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The Nice Girl/Guy Syndrome

The worst thing you can hear when someone tries to set you up with someone is, “He’s such a nice guy!,” or “She’s really a nice girl.”  The first thing that comes to mind is if he’s (she’s) such a nice guy (girl) why are they still single? The next thing that comes to mind is, “Will I be attracted to him (her)? Do we have anything in common besides being nice?”

Yes,  I have been set up with guys who were “nice” but being “nice” just doesn’t cut it as a reason why I should date someone or let alone meet someone.  I need to first be attracted to him and then I need to have some common interests; reasons for me to pursue a relationship. It’s a total waste of time to date or meet someone because they are described as, “nice.”  The weather is nice, my new shoes are nice, and even enjoying a lazy Sunday alone is nice.  People need to be more than just nice.  I hate when people say, ”He’s a nice person once you get to know him.” They might as well just say, ”He’s a dickhead but you’ll get used to it.”

Do you know how many times I hear guys say, ““I’m just a nice guy. Seems like women these days don’t appreciate that. They rather date assholes instead of giving a nice guy like me a shot.”  My response is usually, “Why do you need to be so whiny?”  Being nice doesn’t make you ultimately entitled to dating me or anyone else for that matter.   That behavior doesn’t make you earn the right to date me.  Everyone should be nice to each other. That’s a concept that society never has taken to heart.

Most of these so-called “nice guys” are angry SOB’s. They are angry because they have been rejected one too many times and have the perpetual inability to attract the women they’re interested in.  These “nice guys” have become less appealing to a potential partner. That’s not to say that women aren’t attracted to, “the bad boys,” which usually is the comparative to a “nice guy.”  This is the guilt trip that most “nice guys” try and play against you to get you to date them, because according to them, “Life isn’t fair and we always pass them over for the bad boy.”

Here’s the kicker: Nice guys lie, cheat and can treat you like crap just as bad boys can.  Being nice means nothing. Now, being respectful is a totally different subject. I hate to be a downer, but the “good guy” isn’t the magic bad-boyfriend remedy most women might think he is. Been there, done that! 

So when someone says to me, “You are such a nice girl, I can’t believe that you are still single.” After I roll my eyes, let me tell you why I still am single; because I choose to be. I have been labeled as the nice girl my entire life.  Sometimes that is a killer. Why? Because when it comes down to actually telling someone how I feel and I bluntly tell them, I am seen as someone who  probably just “snapped,” or I am “overwhelmed.” How can a nice person be so sassy and sarcastic?  Don’t get me wrong, I am kind to others, respectful to others, but in the dating world, I hate being seen as just a “nice girl.”

But as I have grown up and really, “grown” these past few years I realize that I am a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need to rely on a man for anything. I can make my own money, make my own choices and also make my world the best world it can be. I am not desperate for attention, desperate for love and not desperate to be a plus one that I know not to settle for less than I want and I deserve.

It sucks being seen as the “nice one,”  but it’s better to be nice to yourself first and foremost.  At the end of the day, I am the one who lives with how my life has played out. Why would I want to change that simply to just change it?  “I’m single as a dollar and I’m not looking for change.”

 

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5 Things Feminism Isn’t.

Back in the day women were told how to catch and keep a man, how to breastfeed, how to raise a family, etc. These women were told how to be a housewife because that was all they were “supposedly” capable of doing. When women in the 1950’s found out that this was the way men actually, truly thought, they just weren’t outraged; they did something about it: and that is how the true feminism movement started. When women got together to talk, the words, “career” or “inferior to men” never were part of the discussion simply because they found themselves embarrassed to even mention it. The question then beckons, “Were feminists back in the 50’s and 60’s really the true definition of a rebel or were they just seen as troublemakers?”

Feminism is NOT the journey to find your true self. Even though there are writers, feminists, and even professors who will try and make you believe this but trust me, this concept is nothing but hogwash.

Feminist is just a word. It’s a word that conjures up hate, resentment, and setbacks. And Feminism does NOT make all our lives better as some will argue. You can demand the world take you seriously without it.

The truth is, only when people make extreme and take extreme measures, so movements get the attention they deserve. And with social media today, it’s a lot easier than you can imagine.

