choose the wrong partner while the man who chooses the girl who wants him, supports him and appreciates him is not the girl chosen half the time. Men who treat women as pieces of meat are the guys who are out there that complain about women. Women complain about men and their attitudes and the fact that they think they are the prey and can’t go after a guy or have to be a with a guy who is going to “take care of her” –

Women today don’t need a man to take care of them – we need a man who is going to just be himself, support us, as we support him, cheer him on, as he cheers us on, and just love being with us – period.

I’m so tired of having to pretend to be “needy” and need a hero to save me when in fact I’m my own hero, I can save myself. That shouldn’t be something that a man should be intimidated with, but instead celebrate. At the end of the day, we girls just want to be looked at as real people, not the ones who need the little black dress to seduce you into thinking that we are a fantasy, but that no matter if we are a size 2 or a size 12, have blonde hair or black hair, if we have a big butt or a small one, we are worth it and valued for our character and our personality. Looks fade, but that other shit lasts forever. If you want that woman who is going to love you regardless, and who is going to treat you right, then start focusing on what really matters. I am sure then you will find yourself a girl that a keeper.

NFL Players Don’t Know Anything About Love

Over the past week and a half I have seen at least 5 athletes post the famous bible verse of “Love is patient” except they never post the entire verse, they end it with “It keeps no record of wrongs,” BUT that is not the entire verse, so here is it in it’s entirety which is 1 of my favorite verses:

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,  but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.  When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

It’s ironic that NFL players and other athletes post up to the “wrong doing” but do they really understand UNDERSTAND what they are posting or are they just posting for likes?

Here is what all the athletes who post this verse miss the boat on:

In the now-famous “Love Chapter” of 1 Corinthians, Paul wrote about love that is put into practice. More than just a feeling or emotion, Paul writes less about what love is and more about what love does. Transformed by the love of Jesus Christ, this kind of love should be a natural overflow of the believer’s heart and evident in everything they do. Unfortunately, for the Corinthian church, this was not always the case.  The words used in 1 Corinthians 13 to describe love are the kind of active verbs Paul was challenging the Corinthian church to adopt: patience, kindness, humility, forgiveness, trust, hope, and perseverance. Love, Paul argued, was the greatest outward testimony of their inward transformation. 

At the beginning of 1 Corinthians 13, Paul writes, “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal” (1 Corinthians 13:1). He then goes on to say that if Christians are able to prophesy, can understand the mysteries of the universe, and give to the poor but ultimately lack love, their actions are meaningless, and there is no spiritual gain. Love must be at the root of everything Christians do and evident in their actions.

It’s more about your ACTIONS than your WORDS. And in the world of social media, the NFL players (and other athletes) certainly just know how to talk the talk when they hardly walk the walk.

A sneak peek of my upcoming book, “Relationship Impossible”

Coming in 2021 is the follow up to my best selling book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd Ed”   The book will be titled; ” Relationship Impossible,” as we continue to discuss online dating, dating apps, social media, double standards, men and dating,  single-hood,  sex advice for women and men plus a lot more.

With technology being the sole way that people today communicate, there has been a lot said of social media and of texting.  Many people use direct messaging as a way to talk to someone without having to “give up” their phone number right away to talk.  This also can be seen as a red flag because any guy that keeps refusing to give out his number is mostly cheating. BUT… in the beginning DM’s are the most popular way to reach out and “touch” someone in 2020.  This method of communication brings a lot confusion and misery at the same time because a lot of guys leave girls on read.

For those who are still in the dark days of communication, here is what to be “left on read” means:  To read someone’s message or messages and not give any response, particularly on an instant messaging application where it is visible to any user as to whether or not the person has read a message.   Now that we cleared this up, here are 5 reasons a guy leaves a girl on read: ( The explanation for each will be in the book.)

1) They are avoiding conflict.

2) They are overwhelmed.

3) They lack confidence.

