Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

What Not To Write In Your Dating Profile

Behind the scenes, I love judgmental clichés, because they allow me to instantly filter out people who think in black and white. Life isn’t black and white. It’s grey. Here are some profiles that drive me crazy… starting with women:

  • Profiles that begin with “I’m divorced.”

    So… being divorced describes you in a nutshell? You want a man who has all his ducks in a row, but the first thing about yourself that you want the world to know is that you come from a failed marriage?

    My mom knows Larry Bird’s sister-in-law. (Apparently one of the most annoying people ever.) Larry Bird’s sister-in-law always introduces herself as “Hi, I’m Larry Bird’s sister-in-law,” and then her name.

    FYI Two recent presidents of the United States were raised by single mothers.

Another stupid thing to put in your dating profile:

“You must have a strong relationship with Jesus Christ.”

That’s cool. Nothing against that. I’m a Christian myself. But if you have such a profound relationship with Jesus, why do you have three children by three different fathers and have never been married once?

How about this one?

” Must be close to your family”

What if this is my family? I have together my shit got, but they have not. How close should I get?

Another favorite of mine is: “must have shit together”

There are stupid things I see daily on EVERY dating app out there. So here are my top 5:

Stupid Thing #1) “No drama” – Thank Heaven you put that out there; I never would’ve have known!! Swiping left..

Stupid Thing #2) “I’m BAaacckkk!” – Thank God you got recycled back into the pool (again): it just wasn’t the same here without you! Swiping left, faster…

Stupid Thing #3) “I love my kids” – Yay, here’s your Father of the Year Award and your Mr. Roger’s Dad Sweater… This is a waste of space: even John Wayne Gacy loved his fu*ing kids… next!

Stupid Thing #4) “Just looking!” – Newsflash, Dumbass: That’’s what EVERYONE on these sites are doing!

Stupid Thing #5) “[If you wanna know] Just ask”– So, you’re a lazy, conversationally empty vacuum that can’t put forth any effort. Okay, I’m not shaving my legs, but I’ll happily use you for a free dinner… Nope, not even for a good steak with blue cheese crumbles…

BONUS: Stupid Thing #6) The one that used to make me want to say…really? Where they mention long walks. I have never liked long walks anywhere… on the beach, shopping, malls or any place else. I don’t like woods or forests or deserted islands either. I don’t like desert walks, snow walks or river walks. Walks? Walks to where? And why are we walking?

These are the profiles that keep people binge-watching Netflix…



Just say it, you want a man with a big checking account. The only plainer English than that is:

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

7 dating tips you should follow if you are single:

 

Let me begin by saying, that most of these are for women, but I didn’t leave you guys out all together, so not to worry, I have 2 out of the 7 tips for just for you!

It’s a fact that I owe a great deal of who I am today, to every guy from my past. They have awoken the beast per-say. But because I took a long, hard look at myself, I am able to now be able and ready to love a man who deserves my love and knows my worth. It’s not an easy task to look yourself in the mirror, but as I observe many single ladies online and in reality, I have gained insight as to why so many relationships fail.

The first reason is because women have this stupid idea in their heads, that if they don’t have a man in their lives they are incomplete.

Dating tip #1: You don’t need a man to complete you, you need a man to COMPLIMENT you. There’s a distinct difference. To be complete means to love yourself. No man is ever going to complete you and make you whole. You need to complete yourself, by loving yourself.

Dating tip #2: Until a man has actually done something to make you not trust him, don’t make him pay for the troubles another man caused. So many times I see people tweeting or posting on Facebook how they don’t trust guys, when that guy has done nothing to you to make you feel that he isn’t worthy of your trust. Until a man actually lies to your face, cheats on you, or does something to hurt you, don’t punish him because the man before him did those things to you! Remember, assumptions ruin relationships.

Let me say that flirting with a guy, sending him little hints that you are interested in him, is not throwing yourself at him. Us women get so caught up in wanting to “land” a man, that what we are actually doing by going all out for him is pushing him further and further away.

