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You Can Learn A lot From People Not Your Age ( Hello, Adam Fox)

For all those non-hockey fans, yesterday the NY Rangers named Jacob Trouba their team captain ( the team hasn’t had one in 4+ years) and one of the players on the team, Adam Fox, had an interesting quote:

So that got me thinking: Why are so many people afraid to associate themselves with people OUTSIDE their age bracket? Being that I was a Pre-K teacher since I was 20 and taught for 15 years, my job was simple: to get kids excited about learning. Not only was it to help them grow, but it was to make them understand that everyday they are are going to learn something new about the world, about themselves and about each other. It was the most fun I had, other than coaching cheerleading which I still do.

One thing is certain and it is the thing in the quote by Adam Fox that he misses the boat on: One can learn from anyone, age is only a number of how long you have been on Earth. People should have is an open mind.

I learn from people who are the most open minded and most knowledgeable. I’ve seen older people who act immature and claim they know everything and I’ve seen young people who are calm and willing to give their two cents. I have been around teenagers, college students, guys/girls in their 20s and 30s. I also associate with folks in their 40s and 50s as well. I am full-rounded.

One of my favorite memories is listening to stories from my grandma who lived 99 years and my great-aunt who is still alive at 106 ( she will be 107 in a month) The stories taught me life lessons that I was able to put to use in my life. An example was when my grandma told me to always be the bigger person, arguing with fools make you look like a fool. It’s never worth standing around and arguing if you aren’t going to find a solution to the problem.

If you read my previous blogs, you know that I am a big supporter of younger guys dating older women and older men dating younger women. The reasons were simply:

Older people have a lot of life experience. They can teach you a lot about the reality of life. On the flip side, young folks can teach you what you forget growing up. They are so full of life and ideas. They can’t wait to go out in the world and leave their mark. Its sometimes necessary to not be worried about a single thing and go do what you want to do. Older folks and younger folks can mingle, have adventures together and not have to deal with so much drama as you do when you only are interested in your age category.

I believe that someone has something that I can learn. I never let age, gender or sexuality, be a factor as to whether I should learn from them or not. To do so would be idiocy. Too bad Adam Fox only thinks he can learn from people close to his age or his age. I mean, I understand that sometimes we get comfortable, but you never grow in your comfort zone. It’s only when you embrace the unknown and take a risk that you learn a lot about life and the world you live in. Some risks are always worth taking like love, doing what you are passionate about and standing up for yourself.

Wisdom should always be shared. Every day I learn something in the industry I am in: social media. Some of those in this industry are younger than me, and they learn from me as well. Also, I have coached cheer for a very, very long time, and have learned things from those older than me and younger than me in this industry.

Imagine being a hockey player and only thinking that you are going to learn from those closest to your age? That is ridiculous! You learn from those who played the game before you as well as you learn from those young kids who are just starting out. You learn from coaches who are probably old enough to be the players dads or uncles.

The point is, you learn from people, not from their age. Age does not guarantee knowledge and knowledge can be compounded and complex at any age.

Here are a few other things that people have taught me in life to date:

1- If you worry about how people will judge you, you’ll never achieve anything.

2-There won’t be “plenty of time later” to enjoy life. Life is short and you have NO IDEA how long you have here. Why wait to do what it is that you want to do? Don’t put off your career change, relationship, or any other life desire until you reach some mythical point of readiness; it doesn’t exist.

3- It’s vital to cultivate friendships with people older and younger than you. Younger friends steep you in optimism and possibility, while older friends will ground you in wisdom. You need the perspectives of both.

4- There’s no quicker path to misery than conditional happiness.

If I get that promotion, I will feel happy.
If I buy that luxury car, I will feel content.
If I find a girlfriend/boyfriend, I will feel joy.

If you can’t find happiness during the pursuit, it won’t last long when you reach the finish line. Find joy in the journey- that is what life is- a journey and so far I am having fun on mine.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Again, but better

I haven’t been happy lately.

No, I take that back. I have been happy, but I have not felt fulfilled lately. It’s like nothing I do or accomplish makes me feel as if I am doing things that are appreciated nor do I feel that I am valued. I always wanted to have my own empire, and believe me that hasn’t changed. What has changed is how I go about that.

I noticed lately that either people who are jealous or those who scoff at the idea of having multiple businesses have given me negative feedback without having any true facts. And I notice that when I try to help others gain insight on what knowledge I have, they don’t value me or what I know. Either that or they are just plainly lazy and don’t care as much about their business as I care about theirs.

