Romantic Gestures: Men Get a Pass, Women Get Labeled.

When men attempt bold gestures it’s considered romantic and sweet. When a woman attempts them, it’s considered desperate and crazy. Watch any romantic movie and they will tell you the same old, boring, story: If you want to win the love of your life, an over-the-top romantic gesture is the way to go. But hold on, wait a minute, those bold gestures are for the man to do, not a woman.

When Maroon 5 sings, “Baby, I’m preying on you tonight/Maybe you think that you can hide/I can smell your scent for miles,” hardly anyone flinches at the creepy craziness of these lyrics. But when Taylor Swift writes a song, people accuse her of being spiteful, vengeful, and retreating to her crazy woman-den to write mean songs about men.

The vast majority of women may be totally “normal” in a relationship. But then you see one woman acting jealous, insecure, or worse, going after a guy they want and you think, “See!? Women are crazy!” See, when a woman does something “crazy,” like show a man a bold gesture, it’s because she is crazy. When a man does the exact same thing, it’s because men are romantic and strong.

The reasons are simple though: Women feel more emotions than men — it’s that they’re more likely to talk about it, therefore when men actually show emotions, it’s them as weak. But when they show a romantic gesture, it shows them as the hunters, the strong vital man who hunts down his prey in order to salvage his manhood. Back in the day the romantic gestures were; opening the door for her, giving her flowers, taking her out on romantic dinner, giving her kiss on her forehead, basically be a gentlemen. Today that chivalry is nonexistent. It’s all about how far you can get with a woman today. Guys today don’t realize just how much we women want the old fashioned chivalry to make a comeback.

Men don’t like women to be initiators. At least the majority doesn’t even though you see men do Tiktoks where they “claim” that they enjoy being pursued. Now, it is important for me to add, that there are men who don’t mind if a woman asks him out, but that percentage is about 15%. The other 85% still want to be the hunter, “so to speak.”

So to the other 85% of men who assume that when a woman asks you out or presents you wilth a bold gestures let me tell you a few things: 1- yes she is bold and forward to ask you because SHE LIKES YOU! 2- NO, she is not pushy, demanding or controlling. 3- This idea that cannot be her protector because she is the one who asked you out is absurd! EVERY woman wants to be loved and feel protected no matter if you ask her or she asks you! 4- She will not make you submit to her will! Please! Now, if you date a woman who knows what she wants, doesn’t that make it easier for you? and finally 5, She will value my achievements and your dreams. Just because she approached you doesn’t mean that she doesn’t value what you bring to the table or what your goals in life are- that idea is so ridiculous!

If a woman asks you out, that is a compliment to you. She sees something in you that she wants, and she wants to get to know you. Embrace it, enjoy it and stop with the gender double standards. Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners and they take effort and compromise from both people. It shouldn’t matter at the end of the day, who asked who out, but the relationship that the two of you share.

Every Summer Has A Story

Its that time of year again when I am reminded that, “”In every girl’s life, there’s a boy she’ll never forget & a summer when it all began.” Love may start in Spring, but it evolves in Summer.

For me, I can remember way back when to the first summer love I had, in fifth grade. His name was Michael. He was the new boy in class and at first I did not like him at all. (Love/Hate relationships are always intense) He would drive me absolutely crazy by constantly shaking his pen when it ran out of ink. (Like shaking your pen is going to help!) So I came up with an idea to write him a note and tell him just how annoying he truly was. The only problem was that his older cousin was in eighth grade and when she found out that I wrote him a note and told him that if he didn’t stop it, I was going to then throw my pen at him, she kindly told me to cut it out.

And that is when the romance began.

We got to know each other so much so that he even sang to me at lunch one of those inappropriate George Michael songs. Once June came around and school was out, that is when our romance really took off. He would call me and we would hang out, but sadly like every fling, things ended the following year. Okay, so that is not necessarily a summer romance, and yeah, I was eleven, but its got to start somewhere for everyone.

Years later, when I was a junior going to be a senior in high school, that is when another “Mike” came into the picture. He was one year older than me and would visit his best friend who lived near me. That is when I came up with a dance group with all the girls that lived in my neighborhood and they danced my choreography that I created to all the hot songs of the 90’s. He would sit in his car and watch. When I would walk by his car he would stare and smile at me, and I literally felt like I was going to melt!

