Abortion and the right to it.

So, unless you are under a rock, today the US Supreme Court overturned Roe vs Wade, which in my opinion, they messed up way back in 1973.

First off, it NEVER was a constitutional right.

I don’t know what school some of you went to, but in history class or social studies as we called it, abortion was never part of the constitution. It’s not part of the 14th amendment it’s not part of the first/ second amendment it is not part of the constitution at all. Second of all row vs wade should’ve been thrown out, as each state makes its own rules and laws. Some state laws that differ from state to state gun control laws, custody laws, divorce laws, motor vehicle laws, business laws, but each are run separately.

Each state in the United States has a legislator as part of its form of government and most of the fundamental details of the legislator are specific in the state Constitution. State legislators are like miniature congresses no two are exactly alike. You have state legislators ,you have state assemblies, each state writes their own bills ,has their own budgets, etc. Obviously then we have the federal laws which all states are to abide by, but abortion should not be one of them.

Now of course what I’m going to say is going to trigger some of you, but I’m going to say it anyway. Abortion is not birth control! Let me say it again for those in the back, abortion is not birth control! Abortion is only needed for three reasons 1) incest 2) rape and 3) the mother‘s life is in danger and the only way to save her is to unfortunately abort the baby. It is not birth control where are you can have sex with as many partners as you want, get pregnant and have an abortion. If you would like to do that, then that’s what condoms are for, that’s what birth control is for. And speaking of condoms, everyone should be using them when you are having sex with multiple partners. There are things out there in the world called STDs, AIDS, being one of them and we stop the spread of those by having safe sex! So please, if you’re going to have sex use common sense.

Also for the men out there abortion is not so you don’t then have to pay child support for you being irresponsible by having sex without a condom.
I will also add that is why folks then put babies up for adoption. There are MANY couples and WOMEN who want children, but or some reason can not have them. Adoption is the ONLY way for some to go.

Remember every US state is also SOVEREIGN entity in its own right and it’s granted the power to create laws and regulate them according to their needs. Therefore abortion should be one of them whether you like it or not. 

Sex Education 101

Being on Twitter and seeing people post things are not true has to be the most frustrating thing! Yes there are folks who tweet “sex facts” but they leave out the facts and just tweet opinions. One of the more taboo topics that many feel uncomfortable talking about is masturbation. A survey found that 54% of people don’t feel comfortable talking about masturbation; the other is orgasms.

Here are some straight up facts:

Masturbation Facts and Statistics

1- 95% of men admit to masturbating, compared to 89% of women. For married individuals, the rate is 70% for both men and women.
2- More than 40% of males and 22% of females admit to masturbating daily. 55% of men and 48% of women masturbate at least once a week.
3-The average time porn is watched in a hotel room is 12 minutes.

Studies done by Indiana U, We-Vibe, and Tenga found that one in three men think about a celebrity when they are masturbating. In comparison, only one in five women think about a celebrity while masturbating. 69% of men will watch pornography, listen to music, look at photos or use a vibrator each time they masturbate. In comparison, only 54% of females will do the same thing.  It should be noted that masturbating is not going out and “seeking sex” it is considered ” self-love” ( I use that term with a smirk) and … A recent study found that not only do 45 percent of couples watch porn together, but it’s a healthy way to bond. The study was published in The Archives of Sexual Behavior.

Communication about sex is a major component to a great relationship, and if you can work a mutual interest for porn into your sex life it’s not only a learning experience, but can add some spice to those vanilla positions.

Still, in 2022, though when people talk about sex, they talk about it from the male perspective only. In a few studies done in the past few years, we find that women perceived as more open to casual sex are attributed to having less morals and are seen as less smart than women are not so open to casual sex as men are. Greater female objectification may be prompted by observers’ negative stereotypes of promiscuous women. Focusing on a woman’s body promotes objectification and decreases perceptions of her mental capacity and moral status. The myth that it is completely normal for heterosexual men to see women to whom they are sexually attracted as sex objects needs to be retired. The notion that men can have as much casual sex as they want but women can not is absurd. Men are aroused just by glancing at a female arm, ankle, calf, thigh, stomach — even without ever seeing the woman’s face. Those legs, calves, arms, etc. are sexual objects. That’s why there are innumerable websites featuring them. There is nothing analogous for women. Of course, a woman can be aroused seeing a particularly handsome and masculine man. But there are no websites for women to stare at men’s legs or other male body parts. Women are told not to dress too sexy, because if they do then there must be “asking for it” when it fact women are not at all asking for anything, they do though have a right to dress however they desire. There is that myth that women have a little black dress and men have their little black book. Women wear the little black dress to into a man’s little black book. But again, no one ever views that little black dress as just a dress a woman loves or wants to wear, there is always a sexual thing attached to it. But one thing that remains constant year in and year out is the assumption that the female body exists, first and foremost, for male sexual and viewing pleasure. This idea, needs to retired faster than Tom Brady plans to retire at some point.

