4 Paragraphs Guaranteed To Put Your Life In Perspective:
2016 Revisited with Reflection
Each year we learn something new about ourselves and the people around us. There are happy moments, sad moments, and it’s necessary to sit at the end of the year and focus on lessons learned, but yet, focus on what you want the new year to bring.
In 2016, some of the most happiest times were the birth of my nephew/Godson and the birth of my cousin, the next generation of my family. Other happy moments I had were publishing another book, having my business grow, and taking an awesome vacation this past summer. Other highlights for the year were that I went on the NYC subway for the first time and met my good friend at a Mets game. I also got to knock off 16 things off my 2016 bucket list. Finally my family was blessed with good health, and that is all I could have asked for this year alone!
Oh, did I mention that I turned 40 this year? Milestone!
The mixed emotions I had this year was deciding to retire from teaching preschool. I miss seeing the kids everyday, that is the hard part, but I don’t miss the school, the prep, and having the same routine day in and day out. I have though, thanks to teaching for 20 years, have developed some great friendships with parents, not only the children. That I am blessed with- relationships that mean something to me!
I also have started to develop great relationships within networking for my business. Those relationships will be a focus in 2017.
This year, once again, social media made me realize that a lot of people will fake change just to fit in. Social media is filled with people “pretending” to be someone they aren’t, just for likes, comments, and attention. Also due to the Election of 2016, so many people want to chirp but can’t handle it when others chirp. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it either. People took something that shouldn’t be personal, and made it personal. There were attacks, unfriending, and relationships were torn over a stupid election. Hopefully everyone learned a lesson.
There are always going to be people out there who will tell you that you can’t make your dreams happen. And the only reason they tell you that is because they are scared that you will indeed make your dreams a reality, while they are mad at themselves for not working hard on their goals. That is why this year I learned a value lesson from the weather; I learn to be talked about without responding. (Every writer/blogger is always going to have those special haters, but then again, haters are fans in denial)
Finally my Personal Motto for 2016 was: Out work ’em. Out read ’em. Out last ’em. Show up. I think needless to say, I lived up to that motto, at least I know I tried and I will continue that motto in 2017.
I not only learned about myself this past year, but I also learned the following through relationships, friendships, and observing others:
Accept your flaws. Admit your mistakes. Don’t hide and don’t lie. Deal with the truth, learn the lessons, endure the consequences of reality, and move on. Your truth won’t penalize you, the mistakes won’t hurt you, but the denial and cover-up will. Flawed and vulnerable people are beautiful and likable. Liars and phonies are not. Every beautiful human being is made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions and finished with unique edges. Don’t listen to what people say; watch what they do. Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves over time. In the blink of an eye, everything can change. So forgive often and love with all your heart. You never know when you may not have that chance again.
When you learn how much you are worth, you will stop giving people discounts. Remember, the new year will be like the old one if you keep on doing the same old things. So here’s to 2017, where new challenges are met with hope, love and strength.
Singlehood: Click Here To Enter
Women these days, if you haven’t noticed, are shamed into believing that there is something wrong with them if they are in their thirties and still single. Online dating has surged beyond belief, because it’s better to be in a relationship and miserable than it is to be single and happy.
It’s hard to completely understand this phenomenon that is online dating. People claim that they want to be liked for “why they really are,” while at the same time, their dating profiles reflect white lies in order to be liked and accepted by the opposite sex.
All those sites that claim that they can find you your “perfect match,” are pulling at your heartstrings and not to mention, your wallets, and people are falling for it at a completely large rate. Here’s what I don’t get, if they claim that their scientific algorithms work, why do you need to spend 9 -12 months to find someone with whom you should totally click with right away? The answer is this, you are never truly someone’s choice. Instead you are one of many options in case the one person they thought was, “the one,” failed them and they need to move on quickly.
Online dating is like going to the casino. They want you to keep going at it, so you keep putting money in the machine because according the the odd makers, something will eventually click and you’ll hit the jackpot.