4) They don’t see your worth.

5) They don’t know what to say.

NOTE: Just because it says read, doesnt mean it was meant to be read. They mightve seen the message come in, not wanted to open it, accidentally did and just moved on without responding.  Or they are attracted to you and like you—so they are going to play a little game. They are going to make you think the complete opposite.  Which can always back fire on a guy- they don’t think it will, but 9 out of 10 times it does.   Some girls then get bitchy ( myself included) and after weeks go by, leave a nasty, “You are such a jackass,” type message for not answering me at all.  This is how this “strategy” the guys seem to think will work back fires because they made us think number 4 on the list, when in fact they see our worth but want to play games instead.

Being left on read, just doesn’t happen in the dating/relationship world. It also happens in the social media world of athletes and fans.  Have you ever responded to an athletes Instagram story and hoped to get a response? Have you ever sent them a message and hoped they would respond to you?  If the answer is yes, then you are not alone.  95% of fans of sports teams and athletes have sent messages to their favorite players to only be left on read.  5% of athletes actually respond back.  That is a fact.  This is because of course, number 4 on the list, where they think they are “better” than you and that you don’t deserve a simple response back.  Now, if your message is one of hate you don’t deserve them to a respond but instead you deserve a good kick in the ass for being rude and vile. That type of stuff is uncalled for!

Athletes as I have pointed out in the past, don’t understand social media as well as they think they do. There is so much power within the platforms that they don’t use it as it is intended but rather use it to make themselves, time and time again, look ignorant.  ( See Chapter 7: Social Media and Dating Apps: A New Game for Today’s Athletes. )

The “hook up” culture will also be discussed at length but I also will touch on the sex industry once again.
In the best seller, which was also up for book of the year 2016, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid 2nd ed”  we discussed that not only is porn one of the top selling industries, but also adult toy and sex accessories are a growing second. There are websites for guys, for girls, and for couples. And more and more women are having “slumber” parties and I don’t mean sleepovers. (see, its not just the guys!) here is a website that is designed for women to purchase sex toys, sex guides, sex outfits, (you know like sexy maid, sexy cheerleader, sex firefighter,) and sex products that add a little erotica to a playful evening. The best thing is that this company is like “Tupperware or Avon” where women can work and they get to go to another woman’s house and “show off’ the products. (No guys, there are no
demonstrations, sorry to burst your bubble there.)

** You can purchase Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd Ed Here —-> Link  **

The Time I Dated A Calvin Klein Model

So, back when I was 24 years old, I dated this guy who was a Calvin Klein model off and on for about a year.   At first I thought it was pretty neat. But as the year went on I knew that I made a huge mistake.  Oh yeah, sure he was what we would call, “hot,” but I learned very quickly that looks on the outside are not a mirror to how someone is on the inside.  That’s why every time I see guys on the internet or hear how much athletes want to date models, I cringe. (Then I roll my eyes)

Our society STILL focuses way too much on a person’s outside rather than on a person’s inner beauty.  Inner beauty, especially to me, is the most important thing I look for in a guy.  Yes,  that physical spark is needed,  but looks are so overrated.

That Calvin Klein model  may have been “arm candy” but inside he was colder than ice. (Is that even possible?)  He cared about money, cars, materialistic stuff and but he didn’t care about how I felt, what I wanted, he had zero compassion about others, and I was so worried that he wouldn’t “love me” based on who I was, that I had to pretend I was someone I wasn’t.   I can also point out that the other models were just as narcissistic, selfish, greedy, and flat out rude as he was.

It was from this that I learned never to base dating a guy on how he looked but rather than to base it on how he treated me and how he also treated others.  A person’s personality, their compassion for others, and how they aren’t afraid to be themselves as well as not making me feel as if I can’t be myself, are the ways I now measure men.  Of course, I would be lying if I didn’t say that sparks that are driven from physical looks are necessary, but it’s not how I make a decision anymore.

