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Words Matter: Be Ashamed If You Body Shame Others Online

Yesterday was my cousin’s wedding ceremony.  Due to Covid19, the wedding has been postponed twice, so they decided to have a legal ceremony on the day that they had their first date.  That’s not what this post is about, but it’s the partly the reason I am writing it.  Yesterday I wore this little black dress that I recently bought.  It was a dress that was not loose fitting, but a little snug in the midsection.  Every time I ever need to dress up to go to a function, I spend hours in the mirror criticizing myself about how I “think” people are going to perceive me. ( Of course I am wrong, but my brain doesn’t think so at the time.)  I put this dress on and spun around looking at myself in the mirror, looking to see just how much of midsection was “noticeable.”   I hate to go out and not look “skinny,” in whatever I am wearing.  I say to myself that If I don’t feel comfortable that I will have a lousy time.

Yesterday was very different.

I usually end up talking myself out of wearing something and put on something else, but yesterday I didn’t. I kept that little black dress on and went to the wedding and enjoyed myself.  Now, I am not fat. I am not obese. I am not heavy or big-boned. I am of a normal weight for a short girl.  I don’t wear a size 0 or size 4 or even a size 6.  Depending on the brand, I am any where from a size 8 to a size 12.  Seriously, the way that clothes are made today is unreal.  I should be the same size no matter what brand I buy, but I am not.

This got me thinking yesterday of all the body shaming going down on social media lately. I see young girls on TikTok posting videos of,  “How to get skinny.”   I see young women posting videos of them telling others that they have to get back to being skinny and so forth.  I also see guys, body shaming women.  Some of the comments are so over the top nasty.

1) ” I don’t know what you are doing but you look so much better now! Look at all the weight you lost!”

2) “If you lose weight someone will love you.”

3) “Look at that fat body. What a waste of a pretty face.”

4) “You don’t have the right body to be doing that.”

5) “Why are you posting a picture of you in a bikini when you are no where near being a bikini model!”

6) Now that Pat Mahomes got his big contract he can now dump that disgusting girlfriend.”  ( yesterday, he got the biggest contract in NFL history)

Now body shaming isn’t just about saying rude and obnoxious things, but it’s also when a guy ONLY pays a woman a compliment on HOW she looks.  ( Beautiful, gorgeous, hot, sizzling, etc,”  Why can’t guys ever just compliment  a girl/woman without using her looks as part of the compliment?

Now we all can do one day with a bad hair day, or wish that parts of our bodies were different, but sometimes it is overwhelming which stops us from doing all kinds of things.  We start to develop anxiety about our bodies. We start to question why someone would even want to love us or even be with us in a romantic situation.

This is why body shaming has to stop.

We then become ashamed of our muffin tops, love handles, or flat bums. We then pick apart other parts of our body like our noses, thighs, arms,  and legs. And for what? To be accepted by a bunch of immature, self-conceited , superficial guys who don’t look like the Ken doll that they should be as they want to be with ever girl that resembles Barbie!

Give me a break!

Looks don’t make the man or the woman.  What should matter most is the person they are on inside; their personality.  Would you rather be with someone so vain or be with someone who was caring, compassionate, funny, and who supported your vision for the future?

Looks fade, who that person is from the inside out stays forever.

The next time you see someone body shaming someone else on social media tell them this; ““I do not give a &$#! about what men think about my body. I don’t care about what women think about my body. My body is not for other people, and the only person whose opinion matters about how I look is mine.”

 

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What The Beach Can Teach You About Relationships

While at the beach, one summer, I remembered how the weather went from clear and sunny, to cloudy and stormy in a flash. The waves were crashing, the wind was blowing and the lightning was remarkable. Then about two hours later, the clouds vanished, the sun came out shining and the storm was over. That got me thinking about relationships.
Sometimes a relationship can start out sunny and in a blink of an eye it can get stormy out of the blue. Sometimes a relationship can be just like the ocean; calm one minute and then stormy the next. Sometimes a relationship can get very stormy and you think it is never going to get better when all of a sudden, the sun comes out, the skies clear, and you feel that the relationship just took a major step forward for the better.
People these days are so quick to end a relationship when times gets stormy. They want the “sunny skies” all the time, but in reality that is just a fantasy. We are human therefore it is normal to disagree, it is normal to fight, and it is even healthy to have arguments from time to time. Not one relationship goes through life without a disagreement from time to time. The movies and TV shows you watch that show how perfect relationships are, are simply fake. The scripts that show a conflict in a relationship and how “easy and quick” it is “fixed,” has poisoned our minds. It is a mistake to think that your life can be mirrored from the movies and TV shows you watch.
Ever hear of Cinderella and Prince Charming? Growing up with the fairy tale,  that one day a tall, handsome man is going to come riding into town and sweep me off my feet is the reason why many women have an unrealistic view on love. The same could be said about men having unrealistic view on sex thanks to porn. But getting back to to how being at the beach has made me think more and more about relationships.
The beach is just like a relationship whereas when you stumble on a seashell that you had no intention of looking for or finding, your excitement for finding that seashell is overwhelming. The same could be said for relationships. When you aren’t looking, that is when love finds you. Love is a funny thing, the harder you look to find it, the harder it is to find. But once you stop looking, someone will walk into your life and you’ll find it.
I hate seeing girls act desperate for a man these days.  They are on dating apps, social media apps, all for the purpose of finding their one true love.  They are going about it wrong.  They call it falling in love because you just fall. You don’t force yourself to trip. Lighthouses don’t move around looking for boats. They stay in one place and shine, letting the boats come to them. Just remember that, the person who dances with you in the rain will most likely walk with you in the storm. And that is the best relationship to have and to find.