Here is the kicker: NOT every normal heterosexual man who sees a woman as a sexual object can also completely respect her mind, her character, and everything else non-sexual about her. You have athletes, mostly NFL and NBA who think its a flex to date and sleep with as many women as they want. That’s not the true flex. Women are not prized animals that are owned by a man, so why do we still focus on men as the sexual being and not the other way around?

Women are told to please a man. Men are not told to please women. About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone — that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances. On the other hand, It’s clear the male orgasm is strongly selected and it makes sense , if they don’t reach orgasm, they don’t leave offspring. That’s why all we see are articles on how men can be satisfied but not women. It would be helpful if women knew as much about their ‘clits’ as men do about their penises. Women needs time to get off and, foreplay is the most important thing. It helps in vaginal lubrication, which is required for deep penetration and better sexual experience. Your sexual activity doesn’t need to be longer, but better. Women can get the orgasm even without penetration.

It’s not something to be ashamed about either. It’s part of life and it is part of having an intimate relationship. Too much emphasis is placed on models of female sexuality that are created by Hollywood and the pornography industry. But to sort of act as if that’s all that needs to be done for women is just silly. This is a total denial of the facts.

Listen to the latest podcast: Talk about The New York Rangers – Relationships – and Why you should never let AGE dictate your life.

-Hello Love Where’s Cupid 2nd Ed
-Relationship Impossible

Friends, Benefits, Lovers: The Vicious Cycle

Why does it seem that women use sex as a tool/reward/weapon in relationships to get what they want, in order to get their way while men do just the opposite?

(Some) men use love as bait to get sex from women, while (some) women use sex as bait to get love from men. Go figure, right? And they somehow think that this is a “relationship.” Yes, I have heard the term, “Friends with Benefits,” but I can tell you that just because there is a term, it’s not actually what is happening.

Every “friends with benefits” relationship that I have heard about, has always ended on a sour note. Women process sex through emotions while men process it through the physical aspect. Mostly, they go “through the motions” especially when it’s with someone they are not emotionally connected too. This is where that whole game of giving the other person what he/she wants, never ends up turning into what we planned in the first place.

Look at how some women try to get attention these days and the poor saps that fall for it hook, line and sinker.

You have women who dress sexy to get attention and when you point it out they say something stupid like, “I do it because it makes me feel good about myself to look good,” but they are total hypocrites because they only dress that way when they are purposely trying to get a guy’s attention. Yes, confidence is important if you want to succeed in life. And its important to feel good about one self, but it is necessary to dress or limit what you wear just to get attention? They dress in revealing clothing, then get upset when their objective is met…men/women staring at them. Give me a break! And you see all the selfies on social media with women who are HALF-naked and all the men’s comments underneath it… please STOP.

It gets annoying because some of us actually don’t want to be looked at as a sex object. Some of us females wants to be able to dress nice or wear that mini skirt because its the style, we like the designer or we want to wear it just because.

There’s a BIG difference between classy and trashy that most females today forget.

Then there are the men and athletes who are insecure, hungry for attention, want their egos boosted every chance in hell they get, so they use something that is precious to a female, love, to bait them into giving them what they truly want: sex.

Some men actually think that it’s okay if they use a woman to gain whatever it is from them. So they “fake” the relationship up to the point where you give in to their sexual advances and of a sudden that guy is “history.” GUYS: Save your games for family fun nights…..NOT Relationships!

It’s important for me to note that NOT ALL men and women are this way. But you will always have a case of a girl who is an attention-whore and in that case the guy who falls for her crap. Now, I have used the term “gold-digger” before and I will tell you athletes this: If a woman/girl is dressing in a certain way to get your attention and that is how she gets your attention, that is a red flag. A woman who enjoys your company, who makes you a better person, wants you to be successful, and makes you feel like you are on top of the world, and does not expect you to buy her expensive shit; that woman, is not a gold digger and I bet you met her when she was “clothed” – that’s the difference.

I don’t think its right for anyone, male or female, to lure a person into believing that they like them to the point where they feel there are having a relationship, when in reality they are just using them. Relationships take time and they are hard to find in this world. Where as today, so many people treat others like they’re as disposable as diapers.

So how can you tell when a guy or girl is actually interested in you- for you and not just as part of a conquering list? (Remember how in my last blog post, I told you that NFL players think it’s a flex to be with many girls?)

The easiest answer to that question is this; Every once in awhile, someone comes along that makes you realize-it is worth it. The best relationships happen unexpectedly. We never realize the power of a single human being until one comes along and conquers our heart. When you force yourself to fall in love or be with someone you are setting up yourself to fall and to fall short of the relationship you deserve. A “Friends with benefits’ relationship is telling you that you’re good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to invest feelings in. Real love is knowing someone’s weaknesses and not taking advantage of them. A true relationship is when you can tell each other anything and everything. No secrets and no lies.