85% of my job is either chasing a client down for money or content. And it’s exhausting! So, to fix this problem, I am going to go and do credit cards starting in October. But the other problem will either get fixed by me learning that I can not control how clients respond and therefore I won’t chase them anymore. You either give me what I ask for or you don’t get what you want to achieve from your marketing. And when they freaking complain, I will point it out to them. Yes, I will save text messages and emails. I also believe in principles, but if you tell me you will do something, I expect you to do it or give me enough time to make alternate arrangements. If you flake on me enough times, I’ll re-evaluate our relationship and more than likely cancel you out of my life. A person who doesn’t consistently keep their word does not respect you, and they don’t value you or your time.

I should not have to get super stressed out over how people behave.

Speaking of stress, I noticed that this entire year minus January, I have been super stressed. Stress takes a toll on our mental health and our bodies. Life should not be lived having to be stressed day in and day out. I want to change the world, yes, but I don’t want to die because I am completely stressed over things that I have no control over. I can only do my part and then hope that it inspires someone else to change their outlook and reach out to pay it forward.

What gets me is the fact that we undervalue other people either based on what we have heard, what the myths there are or we are afraid to really find out the true value of someone else. When we take our anger and frustrations out on other people, we aren’t dealing with the problem at hand, which is the reason why we feel the way we do. We try to hide and push those feelings away, but that doesn’t solve the issue. Instead it causes more pain, grief, and frustrations. Egoism, lack of love and empathy are main reasons people don’t value others. People create more enemies for themselves than friends. To be very rewarding in our world we have to have respect for other people. It is a way of showing who we are and what we cherish and understand how interconnected in the world we live in.

Here’s another thing that I can’t stand lately: Whenever they need you, they come running. On the contrary, when you are in a bind, they do not reciprocate. I have gone above and beyond in my relationships. When I expected the same in return, it was not given. Those are hard lessons, but it became my comparable measuring cup to any other relationship. I have so many people in my life who DO value me that it became easy to spot when someone else didn’t. The word effort is defined as a vigorous or determined attempt. So, let me make this as straightforward as possible. Suppose you’re the only one who puts effort into having meetings, meetups, phone calls, or quality time. In that case, they don’t value you, and it’s not your responsibility to put in the majority of the effort.
That is a hard lesson to learn but it’s the darn truth. I have clients that expect magical things to happen, yet when I ask them for simple stuff like passwords, pictures or video links… crickets. Needless to say, I am done having to put forth all the effort and getting no reward from it. Yes, life isn’t about reward, but it isn’t about having to deal with stress caused from people’s slack effort, respect and value. I’m tired of constantly GIVING and having TAKERS take and NEVER give back- EVER!

Having a sense of self-worth means that you value yourself, and having a sense of self-value means that you are worthy. Easy to say, hard to do. That’s where self care and self love come into play.
Lately I have been doing a lot of this! Spending time with my self and those who value me. Noticing also that there are MANY people out there today who feel this exactly as well. I will start to record how each day goes and what I have learned from the day. I also will start recording my self talk to myself ( Yes, I the old fashioned thing to do, is to use a tape recorder) and then I will share my thoughts with the world. I know I have a voice and it won’t ever be stifled. If I can use my life to help someone else out there, then I have done my part in trying to help the world be a better place.

Just remember that there are people in this world who will always value you , even when you can’t see the value in yourself and even when you can’t see that they do value you. You can always make more money. You can never make more time. You can never replace the TRUE value of another human being with money. EVER.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

A Look Back At 2020 And A Look Ahead at 2021

2020, may be coming to end, but the challenges we faced this year continue as we go into 2021. Yet in 2020 we saw people around the world come together to help others facing the unknown, as allies and advocates for not only their friends and community members, but for people they may never meet — providing financial support, emotional support or even inspiring others to lend a hand in any way they can. 2020 is the year that forever changed us all. It forced us to slow down, give up things (whether we wanted to or not), but it forced us to grow in ways we might not have grown without Covid.

I used to think that being busy all the time showed people that I was one of the best go get’em and knock them dead entrepreneurs.. That if I wasn’t doing anything productive or knocking off all the items on my to-do lists that I was just a complete failure. 2020 taught me that it’s okay to slow down. It’s okay to take time off from my “busy life” and just live in the moments that I am given.

Another thing that 2020 has taught me is that it’s okay to ask for help. Some people are so afraid to ask for help because then it means that they aren’t the superman or superwoman most thought they were. We all can’t do everything alone, sometimes we need to put our egos aside and reach out.

As someone who loves social media, 2020 has taught us that your mind can’t handle the constant negativity, fighting, and toxicity that you see, and hopefully you learned to really limit your consumption of it all. I did this prior to 2020, but I do this even better because of crazy-ass year we have had.

Finally, instead of worrying about all the things yet to come and all the things I wish we had, this year I found myself learning to be completely content with what surrounded me. Yes, I had the worst birthday, with not being able to go out, and yes, I wanted to have new adventures this year, but what 2020 made me realize is that the most important thing in the world is love and being surrounded by it.

2020 taught me that sometimes you have to risk opening up and putting everything on the table because if you don’t, then you lose the chance of not getting to know people. We’ve all been hurt and we’ve all had heartbreak but if you’re not willing to take a risk then you miss out on the relationships that could be amazing. Life is short. Don’t sit there and ponder, “What if.” No man is an island. Reach out, and it may be the beginning of something beautiful. 

We all faced many challenges this year, but I was blessed to have some amazing people who stood by my side the entire time. They know who they are. All I can say is thank you from the bottom of my heart. And to all those strangers out there on social media that have become some of the best people that I have light conversations with, thank you for becoming a part of life.

Happy New Year!

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

What Have We Learned?

Starting week five of being quarantined in my house, I am starting to look at what this virus is ( and should be) teaching us about life and about relationships. As this pandemic has unfolded, it has shifted how we live, how we work and how we value life.

The coronavirus has taught us that we are all connected. No matter how much money we make, where we live, what religion we practice, and so-forth, the virus has shown us that in times like this, when we stick together are we at our strongest and it has reminded us of just how much we have taken for granted. Not being able to gather together, hug each other, having the freedom to go out where and when we want, are just a few things that we have taken for granted now that we have to sit at home. Every day just pours into next day. If you haven’t thought about it, take a drive around your town and look at how it looks like a ghost town right about now.

During this crisis we may indeed notice who and what is most important. People now know who their true friends really are and just how important you are to them. Everyone is “stuck” at home. If they haven’t reached out by email, text, or even DM, then I am sorry to say…..   to finish reading, click the link and it will take you to the article I wrote for Vocal Media:

The Lessons from The CoronaVirus

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Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

The Diary of A Social Gal Part 2

Photos Courtesy of Click Images Inc.

 

So if you missed it, I posted 2 videos on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest about how I came to love dance and then cheer.  The second video was about my present coaching gig.  At the same time I was having a love affair with cheer, I also was coaching and loving basketball.  I played basketball for a short period of time and won 1 championship as a player. As a coach I went to 2 championships and was 1-1.  I coached CYO, AAU. and an athletic league team.

Sports were always a part of my life as a kid and even now as an adult. From sports as a young kid you learn team work, you learn that not everyone has the exact same skill, you learn communication is key to success and you learn that you will not win all the time. (And that is okay)

As a coach you learn how to connect with others, you learn how to inspire others and you learn that you need to plan in order to succeed.

All these lessons are not just about sports, but also about life. I learned a great deal from coaching basketball as I have also learned from coaching cheer. One of the most important things in life is to learn how to train yourself to know that you can achieve what ever you set your mind too and to set reasonable goals. Having respect for your coaches in sports helps kids later on in life when dealing with adults or authoritative figures.  If you’re not passionate enough, you’re never going to achieve anything. You need to really want to do something to be able to do it. Try, try and try again until you succeed.

Focus, mentally tough, and determined are things that coaching basketball.

Stay tuned for The Diary Of A Social Gal Part 3 – my 19 years as a Preschool Teacher Video coming on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest.

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

The Time I Dated A Calvin Klein Model

So, back when I was 24 years old, I dated this guy who was a Calvin Klein model off and on for about a year.   At first I thought it was pretty neat. But as the year went on I knew that I made a huge mistake.  Oh yeah, sure he was what we would call, “hot,” but I learned very quickly that looks on the outside are not a mirror to how someone is on the inside.  That’s why every time I see guys on the internet or hear how much athletes want to date models, I cringe. (Then I roll my eyes)

Our society STILL focuses way too much on a person’s outside rather than on a person’s inner beauty.  Inner beauty, especially to me, is the most important thing I look for in a guy.  Yes,  that physical spark is needed,  but looks are so overrated.

That Calvin Klein model  may have been “arm candy” but inside he was colder than ice. (Is that even possible?)  He cared about money, cars, materialistic stuff and but he didn’t care about how I felt, what I wanted, he had zero compassion about others, and I was so worried that he wouldn’t “love me” based on who I was, that I had to pretend I was someone I wasn’t.   I can also point out that the other models were just as narcissistic, selfish, greedy, and flat out rude as he was.

It was from this that I learned never to base dating a guy on how he looked but rather than to base it on how he treated me and how he also treated others.  A person’s personality, their compassion for others, and how they aren’t afraid to be themselves as well as not making me feel as if I can’t be myself, are the ways I now measure men.  Of course, I would be lying if I didn’t say that sparks that are driven from physical looks are necessary, but it’s not how I make a decision anymore.

It’s also important to note that I want to date a man who accept me for who I am, support my dreams as I support his, and build me up to be a better person each and every day.  I just don’t want to date simply to date. Another reason why so many relationships fail is because so many people do this; they date to just date instead of dating for a relationship.

Closing, we need to stop judging others based on the outer shell of a person. The saying, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover,”  is so true. Why be so shallow?  Dating is challenging to begin with, adding extra pressure to yourself and another person is stupid. Beauty can be intoxicating, but it’s also very misleading. And in this Instagram world with so many damn filters, why are we so obsessed with fake and not being real?

Yes,  outer attraction matters but in today’s crazy world it shouldn’t matter that much. Don’t get caught up in the  Instagram perfection of physical beauty that will quickly fade back once the filters are gone. If you lead with your soul, you’re more likely to find yourself in a committed, lasting relationship.

 

 

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

2016 Revisited with Reflection

Each year we learn something new about ourselves and the people around us. There are happy moments, sad moments, and it’s necessary to sit at the end of the year and focus on lessons learned, but yet, focus on what you want the new year to bring.

In 2016, some of the most happiest times were the birth of my nephew/Godson and the birth of my cousin, the next generation of my family. Other happy moments I had were publishing another book, having my business grow, and taking an awesome vacation this past summer.  Other highlights for the year were that I went on the NYC subway for the first time and met my good friend at a Mets game. I also got to knock off 16 things off my 2016 bucket list. Finally my family was blessed with good health, and that is all I could have asked for this year alone!

Oh, did I mention that I turned 40 this year? Milestone!

The mixed emotions I had this year was deciding to retire from teaching preschool. I miss seeing the kids everyday, that is the hard part, but I don’t miss the school, the prep, and having the same routine day in and day out.  I have though, thanks to teaching for 20 years, have developed some great friendships with parents, not only the children. That I am blessed with- relationships that mean something to me!

I also have started to develop great relationships within networking for my business. Those relationships will be a focus in 2017.

This year, once again, social media made me realize that a lot of people will fake change just to fit in. Social media is filled with people “pretending” to be someone they aren’t, just for likes, comments, and attention.  Also due to the Election of 2016, so many people want to chirp but can’t handle it when others chirp. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it either. People took something that shouldn’t be personal, and made it personal. There were attacks, unfriending, and relationships were torn over a stupid election. Hopefully everyone learned a lesson.

There are always going to be people out there who will tell you that you can’t make your dreams happen. And the only reason they tell you that is because they are scared that you will indeed make your dreams a reality, while they are mad at themselves for not working hard on their goals. That is why this year I learned a value lesson from the weather; I learn to be talked about without responding. (Every writer/blogger is always going to have those special haters, but then again, haters are fans in denial)

Finally my Personal Motto for 2016 was: Out work ’em. Out read ’em. Out last ’em. Show up. I think needless to say, I lived up to that motto, at least I know I tried and I will continue that motto in 2017.

I not only learned about myself this past year, but I also learned the following through relationships, friendships, and observing others:

Accept your flaws. Admit your mistakes. Don’t hide and don’t lie. Deal with the truth, learn the lessons, endure the consequences of reality, and move on. Your truth won’t penalize you, the mistakes won’t hurt you, but the denial and cover-up will. Flawed and vulnerable people are beautiful and likable. Liars and phonies are not. Every beautiful human being is made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions and finished with unique edges. Don’t listen to what people say; watch what they do. Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves over time. In the blink of an eye, everything can change. So forgive often and love with all your heart. You never know when you may not have that chance again.

When you learn how much you are worth, you will stop giving people discounts. Remember, the new year will be like the old one if you keep on doing the same old things. So here’s to 2017, where new challenges are met with hope, love and strength.