Relationships that start online don’t last as long as relationships that start offline.
Researchers from Stanford and Michigan State University found that breakups between unmarried and married people happened more with couples who met online, rather than couples who met in “offline venues.” See, the founders and CEO’s of all these online dating sites know that when it comes to love women are desperate, easily manipulated, and trustworthy.
As a fellow female I am here to awaken every female to the lies these online dating sites spew. Here are five facts that I have uncovered about online dating that they don’t want you to know.
5- What every site has failed to recognize is that there really is no way to successfully predict that a relationship will last, especially when the most crucial information is not collected:
A) Individuals Characteristics of each partner which include personalities, attitudes and if each partner is relatively stable.
B) Quality of interactions – This can only be measured in person, not online. This includes how well the couple will communicate and also support each other.
C) Unforeseen Circumstances: This includes stress, financial problems, cultures, family issues, etc.
4- Two Words: Choice Overload. This is where people undermine their ability to make a good, well thought out decision due to having way too many options available to them. So most likely you will end up “thinking” that you chose the “correct” partner, when in fact you picked the wrong one.
3- One of the things that all these sites have in common is this: The insert fear that unless you are on their dating site you will NEVER find your “soul-mate.” They tug at your heartstrings to make you believe that you mate is on the other side of your computer screen, when the truth is that you can meet the love of your life ANYWHERE.
2-Some dating sites just don’t get the meaning of the word, “dating” and allow for married men and women to look for sex so they can cheat on their husbands and wives. And there are actually some online sites dedicated to helping married folks cheat which is disgusting! Again, it’s 1 out of every 10 on those dating sites that are married and don’t spill the beans on that either. The online dating world is also filled with criminals and sexual predators. Again, its 1 out of every 10. Remember, the FTC and FDA don’t regulate these sites- ever! The online dating world is filled to the brim with scam artists all who use emotional hooking to get their prey. 1 out of every 10 users is a scammer. Guys who get women to send them money or use them in such a way are on EVERY dating site you can find.
1-Finding a partner is not like finding a new car or a new pair of jeans. You can’t simply wake up one morning, say to yourself, “I need a husband or wife,” and then look through thousands of models until you find the right one. REAL love doesn’t work that way.
Sometimes being single is a choice you make. It doesn’t mean lonely or desperate. It just means “content and drama free.” It’s always better to be single and wait for the right person to come along then it is to be in a relationship, “just because.” Don’t let society tell you that you aren’t worth it if you aren’t in a relationship. That’s why they call it falling in love, because you just fall. You don’t force yourself to trip.
Things Never To Text To Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Today it’s tempting to say anything and everything via text, and with the prevalence of emoji and GIFs has made it easy to express our emotions and feelings. But there are some things that still deserve the spoken-word treatment; especially to a boyfriend or girlfriend.
“We Need To Talk”
The scariest phrase to ever text to your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you need to talk, always do it in person. NEVER on the phone or in text.
“It’s Over”
Breaking up over a text message is the cowardly way out. Don’t do it over email, on a sticky note, sending flowers with a note attached, or even over the phone. Again, this needs to be done in person.
“I Love You” (for the first time)
Saying these three little words for the first time should be said face to face, not in a text message. How unromantic is that?
“My Period Is Late/I’m Pregnant”
Never ever text this to a guy! Unless you want to give him a heart attack.
“I’m Sorry”
Apologies are hard enough for some people to say, but if you need to say it, the best way is in person or even over the phone instead of putting it in text form.
The Double Text
You texted him at noon, and now it’s 3 p.m., still no response. Don’t text him the exact same text you texted him at noon! Just text him, “Did you get my text?” instead.
Fights
Fights are best conducted in person not over text. First off, you only have up to 140/160 characters to get “your point across.” And secondly, misinterpreting what you are saying over a text is easy.
Private Parts
When it comes to sexting, there are many reasons to stay away from it. Besides it being creepy and just very distasteful, images are not as private as you may think and can be forwarded and/or hacked at will. Plus, call me old fashioned, but sex in person is best.
