Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Your Tip For Tuesday

The recipe for happiness is trying to stop controlling everyone else. Worry about YOU!


1. Stop trying to tell people to wear the masks- your posts aren’t changing minds instead they are working against you.
2. Stop trying to tell people who to vote for- your posts aren’t changing minds, mostly everyone knows who they are voting for already.
3. Stop judging people- you only walked in on the chapter that they LET you walk in on, social media posts don’t tell you anything about what people go through, who people are and the battles they are fighting in silence.
4. Again, your nose belongs on your face and NOT in other people’s business- control YOUR emotions- control YOUR reactions and then maybe you’ll be happier.   hearts

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Words Matter: Be Ashamed If You Body Shame Others Online

Yesterday was my cousin’s wedding ceremony.  Due to Covid19, the wedding has been postponed twice, so they decided to have a legal ceremony on the day that they had their first date.  That’s not what this post is about, but it’s the partly the reason I am writing it.  Yesterday I wore this little black dress that I recently bought.  It was a dress that was not loose fitting, but a little snug in the midsection.  Every time I ever need to dress up to go to a function, I spend hours in the mirror criticizing myself about how I “think” people are going to perceive me. ( Of course I am wrong, but my brain doesn’t think so at the time.)  I put this dress on and spun around looking at myself in the mirror, looking to see just how much of midsection was “noticeable.”   I hate to go out and not look “skinny,” in whatever I am wearing.  I say to myself that If I don’t feel comfortable that I will have a lousy time.

Yesterday was very different.

I usually end up talking myself out of wearing something and put on something else, but yesterday I didn’t. I kept that little black dress on and went to the wedding and enjoyed myself.  Now, I am not fat. I am not obese. I am not heavy or big-boned. I am of a normal weight for a short girl.  I don’t wear a size 0 or size 4 or even a size 6.  Depending on the brand, I am any where from a size 8 to a size 12.  Seriously, the way that clothes are made today is unreal.  I should be the same size no matter what brand I buy, but I am not.

This got me thinking yesterday of all the body shaming going down on social media lately. I see young girls on TikTok posting videos of,  “How to get skinny.”   I see young women posting videos of them telling others that they have to get back to being skinny and so forth.  I also see guys, body shaming women.  Some of the comments are so over the top nasty.

1) ” I don’t know what you are doing but you look so much better now! Look at all the weight you lost!”

2) “If you lose weight someone will love you.”

3) “Look at that fat body. What a waste of a pretty face.”

4) “You don’t have the right body to be doing that.”

5) “Why are you posting a picture of you in a bikini when you are no where near being a bikini model!”

6) Now that Pat Mahomes got his big contract he can now dump that disgusting girlfriend.”  ( yesterday, he got the biggest contract in NFL history)

Now body shaming isn’t just about saying rude and obnoxious things, but it’s also when a guy ONLY pays a woman a compliment on HOW she looks.  ( Beautiful, gorgeous, hot, sizzling, etc,”  Why can’t guys ever just compliment  a girl/woman without using her looks as part of the compliment?

Now we all can do one day with a bad hair day, or wish that parts of our bodies were different, but sometimes it is overwhelming which stops us from doing all kinds of things.  We start to develop anxiety about our bodies. We start to question why someone would even want to love us or even be with us in a romantic situation.

This is why body shaming has to stop.

We then become ashamed of our muffin tops, love handles, or flat bums. We then pick apart other parts of our body like our noses, thighs, arms,  and legs. And for what? To be accepted by a bunch of immature, self-conceited , superficial guys who don’t look like the Ken doll that they should be as they want to be with ever girl that resembles Barbie!

Give me a break!

Looks don’t make the man or the woman.  What should matter most is the person they are on inside; their personality.  Would you rather be with someone so vain or be with someone who was caring, compassionate, funny, and who supported your vision for the future?

Looks fade, who that person is from the inside out stays forever.

The next time you see someone body shaming someone else on social media tell them this; ““I do not give a &$#! about what men think about my body. I don’t care about what women think about my body. My body is not for other people, and the only person whose opinion matters about how I look is mine.”

