Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

An Open Letter To Men Everywhere

Do men get pinched, groped, ogled, catcalled, stared at, followed, intimidated and stalked regularly by other men?
Do they get rape threats from strangers online for having the gall to express a strong opinion?
How about unwanted comments on their profile pictures, unsolicited pictures of male genitalia, persistent romantic propositions even after rejection?
How about being talked over at work, admonished for standing one’s ground, assumed to be less skilled, being singled out among other colleagues for clerical tasks, told that their place is “in the kitchen” and “at home, raising kids?”
You are being asked to give women, the same bare-minimum, basic, fundamental respect that you afford men. You know, the sort that should be afforded to all human beings, simply for existing. We aren’t asking for amazing treatment, simply for being female. Far from it, actually. We’re asking for respect as people,  something we are deprived of simply for being women with a regularity, severity and degree that should absolutely alarm you.
Respecting women can’t be a rule, but surely it can be a responsibility that shouldn’t be taken lightly.  Women are tired of having to be taught how to protect themselves from men, but rather why can’t the men be taught not to rape, harass, or abuse a woman? Dress does not dictate if a woman is valued or respected. Nor does it protect her from being violated. But I am, as are all women tired of hearing guys ask, “well, what was she wearing?” Or, “She was probably asking for it.”  No.  No woman is ever asking to be raped, harassed or abused.  No woman wants to be judged based on what she was wearing, how she was wearing it, and just how much attention she was craving. 
It’s about time society started appreciating the important role that women play. Women today contribute more than half to the world’s economy.  More than 11.6 million businesses are owned by women, employing nearly 9 million people, and generating $1.7 trillion in sales as of 2017. Women-owned businesses (51% or more) account for 39% of all privately held businesses and contribute 8% of employment and 4.2% of revenues.
We just aren’t about having babies, raising babies, and baking some cookies.  Women are smart, savvy, and go-getters.  Women want to be seen for WHO we are, NOT for what we look like.  Ever notice that a man especially, can only compliment a woman on her looks, not on her other personality traits?  “Oh, she is hot,” “She’s gorgeous,” or, “What a beauty!”  It’s never, ” You’re amazing at what you do,” “I always learn so much from you,” or,  “I like your style.”
If we want to prevent sexual assaults and sexual harassment, then parents have a responsibility to their sons to have a much more uncomfortable conversation. Overall, the media has told a man, in this society, treating women with disrespect is the cool or easy thing to do. The only way to change this, is to make sure that as boys, they know that this behavior is unacceptable, and that no matter who they come in contact with during their lifetime, they are to be treated with respect.  Remember, it costs NOTHING to be kind, to be respectable and to be responsible.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Words Matter: Be Ashamed If You Body Shame Others Online

Yesterday was my cousin’s wedding ceremony.  Due to Covid19, the wedding has been postponed twice, so they decided to have a legal ceremony on the day that they had their first date.  That’s not what this post is about, but it’s the partly the reason I am writing it.  Yesterday I wore this little black dress that I recently bought.  It was a dress that was not loose fitting, but a little snug in the midsection.  Every time I ever need to dress up to go to a function, I spend hours in the mirror criticizing myself about how I “think” people are going to perceive me. ( Of course I am wrong, but my brain doesn’t think so at the time.)  I put this dress on and spun around looking at myself in the mirror, looking to see just how much of midsection was “noticeable.”   I hate to go out and not look “skinny,” in whatever I am wearing.  I say to myself that If I don’t feel comfortable that I will have a lousy time.

Yesterday was very different.

I usually end up talking myself out of wearing something and put on something else, but yesterday I didn’t. I kept that little black dress on and went to the wedding and enjoyed myself.  Now, I am not fat. I am not obese. I am not heavy or big-boned. I am of a normal weight for a short girl.  I don’t wear a size 0 or size 4 or even a size 6.  Depending on the brand, I am any where from a size 8 to a size 12.  Seriously, the way that clothes are made today is unreal.  I should be the same size no matter what brand I buy, but I am not.

This got me thinking yesterday of all the body shaming going down on social media lately. I see young girls on TikTok posting videos of,  “How to get skinny.”   I see young women posting videos of them telling others that they have to get back to being skinny and so forth.  I also see guys, body shaming women.  Some of the comments are so over the top nasty.

1) ” I don’t know what you are doing but you look so much better now! Look at all the weight you lost!”

2) “If you lose weight someone will love you.”

3) “Look at that fat body. What a waste of a pretty face.”

4) “You don’t have the right body to be doing that.”

5) “Why are you posting a picture of you in a bikini when you are no where near being a bikini model!”