 

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52% Of Americans Already In Relationships Using Dating Apps While In Quarantine

Yes, you read that title correct.  And people wonder why having a meaningful relationship is so hard these days!  The pandemic has cut many couples off from one another as they are forced to follow the quarantine orders in their states. A new survey finds that singles are now turning to online dating to fill their needs, even if they already have a partner.

42 percent of both single and attached Americans had downloaded a dating app while in quarantine. The big difference however was that more people who already have a significant other are apparently taking their browsing even further.  The survey also found that a third of attached Americans said they’ve reached out to their ex while in isolation even though they already have a partner. While 37 percent of single Americans said they did the same thing.

6 out of 10 people say they are willing to lower their standards and talk to someone outside their “usual type” while in isolation. Two-thirds of people surveyed said  because of social distancing it was making them crave physical intimacy.  Researchers found that 41 percent of attached Americans say they’ve gone on a virtual date during the quarantine.  While Only 27 percent of single people had done the same.

Another interesting thing to note is that a lot of professional hockey players have been using social media a lot more and when interviewed they mention that they have a “girlfriend” when on their platforms such as Instagram, there are no “life signs” of this girlfriend that they speak of.  It also shows you that many folks are using social media such as Instagram and Twitter to “hook up” with others while in quarantine and try to hide their real lives by not posting certain people on their platforms.

 

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What Have We Learned?

Starting week five of being quarantined in my house, I am starting to look at what this virus is ( and should be) teaching us about life and about relationships. As this pandemic has unfolded, it has shifted how we live, how we work and how we value life.

The coronavirus has taught us that we are all connected. No matter how much money we make, where we live, what religion we practice, and so-forth, the virus has shown us that in times like this, when we stick together are we at our strongest and it has reminded us of just how much we have taken for granted. Not being able to gather together, hug each other, having the freedom to go out where and when we want, are just a few things that we have taken for granted now that we have to sit at home. Every day just pours into next day. If you haven’t thought about it, take a drive around your town and look at how it looks like a ghost town right about now.

During this crisis we may indeed notice who and what is most important. People now know who their true friends really are and just how important you are to them. Everyone is “stuck” at home. If they haven’t reached out by email, text, or even DM, then I am sorry to say…..   to finish reading, click the link and it will take you to the article I wrote for Vocal Media:

The Lessons from The CoronaVirus

index

 

 

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Behind The Scenes- Continued

 

We are now almost done with competition season! So far my team finished 3rd in the first competition we competed in and this last time, we finished 2nd ( won a trophy!)

Did you know that you can follow along on my Youtube channel and see BOTH routines as well as my behind the scenes footage to practicing!

You can follow along on myInstagram as well as my IGTV channel.

One more week to go – and it’s the BIG ONE: Sectionals!

Then after that, I start planning for the next season.

Next blog post will be the behind the scenes of me meeting and talking to some athletes as well as writing my follow up book to “Hello Love Where’s Cupid? 2nd Ed”

 

 

 

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Diary of a Social Gal Part 5

 

People think that I must lead a glorious life.  Blogger, Writer, Girl Boss, Cheerleading Coach, and so forth. Oh yes,  it’s glorious. (Add Sarcasm)

Let me preface this story with a wild little fact:  Doing all the above as your full-time job is actually really hard work! When I tell people what I do, they often laugh and say something like,  “Must be nice getting paid to sit in your PJs all day.”  Clearly, there is some confusion about what I do all day, so I’m here to spill the beans-

First thing I do each day is work out.
Then it’s time for coffee and mapping out my day.
I do have to then check emails, social media platforms for me and my clients.