Personal Information
In the world of rampant identity theft, it’s best to make a rule not to text sensitive personal information such as your social security number, bank accounts, or credit card information.
Secrets
Texting is not private. Texts are intercepted, forwarded and read by others. If you have anything that you don’t want the world to know about, never put it in writing on your phone. Again, this is a face to face conversation, not a text.
The Drunken Text
We have all either gotten one or sent one, but this is always a bad idea. Always. Not only are your messages likely to be inappropriate, but they are going to be the source of great embarrassment when you “come to” in the morning. I suggest that if you plan on going out and getting drunk to shut off your phone. You’ll feel better in the morning knowing that you didn’t send your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend that humiliating text.
Canceling Plans
Canceling plans last minute over text, screams, “lie.”
Texting 1 or 2 Words
The worse thing about texting is that mostly a woman will text a paragraph and the guy will respond with, “K” Never do that! It’s just rude and annoying.
The Late Night Text
Never text a girl with the words “hey u up?” No. No, we are not up. No, we are not interested in answering your six-letter text message at 1:37 a.m.
The “I’ll Throw Him A Hint,” Text
Guys don’t pick up on hints we throw to them in person. Do you really think he’s going to get what you mean via text? Nope. So, your best bet is to wait until you see him and do your best to actually explain what it is you want from them.
Your entire romantic future here could be determined by your text messages. How often do you actually pick up the phone to call someone? In our fast-paced world, it’s easier to send that text, but when you are dating, you want to call more than you text. We’re all really busy people, that’s not being disputed here, but it’s inappropriate to be texting all day long. If you try and find the happy medium, things will work out and you’ll be able to close the deal.
Online Dating: The Fad That Should Have Faded (part 1)
We’ve all seen the commercials; “1 in 5 relationships start online” and The Eharmony ads of Dr. Warren promoting how his site will in turn find you, “the perfect partner.”
My advice from the get-go has been the same and even more so today it hold strong:
3 Fool Proof Dating Rules
There are simply 3 rules that everyone should follow when going out on a date or starting a relationship. Below are the three rules that work, if you follow them.
RULE 1: Never EVER get yourself involved in a relationship with a man who is newly divorced. He is still grieving the relationship himself & trying to sort out feelings. The worse thing to do is get hung up on a man who will be looking out for himself. ( The same goes for men – don’t date a newly divorced woman, especially one with children. She needs to focus on herself and the kids, not on trying to date someone at this time.)
RULE 2: Know your worth. Most women forget about this one and feel that they aren’t worth it without a man. That’s when you settle for less than you deserve. You allow people to treat you the way they do. Love will come to you, when you learn to love yourself, first and foremost. You can’t depend on anyone else to value you, if you don’t value yourself and who you truly are!
RULE 3: In any relationship there needs to be trust and honesty. When there isn’t you don’t have a relationship at all. You are just 2 people in the same room.
20 Tips On How To Become A Better Listener
When people speak, do you listen, really, listen? Most people don’t. Instead they just wait until it’s their turn to speak. In relationships, communication is the most important factor in either keeping afloat or sinking. Here are 20 tips on how you can become a better listener or communicate better.
20. Do not answering your phone, retrieve or respond texts, shut off the computer, and turn off the TV. Despite what you may think, you cannot do two things at once well. And listening to what someone is saying should be your only priority.
19. Besides distractions causing people not to be able to listen to the person who is talking is the fact that sometimes we don’t talk directly to the person we want to speak too. We talk through other people or for other people, and what tends to happen is that the listener gets a mixed message.
18. If you plan on having a conversation with someone, one of the worse things you can do is dance around the issues you want to discuss in fear of hurting feelings or looking bad. No one is a mind reader! There’s a way to have an uncomfortable conversation without lashing out at the person you are talking too. Remember, how can you fix a situation if you don’t get the nerve to talk?
17. To become a better listener requires you to actually not be the one to do all the talking. Let the other person do the talking as well.