Remember, a good relationship is worth the wait.

Relationship Impossible available now as a paperback and ebook on Amazon.

Guys, Stop Doing This When Dating

The following videos will give you some context as to what I am talking about but I as always will list things that guys do that are complete turn offs in the dating world. And even athletes of every sport does this more so NFL players… ( Updated below – which athlete would I date? )

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If you didn’t take a quick look at the videos I posted in this blog, go ahead and look at them and then come back to read the following. Here is a list of what guys do that turn off women ( notice I didn’t say girls) when they are interested in someone and / or want to date them.

  1. Being ghosted or ignored. One of the key ways most women judge how important they are to their partner is by how much attention they get from him. IF all you are going to do is ONLY contact her WHEN you want something from her, and you aren’t going to pay any attention to her at any other time- that’s a turn off.
  2. Guys worry more about their swagger. Men who talk a big game but can’t follow through don’t rank high on the attractive meter either. We don’t need to see you root for our favorite team, or show us photos of you working out and all that muscle, when the truth is, we don’t want the guy with the biggest and the best of everything. And we don’t want a guy to “fake” it either.
  3. Dating numerous women at one time. Simply put, women like men who are respectful enough to pretend they don’t notice other women (even when they do). Not following all the bikini girls on social media is also a plus I might add.
  4. Poor grooming habits. While sweaty athletes may initially turn a woman on, getting closer to the body odors that accompany them is another story. Most men want women to keep up with their appearance, so it’s fair to say that women don’t want men with pot bellies, dirty fingernails, rumpled clothes and disheveled hair, okay?
  5. Finally, Pick up lines. Why guys STILL use these is a mystery to me. A sense of humor and being sarcastic is one thing, but using these corny and somewhat offensive pick up lines… turns a woman completely off. Remember, playing games is a complete turn off. Just be your authentic self. Either you want to date her or you don’t, we don’t have time for fun and games.

Here is a list of what guys do WHILE they are dating a woman that is a turn off:

  1. They complain that their girlfriends need to lose weight.
    This here is what we call a dick move. Why are you with this person if you don’t already find them sexually desirable? Is your desire based entirely on appearance? Is your relationship based entirely on sexual desire? Or are you talking about this because you’re concerned about what other people think of your partner? If so, you’re shallow. As is Marlon Humphrey on the Ravens. (He tweeted ” How do you ask your GF to lose weight?” I can tell you that he’s not the ONLY NFL player that cares more about a woman’s looks than anything else…
    By the way, this is when a guy treats his girlfriend as a toy. If your toy isn’t making you happy anymore, do her a favor and get a new one so it can move on to someone who will treat her like a human being and want an actual relationship. Not someone who only wants a Barbie doll.
  2. Being lazy and relying on your girlfriend to always make the plans. The minute she starts to think, ” Why I am going to all this trouble,” is the moment that your relationship is sinking. For me, a guy should be equal in planning what we are doing, it should not always be up to me to decide.
  3. Even though you are dating, Being touched without consent is a turn off for women, I can guarantee it. Yes, there are times when we want to cuddle, want to touch you, want you to touch us, but knowing that line is the most important. For example, during our periods, we want to me left alone.
  4. Being overly cocky and close-minded. If you shut her down when she argues your point, it is not a good look. I dated a guy once who was too into me. I know it sounds conceited, but he was. He would constantly throw compliments my way and act like we were married. Learn some humility, and you might have a shot. Stick to being pompous and you’ll be a turn off for women everywhere.
  5. Not giving space- being too needy. Dating works when BOTH parties are ALLOWED to have THEIR lives and YOUR life together. You can’t be together 24/7- you need to have a little breathing room. Guys should be able to hang with their friends, girls should be able to hang with theirs, and everyone needs time alone. This is how you make the relationship work. Even married people need to have their own lives! You have to find the balance of the relationship, if you don’t you will end up alone.

*** As I stated in my recent podcast in a heartbeat I would date Ryan Lindgren of The NY Rangers. Why? His Character. Right now he is showing how he puts his teammates ahead of himself and he is playing in pain. The fact that he makes Adam Fox better and he makes the team play better. The fact that he has played with heart and soul, is down right attractive. Now, I’m not a chick who likes a big beard, but yes, Ryan is one hell of a sexy beast. But what makes him sexy isn’t his eyes, looks, no… it’s his character and there are SO many athletes that don’t show this at all. I wish we could clone him.
So see guys, it isn’t the amount of muscle you have, money you have or the amount of swagger you have that is what we want in a guy, we want a great character guy. One that shows exactly what Ryan is showing now and has all season long. And that is something that you can’t buy. ***

So, Are you feeling Lucky today?

I’m the type of gal who LOVES shopping at Target. Yes, folks, I am addicted to shopping at Target. (Seriously, what gal isn’t though?) But I had no freaking idea that Target was now selling vibrators made from Trojan called “the Bullet.”