Dating tip #3: Don’t ever feel like you have to chase anyone. Someone who truly appreciates you will walk with you and won’t need to be chased.

Dating tips #4 and #5 go together. There are some guys out there that use love to bait women into having sex with them, and there are women out there that use sex to try to bait men to love them. But what women just don’t understand about that “philosophy” is that, dating tip #4: Sex won’t make him love you. A guy can love your sex and still not love you. So if you think that he will fall madly in love with you because you are sleeping with him, I hate to break it to you, he’s won’t. This leads me to dating tip #5: Easy girls open their legs while smart girls open their minds. There’s a difference between being classy and being trashy. BE the GIRL that EVERY guy WANTS- NOT the girl that EVERY guy has HAD.

Now to give a tip to the guys out there. And since almost everyone has a smartphone I thought of a great analogy for the modern day man! Dating tip #6: Treat your woman like you treat your smartphone: touch her often, stare at her & make her the most important thing in your life.

Finally, here’s something that both men and women can relate to:

Dating tip #7: There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when you’ve had enough. Don’t stay with a partner who isn’t giving it their all. So many times people stay with their partner for way too long, hoping that they are going to realize just what you are offering. When the truth is, most times they won’t realize what they have and frankly they don’t deserve it. Giving up, doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means that you are tired of giving your everything & ending up with nothing. You know when you have tried to work things out, and if you have done your part and they refuse to do theirs, all you can do is walk away. It’s best to be alone and be happy, than to be in a relationship and be miserable!

If you spend too long holding on to the one who treats you like an option, you’ll miss finding the one who treats you like a priority. Love comes unexpectedly without any doubt or hesitation. At some point in life, someone will love you more than what you’ve expected. Be patient and learn to wait, because sometimes, a patient person receives the best love story.

Get the book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid 2nd Ed”  Before the follow up comes out some time in the fall of 2020.

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Exciting News

I am one of the founders of Vocal+ – and will be writing a weekly blog there as well as still here! My first piece is the following: Here are 5 Reasons WHY you are  Still Single 
You can click on still single and you will be taken directly to the article.  I will be giving some exclusives on my follow up to my best-selling book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd ed” on Vocal+
I also will be writing about the book here- and I will be holding a contest for the naming the title of the book here!
Stay Tuned!
book
Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

“They say breaking up is hard to do,” sings Neil Sedaka, and I can tell you, he’s certainly correct on that! Breaking up any relationship is hard to do, especially when you have been with a person for so many years. But what happens if you are no longer happy? Should you just stay with that person because you are comfortable and afraid of being alone or should you just continue to be miserable and pass up any chance to be happy?

Its one thing to be in a relationship that is fulfilling it’s another to be in the relationship, “just because.” If after so many years you realize that you no longer have the same feelings for this person as you did when you met, you no longer are attracted to this person, or for other circumstances like cheating, lying and abuse, you need to leave this relationship. It’s one thing to love another person, but being in love with another person is an entire different ballgame. I know couples that broke up simply because they were not in love with each other anymore and they wanted to be happy with someone else.

That is where the attraction to someone else goes hand in hand. When you fall in love with someone you feel the chemistry between each other, where as, when you just love someone there really isn’t too much chemistry that attracts you to want to be with the person. You may indeed love him or her, but you don’t feel compelled to want to spend every waking moment with this person.

I have heard stories of people breaking up because they feel as if the other party just doesn’t understand them or is in the relationship because it “benefits” the other person. My question is simply this: Why would you want to be with a person who just doesn’t understand you, doesn’t want anything to really do with you, and is only with you because it benefits them one way or another? Its true that we get very comfortable in relationships that last years, even months. Sometimes we get way too comfortable which then makes it even harder to do what we know in our heart we need to do, but we can’t bring ourselves to do it. Then there are the relationships where one party lies, cheats, or worse off abuses the other person either physically, emotionally, or mentally. Anyone who abuses another person is simply a bully- period. They have such lack of respect for human life but they also have very low self-esteem. That is one of the reason they are abusive.