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

What The Beach Can Teach You About Relationships

While at the beach, one summer, I remembered how the weather went from clear and sunny, to cloudy and stormy in a flash. The waves were crashing, the wind was blowing and the lightning was remarkable. Then about two hours later, the clouds vanished, the sun came out shining and the storm was over. That got me thinking about relationships.
Sometimes a relationship can start out sunny and in a blink of an eye it can get stormy out of the blue. Sometimes a relationship can be just like the ocean; calm one minute and then stormy the next. Sometimes a relationship can get very stormy and you think it is never going to get better when all of a sudden, the sun comes out, the skies clear, and you feel that the relationship just took a major step forward for the better.
People these days are so quick to end a relationship when times gets stormy. They want the “sunny skies” all the time, but in reality that is just a fantasy. We are human therefore it is normal to disagree, it is normal to fight, and it is even healthy to have arguments from time to time. Not one relationship goes through life without a disagreement from time to time. The movies and TV shows you watch that show how perfect relationships are, are simply fake. The scripts that show a conflict in a relationship and how “easy and quick” it is “fixed,” has poisoned our minds. It is a mistake to think that your life can be mirrored from the movies and TV shows you watch.
Ever hear of Cinderella and Prince Charming? Growing up with the fairy tale,  that one day a tall, handsome man is going to come riding into town and sweep me off my feet is the reason why many women have an unrealistic view on love. The same could be said about men having unrealistic view on sex thanks to porn. But getting back to to how being at the beach has made me think more and more about relationships.
The beach is just like a relationship whereas when you stumble on a seashell that you had no intention of looking for or finding, your excitement for finding that seashell is overwhelming. The same could be said for relationships. When you aren’t looking, that is when love finds you. Love is a funny thing, the harder you look to find it, the harder it is to find. But once you stop looking, someone will walk into your life and you’ll find it.
I hate seeing girls act desperate for a man these days.  They are on dating apps, social media apps, all for the purpose of finding their one true love.  They are going about it wrong.  They call it falling in love because you just fall. You don’t force yourself to trip. Lighthouses don’t move around looking for boats. They stay in one place and shine, letting the boats come to them. Just remember that, the person who dances with you in the rain will most likely walk with you in the storm. And that is the best relationship to have and to find.

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Change Takes More Than Just Voicing Your Opinion

See here is part of the problem: people create MORE HATE using Social Media. If you want change it starts with YOU. Not everyone is going to run to agree with you at first. That’s okay. Eventually some will. But change starts from not allowing YOURSELF to promote hate which lately social media has been doing more of-  we cling to our own point of view, as though everything depended on it. Yet our opinions have no permanence. If we substituted our view for insight and understanding. Think how much better this world would be. #ThinkBeforeYouPost
To answer those wh it’s not a platform to “ speak the truth” it is a platform that is supSee here – part of the problem- creating MORE HATE using Social Media. If you want change it starts with YOU. Not everyone is going to run to agree with you at first. That’s okay. Eventually some will. But change starts from not allowing YOURSELF to promote hate which this post does. So what happens to the people who don’t agree with the protest and others “take it in their own hands” and harm them because you were so “brave ” to call them out? Who is held accountable? We cling to our own point of view, as though everything depended on it. Yet our opinions have no permanence. If we substituted our view for insight and understanding. Think how much better this world would be. #ThinkBeforeYouPost

To answer those who keep telling me that social media is a platform to “speak the truth,” I have this to say: No it’s not a platform to “ speak the truth” it is a platform that is supposed to BUILD UP the community not call people out who don’t agree with you! Calling people out because they don’t agree with you is hypocrisy.  You want unity. You want peace. Yet, there you are on social media calling those people out because they don’t agree with you- and looking very ignorant and hateful while doing it.  Showing more people hate by calling them out on a platform that is supposed to be about building up a community does the opposite.

Seeing all the NFL players and some athletes who are in the NBA and NHL come out this week and “voice” their opinions and then go after others who share a different view.  Can someone tell me, how does that help things and how does that change things?  And most of these athletes NEVER EVER do ANYTHING to change the narrative that they so “eloquently” tweet or post on Instagram about- it’s just words. ( BUT there have been a few professional athletes who have physically STEPPED UP- Dak Prescott, PK Subban, K’Andre Miller, Patrick Kane,  3 hockey players- 1 football player)

This is not the first time we have been here with a cop who should have NEVER been a cop killing someone in custody. But because everyone does the SAME thing after this happens, we all end up in the same pattern.  You can listen what I mean here: Click Link  You can also watch me talk about what I mean here: Click Link

If you want to know what’s wrong with our society look no further then Chrissy Tiigen, Steve Carell, Seth Rogen wanting to bail out those who burned down a city, destroyed businesses that had nothing to do with Floyd. This doesn’t honor him. This makes his death now in vain. What does stealing a flat screen from Target help with the memory of The man that was murdered? You lost your cause the minute rioting and looting started.

As beautiful as this sentiment, ” We need to rid the world of racism” is,  sadly it’s unrealistic. Love is real. Hate is real. Both are human emotions. Both exist. You can’t force people to only feel one emotion and think one way. We would not be a free society if we did things that way. BUT…. It’s how you take the negative emotion and change YOUR life- point the thumb first to YOU before you point the finger not to others. Change takes works. Change starts with you.  We can make a difference if we finally get out of the same pattern we are in ( click the links to get an understanding of what pattern I am talking about) and we look at people for who they are on the inside not for what they look like on the outside. ( This also goes for fat shaming, calling people ugly,  focusing on a woman’s looks more than her heart, and judging the worth of somebody’s appearance just from looking at their social media posts.)

