Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

It’s that dreaded time: Valentine’s Day

Everybody has a right to be happy.

That is not the issue. The issue at hand is how we go about trying to find that true happiness and if that’s all we are doing, then my question is: Why do we believe that the only way to be truly happy is if we are in a relationship?

First off, let’s talk about what constitutes a relationship, because I feel in today’s world with social media, dating sites, and all that jazz, people are forgetting the clear definition of what a relationship is. In the dictionary a relationship is defined as, “The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.” While an intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. Notice that a relationship can be either physical, emotional, or even a combination of both. This also counts for all those “online relationships” people are having these days.

You go on Facebook to network or share your passion for something, since there are tons of groups and fan pages these days, and you strike up a conversation with someone. Next thing you know, you are talking to this person everyday. The minute you blink your eyes, you now find yourself talking to this person about your life, he/she asks you for your phone number, and he/she says those exciting words: Let’s finally meet.
The only problem is that every time you bring up about meeting in person, he/she has some lame excuse. (Trust me, I have heard many crazy excuses from people telling me about their experiences!)

The same situation can also happen on Twitter, Instagram, or of course those nightmare dating sites.

Here’s the thing that most don’t realize: In this age of social media, we get emotionally attached and connected to people we don’t even know every day! The moment you start talking to someone every day, the moment you get their phone number, and the moment you talk about (and some promise) to meet -up, you are in a relationship with that person!

Some are friendships, yes, but for the sake of this article, I am talking about romantic relationships. So for those keeping the score at home, if what I described above sounds like you, congratulations, you are in an online relationship!

So, what does this all mean? It simply means that even though you aren’t married to this person, even though you have yet to meet this person face to face, while you are talking every day, and some get very intimate online, you are emotionally connected. And yes I know that some people chat it up with a lot of folks, especially guys. Tom chats with Donna, Cindy, Vanessa, and then there’s Denise. But if Tom is just chatting with those girls every so often and he is seriously talking to Mindy every day online, while also calling her on the phone, and he talked about wanting to finally meet up and that he loves her, Tom is in a relationship with Mindy and only Mindy.

I love guys online who constantly tell me that it’s not cheating if you aren’t married. That’s just the excuse they give themselves for their behavior as well as the way to reason with themselves that they didn’t fall for someone online. Remember, any type of cheating is not a mistake, it’s a choice. Single is only a status you fill out on a form, just because you aren’t checking the married box, doesn’t mean that you can’t cheat.

That is basically relationship 101.
Now back to my question, why do we feel that in order to be happy we must be in a relationship?

The thing is, nobody can give us a better life but ourselves, if you wait for someone to make you happy you will never be. But as human nature plays a part in our daily lives, no matter how many times you say you don’t need a boyfriend/girlfriend, your heart still craves to love someone truly. The thing to remember is this, sex is so easy to find, that’s why love is so hard to get. Our heart is like an unfinished puzzle, that is why we search for the perfect one to complete it. That’s is why some relationships end and new ones begin. Don’t just settle for someone, make sure that person is the one who fits the puzzle, because if you just try to force a relationship to work, you are hurting yourself and wasting someone else’s time.

You learn how to love others through the simple act of loving yourself. Without it, you will never be able to love someone else completely. So, to answer the question, the most important relationship you can ever have is with yourself, but, if you are looking for love this Valentine’s Day; here are 3 rules to remember. 

RULE 1: Never EVER get yourself involved in a relationship with a man/woman who is newly divorced. He is still grieving the relationship himself & trying to sort out feelings. The worse thing to do is get hung up on a man who will be looking out for himself.

RULE 2: Know your worth. Most women forget about this one & feel that they aren’t worth it without a man. That’s when you settle for less than you deserve. Men: Don’t go for eye candy, go for a woman who has the biggest heart, the best personality and someone who will support your dreams.