Just like bullies on the playground, people with a lack of self-esteem often terrorize someone who has self-esteem. Jealousy is often one of the other reasons why the bully picks on a person. The bully gets self-esteem through terrorizing his/her victim. They make this person somehow eventually believe that they are worthless, incompetent, and rejected. Not only is it a power trip for the bully but they are also gaining negative self-esteem by taking away your positive self-esteem. And to most people, this is the hardest relationship to get out of. People often argue that the victim “enjoys” being abused, but that is far from the truth. The truth is they feel they have nowhere to turn and also feel embarrassed as to what has been going on. They feel as if they will be judged, as if they caused their partner to be abusive. This can’t be further from the truth. Sometimes they don’t want to believe that the person whom they have loved would want to hurt them. They feel as if other people are jealous of their relationship. But once they can see through all the fog, they realize they deserve better, that they are worthy of love and respect they made a play to leave the relationship. Its also important to know that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness but it actually shows that you have courage to stand up for yourself.

In conclusion, for the most part, we don’t enjoy hurting someone’s feelings. And telling someone that we no longer love him or her the same way when we first met is not easy. But when we feel in our heart that we no longer love this person, it’s not fair to ourselves, and its not fair to the other person. No one wants to live a lie. But no one wants to be forced into a relationship either. Breaking up isn’t meant to be easy, but all the tough decisions we make in life aren’t easy, but in the end if we find ourselves happy, making the tough choices in the end are worth it.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

A Year to Review, Revise and Remember

Life can be funny sometimes. It throws you curve balls, takes you on paths that you’d never think you would take and life always comes full circle.   Each person has their own personal and unique life’s journey and along with it the interesting turns and twists that are unique.

One thing I learned this year is that life happens whether you want it happen or not. Being that I am a social media guru and I am online for about 60 hours a week, I get to see people’s lives evolve .  I also get to see people’s struggles, complaints, life-moments, and everything in between.  And from that I can tell you that life is short, really short.  Every single moment in your life counts.  Every decision you make will have an effect on your life in one way or another.  What people don’t realize is that they have an opportunity to make a difference in the world and in themselves each and every day.  That can be simply by saying hello, holding a door open for someone, supporting a friend, paying for someone’s coffee, etc.

Another thing that most people don’t realize is that we should never stop learning and growing.  Traditions and rules were made to be broken.  The concept of giving of one’s self to another, often is abused.  People take advantage of good-hearted people,  I should know. They aren’t appreciative of the fact that you gave of yourself, they now expect it. People who are more appreciative are those who aren’t expecting your kindness.  Now, I am not saying that we shouldn’t be compassionate, open, and understanding, I am just saying to be wary of those with whom who are open to sharing your exceptional kindness with. … some don’t deserve it.  But that doesn’t mean that you stop respecting them.

That’s another thing I came across this year. Social media has made too many people comfortable with being able to disrespect others without getting punched in the mouth for it.  That then carries over to their “actual” lives and we have become more judgemental, angry, selfish, and greedy.   If you live your life as if everything is about you, you will be left with just that; just you. Relationships aren’t designed for selfish individuals.  But I have learned this year that being angry at people who don’t have the capacity to change is a waste of my energy and my time.

Speaking of relationships, I have learned this past year that some are not worth it, while some are worthwhile.  The most important relationship that you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself. Going into 2019, the best decision you can ever make, is putting yourself first. If you are still single, capitalize on it. Never settle. Know your worth. You deserve to be happy.  Don’t end up with someone just because you need to be with someone.  Never love when you are lonely. And if you can’t love who you are, how do you expect someone else to love you?

There is no right age to settle down but there is a right time.  There’s a difference. Learn it in 2019.