There is ample evidence that the more mainstream media girls consume, the more importance they place on being pretty and sexy. A 2006 survey of 2,000 girls showed that they repeatedly described the pressures of being perfect- thin, please everyone, and dress correctly. So instead of feeling that they have a choice in how to be a woman they want to be, they feel that they must not only have it all but be it all. ( Be smart and stunning and wear a tiara and a cape)

Here’s the lowdown:
1- Feminism will not help you find the right partner.

2- Feminism will do nothing for your sex life. The only thing it can be counted for is the fact that women now have the right to use birth control. But it doesn’t make your sex life better or worse.

3- Shaving or waxing your privates will not make you more feminine and it has nothing to do with feminism.

4-Those women who have plastic surgery to make themselves look better, due so because feminism beckons that they look perfect. Get a nose job so you can function, not so you can look perfect.

5- Feminists argue that dieting isn’t about being skinny, but that is it about having power.

It’s the way a women competes with a man in a “man’s world,” is nothing but hogwash. Dieting should be about health, not about competing against a man or for a man.

Equality.

If we keep saying that one sex is better than the other, how can we actually be equal?

Everyone, male or female deserve to be treated with respect. Everyone deserves love and everyone deserves a chance to be who they want to be.  That was the initial goal of feminism back in the day until the man-bashing women took over the movement. Just like I have learned that not all men are the same, the same can be said about women. All women aren’t into this man-bashing thing. Some of us are goodhearted, sweet, kind and understanding. So to all those men who have given up on finding someone who wants to give you the world, don’t. She is out there, I swear.

Everyone deserves true, real love that is given from the heart. Don’t ever doubt that you deserve it.

Life can be hectic, confusing, painful, unpredictable and who knows what may be around the next corner. But eventually you learn that the human spirit prevails, hearts open and love surprises-–often when we least expect it. And we don’t need “feminism” in order to know that.

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3 Ways to Ax The Ex in less than 24 hours

2018 is upon us and the most important cleanse we can’t buy in any stores is the toxic relationships cleanse.  To start the new year off on the right foot, and perform a relationship detox, here are 3 ways to do just that.

Race to Erase Toxic Relationships ( Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Friends, Lovers, Co-Workers, etc)

Step 1: Block and Delete EVERY ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, friend, family member, lover or anyone that brings negativity to your life on social media.

There is NO reason to watch them on social media. Splitting up is tough enough without having to figure out what their social media posts mean.  Even if you haven’t seen this person in years, you still should not be online creeping or watching their every move online. And of course,  the other unhealthy reason to delete and block – deliberately dropping selfies to show them what they’re missing out on. Trust me, if they really wanted to be with you, they would be. NO selfie is going to make them want to stay.

Step 2: Affirm your worth.

Toxic emotions lead to toxic relationships. How you feel about yourself and your self perception, is key to lasting relationships.

Condition your mind to accept nothing less than respect and gratitude from others. Every morning remind yourself of the following: I am worthy. I am valuable. I am capable. I am proud of me.

 

Step 3: Get into a new routine.

What ever your routine is, change it up.  Change is good, it’s also hard. Change is hard because you brain is wired to do the same thing over and over. When you get out of your comfort zone, you tend to find things you never thought you would find. That includes finding love in places you never thought were possible.  Change helps you grow, and if you are not growing, you are not living. If you’re open to learning new ways of approaching problems, you may find you learn something new about yourself, about others, and about the world.  Finally, change lets you keep your mind active and doesn’t stay put in a negative zone. 

Embracing change takes some practice. Getting rid of people in your life that cause you to be stressed, negative or constantly hurt, will make your life more fulfilling.  Life is short.  Instead of looking back, look forward. And with a relationship detox you will be on your way to living a better life.  Happy New Year!

 

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Sex, Lies, and Abuse: How the #MeToo Won’t Change Anything

If you ever read my review on “Fifty Shades of Grey,” then you know where I will be going with this article. If you never did read it, let me paraphrase it here for you: “Christian Grey has sadistic sex that leaves Anastasia sometimes bleeding and too bruised to move. The fact that Fifty Shades has taken eroticism violence against women and re-branded it as romance, is something of complete irony. Love is not abuse, and abuse is not love. Just because our society today have erased the shame of hooking up and joke openly about adult entertainment, doesn’t mean that we should fall for what Christian Grey truly is: an abuser. What the movie “Fifty Shades” wants women to believe is that women can fix violent, controlling men by being obedient and loving. That in a nutshell is false. It’s not okay for a man to use sex to control, manipulate and introduce pain to a woman. Christian Grey believes the physical pain a man would inflict on a woman is not as bad as the pain of losing him. Not cool. Not cool at all.”