RULE 3: In any relationship there needs to be trust & honesty; when there isn’t you don’t have a relationship at all. You are just 2 people in the same room.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

7 dating tips you should follow if you are single:

 

Let me begin by saying, that most of these are for women, but I didn’t leave you guys out all together, so not to worry, I have 2 out of the 7 tips for just for you!

It’s a fact that I owe a great deal of who I am today, to every guy from my past. They have awoken the beast per-say. But because I took a long, hard look at myself, I am able to now be able and ready to love a man who deserves my love and knows my worth. It’s not an easy task to look yourself in the mirror, but as I observe many single ladies online and in reality, I have gained insight as to why so many relationships fail.

The first reason is because women have this stupid idea in their heads, that if they don’t have a man in their lives they are incomplete.

Dating tip #1: You don’t need a man to complete you, you need a man to COMPLIMENT you. There’s a distinct difference. To be complete means to love yourself. No man is ever going to complete you and make you whole. You need to complete yourself, by loving yourself.

Dating tip #2: Until a man has actually done something to make you not trust him, don’t make him pay for the troubles another man caused. So many times I see people tweeting or posting on Facebook how they don’t trust guys, when that guy has done nothing to you to make you feel that he isn’t worthy of your trust. Until a man actually lies to your face, cheats on you, or does something to hurt you, don’t punish him because the man before him did those things to you! Remember, assumptions ruin relationships.

Let me say that flirting with a guy, sending him little hints that you are interested in him, is not throwing yourself at him. Us women get so caught up in wanting to “land” a man, that what we are actually doing by going all out for him is pushing him further and further away.

Dating tip #3: Don’t ever feel like you have to chase anyone. Someone who truly appreciates you will walk with you and won’t need to be chased.

Dating tips #4 and #5 go together. There are some guys out there that use love to bait women into having sex with them, and there are women out there that use sex to try to bait men to love them. But what women just don’t understand about that “philosophy” is that, dating tip #4: Sex won’t make him love you. A guy can love your sex and still not love you. So if you think that he will fall madly in love with you because you are sleeping with him, I hate to break it to you, he’s won’t. This leads me to dating tip #5: Easy girls open their legs while smart girls open their minds. There’s a difference between being classy and being trashy. BE the GIRL that EVERY guy WANTS- NOT the girl that EVERY guy has HAD.

Now to give a tip to the guys out there. And since almost everyone has a smartphone I thought of a great analogy for the modern day man! Dating tip #6: Treat your woman like you treat your smartphone: touch her often, stare at her & make her the most important thing in your life.

Finally, here’s something that both men and women can relate to:

Dating tip #7: There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when you’ve had enough. Don’t stay with a partner who isn’t giving it their all. So many times people stay with their partner for way too long, hoping that they are going to realize just what you are offering. When the truth is, most times they won’t realize what they have and frankly they don’t deserve it. Giving up, doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means that you are tired of giving your everything & ending up with nothing. You know when you have tried to work things out, and if you have done your part and they refuse to do theirs, all you can do is walk away. It’s best to be alone and be happy, than to be in a relationship and be miserable!

If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you’ll miss finding the one who treats you like a priority. Love comes unexpectedly without any doubt or hesitation. At some point in life, someone will love you more than what you’ve expected. Be patient and learn to wait, because sometimes, a patient person receives the best love story.

Get the book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid 2nd Ed”  Before the follow up comes out some time in the fall of 2020.

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Dating Terms To Know

There’s a lot of new terms that have been popping up on social media lately.  So let’s learn what they are and what they mean:

1- Submarining

There’s more to modern-day dating terms than just ghosting and catfishing. Here is some new and unique millennial dating lingo that people are using to describe their dating situations that you should know.

2- Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is when someone leaves proverbial breadcrumbs for someone through actions like texts or Instagram likes. It gives just enough attention to keep someone interested without having to commit fully.

3- Benching

Athletes aren’t the only ones who can be benched — this term essentially means someone that you are interested in is keeping you in their dating rotation, while they continue to play the field. They know they can keep coming back to you, but don’t have any interest in committing 100%.