This particular story brings up even more memories that I won’t get into now, but trust me, some of those memories I am fond of while others are heartbreaking.

So what is the deal with summer, romance, flings, and love?

The summer time is when love seems to rear its head and capture our imagination. During the summer, we feel free, we feel the promise of being able to forget what has happened so far and the promise of starting over. Its a time when also, people want to show off all the winter weight they have lost, so people are actually more attractive in the summer then any other season.

The other reason why the summer time brings out the beast called love is because we get to meet people we never have seen before. Do you all remember the movie, “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” and ho she met her fling, turned romance while on vacation? (Yes, its just a movie, but it does really happen!) We are more open to being impulsive, the sunshine is also brighter, we are happier, and the chance of turning a hot day into a steamy night is greater.

Ever hear the saying, “Live it up?” During the summer, that is mostly everyone’s motto.

So how can you have a summer fling turned romance?

The number one way is to GET OFF YOUR PHONE and GO OUT and enjoy life. Seriously, we are becoming too attached to shopping for humans with a swipe of a thumb that when we are out in our every day world, we don’t look at people as potential dating partners at all. We could be passing up a wonderful person and not really even realize that!
Yes, if you met someone even on Twitter, take that relationship offline.
There’s BBQs, bonfires, beaches, lakes, boardwalks, street fairs, etc. the point being is that everyone is outdoors doing their thing, why aren’t you out there flirting it up?

Get adventurous. Do something that you usually don’t do. Put yourself in a situation where you have to meet people- cross something off your bucket list. There are road trips, parks, and places that you can meet folks inside and outside.

Do you have someone in mind that you would like to even possibly date in the summer; this is the TIME TO ASK HIM/HER out! The summer time is the best time to get to know someone since mostly EVERYONE is more relaxed and less stressed. SO go for it… ask that person out. Now, speaking as a female, I prefer to have the guy ask me out, (been there, done that asking a guy out thing) and I am to the one to do the flirting first thing.

If really want the summer fling to last and turn it into the romance of your year or ultimately the one you end up with forever, the two things you need to remember are:

You need to express how you feel. There seems to be some unwritten rule that says summer flings have an expiration date and that we just assume the romance needs to be over with. But if you don’t ask or tell the person how you feel, you may actually be letting go of the person you were meant to be with forever!

The second thing you need to do is include him/her into your everyday after-summer- is -over life. He/She needs to see you, talk to you,when the beach days are over with and the colder weather starts to creep on in. But lets not dwell on this yet, for the summer is only starting and the promise of romance is in the air!

Two cheers to the summer and the potential of remembering a summer that began with a look, a smile, and a kiss.

Christmas Truly Is The Season Of Love

As I sit down to put together my next book, “Relationship Impossible,” I can’t help but think about the timing, as the book is about love, so too, is the season of Christmas.

I would be amiss not to talk about love and Christmas.

One of the things that bother me each year, is the fact how people want to throw a wrench in kids belief in Santa. “Santa isn’t real. Santa only brings toys, We shouldn’t let kids believe that expensive toys are from him, and so forth. These are things that people say, especially in the mom groups on Facebook.

I think people have lost sight as to who Santa truly is and what the season of Christmas is really about- hint, it’s not about the materialistic gifts.

Santa is more than just about gifts- it’s about the season of love and miracles. The focus is on the gifts but gifts for many can be many different things. Some wish for love. Some wish for romance. Some wish to get that dream job they always wanted. Some wish to be able to feed their families. Some wish to become parents. Some wish to be able to keep their homes. Some wish to be able to find their way.

Gifts don’t necessarily have to be materialistic this time of year. That is why the season is so magical and full of possibilities. Can we stop telling parents and people how to handle Santa and try to “force” others not to believe? Why do people want to ruin it for kids who WANT to believe? Heck I still believe in Santa because I believe in the spirit of the season!

If you want to know why the world is so cold, it’s because 1) people have forgotten how to say thank you and 2) people have forgotten how to have faith.

If only people had a little more love to give to others without expecting anything in return this world would be a better place. That’s part of the problem. People today expect others to give and give and then are never grateful that they received. If someone gives of their heart to you, shows you support, encourages you, always say thank you.

That is why most people run from relationships, especially during the holiday season. They feel overwhelmed, frustrated, confused, hurt, and used.