Next thing on my list is to see what I can get done quickly.  ( I will go into this later on)

Writing, blogging, researching topics for my books, for social media posts, and also checking the updates to what each social media platform is doing in regards to the algorithm.   Now I can either post live or schedule some posts to go off later on.

Of course then I have to now switch gears and watch cheerleading routines – you should see my collection of DVDs – I also check out Pinterest and Youtube.  Then of course I have to make sure things that I would like my team to do are within the rules.

Workout 2 begins- Dance

Then well, I guess I should take a break.  So it’s probably lunchtime by now and if I don’t have any meetings or phone calls I can at least give myself an hour to do nothing.  (Now, when I have my radio show, I usually during lunchtime am setting up what I am going to be talking about and reviewing what I should talk about)

When that hour is over I now turn my attention in looking into some of my other ideas, create something, work on something, and I am either back online or responding to emails and messages.

Practice time

Home and I am done for the day. Although sometimes I do answer more emails at this time but I now give myself time to recoup from the day, watch sports, and go to sleep.

Check out the video on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest and stay tuned for videos coming entitled:

behind the scene

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

The Diary Of A Social Gal Part 4

teaching

I enjoyed my years as a teacher.  When people ask me what was my favorite part, I always without hesitation answer, the kids.  The kids were the best part of the job.  They taught me a lot about life.

1- Preschool children are matter-of-fact and blunt with the truth. Truthful and direct feedback also helps us build resilience, instead of always sugar-coating the truth and only telling someone what they want to hear.

2- All children come from different backgrounds, but when you see them skip or run through the playground and run to hug you, they make it clear that they are there to have fun in a safe environment and that they feel secure.

3- Kids love to learn without even knowing that they are learning.  To them, it makes the world exciting and new.  Kids have the knack of wanting to ask the questions, “Why?” “How?” “When?” all day long.  They have curious minds and this love of learning is what molds them into the adults they will become.

Working with kids I have developed patience,  got much more comfortable in my own skin no matter what someone else thinks.  I have learned that being truthful and kind are so very important in this world and when all else fails,  always know that a cookie can make everything feel better.

Adults have to remember that they are the example they set for their kids and for kids in general. We are each child’s biggest influence, and if we are patient, kind, good-tempered, and happy, then they will be too.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

20 random things about me for 2020

 

1- I am trademarking a name of a product that I intend to sell.

2. I am still researching the development of an app.

3. My follow-up to hello love where is Cupid second edition will be published in 2020. I still yet have to create a title.

4. My competition cheerleading team will be competing in 2020.

5. I will be posting a lot more branded content in 2020 since I am a social media influencer and a lot more companies want me to do it. 

6. I want to read 20 books in 2020.

7. I may go back to school to take a course in 2020, but I am still looking at my options.

8. I never make New Year Resolutions…. ever.

9. I will also be writing a few short stories in 2020.  Including a paperback for my Cat’s Diary Book.

10. I am on social media for work at least 60 hours a week- but I do take breaks.

From 11 to 20 will just be random fun facts about me- so you can get to know me.

11. I was not made for winter.  Summer is my favorite season.

12. I wrote my best seller ” Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd ed” while I was at the beach. ( I put it together… It took 2 years of research though.)

13. I can’t eat mushrooms.

14. I really don’t like to eat fish unless I put hot sauce on it.  But I do like crab cakes and shrimp.

15. My birthday in 2020 is on a Tuesday thanks to leap year!

16.  I spend my early mornings working out, drinking coffee, planning out my day.

17. I am part of a million dollar BNI chapter.

18. I can’t stand it when people don’t say Thank you.  I don’t need anything in return other than having folks show me that they appreciate my effort.

19. I am left-handed.  Living in a right-handed world still isn’t that easy.

20. My favorite flower is a daisy. My favorite color is pink.

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The Diary of A Social Gal Part 2

Photos Courtesy of Click Images Inc.

 

So if you missed it, I posted 2 videos on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest about how I came to love dance and then cheer.  The second video was about my present coaching gig.  At the same time I was having a love affair with cheer, I also was coaching and loving basketball.  I played basketball for a short period of time and won 1 championship as a player. As a coach I went to 2 championships and was 1-1.  I coached CYO, AAU. and an athletic league team.

Sports were always a part of my life as a kid and even now as an adult. From sports as a young kid you learn team work, you learn that not everyone has the exact same skill, you learn communication is key to success and you learn that you will not win all the time. (And that is okay)

As a coach you learn how to connect with others, you learn how to inspire others and you learn that you need to plan in order to succeed.