4- Kittenfishing

Many of us are familiar with catfishing, where a person physically poses as an entirely different individual online than they are in reality. People who kittenfish will post photos of themselves on their profile, but usually have heavy editing, are several years old, or they may lie about things such as their height or job.

These terms you will mostly see the younger generation use, but for the most part the ideas in each aren’t new.  Don’t fall for phrases that are made up online- as there are plenty such as, hopscotching, glazing, shareholding and bleating.

My advice?  Don’t get hooked on stupid terms.  Don’t get in to a relationship just because everyone else is and don’t get into a relationship just please others.
The #goal is not to GET into a relationship but the goal is to BE in a relationship. When you love and accept yourself finding a partner that appreciates you won’t be hard. You won’t stand for anything else.

 

 

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Why Women Should Enjoy Having Orgasms As Much As Men Do

 

Double standards with dating are everywhere and there’s a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine that claims women don’t really have orgasms but instead squirt out a little pee. I’m here to debunk that.

For women, orgasms don’t come as easy as with men, but women can and should enjoy them as much as men do.

Orgasms Can Relieve Pain: There is some evidence that suggests orgasms can relieve all kinds of pain—including pain from arthritis, pain after surgery and even pain during childbirth.

Condom Use Doesn’t Affect Orgasm Quality: Women are equally likely to experience orgasm with or without a condom, dispelling myths that condoms don’t make for good sex. Condoms are good for SAFE sex and are 97% effective in stopping pregnancy.

30% of Women Have Trouble Reaching Orgasm: One in three women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. So a study that was done on only seven women and said that women don’t orgasm — they pee — is ridiculous! Now, women can’t orgasm from intercourse alone, so guys, if you really want to see a woman literally “lose control,” you better work.

Here are 15 ways to help women achieve the Big O:

1- Finding Your G-spot May Improve the Likelihood of Orgasm- Yes, the G-spot is important in having an orgasm — it’s that simple. (Regardless of those who say it doesn’t exist).

2- Foreplay Isn’t Optional as Far as Your Orgasm is Concerned- It takes 10-20 minutes of stimulation for the average woman to reach her peak so the more kissing and caressing you do, the better.

3- Oral is One of the Best Ways to Get Off- 80 percent of women have difficulty from having an orgasm on vaginal sex alone. If you really want to kick it up a notch, oral sex will do it. Most women can orgasm from masturbation, but not everyone comes during sex.

4- Masturbation- Women are so embarrassed to admit that they masturbate when the males in our lives aren’t. We’re looked at as “freaks” when we even admit to it, but it’s the easiest way for women to hit the big O. And the more you do it, the better.

5- Kegel Exercises- Doing your Kegel exercises flexes the muscles that stop urination. Do 10 reps, holding each rep for 10 seconds, twice a day while you’re watching TV or doing just about anything.

6-It’s All in the Noise : Low-pitched noises bring them down to…well, down there. So actually, the louder you are the longer it will take for you to orgasm.

7-Relationship O: Women in relationships tend to climax a higher percentage of the time during sex than women who are just hooking up.

8- Happy Place: Not only is the G-spot important, but for some women, stimulation of the nipples and breasts can increase the likelihood of having an orgasm and increase its intensity.

9- The Big O and Your Age: Sixty-five percent of women in their 30s and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s orgasm more often than those in their 20s.

Oh, Baby: Orgasms may boost the chance of getting pregnant.

10- Burn, Baby, Burn: An orgasm burns just 2–3 calories, though a person can burn around 50 calories in the activity leading up to the orgasm.

11- It’s More About Cuddling: When a woman orgasms, her body produces four times the normal amount of oxytocin, the chemical that stimulates bonding.

12- Turn It On: A 2007 study found that straight women were aroused by watching films of both men and women having sex.