In today’s world with dating apps, people tend to run from the hard relationships and aim for the easier ones. But as we have learned in 2020, life wasn’t meant to be easy.

It’s not easy with Covid to be able to “reach out” to others this year, but this holiday season I am encouraging and challenging you to approach sad or difficult relationships with extra love and grace. Rather than dwell on what might be, focus on what is right before you now. Stop playing possible scenarios in your head and go for what is immediately in front of you. I always write about knowing your value and your worth, and never settling, but so many times I see people use that as an excuse to throw away a perfectly good relationship.

The holiday season is when so many relationships break apart. Holiday expenses often equal pressure, especially when you are in a relationship. Whether you just started dating, have been together for years, or are married. Re-read the above: Gifts for many people can be many different things. If someone only cares about the materialistic things, and doesn’t value the gifts of encouragement, support, patience, and understanding, then they truly don’t grasp the concept of love.

Another reason couples break up at the holidays is because sometimes people don’t like where they wind up in the pecking order. Like I said above, people expect things from others, and when they don’t get it or when they give and the other person doesn’t show gratitude it makes you think and shift your priorities.

What people misunderstand is that, it’s not just the phrase “I love you” that’s important for others to hear. You never know how often others receive positive words about themselves from others. We should offer life-giving words whenever we have the opportunity. That is why the Christmas season is about love. It’s not in the gifts we give, but how we express our feelings towards those who we love. The challenge is to continue to love in tangible ways the rest of the year.

To those who struggle with the idea of finding that “perfect romance” or wanting that “easy relationship” this time of year, I say this: When we help people know they’re loved and inspire others to pass on the love they’ve received from God, then we’re spreading the true hope of Christmas. Make the most of this season’s opportunities and spread love everywhere you go. You never know what can transpire from spreading joy and love to people around you.

And to those who are trying to find their way just know that the further you are from where you started, the closer you get to where you belong. Sometimes you end up right where you started because that’s the place you are supposed to be. The signs are always in front of you. That’s why we are supposed to look ahead, and not backwards.

Merry Christmas.

Relationship Ramblings

Men always say they can’t find a good woman, but when they do, they don’t know what to do with her.

I can say this from personal experience and also from the numerous stories women have told me about their dating experiences.

For starters, why guys think it’s okay to date two women at the same time, without each of them knowing about the other one, I will never understand! Um, guys, I hate to burst your bubble on this but, we ALWAYS find the truth out. Never doubt a woman will find out because we do better work than the FBI.

Which takes me to the fact that I have had to deal with guys pretending to be women online so they can spy on how I am doing. Yes, that sounds so pathetic, doesn’t it? But it has happened to me more than once! Guys that I have dated or guys that I have been interested in, have turned to “the dark side,” just to see if I still care for them or who I am with, by either pretending to be a woman or getting a woman they know to befriend me on social media. So here’s a tip for all your ladies out there: If a “woman” befriends you on social media out of the blue based on something you have posted and the conversation gets really personal by them initiating it, then somehow during the conversation they tell you, “… but don’t mention my name,” or “Don’t tell them I said it,” then you know there’s something up with that. When the person who initiates the conversation is now being secretive, you know that “woman” is really either A) a friend of the guy, or B) the guy pretending to be a woman. And I laugh, because guys can’t even talk like women do, which is a dead giveaway. Guys talk the same online as they do in person. They aren’t that good of an actor. What do I do when this happens? I just play along until I have had enough. They want a game, you might as well as give them one.

But do guys know what women really want? Here are a few things:

1- Every woman just wants to know that no matter the circumstances, she is worth it to you.

2- Sorry isn’t a verb. Don’t expect it to do things for you. Don’t say it unless you mean it. And if you meant it, be ready to prove it.

3- Men need to stop calling other women beautiful, if they can’t even tell their own woman that she’s beautiful.

4Ignore us, it’s cool. But when we move on don’t say crap.

5- Don’t ever leave something good to find something better, cause once you realize you had the best, the best has found better. Remember, if you leave her without a reason, don’t ever come back with an excuse.

But here’s something that men and women both need to remember when it comes to relationships:
1- If you carry the bricks from your past relationship(s) to the new one you will build the same house.

2- Someone who truly loves you will be angry at you for so many things, but will always stick around.