Follow your own path. Don’t copy someone else’s life, live your own. You weren’t made to be a carbon copy of someone else, you were made to stand out and be an original. Be proud of who you are, how far you have come, and where you are going.  Find people who support your goals,  are happy for your success, and who are there to comfort you when you fail.  Be authentic in real life and online. Stop trying to please others- when you are the one who at the end of the day, lives with the decisions YOU make, not anyone else.

Here’s to 2019! Go for your dreams, seek what makes you satisfied in your life , and make it happen.

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7 Ways To Score A Date For Christmas (without using online dating!)

According to data analyzed from social media posts, two weeks before Christmas is one of the two most popular times for couples to break up. However, Christmas Day is the least favorite day for breakups. So, if you are on the rebound or looking for love this Christmas, waiting under the mistletoe isn’t going to help.

Here are The Seven Ways to Score Dates at Christmas:

1) Holiday Parties are happening from tonight all the way through the end of the year. Remember, there is definitely a balance when it comes to being flirty. If you are too flirty you can come across as easy or sleazy and nobody wants that.

2) When you decide you are serious about finding someone to share your life with be serious about looking your best. Looking good makes you feel good, and when you feel good, you carry yourself with a positive glow

3) It’s no secret that if you keep going to the same places you won’t meet anyone different.

During the Christmas period there are a lot of people out and about. This time of year, I would say you have a good chance of meeting people you never would have met because there are more people out and about for work Christmas parties and end of year drinks at many bars, restaurants, malls, gaming facilities ( Like bowling alleys, go-carts places, arcades like Dave and Busters, etc)

4) Watch your alcohol intake at this time of the year. We’re all partial to one too many mulled wines over the Christmas period, but if you’re looking to find someone special before you have to kiss at midnight, it’s important to stay in control and confident. No one is attracted to a slurring mess.

5) Be open to new people. Don’t worry about age, race, size, money, and all that stuff that SHOULD NOT matter. It’s such an important thing when looking for love because the best partners are the ones you wouldn’t have normally chosen, which is why you might still be single.  In other words, keep an open mind.

6) With that said though, DON’T flock over to online dating sites just out of pure desperation! Instead of finding love, you will indeed find a nightmare in the making!

7) There’s nothing worse than someone who uses the phrase “bah humbug” over the Christmas season or has a negative attitude about their life or life in general. Life is not going to be a beach every day, there are going to be ups and downs no matter what time of year it is. Go into finding love with a positive attitude on life and you will attract someone who is worth it.

Remember, if you are still single at Christmas, it’s OKAY. Besides, 2019, is right around the corner!

We all don’t need to be in a relationship at the holiday time, even though society may tell us as well as the holiday movies, that we need to be “in love” at this time.

It’s always better to be single then to be in a relationship that doesn’t suit us; holiday time or any time.

May the Christmas season fill your home with family and friends, your heart with love & your life with laughter.

Merry Christmas to all my readers.

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

20 Signs That You’re In The Right Relationship

You Are In The Right Relationship If…

20) You spend time together doing things you both enjoy

19) You spend time apart doing things you each enjoy

18) When you fight, you fight with a purpose, not just to fight

17) You each have your own friends

16) You maintain your own identity

15) Your family and even your friends like seeing you as a couple

14) The respect you have for each other is mutual

13) You bring out the best in each other

12) You both share future goals

11) You are attracted to your partner mentally, emotionally and physically.

10) You keep each other’s secrets

9) You make a great team and people comment on that.

8) You are sexually compatible

7) You enjoy even doing boring tasks together

6) You both share the same financial goals

5) You both feel that you can be open about your feelings without being judged

4) You give each other the right amount of love and the right amount of space

3) You trust each other- you are always honest with each other

2)You are there for your partner’s successes but also their failures

1) You have accepted each other’s pasts and flaws

Always, always, always, go with your gut! Your intuition will never let you down when it comes to emotions and feelings. With the right partner, you will find fulfillment, peace, and love. A person who can be excited about your success and goals in life is someone who won’t hold you back for one reason or another. Most unhealthy relationships include some form of sabotaging of one partner. If your partner wants to change you in any way, and they aren’t accepting you for who you are, that is a sign of a controlling person and they will never treat you properly. In other words, RUN! Another good sign that someone is right for you is if that person can fit in to other parts of your life and you’re not just living the “relationship bubble.” Your friends and family get along with this person, they have met this person and your relationship is NOT a secret! Secret romances NEVER turn out good- ever!