It should NEVER matter what a person looks like – because in the end we all have the same organs and we all bleed red.  It’s not okay to judge ALL people based on 1 person. Like in any profession, there are bad cops, bad teachers and bad doctors. They do not define everyone. United we stand, divided we fall. 

REMINDER: Virtually every single American condemned the murder of #GeorgeFloyd and did so immediately. Every color and all sides of the political spectrum. American cities are burning over something we all agree with. Now marinate on that.

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Exciting Announcement

First and foremost I am excited for the launch of my first T-shirt Store: ONLINE ONLY!

There I will sell different t-shirts rotating the type every 3 weeks.  I have 5 designs on the site now- 1 of them is for charity!

Click here to go to the store

The next exciting thing is that I released some more of my music that I wrote back in 2008. It is now on Youtube –  it’s music only, no singing ( not yet)

Here is that link

Finally,

Here are all the links on where I be doing the contest for charity that I will be doing all #MemorialDayWeekend:

1) Facebook Page

2) Pinterest

3) Twitter

I will be giving away signed copies of the books I wrote along with gift cards and I designed some fashionable tank tops with mini tote bags. I also have signed autographs from some baseball players that will be auctioned away.

Hope to see you all this weekend during the contests for charity!

 

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Relationships In Times Of Social Distancing

As we have been quarantined for awhile now practicing social distance, working from home, and now not being able to be around other people, it got me thinking about relationships in our lives.

There pretty much are four categories:

1- Those that are familiar and make us feel good.

2- Those that bring you adventure and make you question everything.

3- Those that are put on hold.

4- Those that make you crave more.

First and foremost, the relationships that most of us miss are the familiar. Our families, friends, and co-workers. The ones that we spend the most time with during the day, let alone the week. Of course these people are the ones that make us feel good about our lives and make us feel full of life. Whether we have small conversations during the day, hang out at the bar after work or make plans with friends to go to “the game,” we have connections that increase our emotional well being and boost your mood. It’s essential to have those people in your life who you can trust when we face those challenges life can bring and having someone to vent to is also important.

The next type of relationship are the ones that bring us adventure and make you question just about everything in that happens in life. These are needed for an upbeat life- not a dull life. Without these connections and relationships, we would all live a very depressed life. Successful lives grow out of having adventures. The adventure of your life is so important that it demands the best of your attention, and the most of your energies, on a daily basis, so that you can have a well-balanced life. Being adventurous and questioning why things are the way they are, expands and broaden our mind and makes us learn new and unique things which were unknown before.

The bad thing about being stuck in quarantine, are the relationships that were now put on hold. There are some folks that get excited about meeting new people, having new friendships, and even having romantic relationships blossom. In this time of social distancing, we are forced to put some of these new possibilities on hold simply because to build a relationship isn’t something you can do over just with texting, Facetime and social media, it’s something that we have to do physically.

Of course there are relationships that make us crave more. These are a combination of 1-3. The importance of adventure in our life provides a positive attitude in the same way it releases our stress because during the adventure it take us away from our hectic life to a new happy life at least for a short period of time. Some relationships inspire us, shape us, mold us, and make us simply appreciate life more. All of us need love in our lives, even though there might be some people who will deny that.

Where there is love ,there is hope. And when there is hope, then anything is possible. Love doesn’t have an age, a race, a religion, or a gender. Love is something that binds us together. It’s the soul of any relationship.

So, while we sit here and wait for our lives to get back to normal, I hope that when we do, we don’t go back to “normal.” I hope this quarantine and social distancing makes each and every one of us realize how blessed we are to have relationships already in our lives, the chance to grow new relationships, and the possibility to make each moment we get to live, memorable. Maybe we will appreciate each other more. Maybe we will love with less restrictions. Maybe when all is said and done, we will take time to literally, “smell the roses,” while being forced right now to wake up and “smell the coffee.”

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

What Businesses Need To Do To Survive The CoronaVirus

In this episode I talk about why Businesses need to be utilizing social media now than ever before, my FREE offer to Businesses until March 31st, my upcoming webinar that I will be doing to help guide businesses with creating creative content for their platforms.

See you Friday for Behind The Scenes: The Diary of A Social Gal. Click here to watch

TO listen to this episode click here  

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

It’s that dreaded time: Valentine’s Day

Everybody has a right to be happy.

That is not the issue. The issue at hand is how we go about trying to find that true happiness and if that’s all we are doing, then my question is: Why do we believe that the only way to be truly happy is if we are in a relationship?

First off, let’s talk about what constitutes a relationship, because I feel in today’s world with social media, dating sites, and all that jazz, people are forgetting the clear definition of what a relationship is. In the dictionary a relationship is defined as, “The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.” While an intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. Notice that a relationship can be either physical, emotional, or even a combination of both. This also counts for all those “online relationships” people are having these days.