16. To break the ice with someone, use a means of communication that you are comfortable with. This helps loosen tensions and also helps you start the conservation.
15. Before cell phones or even telephones, people use to talk face to face. If you want to become a better listener you need to be able to read a person’s body language and you can’t do that on the phone.
14. Of course to get your point across sometimes the best thing to do is write it down. A letter is a great way of having someone “listen” to what you are feeling or wanting to say because here they have to actually focus in on what you wrote and they don’t get to interrupt your train of thought.
13. Know the signs of either changing the subject, moving on, or changing your tone. This starts with you. If you find your voice getting louder, step outside yourself and realize that the person you are talking to may start to get defensive. If you quickly change your tone you will save yourself from having an argument.
12. Screaming at someone isn’t going to help your cause at all. How can anyone listen to you if you are yelling?
11. This is more for the men out there than the women. Men seem to make big promises and then fail to keep them. If you are going to say things, live up to them. Because if you keep saying one thing and doing another no one is going to want to listen to you anymore.
10. You can use social media to your advantage when it comes to practicing listening. Again, it goes back to reading a letter. You need to read every word and let it stink in before you respond. So many people just like to make noise instead of making actual conversation online.
9. If you want the well rounded relationship, being able to communicate and listen are the two most important puzzle pieces.
8. If you have ineffective communication skills, the cycle will keep going until you fix the problems. And most likely this means that you lack good listening skills.
7. How can you expect someone to know what you feel, want, or need or you don’t speak up? Mind readers don’t exist. You can’t expect someone to want to listen to you if you never give them anything worth listening too.
6. It’s eye to eye not an eye for an eye when learning to listen! Use your ears, use your eyes, and focus on the person you are talking too.
5. A great listener knows when to take a break, enjoy the silence and then speak up. There’s nothing nothing with thinking about what you want to say before you say it. The smart listeners know how to throw the ball in the other person’s court. Silence = Listening
4. Great listeners pay attention and ask questions until they gain a deep and textured understanding of whatever situations they find themselves in. But in no certain terms do they disrespect someone’s point of view.
3. If you can’t listen to someone for whatever reason, take a time out. Tell them that right now it’s not a good time. If you want someone to want to listen to you, then you need to respect them when it comes to giving them your time and effort to listen.
2. Sometimes a great opportunity to talk your partner is when you are laying in bed together. Snuggle up and just have a conversation. You will be more in tuned to listen when you are laying close to each other.
1. Sometimes you talk just to hear yourself talk. When that happens you know that the other person isn’t putting forth the effort to really listen to what you are saying. Know when to retreat and return to a conversation at a later time. You’ll save yourself the aggravation.
The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.
Links of The Best Of Stephanie Articles…
Here are 7 articles Stephanie has written that have been featured articles for Blogher and SheKnows.
Why Women Should Enjoy Having Orgasms As Much As Men Do Link: http://www.blogher.com/why-women-should-enjoy-having-orgasms-much-men-do
The High Risks of STDs and Online Dating Link: http://www.blogher.com/online-dating-and-stds-go-together-cookies-and-milk
Why Women In Their 20s Can Learn A Lot From Women In Their 40s Link: http://www.blogher.com/why-women-their-20s-can-learn-lot-women-their-40s
#womenslives I Want to Adopt and Become a Single Parent Someday Link: http://www.blogher.com/my-5-reasons-why-i-want-adopt-and-become-single-parent-someday
The 20 Worst Pick-Up Lines Of All Time Link: http://www.blogher.com/20-worst-pick-lines-all-time
Do You Believe In Fate? Are Two People Simply “Meant to Be”? Link: http://www.blogher.com/there-such-thing-fate
Turn Your Good Sex Into AMAZING Sex Link: http://www.blogher.com/how-turn-good-sex-amazing-sex
Foolproof Dating Tips For Men
Ever since a man was a boy, he has been competitive. He competes for grades, competes for friends, competes to be on the varsity team and he competes for THAT girl. If you are a man and having trouble landing THAT girl, your problem stems from looking at it as a competition. Here are foolproof ways to get her; and to keep her. Some guys need HELP. Here are some foolproof ways to do just that.