13- Toys For Pleasure: At the start of the 20th Century, the first electric home vibrators hit the market before many other household ‘essentials’

14- Eat it Up: Eating certain foods can boost your orgasm odds. Foods low in carbohydrates and high in protein: dairy, eggs, poultry and select meat and fish for example, work to raise free testosterone. (Yes, women are sexually controlled due to testosterone, not men.) Also, eating a little dark chocolate releases sexual desire in women as well.

15- Want More: Want more orgasms? Then switch stimulation techniques. If you’ve just reached orgasm through clitoral stimulation, try penetration to continue the sensations. Or vice versa.

Everyone’s body response is different. We’re unique, our reactions vary, and most importantly, not everyone is a dramatic and loud, as you see in movies. Orgasms are about being comfortable with your partner and communicating with your partner about what you like and don’t like. This is key to everything about relationships.

You can read more in my best selling book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd” and in the upcoming follow up being released some time in 2020.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Relationship Ramblings

Men always say they can’t find a good woman, but when they do, they don’t know what to do with her.

I can say this from personal experience and also from the numerous stories women have told me about their dating experiences.

For starters, why guys think it’s okay to date two women at the same time, without each of them knowing about the other one, I will never understand! Um, guys, I hate to burst your bubble on this but, we ALWAYS find the truth out. Never doubt a woman will find out because we do better work than the FBI.

Which takes me to the fact that I have had to deal with guys pretending to be women online so they can spy on how I am doing. Yes, that sounds so pathetic, doesn’t it? But it has happened to me more than once! Guys that I have dated or guys that I have been interested in, have turned to “the dark side,” just to see if I still care for them or who I am with, by either pretending to be a woman or getting a woman they know to befriend me on social media. So here’s a tip for all your ladies out there: If a “woman” befriends you on social media out of the blue based on something you have posted and the conversation gets really personal by them initiating it, then somehow during the conversation they tell you, “… but don’t mention my name,” or “Don’t tell them I said it,” then you know there’s something up with that. When the person who initiates the conversation is now being secretive, you know that “woman” is really either A) a friend of the guy, or B) the guy pretending to be a woman. And I laugh, because guys can’t even talk like women do, which is a dead giveaway. Guys talk the same online as they do in person. They aren’t that good of an actor. What do I do when this happens? I just play along until I have had enough. They want a game, you might as well as give them one.

But do guys know what women really want? Here are a few things:

1- Every woman just wants to know that no matter the circumstances, she is worth it to you.

2- Sorry isn’t a verb. Don’t expect it to do things for you. Don’t say it unless you mean it. And if you meant it, be ready to prove it.

3- Men need to stop calling other women beautiful, if they can’t even tell their own woman that she’s beautiful.

4– Ignore us, it’s cool. But when we move on don’t say crap.

5- Don’t ever leave something good to find something better, cause once you realize you had the best, the best has found better. Remember, if you leave her without a reason, don’t ever come back with an excuse.

But here’s something that men and women both need to remember when it comes to relationships:
1- If you carry the bricks from your past relationship(s) to the new one you will build the same house.

2- Someone who truly loves you will be angry at you for so many things, but will always stick around.

Sometimes you need to just forget logic and reasoning and just follow your emotions and feelings. Sure its scary but remember, all the fun rides usually are.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Younger Man, Older Woman, Why Not?

Dating double standards are ridiculous.

The one that still stands out is that men are celebrated from dating a younger woman, but when the opposite happens, holy cow! Recently I read a tweet from a woman on Twitter questioning if it’s okay for her to date a younger man. Wait, what? You are asking permission from strangers if it’s okay to date a younger man? What is this world that we live in!

For women seeking men, though, old-fashioned gendered ideas around age still persist for many. So what are the pros and what the cons for this dating dilemma?

Asking women this question here are the top reasons why older women ( And by older we mean over 35 dating men in their 20s) want to date younger men:

Sarah: I find that younger guys are so much faster to have the ‘what are we’ conversation.

Jane: Younger men tend to have higher sex drives, And as women, our sex drives tend to peak in our 40s.