I can tell you that Fifty Shades of Grey grossed $166.2 million in North America and $404.8 million in other territories for a worldwide total of $571 million, against a budget of $40 million! And most of the women who went to see this movie, bought merchandise and the book, NEVER complained about sexual harassment, sexual abuse or sexual assault. They were also part of this #MeToo movement, which is hypocrisy at it’s finest.

The #MeToo movement has gone from bad to worse. It doesn’t help women at all. Instead it takes the core part of what true feminism is; equality in the workplace, and make it even harder for women. What man in his right mind is going to now want to hire a woman, let alone be left alone with a woman in his office? And what is worse is the fact that some women are taking advantage of the situation by using their sexual relationships they have had in the past with men they worked with, relationships that were consented. Not to mention that sleeping with a boss or co-worker, didn’t get them to where they wanted in the workplace or that the relationship ended badly, they now turn around and say that they were sexually assaulted. Some have also been proven to have falsified evidence to say that they were abused forty years ago.

That’s another thing. If you are abused, you don’t wait forty years and then turn around and say, “Oh, I was afraid for my career at the time, or that I didn’t think people would believe me.” And I am supposed to believe you now? The woman’s health and mental state should ALWAYS come before career. And in that forty years that you wait, you let the guy develop a pattern of behavior. Besides the fact that people do change over that amount of time as well. I can personally tell you that I am not the same woman I was twenty years ago. I can only imagine how these men must feel who are being accused of this, forty years later. I don’t care if it was five years ago, either. Time to come out and say something is the moment it happens, not when the “best opportunity” for the woman to come forward.

That is wrong on so many levels.

Also, has it ever occurred to some people, that willingly sleeping with a boss or co-worker is not assault? The only time it is assault is if you are blackmailed to do so. Then it’s classified as rape. When it is not consented sex, and the man continues to do so, that is considered rape. Rape is, never okay. I repeat, rape is never okay. Now we as society are still dealing with rape, as being one of the highest percentage of crimes year after year, but the media doesn’t talk about it. You hear stories on the news, but there is never a discussion on any talk show of how to curb this crime. Rape kits are also to blame for why most guys “get away with it”

Last week in my of my hockey groups, this guy posted a picture of a woman in the front row behind the bench, wearing a low cut white shirt, along with her coat, opened, and a hat on. You can bet that there were sexist comments, as you would think there would be, on a post like that. The bottom line of why I bring it up is simply this:

This girl wore that shirt on purpose. It’s obvious. But the funny thing is, she’ll wear that shirt, be noticed for all the wrong reasons, and then turn around and sue guys for sexual harassment. (I’m making a point, not saying that this girl in the photo will do that.) That’s what’s wrong with it. Not the fact that she set guys up to even look at her. She totally knew the deal. The sad part is she used her body for that attention instead of her mind. When women stop falling for the “Let’s dress a certain way to be noticed,” crap, then maybe a woman can be appreciated for her brains, not her boobs.

On WFAN’s Facebook page, which is totally being bombarded with negative posts about it’s new afternoon show. I saw a few very sexists comments that talked about how women do’t know how to talk about sports. That women have no place in that category. See; double standard is still alive. Men think they know “everything” and that women are “dumb, stupid, out of touch, or belong elsewhere.”  Maybe when men’s perceptions of women change, women will change. After all, both sexes tend to do things to please the other instead of doing things that please themselves.  We try so hard to make everyone else around us happy, that we forget that the most important person’s happiness is our own.

If that is the one lesson that we all can learn from #MeToo, then I hope most learn it. Remember, respect is earned, not a given.  You need to respect yourself first and foremost if you ever want someone else to reciprocate that respect.  I hope in 2018, the media makes a woman famous for expanding her mind, not her breasts.

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7 Ways To Score Dates For Christmas

According to data analyzed from Facebook posts, two weeks before Christmas is one of the two most popular times for couples to break up. However, Christmas Day is the least favorite day for breakups. So, if you are on the rebound or looking for love this Christmas, waiting under the mistletoe isn’t going to help.

Here are The Seven Ways to Score Dates at Christmas:

1) Holiday Parties are happening from tonight all the way thru the end of the year. Remember, there is definitely a balance when it comes to being flirty, if you are too flirty you can come across as easy or sleazy and nobody wants that.