6) Now that Pat Mahomes got his big contract he can now dump that disgusting girlfriend.”  ( yesterday, he got the biggest contract in NFL history)

Now body shaming isn’t just about saying rude and obnoxious things, but it’s also when a guy ONLY pays a woman a compliment on HOW she looks.  ( Beautiful, gorgeous, hot, sizzling, etc,”  Why can’t guys ever just compliment  a girl/woman without using her looks as part of the compliment?

Now we all can do one day with a bad hair day, or wish that parts of our bodies were different, but sometimes it is overwhelming which stops us from doing all kinds of things.  We start to develop anxiety about our bodies. We start to question why someone would even want to love us or even be with us in a romantic situation.

This is why body shaming has to stop.

We then become ashamed of our muffin tops, love handles, or flat bums. We then pick apart other parts of our body like our noses, thighs, arms,  and legs. And for what? To be accepted by a bunch of immature, self-conceited , superficial guys who don’t look like the Ken doll that they should be as they want to be with ever girl that resembles Barbie!

Give me a break!

Looks don’t make the man or the woman.  What should matter most is the person they are on inside; their personality.  Would you rather be with someone so vain or be with someone who was caring, compassionate, funny, and who supported your vision for the future?

Looks fade, who that person is from the inside out stays forever.

The next time you see someone body shaming someone else on social media tell them this; ““I do not give a &$#! about what men think about my body. I don’t care about what women think about my body. My body is not for other people, and the only person whose opinion matters about how I look is mine.”

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

An Open Letter To All Men Everywhere

Dear Men,

 

It seems that the guys who play in the NFL, once again proof just how dumb you guys can be when it comes to picking women.   But before I go ahead and rant on that, let me let every single guy, including every single athlete know something: Cameras are everywhere!  If you are going to make a decision that in the end, gets you into trouble either with the law, your job, your wife, your girlfriend, etc, just know that someone already has it on camera.  Technology has developed cell phones with awesome cameras. It also has developed awesome surveillance systems in hotels, malls, bars, clubs, stores, and just about everywhere, where you can go and be seen.

Now onto talking about women.  Stop letting your penis make your decisions when it comes to women. There’s such a thing as listening to your gut, or your intuition.  That’s why these dating apps are destroying people, because when you meet people via dating apps, you go by what they are saying about themselves and, most people lie in their dating profiles. Secondly, just because a woman “looks” hot doesn’t mean she has good intentions and a beautiful soul.  Stop judging women by their looks. It can be said to women who do the same thing when it comes to men, but women choose a man differently than a man, chooses a woman. Women are more prone to give a guy who isn’t “hot” a chance, because he has better features than just his looks. Whereas a man, goes straight for the hot chick just to impress his friends, or make people jealous, or because he thinks she will be his arm candy, and they will standout.

Thirdly, Keep your hands to yourself – pushing, kicking, slapping a woman is unacceptable. Now, women need to be called out on this as well, because it’s not right to go ahead and smack a man for ANY reason UNLESS he hit you first and it’s self-defense. In the movies you see women throwing shoes, purses, and even throwing water in a man’s face after she finds out he’s cheating or doing something that gets him into trouble. That’s also unacceptable.

No means no.  Let me repeat that for all the men out there: No means No.  If she doesn’t want to sleep with you, doesn’t want to hook up, doesn’t want to hook up with your friends, doesn’t want to do anything, no means no.  How ever the rest goes down, even if she calls you the worst name in the book, you stay the bigger person and WALK AWAY! Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.

This is for all the athletes: STOP getting involved with women you meet at clubs or parties. NOTHING good can come from it.  Also stop getting involved with groupies that hang out in the SAME hotel as you!  Trust me when I say that women who do this, do this for a reason- they know that you got fame, money, power, whatever else, and that is the ONLY reason they are there!  Again, she could be “hot” but don’t let your penis make that decision to have her go up to your hotel room.  Next thing you know, you fall asleep and she posted pictures of you together all over social media!  Also, if she gets pregnant, you are now going to be paying her child support for the next 18 years!

THINK before you act.

Go for a woman who doesn’t care what you do for a living and treats you like she would treat any guy she would meet. Go for a woman who supports your ups and your downs.

Sparks are great. But investigate. Be attracted to her mentally, emotionally not just physically.  Go for a woman who can be excited about your success and goals in life is someone who won’t hold you back for one reason or another.  If she wants to change you in any way, and they she is not accepting you for who you are, that is a sign of a controlling person and she will never treat you properly.  Finally, pick a woman who can  bring out the best in you and who can maintain her own identity.   Those are the women who you should choose, and if you notice I never said anything about looks or sex.

Stop letting your penis make the decisions for you. Use your heart and your mind to help you pick the best partner for you- not just a one night stand or a “maybe” girlfriend. But  a person who you see yourself with forever.