It’s also important to note that I want to date a man who accept me for who I am, support my dreams as I support his, and build me up to be a better person each and every day.  I just don’t want to date simply to date. Another reason why so many relationships fail is because so many people do this; they date to just date instead of dating for a relationship.

Closing, we need to stop judging others based on the outer shell of a person. The saying, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover,”  is so true. Why be so shallow?  Dating is challenging to begin with, adding extra pressure to yourself and another person is stupid. Beauty can be intoxicating, but it’s also very misleading. And in this Instagram world with so many damn filters, why are we so obsessed with fake and not being real?

Yes,  outer attraction matters but in today’s crazy world it shouldn’t matter that much. Don’t get caught up in the  Instagram perfection of physical beauty that will quickly fade back once the filters are gone. If you lead with your soul, you’re more likely to find yourself in a committed, lasting relationship.

 

 

 

An open letter to celebrities, athletes in the wake of hurricane Harvey

Dear Celebrites and Athletes,
In case you didn’t notice there’s a major disaster in Texas that need your help.  No, we don’t need you to stage a stupid Telethon or a relief concert that is funded by us regular folks. No.  It’s time for you big shots to put your money where your mouth is and stop being such big hypocrites.
The following is a list of celebrities that LIVE or are FROM Texas ( according to chron.com) Where are you to help your fellow #texan? And even if the list is wrong, where are you anyway?
Sandra Bullock- Update ** donated a $1 million dollars *
Lance Armstrong
Kevin Costner
Matthew McConaughey
Tommy Lee Jones
The Jonas Brothers
Willie Nelson
AND then there are RICH celebrities that could donate a $1million dollars and that wouldn’t even burn a hole in their pockets. Those are:
Jay-Z and Beyonce Update ** Reportedly Beyonce has donated $7 million dollars **
Dr. Dre.
Sean Combs
Madonna
Jimmy Buffet
Lady Gaga Update: donated
Drake Update: donated
Justin Timberlake
Matt Damon
Tom Hanks
Tom Cruise
Dwayne Johnson Update: donated $25,000
Julia Roberts
Jessica Alba
Samuel L. Jackson
Ellen DeGeneres  Update: donated $50,000 plus her show donated $25,000
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
George Clooney
AND there are RICH CORPORATIONS that can easily #donate and help. Some of them are stationed in Texas.
Exxon Mobil
AT&T
American Airlines
Southwest Airlines
Kimberly-Clark Corp.
JcPenney
Apple
Microsoft
Google
Pfizer
Ford
General Motors
WHAT ABOUT THE SPORTS TEAMS AND ATHLETES that call Texas home?
So far, Dallas Cowboys, Houston Rockets, Houston Astros, Houston Texans, have donated. What about Texas Rangers, Dallas Stars and the Dallas Mavericks? JJ Watt organized a donation but where’s HIS money? Why is he getting regular people to donate? Did he donate anything that he is organizing at all?
( ** UPDATE: JJ Watt has donated 100k for the donation that he set up.**)
Of course we all heard about the biggest hypocrite Joel Osteen and him not opening his church to help those in his community. He only preaches about God, helping one another and loving each other. He just opened his church because of the backlash on social media, sorry, but that doesn’t count.
Update: Former “Bachelor” star Sean Lowe borrowed a boat and went down to Houston to lend a helping hand. ( I added this to the piece because it’s a positive from the Bachelor show that I am always ripping into)
I am SICK AND TIRED of these celebrities and greedy athletes that don’t STEP IT UP when the fans that support them NEED THEM in time of crisis! Kudos to Kevin Hart for calling out his fellow celebrities and kudos to the Karadashians, Jennifer Lopez, A-Rod, and Chris Young, for putting their money where their mouth is. I have more respect for you now.
 Let’s stop supporting celebrities who don’t support us when we need the help. It’s time for them to go the distance. It’s time for them to walk the talk.