2) When you decide you are serious about finding someone to share your life with be serious about looking your best. Looking good makes you feel good, and when you feel good, you carry yourself with a positive glow

3) It’s no secret that if you keep going to the same places you won’t meet anyone different.

During the Christmas period there are a lot of people out and about. This time of year, I would say you have a good chance of meeting genuine people in bars because there are more people out and about for work Christmas parties and end of year drinks.

 

4) Watch your alcohol intake at this time of the year. We’re all partial to one too many mulled wines over the Christmas period, but if you’re looking to find someone special before you have to kiss at midnight, it’s important to stay in control and confident. No one is attracted to a slurring mess.

5) Be open to new people. Don’t worry about age, race, size, money, and all that stuff that SHOULD NOT matter. It’s such an important thing when looking for love because sometimes (and usually) the best partners are the ones you wouldn’t have normally chosen, which is why you might still be single.

6) With that said though, DON’T flock over to online dating sites just out of pure desperation! Instead of finding love, you will indeed find a nightmare in the making!

7) There’s nothing worse than someone who uses the phrase “bah humbug” over the Christmas season or has a negative attitude about their life or life in general. Life is not going to be a beach every day, there are going to be ups and downs no matter what time of year it is. Go into finding love with a positive attitude on life and you will attract someone who is worth it.

Remember, if you are still single at Christmas, it’s OKAY. Besides, 2018, is right around the corner!

We all don’t need to be in a relationship at the holiday time, even though society may tell us as well as the holiday movies, that we need to be “in love” at this time.

It’s always better to be single then to be in a relationship that doesn’t suit us; holiday time or any time.

May the Christmas season fill your home with family and friends, your heart with love & your life with laughter.

Merry Christmas to all my readers.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

5 Online Dating Tips for Women

The dating scene these days just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be! All I constantly hear are women complaining that they, “Can’t find a good man!”  That’s mostly because they choose to use online dating as the ONLY way to meet guys. They have given up on the traditional ways; join a club, volunteer, networking meet-ups, join a sports league, or even a freaking bar! Not all relationships start online as online dating sites claim!

So, if you still want to prowl the online dating world, there are things you need to know first.Remember, even though you are sitting at home in your PJ’s hiding behind a keyboard, you need to still be careful of whom and who you eventually decide to meet. Here are some straight forward tips to do just that!

1. Only arrange a meeting with someone you have been getting to know for a while now. If you feel that you are at the point where you want to meet someone, always meet them in a public place, away from your home and be sure to tell someone where you are going.
2. Do not tell him where you live. Never give out your address, until you feel safe to do so. This should be after a month of dating and also doing a background check. Once they know where you live, there is no going back.
3. Do not accept a ride on the first date. Use your own method of transportation. Even if they seem like a great guy, you should not get in a car with them. Especially if you are alone with them.
4.  Do not go to any secluded areas- including a his place, a hotel, and so forth. Even if you want to be alone, remember that you are on a date with someone you have no idea about. Yeah he tells you what he does for a living and blah.. blah… blah.. , but how do you really know? Give yourself a chance to really get to know  him out before you take his word for everything and before he takes you to his parents house on the beach.
5. Pay attention to your gut feeling. You don’t want to be kicking yourself later on if you didn’t listen to it when it told you that this guy was no good, and now you are stuck in a big complete mess.

Always put your safety above and beyond everything and everyone! There’s no turning back once you go ahead and let someone know all about your private life.  Always find out his first.  Remember, Google is your friend.  Google him. Find out who he is before you find yourself in a situation that you could have been avoided.

Join Stephanie Dolce on her talk show, “Ax the Ex” which will air this September on Facebook Live. Click here to follow and be a part of the show!

 

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Jealousy and the Ex

If you ever have joined the, “I love knowing that my mans ex hates me” club, then you know where I am going with this. There are many single women who date men who have been separated or divorced. Some women even date those men while they are going through the process of divorce and some of those men have children.

This is when sometimes things can get dicey. Things may start off as quiet and as calm as can be, until one day jealousy rears her ugly head. The soon-to-be- ex-wife has become jealous and a little upset that he has moved on and before her,* gasp* like it’s some competition.