So, first you can get a sweatshirt with the words “Lucky” which you will see right as you walk in to the store. Then if you go down the “family planning/women’s isle” you can find one of these charming devices to really get “lucky,” but in a completely different way. Now, if you read my book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid 2nd ed,” you know that I am open to talking about sex and sex topics, so if you’re thinking that I am going “prude” while writing this, think again.
Back in the day these type of self pleasuring toys were only sold in stores like, Romantic Depot, not casual stores like Target where young kids can see it. Seriously, it is not for kids to see, I don’t care how into sex you are, and yes I know that kids in elementary school know about sex, I ain’t stupid, but still… this type of thing should be out of their view.
I remember learning about the “birds and the bees” when I was in 6th grade. The boys went into one classroom and the girls went into another. Then of course the boys had a field day with it at lunch, on the playground, and every day after that. It was kind of amusing thinking about it now. But in today’s world, 2022, kids are learning the wrong things about sex and from social media no less. Music, movies and TV still are ways where they can see it, but in today’s world, sex is spoken about, shown not as a whisper, but right out there online.

Yes, remember sex sells. But are we as a society, too open about sex?

It’s toxic to tell young kids casual sex is something to aspire to. Think about the responsibilities that come with having sex. First of course, protection. Which today though is not focused on at all since we live is dating app hell and no where do you see folks preaching about safe sex anymore. Sex isn’t something to just jump
into, even though we probably all are guilty of having a fling, its something you need to make sure doesn’t define your relationship. As we see as of late, that guys, and mostly athletes like to jump from woman to woman because according to them, “they have needs.” I will say that fairy-tales and romance movies have ruined a woman’s reality on what true love really is and how to achieve it while porn has ruined a man’s perception on what sex is and isn’t.

People always ask me for advice of just about everything and sex is one of the topics they ask. (No, I’m not a professional but I do play one on TV.) My sassy response to talking about sex and men is usually, I’m not against half naked men. At least not as often as I’d like to be. But seriously, I give it to you straight.

Every 39 minutes a porn video is being created in the US. 89% of porn is created in the US and 35% of all Internet downloads are porn related. Remember, When the VCR made it possible for everyone to watch porn in the privacy of their own home, the industry exploded. Now with the Internet, (Only Fans and even social media) it is out of control!
Not only is porn one of the top selling industries, but also adult toy and sex accessories are a growing second. Which takes me back to talk about about this vibrator I found in Target the other day. First off, it’s remote control. How lazy does one need to be using this thing? They include the batteries for you ( How nice of them!) There are 4 speeds: low, medium, high and ultra. Seriously, if you can’t orgasm to medium or high, then you may want to see someone about that. Trojan markets this as “Perfect for partner play, be in control or let your partner play with you for double the fun!” No offense Trojan, but if a woman had a man to “play with” she is NOT going to need a vibrator – unless her partner sucks in bed.

No guy, I don’t care who he is, deep down does not want a girl that has been with every guy in town. You want to be the girl everyone WANTS, not the girl that everyone HAD. Sex may be easier to get, but love is harder to find. Everyone deserves someone in their life that can leave them breathless just by walking into the room. When you find someone who can open your soul to happiness and show you new ways of love, sex will not just be a motion, but it will be the emotion you will truly desire.

Sex, Relationships and The NFL

Being that Friday’s episode of “The Recordings of Fan Girl #Sarcasm” will be about this “lovely” topic of conversation I thought, hey, since I am not doing my regular podcast , Sassy Nation tomorrow, let me divulge you all for a moment.

If you bought my best seller, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd Ed” or the follow up, “Relationship Impossible” you read a couple of things:

Online dating is often touted as the solution to dating frustration. You only have to deal with people who meet your standards. Which really, can’t happen because of choice overload. (Too many options for any one person to handle.) All we have are our words and our photos online. Whereas in person we have hundreds of thousands of verbal and non-verbal clues to give us an intuitive grasp of who we’re talking to and whether or not we’re into them long before we go up and introduce ourselves.

There are many NFL players as I have mentioned that use Tinder and other dating apps to meet up with their “hook up” for the night. As I will mention in the podcast on Friday, you have many players that tend to think they are celebrities, act as if they are better than the average person, and then give in the pressures of this “life” to date a “model-type” girl because, let’s face it, they are very superficial. Now, it’s important for me to mention NOT EVERY NFL player does this- there are some that have morals, values, and are just great down-to-Earth guys. But, I ain’t talking about those guys here. I am talking about the guys that treat women as if they are sex-objects and then complain on social media that they are “gold-diggers” when they created the bandwagon themselves.

Some NFL players have created this image of this “ideal” woman, so when regular women; regular, wonderful, real women fall short, they reject them. That way they never
have to settle down and then everyone can still feel sorry about poor, lonely you.
And they have NO idea just what BAD position they end up putting themselves when they A) use a dating app for a 1 night stand and B) when they buy a girl their attention.