Finally, every good relationship has boundaries. Boundaries are important because it means someone isn’t a pushover, and they can communicate when they are unhappy. Growth is very important in relationships, particularly in the same direction, so you need to be able to have arguments, and conflicts and points of disagreements without wanting to kill each other.

*** The follow up to Hello Love, Where’s Cupid?, “Ax The Ex,” will be coming in 2019.***

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

Double Standards In Dating

Double Standards.

When it comes to dating there are tons of them. I will cut through the proverbial crap, and just get down to the nitty gritty. Here are four double standards that are not so obvious:

1- When a relationship breaks up men are seen as jerks, women are seen as victims.

2- Men will cheat, women have control.

3- When a man asks a question, he is concerned about his woman. If a woman does, she’s considering to be nagging.

4- Women are always seen as victims when it comes to domestic disputes and men are always seen as the attackers.

The one double standard that is the obvious one is that older men can date younger women with no problem, whereas, older women who date younger men are seen as “rocking the cradle,” and are also called “Cougars.”

I did a study on Twitter recently and 84% of people surveyed said that a woman should be able to date a younger man. And a woman should be able to do so without having judgement passed.  We need to stop this double standard stuff when it comes to dating and just remember one thing: Dating is supposed to be fun, its supposed to lead people together so they can form relationships. And if that means a girl dates a younger guy, so be it. Who are we to judge women and their relationships?

Older women look more appealing to younger guys for a variety of reasons. There is the fact that older women will not play love games and know exactly what they want. Some of them may not want the family, and all that goes with the picket fence, but as a woman’s biological clock ticks even louder, that idea may change. Younger men often find older women more interesting, experimental, fun to talk to, financially settled, and more adept sexually. As one guy in his twenties told me, “I guess it could be nice to not hang around a ditz with no knowledge of life, music, or something like that.”

Age doesn’t always determine maturity. There are men in their twenties that can give any man in their forties a run for his money. Maturity has nothing to do with age but it is the actions & behaviors that you display during adverse situations that do.

A twenty-eight year old guy told me flat out what attracts him to older women: “The experiences in life they’ve had make them more grounded and realistic. I have a preference for women starting at about ten years older than myself and up. It’s adventurous for both of us, because it is a wild and new exciting journey. Younger women just don’t let me grow in the ways older women do.” He added, “You have 30, 40, and 50 year old women today who look like they are 25, and you can’t even tell the difference!”

So what does a woman have to do in order to date a younger man? Are the rules different? And what are advantages for a young guy to date an older woman?

In order to date a younger man, a woman must first attract a younger man into her life. How does that happen? The answer is simple. Be open to the possibility. You don’t have to change how you dress. You don’t have to scout the college bars. Just live your life, and watch what happens. Trust me on this one.

The younger person gets an experienced partner who is often better established in the world. The “senior partner” may also have more money, perhaps, even, a more interesting life. The older person, for her part, gets a higher-energy partner who is likely to help the couple stay fit, quite likely, more sexually active.

Younger men come from a different generation. Therefore, they perceive the world differently than their older counterparts. They grew up with working moms. They respect and admire powerful women. Whereas older men have been taught to see women as accessories to their lives, younger guys see women as equals. (Not all younger guys, but 95% of them) Since younger men accept female empowerment as the norm, that principle transfers into equal partnership. Chances are he’ll be more adventurous than you’re used to. He may challenge your ideals. He’s apt to push you to open your thinking to a new perspective.