All these lessons are not just about sports, but also about life. I learned a great deal from coaching basketball as I have also learned from coaching cheer. One of the most important things in life is to learn how to train yourself to know that you can achieve what ever you set your mind too and to set reasonable goals. Having respect for your coaches in sports helps kids later on in life when dealing with adults or authoritative figures.  If you’re not passionate enough, you’re never going to achieve anything. You need to really want to do something to be able to do it. Try, try and try again until you succeed.

Focus, mentally tough, and determined are things that coaching basketball.

Stay tuned for The Diary Of A Social Gal Part 3 – my 19 years as a Preschool Teacher Video coming on Twitter, Facebook and Pinterest.

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Girls In Their 20s vs Women In Their 40s

When I check social media every day, it’s amazing how these 20 -something girls think that are such “hot stuff.” I really don’t make that much about it until they start messing with me – then I have to put them in their place. First off, this whole thing that women are “supposed” to support other women “just because” we’re women is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of- you don’t see men supporting other men “Just because” you see men competing against other men and rightfully so.

So what does a 40 year old woman have that a 20 year old girl doesn’t? Well for starters, experience thank you.

1- Girls in their twenties don’t know how to fully love themselves- every inch of their bodies. I would have avoided many of the decisions that I made in my life if I truly just accepted who I was when I was twenty. Most girls want that “perfect” body. There is NO such thing as to having the perfect body, no matter what Victoria’s Secret or Vogue may tell you. You should embrace who you are inside and out.

2- Girls in their twenties are far from being authentic. It’s all about fitting in, instead of standing out. Stop comparing your life to someone’s else life you see on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter… etc. Be real. Be you. You are worth it – just like everyone else you see. Don’t let what others are doing online, bring you down or your self-worth. No one gets to tell you what your value is- You know your worth when you stop giving discounts.

3- Sex. Sorry girls, but forty year old women have been “around the block” so to say. First all of, older women don’t just “hook up” with guys like girls in their twenties who are hooking up left and right these days. When we do “hook up” we do that because we feel close to the guy we are with. 40 year old women can completely let them self go physically- we don’t care about anything else and are more prone to trying new things since we are already secure with our bodies and not insecure like 20 year old girls are. We also know what we like, how to orgasm, and how to satisfy our partners, where as a twenty year old has no clue. ( https://amzn.to/2I6xN8c) – Chapter 13 FYI

4- Learn to live in the moment. If you master this when you are young, you will appreciate life much more through every single stage of it. Also, It’s not your job to make everyone else happy. And even if you do so, that doesn’t mean you’ll be happy. Life is short. Women in their forties know this. We don’t give a flying F- if you aren’t happy with our choices. We do what we know is going to make us happy- not others.

5-Life is not like football. Stop trying to “score points” with every opportunity. To win in life is to overcome every obstacle that life throws at you. No one dies counting how many “touchdowns” they scored and compares that to someone else’s “score total” – In the end that doesn’t matter.

6- Life is not like baseball. Don’t give people 3 times to hurt you, they lie to you once, that should be it. They are showing you who they are, and that is a person who doesn’t respect you enough to tell you the truth. Twenty-somethings give people way too many chances.

7- You don’t DESERVE things you EARN things. Stop thinking that everyone “owes” you something! Excuse me girl, but no one owes you a damn thing! You want that guy- go get him. You want that job- work for it. You want that car- buy it…. And so forth. Skip half the parties you go to, if you work, at something, you will become better at it.

8- Stick to the original plan. Don’t let anyone talk you out of it. What ever you choose to be; be. Just because someone else has an “idea” of what you should do with your life, doesn’t mean you have to follow “their” plan. It’s your life, so live it and to the best of your ability. Stop blaming everyone else for your problems and giving excuses as to why you can’t do something or why something didn’t work out. Stop asking for permission. Forty year old women KNOW this.

9- Twenty year old girls don’t know how to have an ACTUAL conversation! Put down your damn phone! Forty year old women have such better social skills than you simply because we weren’t born with cell phones, social media and that has taken the skill of communication to an entire new level. Learn how to talk to others in person. Get off dating apps, social media apps, and get into the real world and start talking to others. Not only are you going to find out more about others, you will also find out more about yourself. And in the business world, you are going to have to talk to others face to face. A screen isn’t going to do.

10- Finally, alcohol is like cancer for your body. Twenty-somethings always feel the need to “get drunk” or “get high” at parties, when things are tough, etc. Forty year old women know that if we need to get high – we get high on life. Yes, we have an occasional drink from time to time, but we don’t rely on alcohol, basically because we don’t have time to stay in bed with a hangover or frankly want one. (Let the beer vs wine debate begin)

Age will happen whether you’re afraid of it or not, so get living! I don’t believe in age, I believe in energy. Stop telling older women that they are “too old” – remember, one day, the roles will reverse. Karma has a way of sneaking up on you.