It’s sad when a mom loves child support more than her children; what makes it worse is when she tries to keep the child away from a loving father who wants them, and use that manipulation to get him to stop the developing relationship with the new woman! She now as become obsessed and has begun feeling possessive towards the same man with whom she is legally separated from. What is worse that this is the fact that she will start to play, “the victim” to gain support and make him out to be the “bad guy” when in fact he did nothing wrong at all.
Guilt. This is now used to reel him back in because like I mentioned earlier, she is using the children as bait to keep him away from whomever he wants to be with. Some may say that she is “protecting” the children, but I say that if she wanted to really protect her children she wouldn’t be using them in her sick game.

Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? This is true with anyone who cares deeply about someone and this rings true for all the men out there who are great dads and are going through the divorce process today. My advice to all of you guys out there is to never settle too quickly, don’t be cheap where you don’t get a lawyer and try to handle all of it on your own. Simply because you don’t know all the nooks and crannies of the legal system, there are ways of getting what you want and deserve in a divorce, and just giving her, “What she wants” sends the wrong message.

To those single women who are dating a man who is going through this crap, here’s my advice:

I have learned now that while those who speak about one’s miseries usually hurt, those who keep silent hurt more. As much as you can help, support and care for someone, it’s up to them to make the first move. Feeling helpless isn’t a great feeling, but the only thing you can do is tell him that you still care, tell him that you are here for him and hope to God he gets the courage to reach out.

To the guys who are stuck in this situation:

Men have this stupid idea that they can handle everything on their own but, you can’t take care of anyone else, until you take care of yourself. Let the woman with whom you are dating be there for you. Don’t let your Ex win. Legally she can’t take your kids away from you because you are dating someone else. The legal system doesn’t work that way. Since kids are involved, these exes often feel it’s their right to meddle in your relationships, no matter what. Maybe you should set up a meeting with your ex and your new partner, depending on how serious the relationship is, and iron out whatever feelings and problems have risen.

Remember, you have every right to be happy. And that sets an example to your kids.

And finally, to the all the soon-to-be Ex wives everywhere: Just because you aren’t called on your BS doesn’t mean people don’t know you’re full of it. If you’re so happy with your life why are you so worried about your ex-husband’s new love? Think of your kids and how your jealousy is affecting them. Everyone has the right and deserves to be happy. One day it’s going to be you, dating someone new. What goes around comes around, all I can say is, remember that.

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Dating After Divorce: What to do and what not to do

These days, it’s not uncommon to hear that someone is going through a divorce. In 2016, The median length for a marriage in the US is 8 years with 90% of all divorces being settled out of court.60 percent of second marriages end in divorce and 73 percent of all third marriages end in divorce.

Currently, the divorce rate per 1000 married women is 16.9. Many experts feel that this is a much more accurate measure of true divorce rate than the crude rate. The divorce rate per 1000 married women is nearly double that of 1960, but down from the all time high of 22.6 in the early 1980s. Here are some more interesting facts on divorce:

Every 13 seconds, there is one divorce in America. That equates to 277 divorces per hour, 6,646 divorces per day, 46,523 divorces per week, and 2,419,196 divorces per year. That means there are 9 divorces in the time it takes for a couple to recite their wedding vows (2 minutes.) More than 554 divorces occur during your typical romantic comedy movie (2 hours) And 1,385 divorces happen during the average wedding reception (5 hours).

So, if you are divorced and reading this, now what?

You might be hearing from friends and family, “You need to get out there.” But what you’re probably feeling is either, “I don’t think I’m ready,” or “How do I even begin to start dating again?” Since I’ve seen so many friends go through it, I’m a big believer in, what I like to call, “The Take 2 System.”

The Take 2 System is quite simple:

The first step is to realize that you should wait about a year before seriously dating anyone. Yes, that is a long time, but when you end a relationship, a marriage, the healing process takes time. If you are still in love with your ex, you will probably compare everyone you date to him or her. Rebound love always turns out to be a disaster. Take time to learn to love yourself and enjoy the small moments of everyday life.

The second step is to think about what you want, what you don’t want, and identified the deal-breakers.

After that, the next step is to be open-minded to the possibility of finding someone new. This is how you know you are ready. It’s also best to become friends with someone first, not just jump head first into dating someone with all the “fringe” benefits. By that I mean, having sex. Sex is part of dating, but if you are seriously looking for a relationship then you might want to pass on sex for at least six months while trying to get to know someone for who they truly are, and not for what they “claim” to be. Don’t date anyone that you aren’t comfortable with and don’t date someone that is “forced” on you because your friends and family think they found the “perfect” relationship for you.