Sometimes you need to just forget logic and reasoning and just follow your emotions and feelings. Sure its scary but remember, all the fun rides usually are.

With My Birthday Approaching, Here are 3 Things I Have Learned This Past Year


Welcome to April, or as I like to call it; the best month ever! Okay, so I am bias to this because my birthday is in this month and it is about 4 days from today. Yippee!

And with my birthday approaching, I started to think about this past year; where I was and where I am heading. If you never read any of my books, then you don’t know that I have had experiences in my life that have been life-changing. Some experiences broke my heart while others just made me stronger and wiser. That’s the thing though, about life- every opportunity, every experience either makes you or breaks you if you let it. And in this past year of my life I have learned some major lessons that I would like to pass on and share with you.

1- There is almost always more than one way to accomplish something. There are always those folks that go for the traditional way, but there are usually multiple alternatives. The alternatives aren’t always better, but some folks don’t even want to know that they exist. You don’t have to do it the way everyone else does. That’s where out of the box thinking comes into play. Some people may be threatened by doing things a different way, but your life shouldn’t be determined by what other people think.

2- Make peace with money. Money doesn’t change people, it unmasks them. There are folks that only care about getting their share of it at whatever the cost. They don’t care about people, they only care about money. I’ve always said that money is evil because it makes people do things that they shouldn’t do just for a piece of it. By all means, make your money, but create your own definition of success when it comes to money. Don’t let it rule your life!

3- Love the process. Everything in life is a process. Everything that you do should largely be about the process, not the outcome. Memories are made because we see every moment of life as a gift. Not everything is going to happen for you overnight. Clients of mine sometimes drive me crazy with this one because they think social media is going to get them success overnight and it NEVER does! Same can be said for relationships. People rush the process of getting to know someone. They focus on that “happy ever after” instead of the “once upon a time.” Every friendship, every romance, every business relationship is a process. When getting started, just get started. Enjoy the process.

Life isn’t perfect and sometimes things will happen that are horrible, but if you remember that everything happens for a reason, it’ll give you a sense of hope. And there’s always hope. To be hopeful is to look on the future positively, to see opportunity in challenges. It’s looking at life as the glass half full rather than the glass half empty. Life is hard and will kick you in the butt if you let it. But hope gives you the strength to keep going. Hope is that voice inside that says, “Yes, you can.” And when you believe that, anything truly is possible.

20 Signs That You’re In The Right Relationship

You Are In The Right Relationship If…

20) You spend time together doing things you both enjoy

19) You spend time apart doing things you each enjoy

18) When you fight, you fight with a purpose, not just to fight

17) You each have your own friends

16) You maintain your own identity

15) Your family and even your friends like seeing you as a couple

14) The respect you have for each other is mutual

13) You bring out the best in each other

12) You both share future goals

11) You are attracted to your partner mentally, emotionally and physically.

10) You keep each other’s secrets

9) You make a great team and people comment on that.

8) You are sexually compatible

7) You enjoy even doing boring tasks together

6) You both share the same financial goals

5) You both feel that you can be open about your feelings without being judged

4) You give each other the right amount of love and the right amount of space

3) You trust each other- you are always honest with each other

2)You are there for your partner’s successes but also their failures

1) You have accepted each other’s pasts and flaws

Always, always, always, go with your gut! Your intuition will never let you down when it comes to emotions and feelings. With the right partner, you will find fulfillment, peace, and love. A person who can be excited about your success and goals in life is someone who won’t hold you back for one reason or another. Most unhealthy relationships include some form of sabotaging of one partner. If your partner wants to change you in any way, and they aren’t accepting you for who you are, that is a sign of a controlling person and they will never treat you properly. In other words, RUN! Another good sign that someone is right for you is if that person can fit in to other parts of your life and you’re not just living the “relationship bubble.” Your friends and family get along with this person, they have met this person and your relationship is NOT a secret! Secret romances NEVER turn out good- ever!

Finally, every good relationship has boundaries. Boundaries are important because it means someone isn’t a pushover, and they can communicate when they are unhappy. Growth is very important in relationships, particularly in the same direction, so you need to be able to have arguments, and conflicts and points of disagreements without wanting to kill each other.

*** The follow up to Hello Love, Where’s Cupid?, “Ax The Ex,” will be coming in 2019.***