Cindy: Younger guys are just less complicated and a lot more fun. Older guys have been in long-term relationships, and some of them are even divorced. They have really complicated commitment issues.

Now here are some guys who tell me their reasons for wanting to date an older woman:

Joe: Honestly, they’re so much more emotionally and mature, not as insecure, and our conversations are incredible.

Tim: I am attracted to older women because they’re often more confident and authentic than the younger girls my age. They are the real-deal, so to speak.

Peter: The mature woman focuses less on trying to win me over and focuses more on enjoying my company. There are no “love games.”

Women want to date a man who will become a partner, not a project. We don’t need to “mama him” to death, and we don’t want a guy who plays games either. Most older guys come with baggage; and a lot of it. They constantly talk about previous relationships and why they didn’t commit, blah, blah, blah. Younger guys don’t come with all that garbage and they aren’t trying to sell you the reason you should give me a chance either. – They are confident, not insecure.

Here are a few Pros to a woman dating a younger man:

A younger man has more energy and is more willing to try things than his older counterparts. In turn, doing new things increases dopamine in the brain, triggering a desire to spend more time together and assisting in lighting your sexual fire. The pro: A longer span of time before he’s reaching for the Viagra.

Not only is there fire in the bedroom, but he’ll come up with creative date ideas that bring back romance and make you feel empowered and appreciated.

Less baggage many also mean he lacks experience with communicating. So, be selective about your battles and learn to compromise on things that aren’t vital to your relationship.

Cons (Depends on how you feel)

Younger guys like to hang out with their peers more often than older men. So be prepared to share him with his friends.

The reality is that your biological clock may be ticking away while his isn’t even be turned on. It might be years before he decides that he wants a family and then what? (This depends on how you both feel about kids- remember though, there is a thing called adoption as well.)

He may prefer texting you over calling you and he may get jealous faster seeing you talk to all the men you may know from your past or even your job.

Conclusively, If both parties are open to dating, you might have a blast with each other.. And it is entirely possible that you could fall in love with each other and have a long and happy relationship.

Because, as they say, age ain’t nothin’ but a number. You need to focus on finding the partner that is your perfect fit, regardless of age. ( Note: Legally over 18)

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Create Your Own Fireworks July 4th

It’s really not rocket science to turn a woman on and let her know that you are interested in her. Men for some reason think that it’s so hard to “read” us, when really, it’s not. We give you guys cues, whether or not you pick up on them is all on you!

So if you plan on going to any July Fourth picnics or events and you see a woman you know and want to approach her, or you see a woman you don’t know and want to approach her; here are all cues laid out for you in black and white.

First and foremost, texting and calling us back is a turn on.  Also responding to our social media messages is a turn on as well.

But what you guys don’t realize is that when you stop texting us we know that you are already emotionally hooked, so there’s no reason NOT to text back, you know, unless you want to be seen as a jerk, then sure, stop texting and calling us! It’s only your reputation you’re hurting, not ours. So if you text a woman you know already and want to be more than just friends, keep at it. Also, if you meet a woman on social media and want to keep getting to know her; respond to every message she sends you!

You are out with your buddies and see a woman you would like to approach. Here’s a cue: When you are staring at a woman or you just finished saying hi to her, and she starts to bite her lip, she is turned on by you and she is debating what move to make next.

Here are other cues that you have peaked a woman’s interest in her:

1) When a woman starts “fixing” her bra, you sir, have turned her on.

2) Sometimes, yes sometimes, us women can be brought speechless. This usually happens when we really, really, like a guy. And when we’re in the mist of flirting, sometimes it seems as if we are not interested when we really are freaking out and trying to quickly think of something witty and sexy to say. So the next time there is dead silence, it’s just a woman trying to figure out what to say next.

3) If she sits diagonally from you or across from you at the room, her torso is facing you in an open manner, or her shoulders and hips are facing you. Either of these signs may mean she likes you. When she is sitting and she has her legs crossed, watch her feet, if its pointed towards you, it might mean that she likes you and wants to get closer to you.

