If it seems as if everyone you know is online dating, you’re not alone. According to a study done by Pew Research Center, 11% of American adults—and 38% of those who are currently “single and looking” for a partner—have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps. The general public attitudes towards online dating have become much more positive in recent years, and now with social networking sites playing a prominent role when it comes to navigating and assisting romantic relationships, online dating usage is at an all-time high.

To gain a little insight into what makes people tick when it comes to online dating, here are five secrets to the phenomenon and how to better yourself online.

5. Your Profile Isn’t What It Should Be

A professor of Women’s Health and Clinical Epidemiology at the Queen May University of London School of Medicine and Dentistry, named Khalid Khan, poured through 86 studies to find out why he wasn’t lucky in love and found out that his profile on dating sites was one of the main problems.

Users who chose screen names starting with letters toward the beginning of the alphabet got more clicks than those who used screen names that started with the last part of the alphabet. So, if your name started with the letters, A-M, you have a great shot at being noticed. Now to the profile picture. For women who wore red, they received more attention from men then if they wore any other color. Also, if your profile picture was a group shot with friends, you had a better chance for someone to click on your profile and look through it.

It’s as easy as a click here and a click there to write up a very impressive dating profile. About 95% of what is written are exaggerated and everyone lies about salary, job, living conditions, hobbies, weight, body mass, and some even put a fake picture up, just to get people’s attention.

4. Be Selective 

You are completely wasting your time by posting to every free site then posting your profile on the sites that cost the most money. Think about it, when you post on free site, then the quality of the people you are choosing from are “low quality” people or people who are not putting relationships at a priority in their lives. You therefore are not ending up with a compatible mate. According to Dr. John G. Kappa, PhD whose book, Relationship Strategies: The E&P Attraction, we all have an equal and opposite compatible match. Everyone should be aware of characteristics that we are attracted to and also characteristics that we aren’t attracted too. This is why sometimes we keep picking the completely “wrong” partner.

3. Trust Your Gut

Here is the complete truth: your intuition, your gut will NEVER be wrong. So if someone looks good on paper, but in person you aren’t feeling it, the attraction is not there, and the conversation fizzled out, believe what your gut is telling you: this person is NOT the one. Move on and let it go. So many times we doubt ourselves and we talk ourselves into believing that something is good when it’s far from being good for us. There is someone for everyone, that saying is true, but don’t cut yourself short and lower your standards, values and compatibility just to end up in a relationship.

2. Market Yourself

If you want more dates, the simple thing to remember is that you are your own brand. Yes, even with online dating. Too many people focus on likes and dislikes, and overestimate the value of these. When it comes to sustaining a relationship, your love for hiking or street fairs, isn’t going to matter. Instead, think about the qualities that matter to you and that should matter to your partner. You’re marketing yourself and you show that through highlighting your core characteristics. What will make you a great girlfriend or a great boyfriend? Why should someone date you over someone else? Those are the questions you should really be asking yourself.

 

1. When You Send a Message, Make it Personal

Too many times people respond to messages as if they are going on a job interview or they are just filled with hellos. If you get a lot of messages where the conversation isn’t going anywhere, start with an open-ended question, or mention an interest or two, to get the conversation started. If you are a guy, don’t just tell her that she is beautiful or if you are a woman, don’t just tell him that you are into sports. Also, don’t use messaging to bring up sex. If that is all you are looking for, then online dating isn’t for you.