As you will see, online dating isn’t what you think it is anymore. Yes, you may have stories of people who know someone who has met online, but that doesn’t mean that it actually works. What that means is that, that person you know just was lucky enough to meet someone with whom they think they click with. It doesn’t mean that the relationship is going to last either. All it means is that after searching online, that person decided to settle down with someone. With STD’s up 75% and sex offenders using dating sites at an all-time high, if you really want to meet someone, stop putting forth the effort online, and actually go out there and meet people. Network, volunteer, join a church group, go to a coffee shop, sporting event, etc. The point being is, the more you take yourself into real, actual situations, the better chance you have at actually meeting, “ the one.”

The first thing you see online is someone’s profile picture and dating profile. Not only can they post fake pictures, there have been people who post pictures of what they looked like five years ago! They also can tell you they love life when in fact they complain about just about everything. When you meet someone in person, they can’t pretend they don’t really look like that. There’s no fake picture or who they truly are. You can’t read body language through the computer.

Any site that “claims” to be able to match you to your perfect mate if you fill out all 60 questions, is a hoax. There is NO scientific evidence that backs up these algorithms. If they claim that their scientific algorithms work, why do you need to spend 9 -12 months to find someone with whom you should totally click with right away?

When it comes to love it seems we are at the mercy of our biochemistry. First there is a lust, then an attraction, then love. If we get down to the science, attraction happens in the first 30 seconds. You can’t do that online. Dating online is totally different. Two Words: Choice Overload. Not only are there way too many people on these sites, but you would have to have gone out on 100 dates before you actually have chosen your “perfect match.” Now seriously who has time to not only read through all those profiles, but who has actually gone out with 100 people they have met online?

When you go on a search for love, you are looking to settle. But when you let love find you and unexpectedly, you find the person who is meant for you. Online dating is good for one thing, banging and the quick fix while going out and meeting people the traditional way is for those who want the real thing and refuse to settle. You have to show people you are emotionally available to connect and online you can’t feel or see that connection at all. Not only do you connect emotionally faster in person, but pheromones are known to be involved in sexual attraction and during the most fertile time in her menstrual cycle, a woman gives off a different scent which may make her more attractive to potential male suitors. How can you do that online?

We use Yelp to check which restaurant to go to. Pick movies using another app. We are so anxious to control the outcomes that we are unable to take any real risks. We don’t see Andrew or Andrea as people on dating sites, we see Andrew or Andrea, the 70% perfect match. We don’t see them as people, we see them as objects.

A study found that positive personality traits actually increase perceived facial attractiveness. So if you are just basing your choice on looks, you maybe choosing in correctly. When you find someone to date traditionally, you already can see or get a glimpse of that person’s personality while online you are only going by what they are telling you.

When you meet people traditionally, you typically see them in a social context, such as how they interact with workmates, friends and family members. Online is made of words and images.

Researchers estimate that 25% of rapists found people to assault through online dating services and being scammed in person is less likely than online. Online dating is great if you want a casual fling, but not for anything longer lasting because there are so many dishonest people seeking cheap thrills. If a situation arises, you can split fast and a click here or there, you have your next fling. Marriage is down 50% because everyone is falling for the, “Your perfect match can be found on this website,” crap. All that time you “try” and get to know someone online, you could be actually physically getting to know someone you met in person.

With the discussion on dating, it’s not just about love, marriage and then the baby carriage. It’s about finding someone with whom you can foresee yourself spending the rest of your life with, sharing visions and dreams, as well as the possibility for raising up children together. It should not be about finding the “perfect” partner, because there is no such thing. Instead it should be about finding someone who knows that they are lucky to have you. Relationships are a full time job, don’t apply if you aren’t ready.

Most don’t even know HOW the apps actually work:

For example, eHarmony’s system is flawed because it relies on conclusions from married couples and a fundamental premise that similar people will be happy together in the long-term. But married couples often project similarities onto one another and adopt similar interests over time, so those are the results of a relationship rather than what inspires them in the first place. As for Match.com and other dating apps, they gather information like hobbies and interests the same way that Netflix does. They do not gather any information that is related to what will make a user happy in a relationship.

Tinder and Hinge work differently. Essentially, Tinder used an Elo rating system, which is the same method used to calculate the skill levels of chess players: You rose in the ranks based on how many people swiped right on (“liked”) you, but that was weighted based on who the swiper was. The more right swipes that person had, the more their right swipe on you meant for your score. Finally, when there was enough people on Tinder and Hinge, the AL based solely on the ways users select many of the same profiles as other users who are similar to them, and the way one user’s behavior can predict another’s, without ranking people in an explicitly competitive way. So, the longer you’re on an app, the worse the options get. You’ll see Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, PlentyofFish, they all do recycling of people with whom you already said NO to.