4) Whenever a woman plays with her jewelry when you are around, (necklace, rings, bracelet) she is nervously turned on by you and wants you to come over to her. Whenever she fidgets while staring at you, she is hoping that will get your attention.

5) We know that you guys spy on us on social media, so we are always one step ahead of you by posting pictures of ourselves either alone or with friends when we look amazing. We know how to play the game, and getting you jealous or curious about us, is how we do it. Also, getting compliments makes us feel good about ourselves. So , hint, hint.

Now, those cues are for mostly women you meet when you are out and about. The following are cues for women that you already know and are “friends” with her.

1) When you kiss our foreheads, hands, cheek, in a loving way, we know that you are trying to hide how you truly feel for us. But when you plant one on the lips, and it’s a soft kiss, that just takes our breath away.

2) Even if you hold my hand for 5 seconds, and I am attracted to you, I’m yours. Touch my arms, leg, be flirty while we talk and you got me!

3) Sometimes you guys are so stupid! If you see me hanging out in the same place as you, don’t wait for me to come over and say hi, make a move and say hello. If you see me wearing something that you really like, say it! Notice me and throw a compliment my way, you’ll score big points.

4) In general, a lot of guys make the mistake of bailing on the conversation too early.  BUT, when a woman is making an effort to talk to you and try to keep the conversation going, she’s interested: BIG time.

Theses are the things you can do to fuel that spark and then keep the fireworks from burning out. Keeping the fireworks alive past July 4th, is not that hard, really.  A date doesn’t mean you have to go out and get dolled up every single time; it can be something as simple as taking a walk around your town, ordering pizza in and watching a movie, lighting candles instead of the turning on the lamp near the TV,  and so forth.   We don’t need you to take us to the most expensive restaurant in town. Sometimes just going out for breakfast on the weekends is a very sweet gesture and is something that totally turns us on.

Finally,  if it’s passion that you are craving for this July Fourth, you aren’t alone. Passion makes life good. It’s the essence of experiencing a fire within you! .  Passion is the energy that keeps us going, that keeps us filled with love, excitement, and anticipation.  If you want to feel more passion in your life, then you have to become passionate. Passionate people tend to attract other passionate people. There are fireworks all within us, we just need to take the time to let them out, and this summer is a great time to do that.  If you’re with the right person and the passion goes from a flaming fire to a slow, burning love, it can last a lifetime.

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Every Summer Has A Story

Its that time of year again when I am reminded that, “”In every girl’s life, there’s a boy she’ll never forget & a summer when it all began.” Love may start in Spring, but it evolves in Summer.

For me, I can remember way back when to the first summer love I had, in fifth grade. His name was Michael. He was the new boy in class and at first I did not like him at all. (Love/Hate relationships are always intense) He would drive me absolutely crazy by constantly shaking his pen when it ran out of ink. (Like shaking your pen is going to help!) So I came up with an idea to write him a note and tell him just how annoying he truly was. The only problem was that his older cousin was in eighth grade and when she found out that I wrote him a note and told him that if he didn’t stop it, I was going to then throw my pen at him, she kindly told me to cut it out.

And that is when the romance began.

We got to know each other so much so that he even sang to me at lunch one of those inappropriate George Michael songs. Once June came around and school was out, that is when our romance really took off. He would call me and we would hang out, but sadly like every fling, things ended the following year. Okay, so that is not necessarily a summer romance, and yeah, I was eleven, but its got to start somewhere for everyone.

Years later, when I was a junior going to be a senior in high school, that is when another “Mike” came into the picture. He was one year older than me and would visit his best friend who lived near me. That is when I came up with a dance group with all the girls that lived in my neighborhood and they danced my choreography that I created to all the hot songs of the 90’s. He would sit in his car and watch. When I would walk by his car he would stare and smile at me, and I literally felt like I was going to melt!