What attracts a younger man to an older women, is the lack of games. So, if your default is to pullout the known “this-always-works trick,” forget it. He lacks the polish his older counterparts possess in countering your moves. You’ll be forced to be real. Honesty is the best communication policy here. And, that’s a very good thing. Who really has time to play games anyway? This is the part where older guys can learn a thing or two from the younger guys. No woman wants to play games and no woman has time to play games.

A older woman will also force him to grow up and act more mature. As the older woman you will open the door to a new vision of life for him. You will have experienced things that he may not have yet had the chance to or you may have great advice to offer him for decisions he will have to make. But be prepared because he may have a completely different world view. You will be forced to see things differently, and learn new things. But I find that is more positive than negative. By the way, we always hear that older men are better in bed. Personally, I think it’s just a rumor… started by older men. They may have been with more partners, but being with more partners doesn’t mean that you are “better” than your young counterparts. And younger guys may be more willing to try new things than to just go through the motions as older guys tend to do. 

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

20 Of The Worst Pick-Up Lines Of All Time

Pick–up lines are hard: At worst, they can be mortifying, offensive and creepy; at best, pity-inducing. Yet men still persist in using them for whatever reason. Unless you really know what you’re doing, don’t try to use any of these corny and really stupid, pickup lines.

20 –That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.

This line is most used when a guy is looking for a booty call.

19- Save water. Shower with me.

Again, another line guys use for a booty call.

18- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

This line was actually used in a cell phone commercial which makes it even worse when guys actually use it on the ladies.

17- Are your legs tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night.

Legs. The third body part that guys talk about and focus on when they see a lady that interests them pass by. But if we are going to talk about the pick-up line, this just again focuses on trying to get the booty call without thinking that is how you sound when you use this.

16- I’m trying to rearrange the alphabet so that U and I are together.

This has to be one of the corniest pick-up lines ever!

15- Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it’s just a sparkle.

This line may even make a woman smile, but a smart woman knows what the guy is trying to achieve when this comes out of his mouth.

14- Hey, I lost my phone number … Can I have yours?

This line just shows that guys don’t even hear how dumb they sound when they open their mouths.

13- I lost my teddy bear, can I cuddle with you?

This is a warning that you are near a creepy stalker. Don’t look at him or answer him, just get up and run… and keep running!

12- Kiss me if I’m wrong but dinosaurs still exist right?

Ugh. Another lame line guys used to get any action they can! Seriously the next guy I hear use this needs to get slapped… across the head. You can say that you saw a mosquito.

11- Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?

Can a guy who uses this line be any more obnoxious? I would sarcastically answer, well, my other two wishes are that you go away.

10- Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!

I don’t know why a guy thinks this is a cute and innocent way of flirting with a girl, because it is not. It’s far from being cute and it’s far from being innocent. When a girl says that she is magically delicious, she’s being cute and flirty. But when a guy says it, he just wants to score.

9- So do you believe in love at first sight, or do you want me to walk by again?

Most women still want to believe in love at first sight, but most women aren’t that stupid to believe in a corny line like this.

8- I just noticed you looking at me across the room. I’ll give you a minute to catch your breath!

48% of men actually rely on pickup lines regularly. And this is one of the worst lines that come out of their mouths!

7- I’m gonna have to put you on my “To Do” List!

There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. And the majority of women cite being overly cocky as their number one turnoff. Use this line and watch her walk away.

6- If I said you have a gorgeous body, would you hold it against me?

It’s 1 A.M., you are at a bar and a drunk guy walks up to you. Chances are that he will spew an insulting line like this one.

5- I was trying to have a guys’ night out and you just totally ruined it by being so cute.

For men, there’s a fear of rejection or looking stupid. Well, if they use this line they have achieved both!

4- Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

This line only works for women. And a recent survey suggests that 95% of guys claim that they like a woman to make the first move.

3- What do you like for breakfast?

Guys think this is cute. I think it’s a booty call. Period.

2 –So, how many kids do you want?

I understand that guys are trying to be creative, instead of flat out just trying to have a normal conversation, but to come out with this line indicates that that guy doesn’t even care about who the woman is, but rather more focused on what she looks like.