This means that people may unknowingly skip over potential mates for the wrong reasons. The person you see on paper doesn’t translate neatly to a real, live human being, and there’s no predicting or accounting for the chemistry you might feel with a person whose online profile was the opposite of what you thought you wanted. Offline, that kind of attraction would spark organically.

Take a close look on Instagram and you will get a sense of which girls have created a “fake persona,” to gather attention, while the real, down to Earth girls show their
true character online. For a relationship to stay you need character. Personality is a superficial connect, whereas with character, you look for connection. So for a long term relationship, there has to be a shift from a superficial level to a deeper level –

You don’t need the internet for that.

We will discuss Friday: CLICK HERE FOR THE PODCAST

When Is Enough, Enough.

Here we again in 2021, where a woman came forward back in 2016 that Jared Porter, the then head of scouting of The Cubs sent a woman reporter unsolicited text messages hitting on her at Yankees Stadium and asking her to go for a drink. The fact that she responded to his messages at first, to only allow him to carry on for 60 text messages and never respond with GET LOST allowed him to keep perusing her- because there she sent him mixed signals.

Here’s the difference between her and me, after I got text 1 and wasn’t interested I would have told him off nicely. If he continued then I would have had to get bitchy.
Then it was said that he sent her a picture of his penis ( or a stock image, who knows at this point)

Guys sending photos of their junk shows their inability to communicate maturely. Men think the photos will serve to arouse the woman – because they, themselves, would find it arousing if that woman sent such a photo to them. And believe me, there are women who do such things. Some people think this is a sign of predator behavior. And to those people I will say this: have you ever heard of Tinder? Even before Tinder guys have been doing this forever – Would you like to know how MANY of those dick pics I have gotten on Twitter?

This toxic culture has been in sports forever. Look at how athletes treat women. Look at how the leagues treat women. But more importantly, the women put up with being treated as sex-objects and don’t stand their ground. Time for women to step it up. This particular woman waited 5 years to allow this story to break. ESPN knew of this story a year after it happened but the woman did not want them to report it. SO why now? This is again, what women need to do: They can’t wait until it’s convenient for them to come forward, they must be brave enough to come forward when it happens. The only way to stop things is to stop it when it happens, not let it continue to stew. Let’s play devil’s advocate: What happens if Jared did this with another woman and because the first woman never came forward, this poor woman was sexually assaulted.

Back in college I was stalked by this guy. I had completely NO interest in him whatsoever. He liked to hang around a friend of mine back then. First he got my friend to give him my number. Then he invited himself to my house. He called my house. He spoke to my parents. He constantly bothered me. This went on for 2 weeks until I finally spoke up and told him to go away- that I wasn’t interested in him at all and I was not friends with him either. (Now, maybe folks know why I am totally against being set up… that’s a blog for another day!)

The point being, this could have gone on for months if I didn’t stand my ground, send him a clear signal that I was not interested in him at all, not let the pursuing continue. This is why ignoring someone is not the best method to deal with situations. Thinking that they will eventually “go away” is the wrong approach. Remember, you never know what someone’s breaking point is, and when you are dealing with emotions, you can’t just “let that slide.”

This does not fall on the men alone. Yes, men need to be better but women need to do better too. Women need to be able to send clear cut signals of NO means no. And men need to be able to receive that message and move on.

Look for the preview of my book, “Relationship Impossible” in the coming future.

Girls In Their 20s vs Women In Their 40s

When I check social media every day, it’s amazing how these 20 -something girls think that are such “hot stuff.” I really don’t make that much about it until they start messing with me – then I have to put them in their place. First off, this whole thing that women are “supposed” to support other women “just because” we’re women is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of- you don’t see men supporting other men “Just because” you see men competing against other men and rightfully so.

So what does a 40 year old woman have that a 20 year old girl doesn’t? Well for starters, experience thank you.

1- Girls in their twenties don’t know how to fully love themselves- every inch of their bodies. I would have avoided many of the decisions that I made in my life if I truly just accepted who I was when I was twenty. Most girls want that “perfect” body. There is NO such thing as to having the perfect body, no matter what Victoria’s Secret or Vogue may tell you. You should embrace who you are inside and out.

2- Girls in their twenties are far from being authentic. It’s all about fitting in, instead of standing out. Stop comparing your life to someone’s else life you see on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter… etc. Be real. Be you. You are worth it – just like everyone else you see. Don’t let what others are doing online, bring you down or your self-worth. No one gets to tell you what your value is- You know your worth when you stop giving discounts.

3- Sex. Sorry girls, but forty year old women have been “around the block” so to say. First all of, older women don’t just “hook up” with guys like girls in their twenties who are hooking up left and right these days. When we do “hook up” we do that because we feel close to the guy we are with. 40 year old women can completely let them self go physically- we don’t care about anything else and are more prone to trying new things since we are already secure with our bodies and not insecure like 20 year old girls are. We also know what we like, how to orgasm, and how to satisfy our partners, where as a twenty year old has no clue. ( https://amzn.to/2I6xN8c) – Chapter 13 FYI

4- Learn to live in the moment. If you master this when you are young, you will appreciate life much more through every single stage of it. Also, It’s not your job to make everyone else happy. And even if you do so, that doesn’t mean you’ll be happy. Life is short. Women in their forties know this. We don’t give a flying F- if you aren’t happy with our choices. We do what we know is going to make us happy- not others.

5-Life is not like football. Stop trying to “score points” with every opportunity. To win in life is to overcome every obstacle that life throws at you. No one dies counting how many “touchdowns” they scored and compares that to someone else’s “score total” – In the end that doesn’t matter.

6- Life is not like baseball. Don’t give people 3 times to hurt you, they lie to you once, that should be it. They are showing you who they are, and that is a person who doesn’t respect you enough to tell you the truth. Twenty-somethings give people way too many chances.

7- You don’t DESERVE things you EARN things. Stop thinking that everyone “owes” you something! Excuse me girl, but no one owes you a damn thing! You want that guy- go get him. You want that job- work for it. You want that car- buy it…. And so forth. Skip half the parties you go to, if you work, at something, you will become better at it.

8- Stick to the original plan. Don’t let anyone talk you out of it. What ever you choose to be; be. Just because someone else has an “idea” of what you should do with your life, doesn’t mean you have to follow “their” plan. It’s your life, so live it and to the best of your ability. Stop blaming everyone else for your problems and giving excuses as to why you can’t do something or why something didn’t work out. Stop asking for permission. Forty year old women KNOW this.

9- Twenty year old girls don’t know how to have an ACTUAL conversation! Put down your damn phone! Forty year old women have such better social skills than you simply because we weren’t born with cell phones, social media and that has taken the skill of communication to an entire new level. Learn how to talk to others in person. Get off dating apps, social media apps, and get into the real world and start talking to others. Not only are you going to find out more about others, you will also find out more about yourself. And in the business world, you are going to have to talk to others face to face. A screen isn’t going to do.

10- Finally, alcohol is like cancer for your body. Twenty-somethings always feel the need to “get drunk” or “get high” at parties, when things are tough, etc. Forty year old women know that if we need to get high – we get high on life. Yes, we have an occasional drink from time to time, but we don’t rely on alcohol, basically because we don’t have time to stay in bed with a hangover or frankly want one. (Let the beer vs wine debate begin)

Age will happen whether you’re afraid of it or not, so get living! I don’t believe in age, I believe in energy. Stop telling older women that they are “too old” – remember, one day, the roles will reverse. Karma has a way of sneaking up on you.

Why Women Should Enjoy Having Orgasms As Much As Men Do

 

Double standards with dating are everywhere and there’s a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine that claims women don’t really have orgasms but instead squirt out a little pee. I’m here to debunk that.

For women, orgasms don’t come as easy as with men, but women can and should enjoy them as much as men do.

Orgasms Can Relieve Pain: There is some evidence that suggests orgasms can relieve all kinds of pain—including pain from arthritis, pain after surgery and even pain during childbirth.

Condom Use Doesn’t Affect Orgasm Quality: Women are equally likely to experience orgasm with or without a condom, dispelling myths that condoms don’t make for good sex. Condoms are good for SAFE sex and are 97% effective in stopping pregnancy.

30% of Women Have Trouble Reaching Orgasm: One in three women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. So a study that was done on only seven women and said that women don’t orgasm — they pee — is ridiculous! Now, women can’t orgasm from intercourse alone, so guys, if you really want to see a woman literally “lose control,” you better work.

Here are 15 ways to help women achieve the Big O:

1- Finding Your G-spot May Improve the Likelihood of Orgasm- Yes, the G-spot is important in having an orgasm — it’s that simple. (Regardless of those who say it doesn’t exist).

2- Foreplay Isn’t Optional as Far as Your Orgasm is Concerned- It takes 10-20 minutes of stimulation for the average woman to reach her peak so the more kissing and caressing you do, the better.

3- Oral is One of the Best Ways to Get Off- 80 percent of women have difficulty from having an orgasm on vaginal sex alone. If you really want to kick it up a notch, oral sex will do it. Most women can orgasm from masturbation, but not everyone comes during sex.

4- Masturbation- Women are so embarrassed to admit that they masturbate when the males in our lives aren’t. We’re looked at as “freaks” when we even admit to it, but it’s the easiest way for women to hit the big O. And the more you do it, the better.

5- Kegel Exercises- Doing your Kegel exercises flexes the muscles that stop urination. Do 10 reps, holding each rep for 10 seconds, twice a day while you’re watching TV or doing just about anything.

6-It’s All in the Noise : Low-pitched noises bring them down to…well, down there. So actually, the louder you are the longer it will take for you to orgasm.

7-Relationship O: Women in relationships tend to climax a higher percentage of the time during sex than women who are just hooking up.

8- Happy Place: Not only is the G-spot important, but for some women, stimulation of the nipples and breasts can increase the likelihood of having an orgasm and increase its intensity.

9- The Big O and Your Age: Sixty-five percent of women in their 30s and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s orgasm more often than those in their 20s.

Oh, Baby: Orgasms may boost the chance of getting pregnant.

10- Burn, Baby, Burn: An orgasm burns just 2–3 calories, though a person can burn around 50 calories in the activity leading up to the orgasm.

11- It’s More About Cuddling: When a woman orgasms, her body produces four times the normal amount of oxytocin, the chemical that stimulates bonding.

12- Turn It On: A 2007 study found that straight women were aroused by watching films of both men and women having sex.

13- Toys For Pleasure: At the start of the 20th Century, the first electric home vibrators hit the market before many other household ‘essentials’

14- Eat it Up: Eating certain foods can boost your orgasm odds. Foods low in carbohydrates and high in protein: dairy, eggs, poultry and select meat and fish for example, work to raise free testosterone. (Yes, women are sexually controlled due to testosterone, not men.) Also, eating a little dark chocolate releases sexual desire in women as well.

15- Want More: Want more orgasms? Then switch stimulation techniques. If you’ve just reached orgasm through clitoral stimulation, try penetration to continue the sensations. Or vice versa.

Everyone’s body response is different. We’re unique, our reactions vary, and most importantly, not everyone is a dramatic and loud, as you see in movies. Orgasms are about being comfortable with your partner and communicating with your partner about what you like and don’t like. This is key to everything about relationships.

You can read more in my best selling book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd” and in the upcoming follow up being released some time in 2020.

An Open Letter To All Men Everywhere

Dear Men,

 

It seems that the guys who play in the NFL, once again proof just how dumb you guys can be when it comes to picking women.   But before I go ahead and rant on that, let me let every single guy, including every single athlete know something: Cameras are everywhere!  If you are going to make a decision that in the end, gets you into trouble either with the law, your job, your wife, your girlfriend, etc, just know that someone already has it on camera.  Technology has developed cell phones with awesome cameras. It also has developed awesome surveillance systems in hotels, malls, bars, clubs, stores, and just about everywhere, where you can go and be seen.

Now onto talking about women.  Stop letting your penis make your decisions when it comes to women. There’s such a thing as listening to your gut, or your intuition.  That’s why these dating apps are destroying people, because when you meet people via dating apps, you go by what they are saying about themselves and, most people lie in their dating profiles. Secondly, just because a woman “looks” hot doesn’t mean she has good intentions and a beautiful soul.  Stop judging women by their looks. It can be said to women who do the same thing when it comes to men, but women choose a man differently than a man, chooses a woman. Women are more prone to give a guy who isn’t “hot” a chance, because he has better features than just his looks. Whereas a man, goes straight for the hot chick just to impress his friends, or make people jealous, or because he thinks she will be his arm candy, and they will standout.

Thirdly, Keep your hands to yourself – pushing, kicking, slapping a woman is unacceptable. Now, women need to be called out on this as well, because it’s not right to go ahead and smack a man for ANY reason UNLESS he hit you first and it’s self-defense. In the movies you see women throwing shoes, purses, and even throwing water in a man’s face after she finds out he’s cheating or doing something that gets him into trouble. That’s also unacceptable.

No means no.  Let me repeat that for all the men out there: No means No.  If she doesn’t want to sleep with you, doesn’t want to hook up, doesn’t want to hook up with your friends, doesn’t want to do anything, no means no.  How ever the rest goes down, even if she calls you the worst name in the book, you stay the bigger person and WALK AWAY! Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.

This is for all the athletes: STOP getting involved with women you meet at clubs or parties. NOTHING good can come from it.  Also stop getting involved with groupies that hang out in the SAME hotel as you!  Trust me when I say that women who do this, do this for a reason- they know that you got fame, money, power, whatever else, and that is the ONLY reason they are there!  Again, she could be “hot” but don’t let your penis make that decision to have her go up to your hotel room.  Next thing you know, you fall asleep and she posted pictures of you together all over social media!  Also, if she gets pregnant, you are now going to be paying her child support for the next 18 years!

THINK before you act.

Go for a woman who doesn’t care what you do for a living and treats you like she would treat any guy she would meet. Go for a woman who supports your ups and your downs.

Sparks are great. But investigate. Be attracted to her mentally, emotionally not just physically.  Go for a woman who can be excited about your success and goals in life is someone who won’t hold you back for one reason or another.  If she wants to change you in any way, and they she is not accepting you for who you are, that is a sign of a controlling person and she will never treat you properly.  Finally, pick a woman who can  bring out the best in you and who can maintain her own identity.   Those are the women who you should choose, and if you notice I never said anything about looks or sex.

Stop letting your penis make the decisions for you. Use your heart and your mind to help you pick the best partner for you- not just a one night stand or a “maybe” girlfriend. But  a person who you see yourself with forever.