There’s a difference between who we love, who we settle with, and who we’re meant for.

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Don’t trade respect for attention

waiting

If you watch my Periscope video casts, you know how much I enjoy reading dating groups on Facebook. Today, I posted the above on a the dating groups and then sadly the desperate and  pathetic “girls” ( not women) showed themselves and posted the following comments under the picture:

“Yes I have naked pics for you at my Facebook profile.”

“I am looking for a date for the weekend. Check out my profile and drop me a message, if you like what you see.”

“Sent me a friend request and you can see my naked pics.
Who wants to chat with me?”

“I´m hot and Single *smile*. Please sent me a friend request, if you are single.”

Why are women today acting like complete and utter dumb asses on these dating groups? They trade respect for attention.  But sadly the only attention they are going to gain are those guys who are losers, guys who could be sexual predators, and guys who won’t, under any circumstances respect them.

This is what people don’t get, still to this day.  Respect given to you is a reflection on how you respect yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, others will walk all over you. People will treat you however you let them.  By all means, I want women to value themselves, their voice, body and their dreams. But that doesn’t mean parading around wearing a “pussyhat” screaming vulgar things either- that only lowers people’s respect for you. If you are demanding respect, you need to remember that it is better to be respected than to be popular. It’s always better to stand out, not to be a sheep in the crowd “just because.”

The moment you settle for less than you deserve is the moment you get even less than what you settled for. Too bad most people who use that dating group on Facebook seem to forget the following: Never spend your life seeking to be accepted.  Instead seek inside yourself and learn to accept who you are. If you have to gain a guy’s attention by saying that you have “naked pics” all you are inviting is trouble and heartbreak. Insecurity breeds insecurity.
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Chapter Eleven: 7 Reasons Why You Are Still Single

Chapter Eleven: 7 Reasons Why You Are Still Single( From The Book, Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd Ed)

“I hate being single!” or “Why am I so unlucky in love?” Do these sound familiar? If so, then welcome to Singlehood. I will admit, some people are really unlucky when it comes to love. I have seen it first hand. There are those who are still single due to being left in the “pool” while others are single due to being their own worst enemy. Then of course you have those people who call you “desperate.” Lets get one stereotype cleared up though: I am not desperate because I am single. I am single because I am not desperate. There’s a difference. If you are running from relationship to relationship, then okay, you are desperate. But if you struggling to find someone and you have your standards, you are NOT desperate, you are smart.

This chapter is NOT for those people. The ones who are smart enough to take a step back, look at the situation, and go slow finding someone to have a real relationship with instead of rushing themselves to the altar, are the ones who will “win” in the dating game.

This is for those who are sabotaging any chance they get at having a relationship and there are seven good reasons why you are still single.

Let’s start off small:

1- You have annoying habits that scare people away.

I know someone who has this annoying habit of talking with food in their mouth. I also know someone who is obsessed with their blackberry or iPhone. You interrupt people while they are talking and talk about something else or just talk on and on. This behavior was another relationship breaker that was mentioned.

2- You don’t pay attention and constantly make the other person repeat.

It doesn’t cost anything to pay attention. If someone is talking to you and you are too busy doing something else, what does that say about how you value the other person? We as a society need to learn to listen better. Most people just listen for the cue to when it’s their turn to speak. They don’t actually listen to what is being said.

3- Loyalty, Honesty and Trust issues.

Let me give you the straight definition of each term. Loyalty is faithfulness or a devotion to a person, country, group, or cause. Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness and straightforwardness along with the absence of lying, cheating or theft. And Trust is, the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. These three are tied together. When you don’t have one in any relationship, you don’t have any of them. When you are loyal, you don’t cheat. When you have faith that the person you love only loves you; then you have trust. And when you trust someone, you know that they are being fully honest with you about every aspect of the relationship.

4- You constantly talk about your ex or previous relationship nonstop.

I know some ladies who constantly talk about previous relationships as if they are still continuing. If you still talk about it, you still care about it. Period. When you have serious baggage you cannot and SHOULD NOT even start to think about having a new relationship. Work through and get over the previous relationship, before moving on to a new one. This is mistake that many single ladies make. They hop into a new relationship just so they can forget about how “Dave” ripped their heart into a million pieces, or they sleep with the first guy that glances over at them in a bar, restaurant, gym, etc. This is also very “desperate” behavior which signifies very deep self-worth, self-esteem issues. When you settle just for “anyone” to get over someone with whom you had an emotional and physical relationship with, you are setting yourself up for an even a bigger disaster. Then of course you have people who go out with someone just to get over their ex or because they fear being “alone” and then end up engaged but still hung over their previous ex. Here’s the thing: If you are not crazy about the person you are about to marry, take a step back. This doesn’t mean go chasing down your ex, since you cannot make someone else want to be with you. But you will be doing yourself and your future husband/wife a disservice by marrying them, when it’s obvious your heart is not in it. Remember, Love won’t grow just because you marry.