You go on Facebook to network or share your passion for something, since there are tons of groups and fan pages these days, and you strike up a conversation with someone. Next thing you know, you are talking to this person everyday. The minute you blink your eyes, you now find yourself talking to this person about your life, he/she asks you for your phone number, and he/she says those exciting words: Let’s finally meet.
The only problem is that every time you bring up about meeting in person, he/she has some lame excuse. (Trust me, I have heard many crazy excuses from people telling me about their experiences!)

The same situation can also happen on Twitter, Instagram, or of course those nightmare dating sites.

Here’s the thing that most don’t realize: In this age of social media, we get emotionally attached and connected to people we don’t even know every day! The moment you start talking to someone every day, the moment you get their phone number, and the moment you talk about (and some promise) to meet -up, you are in a relationship with that person!

Some are friendships, yes, but for the sake of this article, I am talking about romantic relationships. So for those keeping the score at home, if what I described above sounds like you, congratulations, you are in an online relationship!

So, what does this all mean? It simply means that even though you aren’t married to this person, even though you have yet to meet this person face to face, while you are talking every day, and some get very intimate online, you are emotionally connected. And yes I know that some people chat it up with a lot of folks, especially guys. Tom chats with Donna, Cindy, Vanessa, and then there’s Denise. But if Tom is just chatting with those girls every so often and he is seriously talking to Mindy every day online, while also calling her on the phone, and he talked about wanting to finally meet up and that he loves her, Tom is in a relationship with Mindy and only Mindy.

I love guys online who constantly tell me that it’s not cheating if you aren’t married. That’s just the excuse they give themselves for their behavior as well as the way to reason with themselves that they didn’t fall for someone online. Remember, any type of cheating is not a mistake, it’s a choice. Single is only a status you fill out on a form, just because you aren’t checking the married box, doesn’t mean that you can’t cheat.

That is basically relationship 101.
Now back to my question, why do we feel that in order to be happy we must be in a relationship?

The thing is, nobody can give us a better life but ourselves, if you wait for someone to make you happy you will never be. But as human nature plays a part in our daily lives, no matter how many times you say you don’t need a boyfriend/girlfriend, your heart still craves to love someone truly. The thing to remember is this, sex is so easy to find, that’s why love is so hard to get. Our heart is like an unfinished puzzle, that is why we search for the perfect one to complete it. That’s is why some relationships end and new ones begin. Don’t just settle for someone, make sure that person is the one who fits the puzzle, because if you just try to force a relationship to work, you are hurting yourself and wasting someone else’s time.

You learn how to love others through the simple act of loving yourself. Without it, you will never be able to love someone else completely. So, to answer the question, the most important relationship you can ever have is with yourself, but, if you are looking for love this Valentine’s Day; here are 3 rules to remember. 

RULE 1: Never EVER get yourself involved in a relationship with a man/woman who is newly divorced. He is still grieving the relationship himself & trying to sort out feelings. The worse thing to do is get hung up on a man who will be looking out for himself.

RULE 2: Know your worth. Most women forget about this one & feel that they aren’t worth it without a man. That’s when you settle for less than you deserve. Men: Don’t go for eye candy, go for a woman who has the biggest heart, the best personality and someone who will support your dreams.

RULE 3: In any relationship there needs to be trust & honesty; when there isn’t you don’t have a relationship at all. You are just 2 people in the same room.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

The Diary of A Social Gal Part 2

Photos Courtesy of Click Images Inc.

 

So if you missed it, I posted 2 videos on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest about how I came to love dance and then cheer.  The second video was about my present coaching gig.  At the same time I was having a love affair with cheer, I also was coaching and loving basketball.  I played basketball for a short period of time and won 1 championship as a player. As a coach I went to 2 championships and was 1-1.  I coached CYO, AAU. and an athletic league team.

Sports were always a part of my life as a kid and even now as an adult. From sports as a young kid you learn team work, you learn that not everyone has the exact same skill, you learn communication is key to success and you learn that you will not win all the time. (And that is okay)

As a coach you learn how to connect with others, you learn how to inspire others and you learn that you need to plan in order to succeed.

All these lessons are not just about sports, but also about life. I learned a great deal from coaching basketball as I have also learned from coaching cheer. One of the most important things in life is to learn how to train yourself to know that you can achieve what ever you set your mind too and to set reasonable goals. Having respect for your coaches in sports helps kids later on in life when dealing with adults or authoritative figures.  If you’re not passionate enough, you’re never going to achieve anything. You need to really want to do something to be able to do it. Try, try and try again until you succeed.

Focus, mentally tough, and determined are things that coaching basketball.

Stay tuned for The Diary Of A Social Gal Part 3 – my 19 years as a Preschool Teacher Video coming on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest.