Things Never To Text To Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Today it’s tempting to say anything and everything via text, and with the prevalence of emoji and GIFs has made it easy to express our emotions and feelings. But there are some things that still deserve the spoken-word treatment; especially to a boyfriend or girlfriend.

“We Need To Talk”

The scariest phrase to ever text to your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you need to talk, always do it in person. NEVER on the phone or in text.

“It’s Over”

Breaking up over a text message is the cowardly way out. Don’t do it over email, on a sticky note, sending flowers with a note attached, or even over the phone. Again, this needs to be done in person.
“I Love You” (for the first time)

Saying these three little words for the first time should be said face to face, not in a text message. How unromantic is that?

“My Period Is Late/I’m Pregnant”

Never ever text this to a guy! Unless you want to give him a heart attack.
“I’m Sorry”

Apologies are hard enough for some people to say, but if you need to say it, the best way is in person or even over the phone instead of putting it in text form.

The Double Text

You texted him at noon, and now it’s 3 p.m., still no response. Don’t text him the exact same text you texted him at noon! Just text him, “Did you get my text?” instead.

Fights

Fights are best conducted in person not over text. First off, you only have up to 140/160 characters to get “your point across.” And secondly, misinterpreting what you are saying over a text is easy.

Private Parts

When it comes to sexting, there are many reasons to stay away from it. Besides it being creepy and just very distasteful, images are not as private as you may think and can be forwarded and/or hacked at will. Plus, call me old fashioned, but sex in person is best.

Personal Information

In the world of rampant identity theft, it’s best to make a rule not to text sensitive personal information such as your social security number, bank accounts, or credit card information.

Secrets

Texting is not private. Texts are intercepted, forwarded and read by others. If you have anything that you don’t want the world to know about, never put it in writing on your phone. Again, this is a face to face conversation, not a text.

The Drunken Text

We have all either gotten one or sent one, but this is always a bad idea. Always. Not only are your messages likely to be inappropriate, but they are going to be the source of great embarrassment when you “come to” in the morning. I suggest that if you plan on going out and getting drunk to shut off your phone. You’ll feel better in the morning knowing that you didn’t send your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend that humiliating text.

Canceling Plans

Canceling plans last minute over text, screams, “lie.”

Texting 1 or 2 Words

The worse thing about texting is that mostly a woman will text a paragraph and the guy will respond with, “K” Never do that! It’s just rude and annoying.

The Late Night Text

Never text a girl with the words “hey u up?” No. No, we are not up. No, we are not interested in answering your six-letter text message at 1:37 a.m.

The “I’ll Throw Him A Hint,” Text

Guys don’t pick up on hints we throw to them in person. Do you really think he’s going to get what you mean via text? Nope. So, your best bet is to wait until you see him and do your best to actually explain what it is you want from them.

Your entire romantic future here could be determined by your text messages. How often do you actually pick up the phone to call someone? In our fast-paced world, it’s easier to send that text, but when you are dating, you want to call more than you text. We’re all really busy people, that’s not being disputed here, but it’s inappropriate to be texting all day long. If you try and find the happy medium, things will work out and you’ll be able to close the deal.

20 Tips On How To Become A Better Listener

When people speak, do you listen, really, listen? Most people don’t. Instead they just wait until it’s their turn to speak. In relationships, communication is the most important factor in either keeping afloat or sinking. Here are 20 tips on how you can become a better listener or communicate better.

20. Do not answering your phone, retrieve or respond texts, shut off the computer, and turn off the TV. Despite what you may think, you cannot do two things at once well. And listening to what someone is saying should be your only priority.

19. Besides distractions causing people not to be able to listen to the person who is talking is the fact that sometimes we don’t talk directly to the person we want to speak too. We talk through other people or for other people, and what tends to happen is that the listener gets a mixed message.

18. If you plan on having a conversation with someone, one of the worse things you can do is dance around the issues you want to discuss in fear of hurting feelings or looking bad. No one is a mind reader! There’s a way to have an uncomfortable conversation without lashing out at the person you are talking too. Remember, how can you fix a situation if you don’t get the nerve to talk?

17. To become a better listener requires you to actually not be the one to do all the talking. Let the other person do the talking as well.

16. To break the ice with someone, use a means of communication that you are comfortable with. This helps loosen tensions and also helps you start the conservation.

15. Before cell phones or even telephones, people use to talk face to face. If you want to become a better listener you need to be able to read a person’s body language and you can’t do that on the phone.

14. Of course to get your point across sometimes the best thing to do is write it down. A letter is a great way of having someone “listen” to what you are feeling or wanting to say because here they have to actually focus in on what you wrote and they don’t get to interrupt your train of thought.

13. Know the signs of either changing the subject, moving on, or changing your tone. This starts with you. If you find your voice getting louder, step outside yourself and realize that the person you are talking to may start to get defensive. If you quickly change your tone you will save yourself from having an argument.

12. Screaming at someone isn’t going to help your cause at all. How can anyone listen to you if you are yelling?

11. This is more for the men out there than the women. Men seem to make big promises and then fail to keep them. If you are going to say things, live up to them. Because if you keep saying one thing and doing another no one is going to want to listen to you anymore.

10. You can use social media to your advantage when it comes to practicing listening. Again, it goes back to reading a letter. You need to read every word and let it stink in before you respond. So many people just like to make noise instead of making actual conversation online.

9. If you want the well rounded relationship, being able to communicate and listen are the two most important puzzle pieces.

8. If you have ineffective communication skills, the cycle will keep going until you fix the problems. And most likely this means that you lack good listening skills.

7. How can you expect someone to know what you feel, want, or need or you don’t speak up? Mind readers don’t exist. You can’t expect someone to want to listen to you if you never give them anything worth listening too.

6. It’s eye to eye not an eye for an eye when learning to listen! Use your ears, use your eyes, and focus on the person you are talking too.

5. A great listener knows when to take a break, enjoy the silence and then speak up. There’s nothing nothing with thinking about what you want to say before you say it. The smart listeners know how to throw the ball in the other person’s court. Silence = Listening

4. Great listeners pay attention and ask questions until they gain a deep and textured understanding of whatever situations they find themselves in. But in no certain terms do they disrespect someone’s point of view.

3. If you can’t listen to someone for whatever reason, take a time out. Tell them that right now it’s not a good time. If you want someone to want to listen to you, then you need to respect them when it comes to giving them your time and effort to listen.

2. Sometimes a great opportunity to talk your partner is when you are laying in bed together. Snuggle up and just have a conversation. You will be more in tuned to listen when you are laying close to each other.

1. Sometimes you talk just to hear yourself talk. When that happens you know that the other person isn’t putting forth the effort to really listen to what you are saying. Know when to retreat and return to a conversation at a later time. You’ll save yourself the aggravation.

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.

Links of The Best Of Stephanie Articles…

Here are 7 articles Stephanie has written that have been featured articles for Blogher and SheKnows.

Why Women Should Enjoy Having Orgasms As Much As Men Do Link: http://www.blogher.com/why-women-should-enjoy-having-orgasms-much-men-do
The High Risks of STDs and Online Dating Link: http://www.blogher.com/online-dating-and-stds-go-together-cookies-and-milk

Why Women In Their 20s Can Learn A Lot From Women In Their 40s Link: http://www.blogher.com/why-women-their-20s-can-learn-lot-women-their-40s
#womenslives I Want to Adopt and Become a Single Parent Someday Link: http://www.blogher.com/my-5-reasons-why-i-want-adopt-and-become-single-parent-someday

The 20 Worst Pick-Up Lines Of All Time Link: http://www.blogher.com/20-worst-pick-lines-all-time

Do You Believe In Fate? Are Two People Simply “Meant to Be”? Link: http://www.blogher.com/there-such-thing-fate

Turn Your Good Sex Into AMAZING Sex Link: http://www.blogher.com/how-turn-good-sex-amazing-sex

 

 

 

The Online-dating Research Papers (part 2)

Here’s a profile I found on a dating site. People don’t get it.

1) If you are happy with your life right now, why are you on here?

2) If you aren’t desperate or looking for someone to complete you, again, you are on here for what then?

3) Credit score of 800? His butt looks good in jeans and he can look very GQ? Plus he mentions that he is great with kids. All a ploy to start pulling the heartstrings of a very desperate woman.

 

THE PROFILE:

Hey…welcome to my profile. Pretty happy with my life right now. Have a strong network of friends and family and interests to keep me busy…so I’m not here because I’m desperate or lonely looking for someone to “complete me”. I’m also self sufficient and well organized so I’m not looking for a “mother figure” either. I’m just a hard working man who’s butt looks great in jeans and I can look quite GQ when I throw on a three piece. My ability to make people laugh…especially when they needed it the most, has always been my greatest strength. I give a great massage, am a great conversationalist and a really good dancer. I also have a credit score close to 800. 🙂 Not bad, huh? Oh…I can cook, juggle and play the guitar, too. Also great with kids. My nieces and nephews will attest to that. How bout them apples? You will find me to be very “down to earth” and a versatile playmate. Anyway, if you are seeking a man with very little baggage…then your search is over. 🙂

Again, Get yourself off the clearance rack called online dating. Falling in love, JUST HAPPENS. You can’t force yourself to fall.

The Online-dating Research Papers (part 1)

I have been researching dating sites all over the internet. Some promote them on Facebook while others promote them on Twitter and Google+.  Even some dating sites have started using Instagram.

As I was doing some hardcore research I saw a young girl, guessing in her 20’s, posing on a motorcycle with the caption:

Send me pics fellas
I might ride you like I do my bike…if you’re man enough to handle me
my number is 1-9*5-2**-3696…don’t keep me waiting

Seriously, this is HOW desperate and dumb this generation has become?

First mistake: Asking for pictures which you know will be sexual

Second mistake: Making a sexual reference

Third mistake: Posting her phone number for the entire world to see.

Online dating sites LOVE these type of people! As someone tweeted me, ” The dating sites love self-destructive people, because they make great customers as they chase away person after person. Dating sites provide a fall back for the attention-starved. Why work it out when there’s another “match” waiting online?”

I’ve been saying that since day one. If you really want love remember, they call it falling in love because you JUST fall. You don’t FORCE yourself to trip.

TOP 5 ONLINE-DATING SECRETS

If it seems as if everyone you know is online dating, you’re not alone. According to a study done by Pew Research Center, 11% of American adults—and 38% of those who are currently “single and looking” for a partner—have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps. The general public attitudes towards online dating have become much more positive in recent years, and now with social networking sites playing a prominent role when it comes to navigating and assisting romantic relationships, online dating usage is at an all-time high.

To gain a little insight into what makes people tick when it comes to online dating, here are five secrets to the phenomenon and how to better yourself online.

5. Your Profile Isn’t What It Should Be

A professor of Women’s Health and Clinical Epidemiology at the Queen May University of London School of Medicine and Dentistry, named Khalid Khan, poured through 86 studies to find out why he wasn’t lucky in love and found out that his profile on dating sites was one of the main problems.

Users who chose screen names starting with letters toward the beginning of the alphabet got more clicks than those who used screen names that started with the last part of the alphabet. So, if your name started with the letters, A-M, you have a great shot at being noticed. Now to the profile picture. For women who wore red, they received more attention from men then if they wore any other color. Also, if your profile picture was a group shot with friends, you had a better chance for someone to click on your profile and look through it.

It’s as easy as a click here and a click there to write up a very impressive dating profile. About 95% of what is written are exaggerated and everyone lies about salary, job, living conditions, hobbies, weight, body mass, and some even put a fake picture up, just to get people’s attention.

4. Be Selective 

You are completely wasting your time by posting to every free site then posting your profile on the sites that cost the most money. Think about it, when you post on free site, then the quality of the people you are choosing from are “low quality” people or people who are not putting relationships at a priority in their lives. You therefore are not ending up with a compatible mate. According to Dr. John G. Kappa, PhD whose book, Relationship Strategies: The E&P Attraction, we all have an equal and opposite compatible match. Everyone should be aware of characteristics that we are attracted to and also characteristics that we aren’t attracted too. This is why sometimes we keep picking the completely “wrong” partner.

3. Trust Your Gut

Here is the complete truth: your intuition, your gut will NEVER be wrong. So if someone looks good on paper, but in person you aren’t feeling it, the attraction is not there, and the conversation fizzled out, believe what your gut is telling you: this person is NOT the one. Move on and let it go. So many times we doubt ourselves and we talk ourselves into believing that something is good when it’s far from being good for us. There is someone for everyone, that saying is true, but don’t cut yourself short and lower your standards, values and compatibility just to end up in a relationship.

2. Market Yourself

If you want more dates, the simple thing to remember is that you are your own brand. Yes, even with online dating. Too many people focus on likes and dislikes, and overestimate the value of these. When it comes to sustaining a relationship, your love for hiking or street fairs, isn’t going to matter. Instead, think about the qualities that matter to you and that should matter to your partner. You’re marketing yourself and you show that through highlighting your core characteristics. What will make you a great girlfriend or a great boyfriend? Why should someone date you over someone else? Those are the questions you should really be asking yourself.

 

1. When You Send a Message, Make it Personal

Too many times people respond to messages as if they are going on a job interview or they are just filled with hellos. If you get a lot of messages where the conversation isn’t going anywhere, start with an open-ended question, or mention an interest or two, to get the conversation started. If you are a guy, don’t just tell her that she is beautiful or if you are a woman, don’t just tell him that you are into sports. Also, don’t use messaging to bring up sex. If that is all you are looking for, then online dating isn’t for you.