To get over an ex, you need time in between relationships. Jumping from relationship to relationship will not help you at all. The fact is rebounding is dangerous because you’re at your most vulnerable and have not had enough time to mourn the loss of your previous relationship and move on. You’re still suffering from heartbreak, even if you deny it. When you meet someone else without getting over the previous relationship, you don’t fall in love with someone but fall completely infatuated with the feelings you are feeling instead. You may gush over the rebounder, but the reality is, that you’re trying to recapture the feelings you had while you were with your ex.

You also have not given yourself time to look at WHY your previous relationship failed. Subconsciously you will make the same exact mistakes with this relationship that you just made with your previous one. So how long should you wait before getting involved with someone new? If you were together for six months, you wait 3 months. If you were together for 12 months, you wait 6 months. The key is to give yourself enough time to get through the pain you feel and get over him/her. That means erasing his/her number from your cell phone, erasing text messages, voice messages and deleting them from your social network. When you can do that, then you are over them.

5- You have a negative outlook on life.

First, don’t complain about someone not treating you right. If you know you deserve more, then why are you with them? Negativity breeds negativity just like positivity breeds positivity. If you have the “woe is me,” attitude, who wants to be around that and listen to it 24/7? I know that I don’t. Who wants to keep hearing how work stinks, how much you wish you could live somewhere else, or how everyone around you is having babies and families but not you?

6- You are oversharing too fast.

Making a full disclosure within the first few meetings can be disastrous since you are not aware how the other person is going to react to the “skeletons” you reveal. Again, your new date doesn’t need to know why you hate your family, why your previous relationships didn’t work, your money issues, etc. Once you share something, you can’t take it back either. Over-sharing. It has always been a problem but has become more so in the digital age. Just look at Facebook and how everyone shares every aspect of their lives. Everyone needs to know everything about everyone. And that’s a bad situation for someone who is meeting someone for the first time. People with bad intentions can get your information and either manipulate you with it or share it with others you don’t necessarily want it shared with. Then you will have put yourself in a position you could have avoided. Also, do NOT become Facebook “friends” with new suitors either. I would actually block them from finding you on Facebook and then once you get to know them, and feel confident/comfortable with them, allow them to then become your online friend as well. Remember, less history equals more mystery. More mystery leads to more dates. More dates leads to having a serious relationship. And if you want to let your potential suitors see your Facebook page, then you must be cautious as to what you post publicly. Remember, what you post can generally come back to bite you in the ass. It happens all the time. Don’t let it happen to you.

7- You have fantasy-like, unrealistic ideas about the opposite sex.

Sadly some women just want to meet a tall, handsome guy who has money and other perks that will make them live happily ever after. The problem with fairy tales is that they set a girl up for disappointment. In real life, the Prince goes off with the wrong Princess. If all you want is to be somebody’s “trophy wife,” you really are setting yourself up for disaster, heartbreak, and torture. Relationships shouldn’t be based on looks, money or perks. Relationships should be based on personality, compatibility, and civility. There’s a difference between being picky and being discriminating. Being picky is about focusing on traits and other details that look good on the surface. Being discriminating is about using good judgment and focusing on how well a man treats you and how you connect with him. (same for a man, a woman should treat you with respect as well.)

You must be clear about what qualities you’re willing to live with and what you can’t live without.

In today’s society we are all told that men need to be with someone “hot” and that women need to find a man with money. Don’t fall for what society tells you. Look at how screwed up it is. Never apologize for having HIGH standards because people who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them. Stop dreaming about the fairy tale, stop wanting a guy to put you on a pedestal, and stop wanting the movie-like romance. Relationships are REAL. Treat them with a dose a reality, not fantasy.

There is someone for everyone, just because you haven’t met that special someone, does not mean you never will. Take this time in your single life to focus on you and love yourself, so when the right person comes along, you can wholeheartedly share that love with them too.

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