This particular story brings up even more memories that I won’t get into now, but trust me, some of those memories I am fond of while others are heartbreaking.

So what is the deal with summer, romance, flings, and love?

The summer time is when love seems to rear its head and capture our imagination. During the summer, we feel free, we feel the promise of being able to forget what has happened so far and the promise of starting over. Its a time when also, people want to show off all the winter weight they have lost, so people are actually more attractive in the summer then any other season.

The other reason why the summer time brings out the beast called love is because we get to meet people we never have seen before. Do you all remember the movie, “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” and ho she met her fling, turned romance while on vacation? (Yes, its just a movie, but it does really happen!) We are more open to being impulsive, the sunshine is also brighter, we are happier, and the chance of turning a hot day into a steamy night is greater.

Ever hear the saying, “Live it up?” During the summer, that is mostly everyone’s motto.

So how can you have a summer fling turned romance?

A- Get a Summer Job – Work at a camp, beach, pool, etc. You will get to see these people everyday so it will be easier to get to know them and have them get to know you.

B- Become a visitor of a beach or pool – You don’t necessarily need to be a worker instead you can be a visitor and get to go on the prowl in your bikini or suit. Strut your stuff!

C- Volunteer – Find a place that fits your personality and you’ll surround yourself with similar people. What a better way to not only help others but also surround yourself with like-minded people.

D- Hang out with friends- Summer time is usually the time when you get introduced to friends of friends, people who you normally don’t see on an everyday basis. What could be better than shooting the breeze with someone your friends know? This is so much better than exposing yourself on those dating sites.

E- Go on vacation- Go somewhere you never have been before or even if you go to a place you love, you will be surrounded by new people and have a chance to have conversation and make googly faces at strangers. Or you will get lucky and see familiar faces from previous summers and maybe a spark will lit underneath them and a romance will begin.

If you really want the summer fling to last and turn it into the romance of your year or ultimately the one you end up with forever, the two things you need to remember are:

You need to express how you feel. There seems to be some unwritten rule that says summer flings have an expiration date and that we just assume the romance needs to be over with. But if you don’t ask or tell the person how you feel, you may actually be letting go of the person you were meant to be with forever!

The second thing you need to do is include him/her into your everyday after-summer- is -over life. He/She needs to see you, talk to you,when the beach days are over with and the colder weather starts to creep on in. But lets not dwell on this yet, for the summer is only starting and the promise of fairytale romance is in the air!

Two cheers to the summer and the potential of remembering a summer that began with a look, a smile, and a kiss.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

“They say breaking up is hard to do,” sings Neil Sedaka, and I can tell you, he’s certainly correct on that! Breaking up any relationship is hard to do, especially when you have been with a person for so many years. But what happens if you are no longer happy? Should you just stay with that person because you are comfortable and afraid of being alone or should you just continue to be miserable and pass up any chance to be happy?

Its one thing to be in a relationship that is fulfilling it’s another to be in the relationship, “just because.” If after so many years you realize that you no longer have the same feelings for this person as you did when you met, you no longer are attracted to this person, or for other circumstances like cheating, lying and abuse, you need to leave this relationship. It’s one thing to love another person, but being in love with another person is an entire different ballgame. I know couples that broke up simply because they were not in love with each other anymore and they wanted to be happy with someone else.

That is where the attraction to someone else goes hand in hand. When you fall in love with someone you feel the chemistry between each other, where as, when you just love someone there really isn’t too much chemistry that attracts you to want to be with the person. You may indeed love him or her, but you don’t feel compelled to want to spend every waking moment with this person.

I have heard stories of people breaking up because they feel as if the other party just doesn’t understand them or is in the relationship because it “benefits” the other person. My question is simply this: Why would you want to be with a person who just doesn’t understand you, doesn’t want anything to really do with you, and is only with you because it benefits them one way or another? Its true that we get very comfortable in relationships that last years, even months. Sometimes we get way too comfortable which then makes it even harder to do what we know in our heart we need to do, but we can’t bring ourselves to do it. Then there are the relationships where one party lies, cheats, or worse off abuses the other person either physically, emotionally, or mentally. Anyone who abuses another person is simply a bully- period. They have such lack of respect for human life but they also have very low self-esteem. That is one of the reason they are abusive.

Just like bullies on the playground, people with a lack of self-esteem often terrorize someone who has self-esteem. Jealousy is often one of the other reasons why the bully picks on a person. The bully gets self-esteem through terrorizing his/her victim. They make this person somehow eventually believe that they are worthless, incompetent, and rejected. Not only is it a power trip for the bully but they are also gaining negative self-esteem by taking away your positive self-esteem. And to most people, this is the hardest relationship to get out of. People often argue that the victim “enjoys” being abused, but that is far from the truth. The truth is they feel they have nowhere to turn and also feel embarrassed as to what has been going on. They feel as if they will be judged, as if they caused their partner to be abusive. This can’t be further from the truth. Sometimes they don’t want to believe that the person whom they have loved would want to hurt them. They feel as if other people are jealous of their relationship. But once they can see through all the fog, they realize they deserve better, that they are worthy of love and respect they made a play to leave the relationship. Its also important to know that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness but it actually shows that you have courage to stand up for yourself.

In conclusion, for the most part, we don’t enjoy hurting someone’s feelings. And telling someone that we no longer love him or her the same way when we first met is not easy. But when we feel in our heart that we no longer love this person, it’s not fair to ourselves, and its not fair to the other person. No one wants to live a lie. But no one wants to be forced into a relationship either. Breaking up isn’t meant to be easy, but all the tough decisions we make in life aren’t easy, but in the end if we find ourselves happy, making the tough choices in the end are worth it.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

With My Birthday Approaching, Here are 3 Things I Have Learned This Past Year

quote

Welcome to April, or as I like to call it; the best month ever! Okay, so I am bias to this because my birthday is in this month and it is about 4 days from today. Yippee!

And with my birthday approaching, I started to think about this past year; where I was and where I am heading. If you never read any of my books, then you don’t know that I have had experiences in my life that have been life-changing. Some experiences broke my heart while others just made me stronger and wiser. That’s the thing though, about life- every opportunity, every experience either makes you or breaks you if you let it. And in this past year of my life I have learned some major lessons that I would like to pass on and share with you.

1- There is almost always more than one way to accomplish something. There are always those folks that go for the traditional way, but there are usually multiple alternatives. The alternatives aren’t always better, but some folks don’t even want to know that they exist. You don’t have to do it the way everyone else does. That’s where out of the box thinking comes into play. Some people may be threatened by doing things a different way, but your life shouldn’t be determined by what other people think.

2- Make peace with money. Money doesn’t change people, it unmasks them. There are folks that only care about getting their share of it at whatever the cost. They don’t care about people, they only care about money. I’ve always said that money is evil because it makes people do things that they shouldn’t do just for a piece of it. By all means, make your money, but create your own definition of success when it comes to money. Don’t let it rule your life!

3- Love the process. Everything in life is a process. Everything that you do should largely be about the process, not the outcome. Memories are made because we see every moment of life as a gift. Not everything is going to happen for you overnight. Clients of mine sometimes drive me crazy with this one because they think social media is going to get them success overnight and it NEVER does! Same can be said for relationships. People rush the process of getting to know someone. They focus on that “happy ever after” instead of the “once upon a time.” Every friendship, every romance, every business relationship is a process. When getting started, just get started. Enjoy the process.

Life isn’t perfect and sometimes things will happen that are horrible, but if you remember that everything happens for a reason, it’ll give you a sense of hope. And there’s always hope. To be hopeful is to look on the future positively, to see opportunity in challenges. It’s looking at life as the glass half full rather than the glass half empty. Life is hard and will kick you in the butt if you let it. But hope gives you the strength to keep going. Hope is that voice inside that says, “Yes, you can.” And when you believe that, anything truly is possible.