1- You are at a bar and this woman catches your eye. Don’t talk yourself out of approaching her and actually flirting by saying hi. Instead what do you guys do? You throw a pick-up line her way and watch her walk away! Flirt but don’t be a douche. After you flirt with her and get her number, it’s important to woo her. Wooing her is the step you need to take in order to “land” her.
2- Frequently, set time aside to indulge her in romance. Go on a romantic trip, set up a picnic in the park, etc. So something that will in turn, make her smile.
3- Whatever decision you need to make, ask her for your opinion. Let her know that her thoughts and feelings matter. Displaying a chivalrous attitude is the perfect way to show your respect for the women in your life.
4- One of the worse things ANY man can do is to string a woman long and then go, “I just don’t want to mislead you.” Sorry buddy, but you already have! Let a woman know what your intentions are. If things are moving too fast, tell her to slow down. Don’t be shaky when it comes to being open and honest. Nothing pisses off a woman more than being taken for granted. Always show her that you care, that you acknowledge all that she does for you and always reciprocate your affection.
5- It doesn’t matter if you are married or in a relationship. There is NO excuse for cheating or lying. That’s what breaking up and divorce is for! If you aren’t happy, leave. But don’t disrespect your woman by cheating and lying to her.
6- One mistake most guys make is that they fear committing to a woman too fast. So you guys play games, beat around the bush, and in turn let her walk away. Then you get jealous when another man reaps the reward of your stupidity. As Beyonce sang, “If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it.”
7- Finally, don’t tell her that you plan to do something and then don’t follow through. Don’t let your actions say that you are okay with disappointing her. Once you do that, I can guarantee you that she will walk away. And you will be left not only wondering why, but you’ll have to work even harder to win her back.
An Open Letter To Men Everywhere
Dear Guys,
When are some men going to learn how to treat women with consideration and respect? While some men know how to treat women kindly, the rest of the men just plainly don’t know how! See, here’s what some of you guys tend to forget: We all have been hurt in our past. Yet, getting back at the past while in the present is counterproductive and hurtful to others.
You can’t change the past. You can, however, learn to move past it. The girlfriend who dumped you, the ex-wife who made you bitter, and everyone else who did you wrong don’t matter anymore. The past actually shapes you into the man you are today. Remember, quit making excuses about your life. Nobody made you the way you are. You made that choice yourself. If you stay in the past, then you miss the good-hearted people in front of you, like the female friend you flirt with and are scared to date.
Some women are patient and will wait for you to be ready, while other women will just move on without you and leave you in the past.
Friendships with women are special, and very different from your friendships with the guys. If you want to keep their friendship and are the gentleman you say you are, then stop sending mixed signals. If you don’t want their attention, then don’t act like you do. And if you already showed your interest and then backed off with no explanation, you are then hurting someone who is very special.
Guys, why do some of you act like a person you’d never want near your sister? Stop the immature and hurtful behavior. Try honesty, respect and consideration, all ingredients for friendship. Besides, there is a thing called karma, and she never forgets an address. If you love her, then prove it. If you need her, then show her. If you never show her, then your words eventually mean nothing.
Think of it this way, would you want your daughters or sisters to be treated with such disrespect and dishonesty? Divorced men with daughters should remember that when you grow a friendship with a woman. Tell her that you are a family man. Don’t treat her like you are interested, only to spew the line months later, “I just don’t want to mislead you.” Karma will come back around when it’s your daughter’s turn to date. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Just know that the best way to handle any situation is to talk. Yeah, we know you guys hate that, but with communication comes understanding. Sometimes, all a woman wants is for you to fight for her. Make her believe that you may want this relationship more than she does. If you want your relationship to move forward, you have to let go of the past and learn to write your own future.
Sincerely,
Women Everywhere
Stephanie 's Corner 