Jealousy and the Ex

If you ever have joined the, “I love knowing that my mans ex hates me” club, then you know where I am going with this. There are many single women who date men who have been separated or divorced. Some women even date those men while they are going through the process of divorce and some of those men have children.

This is when sometimes things can get dicey. Things may start off as quiet and as calm as can be, until one day jealousy rears her ugly head. The soon-to-be- ex-wife has become jealous and a little upset that he has moved on and before her,* gasp* like it’s some competition.

It’s sad when a mom loves child support more than her children; what makes it worse is when she tries to keep the child away from a loving father who wants them, and use that manipulation to get him to stop the developing relationship with the new woman! She now as become obsessed and has begun feeling possessive towards the same man with whom she is legally separated from. What is worse that this is the fact that she will start to play, “the victim” to gain support and make him out to be the “bad guy” when in fact he did nothing wrong at all.
Guilt. This is now used to reel him back in because like I mentioned earlier, she is using the children as bait to keep him away from whomever he wants to be with. Some may say that she is “protecting” the children, but I say that if she wanted to really protect her children she wouldn’t be using them in her sick game.

Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? This is true with anyone who cares deeply about someone and this rings true for all the men out there who are great dads and are going through the divorce process today. My advice to all of you guys out there is to never settle too quickly, don’t be cheap where you don’t get a lawyer and try to handle all of it on your own. Simply because you don’t know all the nooks and crannies of the legal system, there are ways of getting what you want and deserve in a divorce, and just giving her, “What she wants” sends the wrong message.

To those single women who are dating a man who is going through this crap, here’s my advice:

I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silent hurt more. As much as you can help, support and care for someone, it’s up to them to make the first move. Feeling helpless isn’t a great feeling, but the only thing you can do is tell him that you still care, tell him that you are here for him and hope to God he gets the courage to reach out.

To the guys who are stuck in this situation:

Men have this stupid idea that they can handle everything on their own but, you can’t take care of anyone else, until you take care of yourself. Let the woman with whom you are dating be there for you. Don’t let your Ex win. Legally she can’t take your kids away from you because you are dating someone else. The legal system doesn’t work that way. Since kids are involved, these exes often feel it’s their right to meddle in your relationships, no matter what. Maybe you should set up a meeting with your ex and your new partner, depending on how serious the relationship is, and iron out whatever feelings and problems have risen.

Remember, you have every right to be happy. And that sets an example to your kids.

And finally, to the all the soon-to-be Ex wives everywhere: Just because you aren’t called on your BS doesn’t mean people don’t know you’re full of it. If you’re so happy with your life why are you so worried about your ex-husband’s new love? Think of your kids and how your jealousy is affecting them. Everyone has the right and deserves to be happy. One day it’s going to be you, dating someone new. What goes around comes around, all I can say is, remember that.

Dating After Divorce: What to do and what not to do

These days, it’s not uncommon to hear that someone is going through a divorce. In 2016, The median length for a marriage in the US is 8 years with 90% of all divorces being settled out of court.60 percent of second marriages end in divorce and 73 percent of all third marriages end in divorce.

Currently, the divorce rate per 1000 married women is 16.9. Many experts feel that this is a much more accurate measure of true divorce rate than the crude rate. The divorce rate per 1000 married women is nearly double that of 1960, but down from the all time high of 22.6 in the early 1980s. Here are some more interesting facts on divorce:

Every 13 seconds, there is one divorce in America. That equates to 277 divorces per hour, 6,646 divorces per day, 46,523 divorces per week, and 2,419,196 divorces per year. That means there are 9 divorces in the time it takes for a couple to recite their wedding vows (2 minutes.) More than 554 divorces occur during your typical romantic comedy movie (2 hours) And 1,385 divorces happen during the average wedding reception (5 hours).

So, if you are divorced and reading this, now what?

You might be hearing from friends and family, “You need to get out there.” But what you’re probably feeling is either, “I don’t think I’m ready,” or “How do I even begin to start dating again?” Since I’ve seen so many friends go through it, I’m a big believer in, what I like to call, “The Take 2 System.”

The Take 2 System is quite simple:

The first step is to realize that you should wait about a year before seriously dating anyone. Yes, that is a long time, but when you end a relationship, a marriage, the healing process takes time. If you are still in love with your ex, you will probably compare everyone you date to him or her. Rebound love always turns out to be a disaster. Take time to learn to love yourself and enjoy the small moments of everyday life.

The second step is to think about what you want, what you don’t want, and identified the deal-breakers.

After that, the next step is to be open-minded to the possibility of finding someone new. This is how you know you are ready. It’s also best to become friends with someone first, not just jump head first into dating someone with all the “fringe” benefits. By that I mean, having sex. Sex is part of dating, but if you are seriously looking for a relationship then you might want to pass on sex for at least six months while trying to get to know someone for who they truly are, and not for what they “claim” to be. Don’t date anyone that you aren’t comfortable with and don’t date someone that is “forced” on you because your friends and family think they found the “perfect” relationship for you.

There’s a difference between who we love, who we settle with, and who we’re meant for.