1- You don’t need a bodyguard. You need a bootyguard.
The Number rule of trying to get a woman’s phone number: Don’t reference a woman’s booty the first time meeting her especially using a “joke” like this. You may think it’s funny, creative, and complementary. But she may think otherwise.

You don’t have to be a wiseguy to make yourself instantly irresistible. Instead confidence gets the girl. Just be yourself and start a conversation. The first two minutes of any conversation is the indication that you might have something or you’re wasting your time. Once you get her taking, don’t hand a girl your business card. You don’t want an interview, you want a date. And if you use Facebook as a verb, you’ve already lost. If she does give you her phone number, do the unthinkable and call. Don’t text, call. Then you have struck gold.

 

 

Posted on by Stephanie's Corner

The Nice Girl/Guy Syndrome

The worst thing you can hear when someone tries to set you up with someone is, “He’s such a nice guy!,” or “She’s really a nice girl.”  The first thing that comes to mind is if he’s (she’s) such a nice guy (girl) why are they still single? The next thing that comes to mind is, “Will I be attracted to him (her)? Do we have anything in common besides being nice?”

Yes,  I have been set up with guys who were “nice” but being “nice” just doesn’t cut it as a reason why I should date someone or let alone meet someone.  I need to first be attracted to him and then I need to have some common interests; reasons for me to pursue a relationship. It’s a total waste of time to date or meet someone because they are described as, “nice.”  The weather is nice, my new shoes are nice, and even enjoying a lazy Sunday alone is nice.  People need to be more than just nice.  I hate when people say, ”He’s a nice person once you get to know him.” They might as well just say, ”He’s a dickhead but you’ll get used to it.”

Do you know how many times I hear guys say, ““I’m just a nice guy. Seems like women these days don’t appreciate that. They rather date assholes instead of giving a nice guy like me a shot.”  My response is usually, “Why do you need to be so whiny?”  Being nice doesn’t make you ultimately entitled to dating me or anyone else for that matter.   That behavior doesn’t make you earn the right to date me.  Everyone should be nice to each other. That’s a concept that society never has taken to heart.

Most of these so-called “nice guys” are angry SOB’s. They are angry because they have been rejected one too many times and have the perpetual inability to attract the women they’re interested in.  These “nice guys” have become less appealing to a potential partner. That’s not to say that women aren’t attracted to, “the bad boys,” which usually is the comparative to a “nice guy.”  This is the guilt trip that most “nice guys” try and play against you to get you to date them, because according to them, “Life isn’t fair and we always pass them over for the bad boy.”

Here’s the kicker: Nice guys lie, cheat and can treat you like crap just as bad boys can.  Being nice means nothing. Now, being respectful is a totally different subject. I hate to be a downer, but the “good guy” isn’t the magic bad-boyfriend remedy most women might think he is. Been there, done that! 

So when someone says to me, “You are such a nice girl, I can’t believe that you are still single.” After I roll my eyes, let me tell you why I still am single; because I choose to be. I have been labeled as the nice girl my entire life.  Sometimes that is a killer. Why? Because when it comes down to actually telling someone how I feel and I bluntly tell them, I am seen as someone who  probably just “snapped,” or I am “overwhelmed.” How can a nice person be so sassy and sarcastic?  Don’t get me wrong, I am kind to others, respectful to others, but in the dating world, I hate being seen as just a “nice girl.”

But as I have grown up and really, “grown” these past few years I realize that I am a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need to rely on a man for anything. I can make my own money, make my own choices and also make my world the best world it can be. I am not desperate for attention, desperate for love and not desperate to be a plus one that I know not to settle for less than I want and I deserve.

It sucks being seen as the “nice one,”  but it’s better to be nice to yourself first and foremost.  At the end of the day, I am the one who lives with how my life has played out. Why would I want to change that simply to just change it?  “I’m single as a dollar and I’m not looking for change.”